Music to My Soul
by Justright
Summary: Story Complete. A tragedy caused Phoebe and Cole's lives to take a drastic turn in their youth. Can they find each other and let love repair the damages to their very souls?
1. Default Chapter

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Chapter I  
  
It was a warm day of the summer of 1915. Outside her bedroom window, Phoebe Halliwell could see people walking about, obviously enjoying the pleasant weather. She longed to be out there with them, but thought forlornly that she wouldn't fit in with them. Even so, it didn't keep Phoebe from wanting more than these four walls, which seemed to be closing in on her. With deep sighs, she watched a group of boys, most of them fifteen and sixteen years old, coming out of the orphanage that stood across from their house. They were scouting the street mostly for some pretty girls, or so her father would have said. That's what boys their age did most of the time, he had assured Phoebe.  
  
She was very much aware that she would be the last one to catch their interest, even if she'd been allowed to go out. She remembered bitterly how her mother used to tell her how pretty she was. At the time, Phoebe had believed her. As she grew up and mostly after her mother passed away, the now fourteen years old had come to realize that her looks were not all that great. She was overweight and awkward. Most probably because her father wouldn't let her play outside and that she spent most of her time in this room. Along with the occasional visits from her Cousin Paige, her singing constituted her only distraction from what she considered a very gloomy life. Sometimes Phoebe wondered if she had not let herself go in reaction to her father's reproaches. Maybe once she had been this beautiful girl her mother saw in her… However, she preferred not to dwell on this, as it would only have increased her bitterness toward her present appearance.  
  
Victor Halliwell was obsessed with protecting his daughter's virtue at all cost. If that wasn't a bad thing per say, the manner in which he did it was causing Phoebe great suffering and insecurities. Their household had never been very lively, as her family had few friends. It was most probably because her father was a rather bitter and severe man… She was only nine when her mother died, and if she had somewhat known of her father's strangeness before, until her passing, Phoebe's mother had served as a damper between them. After Phoebe and her father were left with only each other and a few servants, she soon understood the depth of the man's disturbance.  
  
At the time, she was only playing with dolls like any other little girl her age. Yet, her father told her that she was some kind of a tramp who would bring shame on his family. This went on and on, with him continuously watching her, and even having the servants doing the same as if she was some kind of a dangerous creature. Granted, she didn't want for anything and at least, she was grateful for that. In spite of his strange behaviour at home, Victor Halliwell was still a savvy businessman and they lived in an affluent part of Chicago. Yet, all the money in the world couldn't fill the void that her life had become. As she looked back toward the building which housed the orphanage, Phoebe was reminded of her father's new obsession. The institution was a sore subject for him. Indeed, this orphanage seemed somewhat incongruous in a neighbourhood like theirs. Until three years ago, a rich eccentric had lived there. Then after he passed away, he'd left his fortune, along with his impressive house, to the city for the benefit of orphans with some special talent. In Victor's mind, their only talent was the mostly male population of the orphanage's ambition to bed a rich girl and live the good life afterward. It certainly had not helped Phoebe in getting more freedom. Victor didn't miss a chance to cause trouble and complain about the noise or the very presence of those kids on their street; mostly she knew, because he was afraid that they would come after his daughter. Phoebe thought this increasingly laughable, and yet it was hurtful.  
  
For in spite of her fear of inadequacy, Phoebe's budding sexuality tried to express itself. At this moment, she was looking closely at the boys, even as they strolled away, wondering if Paul was among them. The simple thought of the handsome boy was enough to cause a stir inside of her, which she knew deep down, was only a shameful sensation, but she couldn't help the need that mounted in her. Her father would have considered those thoughts worthy of a lashing, no doubt. This was only a figurative threat of course since in spite of his severity, Victor had never lifted a hand on to her. Still, his verbal abuse of her had a negative effect on Phoebe. She was a bright girl, but the undue pressure her father exercised on her psyche was only adding to her complexes. She had come to believe that if Victor was wrong about those boys, in revenge he might just be right about her dispositions. To her, it was all the more obvious now that her adolescent hormones were unleashed. The more interested she became in those boys, the more ashamed she felt. Yet, she couldn't help the urges that came forth at any given moment, but most of all when she thought about Paul. She only knew his name because the other boys had called him that. He was tall with dark, almost black hair. Even as youthful as he was, there was something so virile about the way he carried himself that Phoebe believed he was the quintessence of maleness. As her hand came to caress her own nascent bosoms through the rough woollen dress, she was imagining the boy touching her in this manner. Then, with some disappointment, she realized that she wouldn't even get to see him, as he wasn't outside with the others.  
  
Almost immediately however, the music she had come to love and wait for every day floated out from the orphanage. The music was the only thing that made her feel truly good anymore. She liked to envision it was Paul who played so beautifully. Until now, she had not seen him out when the music played and it seemed to confirm her impression. Every time she heard the melodious sound, she felt urged to sing along. Whoever played the piano like this, she believed they must have a deep soul, filled with intense emotions. If these melodies caused an even greater stir inside of her, no shame accompanied it. The sensations that came from the music were different, deeper. She liked to believe that it was something akin to the pure love that most girls dream about. When she combined this emotion with the shameful attraction she had for the tall boy, she believed it balanced out somehow. It was probably why she persisted with those dreams of a relationship, and occasionally managed to forget the shame, which she lived with day and night otherwise.  
  
Even as she was about to give in to her urge to sing however, she heard her father's heavy footsteps in the hallway. No doubts, he'd heard the music too. Unlike Phoebe, Victor thought this a perversion…another attempt at his daughter's virtue. Phoebe knew that if he heard her singing, he would again go to the orphanage and try to make the music stop. Sighing, she went to sit on her bed and hoped that he would go away soon.  
  
Across the street, in the study, a gangly boy of sixteen was concentrating on the grand piano the institute received along with the inheritance. He was emaciated and his body seemed about to break at the slightest strain. Beside him stood the tall and dark boy who had caught Phoebe's fancy. Paul had his eyes closed and seemed enthralled by the music, but the gangly boy didn't pay him any attention, so taken he was with his instrument. Unlike most people, Paul saw past the frail person that Cole appeared to be and knew that his friend was in total control when playing. He could also sense a deep inner strength in him at those times.  
  
Cole and he became friends almost from the first moment they had met, which was about three months ago. Neither one knew exactly what had clicked between them, but Paul liked to think that it was one of those predestined things. Jokingly, Paul often said that their coming here almost at the same time had been the real reason for it, while Cole told him that for Paul he was mostly very convenient. In reality, they did get along on most things except for Paul's dispositions about school work and girls. While Cole was brought to this special orphanage because of his talent at the piano, Paul was selected for his writings, to which he admitted often, he would never be as dedicated as Cole was to his music. For his part, Paul had other ideas on how to spend those years in such a pleasant neighbourhood. Mostly he was interested in the pretty girls living around this place. Nature had been sweet to him. For a boy of seventeen, he had the body of a man already. Those girls, they all fell for his good looks, and Paul was very much willing to offer himself to all of them. He often claimed that a boy like him couldn't belong to one girl; it would have been a crime. Cole thought that his ideas were somewhat lacking in respect for the females of the species, but Paul just laughed and told him that if he could do the same, he most certainly would. In spite of his reticence at his friend's behaviour, Cole covered for Paul when he sneaked out, although he readily refused to follow his friend on those occasions.  
  
Cole, on the other hand, was shy by nature, or maybe it was his disproportionate body that caused him to be so insecure. If Paul didn't insist too much for Cole to sneaking out, he was unrelenting about Cole coming along at those times where they were actually allowed to. Paul hoped to emancipate his shy friend. However, Cole mostly stood in the background. Once or twice, Paul had attempted to match him with girls, but these had turned up their noses at him, which had only pushed Cole deeper into isolation. The other boys that often hung out with Paul also wondered what could be so interesting about the strange reclusive boy. However, Paul's popularity wasn't diminished in the least by his friendship with Cole. His feminine conquests alone had made him somewhat of a hero to the others.  
  
What's more, he cared little for what they thought. When they picked on Cole, Paul invariably shooed them away, effectively making himself Cole's protector. In return, along with covering for him during his numerous escapades, Cole was also a great help to Paul. In fact, the only way Paul managed to stay at the institute was that Cole encouraged him in his writings, for which he was infinitely grateful.  
  
Paul was there in his musings when Cole struck the last note. He opened his eyes and saw that his friend was looking curiously out the window.  
  
"The angel wasn't singing this time…"  
  
Cole seemed embarrassed at his friend's comment.  
  
"Oh come on, Cole. Don't you think I know you get this sick little thrill when she sings? Why don't you try your luck with her in person?"  
  
Cole cast another furtive glance toward the window before answering.  
  
"I don't even know what she looks like…and she probably would laugh at me anyway…"  
  
"Well, she seems quite taken with your music…"  
  
"If she knew what I look like, I don't think she'd sing again. She probably thinks it's you or one of the other boys…"  
  
"You're such an ass, Cole Turner. Just when are you gonna grow a backbone?"  
  
"I don't need a girl anyway," Cole protested mildly while he stood up and paced nervously. "I only need my music to be happy…It doesn't mean I'm not just as good as you are," he added in a rare moment of defiance.  
  
"You don't need girls, but you're possessed by a voice…" Paul reiterated with a smirk, not at all impressed by his friend's outburst.  
  
Cole averted his eyes and didn't bother to reply. Paul always had the last word anyway. He wondered often how he could have befriended this boy. Paul was so arrogant and irreverent. Yet, whenever he got despairing of seeing a sensible person under this façade, Cole only had to read some of his poetry. Deep down, he knew that Paul had the soul of an artist, and it justified their friendship amply. After all, they were connecting through their art first and foremost. In the same vein, he had almost convinced himself that his interest in the singing girl was only on an artistic level. However, sometimes in the deep of night, when sleep didn't come, he caught himself imagining what she looked like; what it would feel like to hold her in his arms. Cole had made himself a pretty clear mental picture of her. In his mind's eye, she was as beautiful and fresh as a spring day. Sometimes, he also wondered if this wasn't the reason for his reticence at seeing the real her. This and the fact that Cole worried about rejection… At least, in those waking dreams, he was her knight in shining armour. She would look at him with her hazelnut eyes and he would see adoration in them, which he would return in spades.  
  
He had actually been tempted to do just what Paul suggested, and more than once. He had even managed to go out and halfway across the street a few times before losing his nerve. Instead, he would turn back and spent those nights at the piano, at least gratified that she sang for him, even if she didn't know who he was.  
  
Paul realized that Cole was again lost in his dream world, which happened quite often. Most of the time, he didn't mind at all. Right this moment however, he had something of a concern that he wanted to discuss with him.  
  
"Hey," Paul called to Cole. "I heard that you're getting an audition? Anything serious…?"  
  
This was one of those rare moments where Cole remembered that Paul was just as much a boy as he was. He knew exactly what concerned his friend and in all honesty, it made him feel good to be needed.  
  
"Yeah, but you don't have to worry about me going anywhere. Even if this pans out, I won't be out of here anytime soon…"  
  
"So…it's nothing big," Paul questioned in a falsely casual tone of voice.  
  
"Well, yes it is…but it's only the first step…"  
  
Paul realized that he was being selfish. Cole had been hoping to be discovered for so long and he had no right to try holding him back, even though, he knew he would suffer if Cole left. If it wasn't only for all the help Cole provided for him, he knew that he would also miss him as a friend.  
  
"That still sounds interesting," Paul then said with a little more enthusiasm.  
  
"Yeah… but I'm scared. What if I blow it?"  
  
"I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sure that they're gonna be very impressed…are you up to going out now?" Paul questioned then.  
  
"No…I have an idea for a new melody and I thought I'd work on it. Maybe I can also present them with it at the audition…"  
  
"Well then I'll leave you to your work. I wanna hear it as soon as you're done though…"  
  
Paul was already on his way out when Cole called back to him.  
  
"Don't go anywhere else but your room. Remember…Mr. Pringle expects your essay in the morning."  
  
"Slave driver," Paul uttered lightly.  
  
Cole almost laughed at his friend's protest, but he was already thinking of his work and, as soon as Paul left, he sat back at the piano with his hands ready to strike the keys. However, before doing so, he cast another longing glance at the opened window. This melody had been floating in his mind for a while and it mostly came to him when he thought of her. Cole imagined that just like he saw her as a kindred spirit, she might be feeling the same about him. Even if it was wishful thinking, he wondered if she'd know she had inspired the piece when she heard it. Cole also worried that she might hate it. It wasn't his usual music. Neither modern nor classic, but rather a languorous sound, filled with nostalgia and need. It was a sound he thought would compliment her wonderful voice, was she to put words to it and sing for him. He had no idea if she would, but he nonetheless hoped that she might. If she did, then she would be connecting with him through this creation. Sighing longingly, he finally began playing.  
  
Phoebe's father had left only a few moments ago, and not before the music stopped. She listened to his footsteps moving away and sighed with some relief when she heard the door to his office opening and closing. When he went there, he usually stayed in for the rest of the day and sometimes late into the night. She knew for sure that once the door was closed, he couldn't even hear her singing. Now all she had to hope for was for the music to start again. It wasn't long before she got her wish. However, the sound was different, hesitant even, as if the musician had not really known the piece. Frustrated she sat once again, and listened intently even to this work in progress. It didn't take long before the music took form, and if at first she was puzzled by the new sound, it soon captured her completely. She felt such longing in it and the deep need for love and affection that was inside of her responded to this more than ever. When the music stopped, Phoebe felt lost and almost wished she could will it to continue. She went to sleep humming the tune that night, putting words to it already.  
  
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⃟⃟  
  
Not the Stars, nor the Moon  
  
Neither the Light of Day,  
  
Nor the Sun all so Bright,  
  
Could touch my Mind, my Heart, my Soul.  
  
For Joy was but a dream  
  
That is until your Music reached for me  
  
Chorus:  
  
Now, You are the Music to my Mind,  
  
You are the Music to my Heart,  
  
You are the Music to my Soul,  
  
Now, Love is the Music of my Mind,  
  
Love is the Music of my Heart,  
  
All Through my Soul, your Music reached for Me.  
  
Now I long for your Love,  
  
Now, I crave for your Light,  
  
To lighten my heavy heart,  
  
Filled with the Loss, the Ache, the Pain  
  
For Love was but a dream,  
  
That is until your Music reached for me.  
  
Chorus  
  
[pic]  
  
Paul was just writing the last line of his essay, and he felt pretty good about it. He knew that Cole would come in soon and ask him if he was done, actually expecting Paul to need another push. This time, he had been faster and he smiled contentedly. As the thought of his friend came to him, he reflected on Cole's strange obsession with the girl who seemed like a singing ghost to everyone. For the three months they had been in this neighbourhood, no one had seen her out of that house. The only girl they had seen there was obviously only an occasional visitor. Paul had noticed her, as she was a pretty thing, but too young for him. Today, he had seen this longing look on Cole's face again and knew how much he wished to know the elusive girl, no matter what he said. Paul was very much aware of Cole's problems with girls and realized that he'd probably never make his move. That's when a crazy idea came to him. What if he wrote a note to that girl, in Cole's name? Maybe, she would care to know the boy with whom she had shared music all this time. Impulsively, Paul pulled a piece of paper from the typewriter and began composing a poem he thought would impress her. Then, he ended the note in this manner:  
  
I dare hope that you will honor my request to meet you in person. I have been admiring your crystalline voice for so long. You might know me from the music to which you so gracefully lend your voice. If you're so inclined, I will be waiting for you outside your house tonight after dark.  
  
Your most devoted admirer  
  
For the longest time, he stared at the note, wondering if he would really send it. What had seemed a good idea at first now felt ridiculous to him. A knock on the door startled him, and he put the note down next to his essay. Outside were two young boys that he guessed wanted him to sneak out with them.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere tonight," he immediately said before they even got to ask.  
  
"Oh come on, Paul…you didn't come with us this afternoon and you missed on some pretty morsels…"  
  
Paul gave the boy a somewhat annoyed look but this one didn't seem bothered at all. In fact, he came in without waiting to be invited, looking around curiously.  
  
"Hey, where's the pole you carry around everywhere?"  
  
"If this rather rude description refers to my friend, I'll ask you to take it back…"  
  
"Oh alright, sorry…" the boy replied grudgingly, "but you gotta admit, he's a freak…"  
  
"Not helping," Paul snapped irritably.  
  
The second boy entered in turn and Paul sighed.  
  
"Don't you have better things to do than coming here and bothering me?"  
  
Again the boys ignored his bad mood, and the first one even began looking through Paul's essay.  
  
"Hey, you've been working!"  
  
"What a novel idea! Maybe you should give it a try too?"  
  
"Since when have you become such a stickler? I think this Cole's got a bad influence on you, Paul."  
  
Paul's mood darkened as he saw the boy scrutinizing his work. He had a thing about his writings and disliked the way these boys minimized his work, just as much as he hated the way they treated Cole.  
  
"Get outta here," Paul exclaimed almost angrily as he went toward the boy and pushed him away from the desk. In doing so, he didn't notice the second one catching sight of the note. The second boy gave a furtive glance toward Paul and, as this one was busy pushing his friend out, he pocketed the note. Only then did Paul notice that he was still standing there.  
  
"Hey I said I had enough visitors for the night. Get out!"  
  
"Don't panic, I'm going," the boy said as he hurried out.  
  
By the time Paul managed to get rid of them, he had forgotten about the note and didn't notice its absence.  
  
When Cole came back and gave an appreciative glance toward the neatly disposed stack of papers that composed Paul's essay, he smiled teasingly.  
  
"Hey, you're all done? And here I thought I'd have to get out the whip…"  
  
"I'd like to see you try," Paul said with an amused smile. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna crash… so if you read this and find something to criticize…keep it till the morning."  
  
In saying so, Paul lied on the bed and, as far as Cole could tell, he fell asleep almost immediately.  
  
Even if he was really tired himself, Cole still skimmed the essay and found that as usual, his friend had done wonderfully. Paul was selling himself short in Cole's opinion. He had a great talent and this even though he always waited until the last minute to finish his work. Cole envied this as he had to work hard at his own craft. However, unlike Paul, he loved to put efforts into his music. The time he spent at the piano never seemed wasted to him.  
  
When Cole finally went to sleep, he could still hear the melody he had practiced all evening in his mind and he dreamt of the beautiful girl he would probably never meet.  
  
While they slept, the boys who had visited Paul sealed Cole and Phoebe's fate with a plan they thought would only be a good prank…  
  
Cole woke up with the tune still playing in his mind. A smile floated on his lips as he went to the sink for his morning ablutions. Only when he was done did he notice an envelope that had been slipped under the door with his name on it. His smile vanished as he gingerly picked up the envelope and cast a wary look at his sleeping friend. Who could be writing to him? He suddenly thought that it might be from one of the teachers. This made him even more nervous, considering that he worried about his upcoming audition. He went to sit on his bed and fidgeted with the envelope for the longest time. So much so that before he could make himself open it, Paul was stirring. Cole immediately put the envelope under his pillow self- consciously. Fearing bad news, he preferred to be alone when he opened it.  
  
"Hey," Paul called to him, "how was it?"  
  
For an instant, Cole froze, wondering if Paul had seen the envelope. Then he remembered the essay and breathed easier.  
  
"As usual, it's very good…"  
  
"You know, I'm starting to believe you're only saying this to make me happy…"  
  
"No really, it was excellent. You should believe in yourself…I know I do…"  
  
"Well, all that matters is that Mr. Pringle likes it…"  
  
"I wouldn't worry about that."  
  
Paul got up then and suddenly gave a pointed look toward the desk. He had just remembered the note and wondered if Cole had seen it.  
  
"Did you find something else last night," he asked hesitantly, unsure about his friend's reaction if he were to read it.  
  
"What do you mean? Did you write something else?"  
  
Paul didn't answer right away, instead looking around and behind the desk.  
  
"What are you looking for?"  
  
Paul shrugged uncertainly, thinking that maybe he had thrown the note after all and frankly, he wasn't in the mood to check the wastebasket with Cole around. It was better if his friend didn't know of his foolishness. Besides, it really didn't matter anymore since he wouldn't send it anyway.  
  
"Nah nothing… I just had this first draft there, but I guess I threw it out and forgot about it…"  
  
Cole had no reason to suspect his friend's affirmation, and besides, he was too concerned about the letter to notice Paul's uneasiness. He gave another furtive look at his pillow and then turned toward his friend.  
  
"We should really get dressed or we won't get breakfast this morning…"  
  
"Yeah," Paul answered distractedly.  
  
Cole had to wait until noon before he could come back to his room and this time, he opened the envelope resolutely. However, the note was apparently from the girl across the street. He sat heavily on the bed at this and thought that he couldn't breathe anymore. She was telling him that she was a prisoner in her own house and so wished that he could come to her. He wondered to no end how this note could have arrived for him and this, coupled with his insecurities, had him put the note aside and try to forget about it. This looked so much like a twisted prank that he believed it to be so, even though he wanted it to be real. That night he practiced again and, after a while, the girl began singing to his utter delight. Just like he had dared hope, she had put words to his music. Much more than this, he felt the lyrics reflected the way he felt while playing it. He could hear such longing in them that he believed she was calling to him in this manner. Later on, rather than going to bed directly, he sneaked out on his own for the first time, in the same manner as Paul did for his own escapades, and he went to sit in the dark, watching the house, while he began to wonder if she was truly a prisoner…  
  
For the next three days, he did the same thing. Every night, he sat outside watching the house, convincing himself that she had sent someone with the note. Maybe she wanted him to free her, he wondered with the romantic notion that only adolescents could have. When Paul asked him where he was going every night, Cole couldn't bring himself to tell him about his delusions, and instead he pretended to have some reading to do. Since Paul had no reason to believe his friend would lie to him, he accepted this explanation. At least, until that third fateful night…  
  
Cole had been watching the house for over an hour and, the same as every night, he was trying to work up the courage to go see her, no matter that he still had doubts about the note. Just under her window, there was a thick vine hanging off a wooden lattice, which he thought could carry his weight. He had visualized himself climbing this many times in the last three days, just like he'd read about in books. That night, he finally decided that he had to try. Unbeknownst to him, the boys, who had actually sent the note, were watching him intensely along with a few of their friends. They had almost given up on him doing anything about it, but when he started toward the girl's house, they followed, expecting that they would finally get a good laugh.  
  
Meanwhile, Paul had just finished a poem and he regretted not having Cole around to show it to him. At long last, he decided that Cole wouldn't mind stopping his studies to read one little poem and he went to look for him. He went to the library first and not finding him there, Paul looked everywhere he thought Cole could be which brought him to the study. Dejectedly, he looked around in wonderment when he didn't find him there either. "Where could he be hiding," he asked himself, as he had a few times since his search began. Then, on an impulse, he turned toward the window that faced the girl's house. At first, he didn't believe his eyes and he went closer, bending halfway out the opened window. Then, he knew that he had been right. In spite of the late hour, the street lamps gave enough light for him to recognize Cole just starting to climb on the lattice. At first, Paul smiled and told himself, "good for him." However, as he looked around, he noticed the group of boys hiding behind a bush and obviously watching Cole. A sinking feeling began to snake its way inside of him. It was one thing for Cole to risk rejection…It was a whole another thing for him to face the mockery of those cruel boys if it happened. And even if the girl agreed to see him, they would still spoil his moment. Paul couldn't let that happen, and he ran out of the study.  
  
Victor got out of his office and the first thing he did was to give a scornful look at the orphanage through the front window. Even as he watched, he saw a tall boy coming from behind the building and heading toward his house. Immediately, blind rage gripped his insides. Without hesitation, he climbed the stairs leading to his daughter's bedroom.  
  
Earlier, Phoebe had realized that someone was tugging on the vine and if at first she was scared, she soon imagined that it was Paul coming for her. In her hand, she was clutching Paul's note, which had been thrown in her room through the window a few days before. Her first reaction to it was that it was only a cruel joke by boys who'd heard her singing. Phoebe had put it aside, not even bothering to check if the boy had actually showed up that night. However as days went by, she had begun wondering what she might have missed, and that night it seemed that he was actually coming to her. She was now waiting, fearful that he would be disappointed in her, yet at the same time she was hopeful that he would see through her appearance… Curiosity quickly got the best of her and she went to the window, trying to bend over and see who was there. However, before she could see who her visitor was, she noticed a group of boys watching her window and she suddenly became angry.  
  
"Go away! Leave me alone," she exclaimed then, as she pulled away from the window. Then, she heard the heavy steps of her father coming quickly toward her room. Victor crashed into the room before she knew it and almost ran to the window. Like Phoebe before, he also noticed someone climbing on the lattice and he reacted by pushing it until in his rage, he managed to dislodge it. Panicked, Phoebe went after him.  
  
"Go away," she repeated, for her father this time. However he didn't let go until he had completely pushed the trellis off the wall.  
  
Meanwhile, Cole had heard her screams, and now despair was invading him as he thought the harsh words were meant for him. He hesitated more than halfway up the lattice, wondering what he should do. Then when he realized that the whole thing was about to give, he tried to climb down, but it was too late. Before he could do anything about it, he felt himself falling inexorably and then, on a reflex, he let go of the trellis and tried to protect himself by putting his hands in front of him. When he hit the ground, the blinding pain in his arms almost knocked him out. So much so that when the lattice fell over him, it barely registered. However, even through the pain, he looked up at the girl's window and thought that he saw someone. The vine and the semi-darkness prevented him from getting a good look at who it was, but he was certain that they were looking down at him, and then suddenly disappeared while the window closed with a loud thud. Afterward, he heard Paul calling to him anxiously. He glanced back to see his friend running toward him. Paul had stopped to scold the boys and convince them to leave, and then he had seen Cole falling heavily toward the ground.  
  
As the pain in his arms increased with every moment, Cole finally dared glancing at them and he suddenly felt like screaming. Both his wrists were twisted in an unnatural position. When Paul got near him, the appalled look on his face only added to Cole's despair, as the depth of this tragedy sank into him. Paul glared angrily toward the house while getting the lattice off his friend. However, he soon returned his full attention to Cole, as he pulled him up, determined to get help for him. Meanwhile, the boys, who had been the cause of this horror, had long run away when they had realized what they'd done.  
  
Paul was trying hard to carry him off the property, when he felt Cole becoming limp in his arms and knew that he had passed out. In a way, even if it made things harder for him, he was almost grateful for this. He could only imagine how terrible his friend felt. He had almost made it off the premises when an irate male voice startled him.  
  
"You little bastards," Victor was now screaming while coming toward them, "I'll have this place shut down. That'll teach you to shame my family and this entire neighbourhood."  
  
Paul looked back quickly and saw a gun in the man's hand. Out of fear, he tried moving faster. Victor didn't seem to care that he had hurt one of them and even through his fear, this angered Paul. However, he knew that the man had the right to defend his house and no matter how innocent Cole's intentions surely were, no one would believe them over this man. Therefore, instead of trying to defend Cole and himself, Paul kept silent. Unfortunately, it only added fuel to Victor's speculations, even as he stomped past them toward the orphanage…  
  
Phoebe had never been more scared and alone in her entire life, not even considering what she had lived through the past few years. After Victor had closed the window angrily, he had turned toward her with a look of hatred in his eyes. He then stormed out of the room and locked the door behind him. Phoebe was now trembling all over, unsure of what was worse. That her dream of meeting the musician had been shattered so cruelly, or that her father would probably get even more obsessed from now on. She was convinced that her unknown visitor had gotten away already, and at this point, she was more worried about what would happen to her. However, as frightened and confused as she was until Victor's return almost an hour later, it was when she saw him carrying a thick leather belt in his hand that she became terrorized.  
  
"Daddy, I didn't do anything…I swear to you, Daddy."  
  
"Stop lying, you slut. I'll beat this shame out of you if I have to…"  
  
"Daddy, please, I didn't do anything. It wasn't my fault…"  
  
"It's always the girl's fault. Those boys are depraved, but never as much as the girls who provoke them…"  
  
Phoebe wanted to try defending herself still, but the crazed look in her father's eyes told her that it wouldn't help.  
  
Deliberately, Victor came toward her and pushed her face down on the bed. When she tried to protest, he uttered harshly:  
  
"Shut up and take your punishment tramp! And don't think tears are gonna save you. The more you cry the worst it'll get."  
  
Then he added humiliation to terror for Phoebe, as he pulled up her dress and then pulled down her panties, exposing her buttocks. She screamed for the first few hits, but every time she did, he struck her harder.  
  
"Shut up I said," he reiterated angrily. Phoebe bit back the screams afterward and endured this until she thought that he had stripped the skin off her. Then, he left without even bothering to cover her or say anything else.  
  
That night, she had to sleep face down, unable to tolerate anything on her raw lower back, and she cried almost through the night, as much from despair as from the pain. By the end of that night, Phoebe had already made up her mind that the boy had been the one responsible for her pain. It was only the beginning of a long ordeal, and of a slow but steadily growing contempt for every male of the species…  
  
  
  
Cole woke up in a hospital room the next day. The pain returned almost immediately, along with his despair, as he stared at both his arms enclosed in thick bandages. These were so tight and stiff that he couldn't move his hands at all. Even then, he still didn't get angry at the girl, although he was very disenchanted. However, when Mr. Burton, his music teacher, came to visit him, this all changed. Until that moment, Cole had managed to convince himself that this was only a temporary set back. Mr. Burton quashed this hope rapidly.  
  
"What were you thinking Turner? You had such a promising future ahead of you…"  
  
"I'll try again…"  
  
"You don't understand boy…The doctors…they said that even if your right hand will probably be fully normal, it won't be the same with your left one. You'll never play the way you used to, Turner. There's nothing they can do about it."  
  
Cole watched him in total dismay for a long moment. How could this be? How could his entire life have been ruined in one instant? And then, as the terrible reality dawned on him, he began hating her with as much passion as he had believed he loved her…This hatred eventually would turn into scorn for all women…  
  
It was 1927, and Cole reflected that the twelve intervening years had gone by in a flash. The hatred he still carried with him, but he had made it into something useful. Paul often tried to lecture him about the way he now led his life. How ironic that was, Cole thought, when he remembered how little care Paul used to have for women's feelings. In truth though, Cole knew that if his friend used to treat women as conveniences, he still liked them. There lay the difference between them. He watched Paul as he nursed an illegal drink across the table from him. At least, Cole could count on Paul's friendship. This was the only constant in his life.  
  
"Hey," Paul called to him, "you're still lost in thoughts…There I believed you said you changed…"  
  
Cole turned a wicked smile toward his friend.  
  
"Hey, I still daydream…the topics are just not as… sweet and unrealistic as they used to be, that's all."  
  
Paul watched his friend for a moment before replying. He often marvelled at how much Cole had changed. From the somewhat ugly duckling he had been twelve years ago, now had emerged a tall and muscular man almost feline in demeanour. None of the awkwardness he used to be plagued with remained. As a man, Paul was a poor judge of what he might look like to women, but the looks most females gave him were enough to tell that he was extremely attractive to them now. Paul believed it very ironic that Cole could have had any woman he wanted, and yet pursued this unsavoury use of his charms. However, he also knew why that was.  
  
"Hum…won't you ever get over this?" Paul questioned dejectedly.  
  
"Why should I?" Cole questioned without the need to hear what "this" was. "I've got a good thing going and I really don't need the embarrassment of emotions…besides, I'd never believe that a woman could have those…They're all the same. They draw you in with their guile and then they try to suck you dry…"  
  
"Not all of them, Cole." Paul exclaimed irritably. Sometimes, even knowing what he did, Paul wondered how it was possible for the sensitive boy he used to know to have become so cynical.  
  
"Oh I know. That Lydia of yours…" Cole offered, "Well, I guess there are exceptions…although isn't she complaining about your workload again?"  
  
"Why don't we leave Lydia out of it?"  
  
"What? Sore subject…? Hard to believe the great Paul McKail can't keep up with the carnal demands of one woman…"  
  
"Cole…if you weren't my friend…"  
  
Cole watched him very seriously for a moment, and then without warning, he burst out laughing.  
  
"Oh come on, man…You used to be less sensitive. I remember a time where none of what I just said would've made you blink. Hell, if it helps, I can offer my services…"  
  
For a moment, Paul actually wondered if Cole was serious. Then he smiled slyly.  
  
"You know, I remember a time where even half of what you just said would've made you blush…"  
  
"Those were the days," Cole replied without flinching.  
  
"Sometimes, I wish I saw that Cole again…"  
  
"Hey," Cole uttered, "I'm still the same guy. I'm just not the stupid dreamer I used to be, that's all. Besides, no matter what, we'll still be friends… won't we?"  
  
"Just as long as you stay well away from my wife…"  
  
Cole laughed again.  
  
"It's a deal…" Cole watched the smoked filled room while taking a long sip of his drink, and then he turned back questioningly toward Paul.  
  
"Wasn't Leo supposed to join us?"  
  
"I'm sure he's coming. He actually has a proposition for you," Paul said reluctantly.  
  
"You don't seem to approve…"  
  
"To say the least!"  
  
"What can be so wrong about it? I mean, Leo's our friend isn't he?"  
  
"Well, kind of… but he also knows how easy it is to get you to do something stupid."  
  
"Thank you very much," Cole said irritably.  
  
Paul was about to add something when Leo entered the room and immediately came toward them. As was his usual now, he was very serious. Ever since he'd enrolled with the Bureau, his personality had changed and Paul thought it was definitely for the worse. He was now almost obsessed with the importance of his work. Cole and he had met Leo through the training before the war. The three of them had been much too young to fight in a war and yet they had. During that period Paul, as well as Cole, had developed a friendship with Leo almost as solid as Cole and Paul had. However, Paul still believed that Leo was too zealous in his duties and might overlook the danger to Cole in spite of their friendship. "Not to mention," Paul thought as he watched his long time friend, "that Cole wouldn't back off, no matter what." As Leo sat after shaking their hands almost formally, a twinge of guilt stirred Paul as he remembered his part in Cole's transformation.  
  
The day after the incident, Paul was sitting in his room, waiting for the news. Mr. Pringle was the one who came to him with it. In fact, it was even worse than he'd imagined. Not only was Cole hurt so bad that he might never play again, but now, the teacher was announcing to him that they were kicked out of the institution. Both of them had been found guilty of the offence Victor Halliwell came to accuse them of. And as if this wasn't enough, Cole wasn't considered a potential talent for the school anymore. The only good point in the teacher's speech was that they would be sent to the same orphanage.  
  
In spite of the harshness of the sentence, Mr. Pringle had told him how much he and many others disapproved. Nevertheless, the threat of closure, which hung over their heads, had forced the administration to take drastic measures. Even so, they weren't even certain that it would be enough. After the teacher's departure, Paul had looked forlornly upon their living quarters. He did so for a while before reluctantly beginning to pack his own stuff, and then Cole's. That's when he'd found the note. The crumbled piece of paper was hidden under Cole's pillow and as he read it, he recognized a poor attempt at copying his writing style. It didn't take much more for Paul to understand what must have happened. At the time, his guilt had been almost overpowering and as much as he felt like taking revenge on those boys, he figured that he was just as responsible as they were. So much so that he didn't tell Cole until long afterward…  
  
Leo's voice brought him back to the present.  
  
"So, Cole, are you ready for a challenge?"  
  
"When have you known me not to be?" Cole answered with a cocky smile.  
  
Paul watched them both with mounting anxiety.  
  
"Cole, whatever he has to offer try remembering you don't have to do it."  
  
"Ok now you've got me curious."  
  
Paul sighed dejectedly while Leo pursued as if there hadn't been any interruption.  
  
"I got something that's right up your alley…and of course, it'd be like serving your country all over again."  
  
"What? Is there another war I didn't hear about?"  
  
"Yes, as a matter of fact! And you surely heard of it. After all, we're both friends with a well known journalist."  
  
Paul shrugged uncomfortably. He didn't wanna have any part in what Leo suggested earlier that day. He had tried to dissuade him, but Leo still believed that Cole could do it.  
  
"You're talking about the bootleg thing? For god sake Leo, look where we are," Cole exclaimed while lifting his glass toward Leo.  
  
"It's not just about the booze, Cole. Those people are getting way too aggressive. We've got to try stopping them."  
  
"When you say them," Cole questioned with a vague interest, "is there one in particular? And if you don't mind my asking, what the hell could I do that the police can't?"  
  
"Well, it's a known fact that you have some ease with women…"  
  
"I'm supposed to fight a war…in bed?" Cole questioned Leo, with an amused smile. "Now that'll make for a change from the canons…"  
  
"Laugh all you want, but it may very well be the best way. One of the big bosses, Fredo Turello is the one we are targeting at the moment. However, none of his lieutenants can be linked to any illegal activities, and even less himself. We've tried all possible venues, even threats, without success. As a last resort, we wanna try his young girlfriend: a singer named Lara Love."  
  
"I already don't like the sound of it." Cole uttered unhappily.  
  
"Hey," Leo taunted, "are you saying you're afraid you can't seduce that girl?"  
  
"Leo Wyatt, if you weren't my friend, I'd knock you out right here and now."  
  
"I got a gun!" Leo exclaimed half-seriously.  
  
"You'd never have time to get it out," Cole boasted.  
  
Leo actually wondered about that, even though it'd never have occurred to him to use his weapon.  
  
"No really. We're not asking for much. Just do what you do best. Seduce the girl, make her talk. Who knows, maybe she can even give us tangible proofs."  
  
"Just like that?" Cole questioned incredulously.  
  
"I'm not the one who claims he can get any woman he wants. And really, it'd make a change from your older women. Some say she's a very pretty girl…"  
  
Paul had watched the exchange hopeful that Cole would decline. However, he already could see the spark of interest in his friend's eyes. Paul knew that Cole could care less how pretty the girl was. Nevertheless, the challenge to go after a big gangster was surely much more tempting to him. Paul realized then that Cole wasn't over his death wish…or so it was what Paul always called his lack of concern for his safety.  
  
"Tell me more," Cole added then, quashing Paul's hope that he would be reasonable.  
  
  
  
At the Pharaoh Club, Phoebe was watching the band without much interest, as she had just been reminiscing and felt more bitter than ever. Not even all the jewellery and riches Fredo offered were enough to make her feel good that night. The old man sitting by her side was sweet and generous to her, but he was much too old to satisfy all of her wants. She needed someone to help her forget, and the driver, who she had been seeing up until a week ago, had suddenly disappeared without a trace. In all truth, she was fine with it as he had been getting too clingy. She had even feared that he was talking about them to other people. After he vanished, Phoebe had been worried for a while, but Fredo didn't seem to know anything about it, or at least, he didn't seem to care. Still, when he spoke, she got startled but did her best to hide it.  
  
"Is there something wrong, Lara?"  
  
Phoebe turned toward him with a smile.  
  
"No why…? I'm just fine." She was glad that role playing was one of her strengths. She'd learned to be whomever and whatever was necessary through the years.  
  
"You know I can't stand to see my little birdie unhappy…"  
  
"I've got no reason to be. You're giving me so much." Phoebe said almost sincerely.  
  
"Just as long as I get to have you with me, I'm a happy man too, Lara."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," Phoebe said in a falsely joyous tone of voice. Deep down, she knew that she couldn't leave him until he got tired of her. However, it still was working fine for her. Fredo was giving her the career she'd always wanted in exchange for some cuddling. Not too high a price to pay for a chance at the big time. Moreover, she was relieved anew that he didn't seem to know anything about her indiscretion.  
  
No one could have recognized the formerly awkward and obese girl when looking at Phoebe now. She was really pretty, even beautiful, and knew it most of the time. Phoebe had no problem picking and choosing among men, unlike her former self. Even Paige, the only one from her past with whom she kept in touch, often told Phoebe how amazed she was at the change in her. Yet, Phoebe sometimes felt like the recluse teenager she had been. At those times, she sought confirmation of her charms in the arms of men, even though she thought all of them, including Fredo, to be beasts that would use her and reject her without care. However, by now, Phoebe had become very good at being the one doing the using. She also kept most of them at arm's length, unless she truly needed a fix or could use their interest to her advantage, like with the old man beside her.  
  
Apparently satisfied that nothing was wrong, Fredo returned to his covert conversation with Saul, while she surveyed the room, in quest of a suitable candidate. This time, she told herself, she would choose a stranger to Fredo's entourage. That would be a safer bet.  
  
Fredo whispered to Saul:  
  
"Have you taken care of our little problem?"  
  
"All taken care of, boss. There's something I don't understand though."  
  
"What is that," Fredo asked without even looking at his Lieutenant.  
  
"She betrayed you… Don't you think you should get rid of her?"  
  
"This is none of your business Saul," Fredo said then, while turning severe eyes toward his lieutenant. "But if you must know, she's a young little thing and has needs I can't fulfill. The boy was only a distraction to her, but she'll stay with me because I'm useful to her and that's all I need from her. She makes me happy."  
  
"Then if you don't mind my asking…why did we…"  
  
Fredo interrupted:  
  
"I've got an image to preserve. That boy was talking too much…"  
  
Saul sighed but didn't comment anymore. However, Fredo added something else.  
  
"Now, I got rid of a problem…do I need to take care of you too?"  
  
Saul knew that Fredo wasn't joking and a chill ran down his spine.  
  
"Of course not. I'm grateful for all you did for me. I'd never do anything that would cause you problems…"  
  
Fredo didn't reply, certain that his lieutenant had gotten the point, while Saul cast an angry look at Phoebe. He understood now it was useless to try warning his boss about her, but he sensed that she might just cause them all a great deal of trouble in the future…  
  
That night, on a beach at the edge of the city, the body of a young man washed ashore. Although he was bloated by his extended soak in the bay, atrocious mutilations were still very much obvious to the fisherman who found him the next morning, telling him that the boy had suffered a slow and painful death. 


	2. Music to My Soul (Chapter 2)

Music to my Soul  
Chapter II  
  
At the newsstand, a crowd was forming, apparently fascinated with some headline. Paul watched them before heading for The Gazette's building, but it wasn't until he was inside that he grabbed a newspaper and saw the awful add-on that had barely made it to publication. One of his sensationalist fellow journalist was giving a description that bordered on indecency and it sent chills down Paul's spine. He had seen and heard some pretty horrible things, mostly during the war, but one didn't expect it to hit so close to home.   
  
"The poor bloke must have suffered horribly before they let him die," Paul easily imagined from the article. Right away he was reminded of Cole and of his foolish intentions. What if those gangsters Cole was going up against were the same ones who did that to the boy in the article? The story ended with the fact that at press time, no one had been able to identify the victim. Still, Richard Manseau, his colleague, was drawing conclusions. Nowadays, it wasn't difficult to deduce it might have been a hit by one or another of the bootlegging gangs. He was even venturing names, and among them the most prominent was Fredo Turello. The press, unlike the police, could speculate to their heart's content, even though it wasn't Paul's brand of journalism. Of course, the fact that they could make such unfounded affirmations while the police couldn't was Leo's point. Nevertheless this didn't make his offer to Cole any less wrong.   
  
Paul still couldn't believe that Leo had actually convinced Cole to throw himself into this venture. No more than he could believe Rodney had allowed this to be printed, let alone distributed. Admittedly, he was more upset about Cole and Leo than the article when he went straight into the Editor in Chief's office and threw the newspaper on his desk as if it would bite. And still that didn't keep him from jumping at his boss about the article.   
  
"Hey Rodney," Paul called unceremoniously. "I thought we were into serious news reporting here?"  
  
"Oh come on, McKail. This thing's gonna sell the papers like hot cakes," Rodney Pascali answered with a smirk, without even bothering to look at the newspaper. The balding man of fifty was used to the informal attitude his young reporter displayed. In fact, it was common in his newsroom. Most of the guys working for him had it in their blood to be direct and somewhat arrogant. It came with the territory, as they would most certainly get no stories otherwise. The Editor in Chief knew this very well, as he had been among the pioneers of modern journalism and didn't miss a chance to let all those hungry up and comers hear about it.  
  
"Hell," Paul answered to this, "I have nothing against reporting the news, but half of this article is bordering on obscene, and it contains next to no real information."   
  
"The world has changed, Paul. A young boy like you should understand that better than anyone. The public wants sensations now. They wanna be shocked; not just informed."   
  
"Hey, who're you calling a boy?" Paul exclaimed humorously. He couldn't stay mad at his boss for very long anyway.  
At the age of twenty-nine, Paul had already spent most of his adult life working for Rodney, who had given him a chance when many wouldn't have since he had no formal education in journalism. Of course, Paul felt lucky about it, but he also worked hard, as he had taken upon himself to write about the war while he was overseas. In the end, that had earned him the title of correspondent and given him the credentials to get him his present job.   
  
Lately, the news had increasingly resembled what he'd seen during the war, albeit on a smaller scale. Big bullies fighting each other and innocent bystanders paying the price… This had all escalated since the advent of Prohibition. In the politicians' minds, this law was supposed to quash the problems that came from alcohol consumption. However in the end, it had only made things worse, and the police were ill equipped to deal with the increasing criminality it caused. It was a disease that was spreading throughout the country, but Chicago had to be the most infected city of them all. Paul often wondered what they had done in Chicago to be so plagued. What made things worse in Paul's mind was that Rodney was right about the people's dispositions. The thirst for shocking news seemed boundless. He often wondered what kind of future this spelled for America; or even if the rise of urban violence could be related to this somehow. On the other hand, he had to admit that the lawlessness had caused his own trade to flourish. As much, in fact, as the businesses where the hard liquors flowed even more than before they had been declared illegal. However, if all this worried Paul, now he had a more personal concern and the suggestion Rodney made next fit perfectly with his plan for the morning.   
  
"You know," Rodney said then, "instead of getting upset about it, you could do some research yourself. I'd certainly like an in-depth follow up to that story and so would the readers…"  
  
"Wow, you read my mind," Paul replied with a cocky smile. "I was actually on my way to the Bureau's offices, and just thought I'd let you know…"  
  
"Oh you were, were you? Who's the boss of this outfit?"  
  
"I make no secret that I'm after your job Rodney," Paul chuckled as he turned away.  
  
"It's not as easy as it looks," Rodney countered with some amusement, as it was an old inside joke between them. "Trust me; I'll outlive you behind this desk."  
  
"We'll see," Paul called back.  
  
Rodney grunted, although with a corner smile:  
"Kids…"  
  
Paul was planning on trying to get through to Leo, since he knew that Cole would be harder to talk out of the crazy plan, and he was convinced that he should intervene as soon as possible.  
  
Cole delicately struck the tuning fork, going through the motions of adjusting the pitch of the instrument, even though he knew the piano was in no need of it. He was only pretending to do so until Rita's husband left. Meanwhile, since the work didn't demand much concentration, he was reminiscing on what brought him to this life. It was ironic in his mind that after swearing off music, he had found himself tuning instruments for a living. Of course, this only constituted a small part of his actual income. The side benefits that came with this job were in fact why he pursued this so-called career.   
  
As he saw Rita pacing impatiently across the room, his train of thought went back to the very point in time where his present life had taken root. That is, besides the moment where his life had been destroyed by a senseless accident in the first place, he reflected bitterly.  
  
It had been before the war, during his convalescence from the said accident. He remembered the dreary hospital where he had been transferred after the institute kicked out both Paul and he. The bandages, a constant reminder of his terrible misfortune, had stayed on for over two months. His anger against the girl who'd caused this had only deepened during that long period of time. His contempt had also eventually extended to all women for the way they treated him. They obviously pitied him as a charity case, and he was also convinced that they mocked his appearance, which only worsened his rancour. That is until shortly before his release from the hospital.  
  
In addition to the nurses and the nuns running the institution, many wealthy women of a certain age volunteered to help with patients. A few helped Cole with his meals, which the bandages made almost impossible for him to take on his own. Most of these women would only embarrass him while they did so, but there was one who seemed to be interested in him personally. She would talk to him gently during what he considered humiliating moments and she made them bearable. In his mind, she appeared to be the exception rather than the rule.  
  
One night, the woman called Rosalind came back after dark, as he was trying to find sleep. She sat on his bed and rather than talking to him, she surprised Cole by caressing his chest in a manner nowhere near what a proper woman would dare.  
"Relax boy," she had said when Cole jumped at her touch. "I think it's time for you to become a man…"   
  
She had then proceeded to pull the drapes around his bed and helped him out of his pajamas without a hint of embarrassment, then undressing with the same lack of inhibition. Cole remembered how uncomfortable he had been at his own involuntary reaction, but Rosalind had soon made him feel at ease, again talking to him softly while she stroked his shaft and soon after straddled him. His first time with a woman had been quick, but she didn't complain or make any negative comments. Instead, she had showed him how to please her otherwise. She had directed his every move, showing him how his mouth could advantageously replace his hands in pleasuring a woman. That night was only to be the first of many lessons, as she continued seeing him even after he left the hospital. At the new orphanage, he soon learned to sneak out and go to her, most of the time with Paul's help. At first, Cole had believed that she felt real affection for him. However, one night when Cole had felt particularly good about their lovemaking, he had dared ask Rosalind why she'd chosen him… Her answer had been very direct, like everything else she did or said.  
"I simply knew that you'd keep quiet about us. I have needs but my social status prevents me from fulfilling them with men my age, or with similar backgrounds. You were perfect. I knew you couldn't refuse me and wouldn't cause any trouble. No one would ever believe a boy like you over me."  
  
That night had been when he truly understood the deviousness of females. The hurt he had felt at her words finished transforming the sensitive boy that Cole once had been into an enraged man, who would stop at nothing to punish women for his suffering. He understood that Rosalind had never loved him or even truly cared about him. She'd only seen him as a practical solution to her carnal needs. From then on, he saw this relationship, if one could call it that, in a very different light. Cole hid his true feelings afterward, even as he continued seeing her for his own selfish motivation, but his friend saw through him eventually.  
  
Indeed, if at first Paul had believed this an exciting development for Cole, he soon understood that something was wrong with his friend's dispositions. Cole remembered the first time Paul had called him on it.   
  
"Hey," Paul said one night as Cole was just returning from one of his escapades, "How was the evening?"  
  
Cole shrugged before replying offhandedly.  
"Same as usual… Rosalind is a great teacher and she takes pleasure in it, if you know what I mean…"  
  
"And you don't?"  
  
"Hey," Cole had chuckled. "Of course I do…in fact I do more all the time…"  
  
"Do you care anything for her?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"If you've gotta ask, I'm afraid of the answer."  
  
"What kind of a hypocrite are you," Cole had then questioned irritably. "You're no better with all the girls you've courted…"  
  
Paul had hesitated afterward; obviously unsure if indeed he was the best person to question his friend's motivations. Yet, he had still gone on after a moment.  
"Look Cole. I'm glad that you've finally come out of your shell…that's all I ever wanted for you. Still, I imagined that you'd find a nice girl and fall in love, you know? That's the kind of person you are."  
  
"Goes to say you don't know me as well as you think. Maybe the old me could've done that. I don't know; that boy was an idiot, really. Now I see things clearly."  
  
"What exactly do you mean by that," Paul had inquired warily.  
  
"Oh simply that I know a lot more about women and what they're truly about…And I've come to understand that romance is a farce only good for those who don't know better. Trust me; I've learned what really matters with Rosalind. I sure as hell will never be caught dead falling in love, but I'll know how to enslave them."  
  
"And then what?" Paul feared the response to this, but he had to ask. It was all so eerie. For one, he could sense that the anger had not left his friend as he'd hoped it would. On the contrary, it had never been more alive. Much more than this, if it might have seemed a delusion to most, Paul was absolutely convinced that Cole meant every word and would actually do whatever he set out to do. This had made Cole's answer all the more dreadful.  
  
"Then, I'll just dump them…after using them for all they're worth of course. It doesn't hurt one bit that I'll take great pleasure in doing both… Now, if you don't mind, I'm tired."  
  
Cole had lied down then, refusing to continue this conversation, even if he sensed Paul's questioning stare on him. He knew that Paul had wanted to say more, and did so many times afterward, but nothing he could say or do ever changed Cole's mind. However, if his ideas about women appalled him, it was when Paul was drafted to serve in the army that he became very troubled with Cole's attitude. Until that moment, however unsavoury his actions had been, he had not showed any signs of a death wish, but according to Paul, he most certainly did afterward.   
  
As soon as he'd heard of Paul's new situation, Cole had volunteered to serve as well, and this in spite of his handicap. In his constant state of anger, joining the army had seemed a pretty good move to Cole; mostly because this way, he could prove that he wasn't a complete failure. From the moment they had removed the bandages, the doctor's verdict had become even more obvious to Paul and him. Cole's left hand was noticeably weaker than the right one. Yet, even if Paul thought it would prevent him from serving, the recruiter didn't see it that way. Obviously in times of war, they weren't as choosy about the recruits, and besides, Cole had been very convincing and determined. However, this proved to be a good move on the man's part since from the moment Cole was enrolled, he began training harder than any of the other men there. Cole's slight handicap didn't prevent him from distinguishing himself not only during training, but even more so on the battlefield after they were sent overseas. There, Cole constantly volunteered for the most dangerous assignments, even if Paul, and then Leo, with whom Paul and Cole had become friends during training, tried to dissuade him. What they called foolish risks, Cole believed to be the proof that he was more than those girls and women had made him feel like: an ugly duckling and a failure. Just as he thought Rosalind had seen him, which was why she had been using him.   
  
Cole remembered how upset she had become when he told her he was leaving. However Cole knew by then that Rosalind only regretted losing a convenience rather than a person. He had seen her tears for what they were. An attempt at keeping him enslaved. In spite of a slight malaise that he rejected forcefully, he had turned away from her, but not before saying with all the scorn he could muster:  
"You know woman? You were only a convenience for me just as I was one to you. I was growing tired of you anyway. So long…"   
Rosalind had watched him going in total bewilderment. She had not expected this at all and didn't find anything to answer, even as Cole was leaving, renewing his promise to himself that no woman would ever have any power over him. And he had kept this promise religiously afterward…  
  
After the war, he had returned home with no actual trade besides soldiering and the very "qualifications" that afforded him a good life now. Admittedly, he had been excellent at the war business. Paul often said that he was that good because he didn't care whether he lived or died. Cole preferred to see it as living on the edge, which he had been doing ever since the accident… That it probably meant the same thing didn't matter much to Cole. Obviously however, warring skills were useless in the civilian world, and he had not yet found the usefulness of his other skills, which were the music, of course, and a very well developed talent at seducing women.   
  
The latter, he had refined to an art form during the year spent overseas, as risking his life had only been a part of the whole process. The training had built his muscles, along with the fact that he matured, and quite nicely at this. His newly found attractiveness, coupled with a hero status, caused the girls to notice him as much, if not more, than they did Paul. This one often joked that he would end up having to stay away from Cole if he ever wanted to get a date. Indeed, Cole used all he'd learned from Rosalind and polished his skills with women to the point that they didn't care about his lack of affection. Leo even based his offer on the fact that once, Cole had seduced a German girl and got her to turn in some important plan she'd stolen from a former lover at the risk of her own life.   
  
The music was another story. During his last month overseas, Cole had gotten hurt, and this was a tale that Paul liked to tell around. After all the daredevil stunts he had done that year, the only wound Cole suffered, besides a few scratches, was a sprained wrist. The surgeon, who checked his left wrist, found that if the injury could heal on its own, he might actually offer the impossible to Cole. He was a British surgeon who'd served in the field for almost the entirety of the war. During that time, bone and tendon injuries had been legions and he had become something of an expert at these. He assured Cole that he could repair the old damage to his wrist and that, in time, his hand would be as strong as it was before. Cole had been shocked by this, not so much for the possibility that he might not be handicapped anymore, but for the little he actually cared. When Paul had insisted he try this, Cole offered that his inability to play music was only partly caused by the weakness in his hand. In fact, Cole told Paul that no one could play without inspiration and that was his true handicap. This, he had lost at the same time as the use of his hand, and no surgeon could ever give it back to him. It had left him the moment he fell to the ground and knew that the girl of his dreams didn't care one way or the other about his misfortune, even being the cause of it. Indeed, after he relented and submitted himself to the procedure, and if the surgeon's prediction proved truthful, he still didn't try to play.  
  
Before he found the advantage he could take from those particular skills, the choices of career had been scarce. He could have gotten a job in one or another of the factories that sprung up all over the place since the war, as these demanded only a minimum of qualification, if any. However, he had soon decided that this kind of mechanical work wasn't for him. He had then gone through a succession of jobs, but these couldn't give him what he truly wanted, which were a lot of money and the good life. Cole was getting really frustrated because of this, and one day, Paul suggested that he should use what he was good at, rather than trying all sorts of things that weren't for him. Paul had meant that he should play the piano again, but Cole chose the trade of tuning instruments instead, as his musical ear was just as good as his playing skills had been, and then he added the use of his other skill to obtain the riches he had been seeking. In the practice of his new trade, Cole had met many women of a certain age with way too much time on their hands and a thirst for novelty. These were often very wealthy and ready to pay just about anything for something out of the ordinary. That, Cole could offer them and he did…  
  
The door closing brought him back to the present, as Rita walked toward him with a lurid smile. She was one of his most daring customers. Her husband had not even rolled down the driveway before she began undressing for Cole.   
  
"I see that you're in a hurry today," he said with a teasing smile. This women of forty-five was actually much better preserved than most of his clients. Still, he couldn't mistake the loosening in her skin, along with the less than firm breasts… Cole didn't care much what she looked like however. Only what she was worth to him; and frankly, he could take as much pleasure with a dog as with a beauty queen. Their appearances made no difference to him whatsoever. They were just women and worthy only of his contempt. This was not to say that he didn't please them. On the contrary, any woman he had been with believed him to be the ultimate lover. Kind even… Until he dumped them without a look back… and he had been thinking of doing just that with Rita for a while. "Maybe very soon," he thought to himself.   
  
"I thought he'd never leave…" Rita replied while sitting astride him. Cole grabbed her buttocks and kneaded them even as he went on.  
  
"Do you think he knows," he asked offhandedly.  
  
Rita directed one of her breasts to his mouth, and his tongue began toying with it.  
"Who cares? The man couldn't satisfy me even if he tried, which he doesn't. He's a wimp who deserves to be cheated on."  
  
"He looked funny at me this morning. I got the feeling that he might have an inkling. Hey, maybe he'd like to watch? Maybe that's why he stuck around this long?"  
  
From the lustful look in her eyes, Cole guessed that the idea excited her even more than she already was.  
"Nah," she still answered, "he's not enough of a man even for that. Although, maybe you could teach him a few tricks…"  
  
Cole laughed as he grabbed her upper thighs and lifted her.  
"I can't go around teaching others what I know. I'd lose my edge…"  
  
Rita kissed him deeply as they moved toward the bedroom, and then she said:  
"There's no danger of that. If I wasn't married…"  
  
Cole froze in the threshold to her bedroom.  
"Keep the feelings crap out of it Rita. If not, I'll be outta here in a flash. I don't need your trinkets that much you know…I've got a lot of other women more than willing to provide without conditions…"  
  
Rita flinched noticeably. She watched Cole questioningly, almost pleadingly, certain that if he was to go and never come back, she'd be lost.  
"Please, I didn't mean anything by this," she finally offered. "It's just you've got such a gift…"  
  
A vague smile spread over Cole's lips as he started again toward the bed.  
"That I do," he replied confidently.  
  
"Don't you have any shame," Rita giggled, reassured.  
  
"None whatsoever," Cole said before throwing her on the bed unceremoniously. Even this, she found exciting as she wriggled invitingly while parting her legs for him.  
  
Undressing without haste, Cole thought cynically:  
"They're all the same…"  
  
"All the same," Phoebe thought as she watched Fredo propped on one elbow while his fingers played lazily with her firm nipples. It was late morning there, but they had been up late the night before. What's more, Fredo was always in better shape in the morning when came to sex. At least to the extent of his stamina and that wasn't saying much in Phoebe's mind. Right then, he was looking upon her with actual adoration and this only reinforced Phoebe's certainty of her power over him and most men. Fredo had fallen head over heels for her almost immediately and Phoebe used it shamelessly. Sometimes, she even managed to take pleasure at having sex with the old man, more because of the power he wielded than for any physical prowess, but this wasn't gonna be one of those times. Still, she played her role to perfection, closing her eyes and moaning for his benefit, while in reality her mind wandered far away from their bedroom and his somewhat clumsy caresses, reminiscing anew about the past.  
  
Three months after the incident, Phoebe had changed even more than she'd realized. Of course, her only distraction until that day, if one might call it that, had been her father coming every day to tell her how much of a shameful child she was. At first, Phoebe still tried to protest and defend herself, but he threatened her every time and in the end, she gave up on convincing him of her innocence. Victor had not touched her again, but it really didn't matter. The beating had only been what threw her over the edge after the accumulation of pain along the years. The profound depression that followed for her seemed endless. During those three months, she'd barely slept or eaten. That day, after all those months, Paige was finally allowed to visit, as it was Phoebe's fifteenth birthday. Paige's first reaction was one of astonishment.  
"Wow," this one had exclaimed from the moment she crossed the threshold and saw Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe had looked up with a weak smile, unsure on what motivated her cousin's exclamation. When she didn't reply, Paige pursued.  
"What happened to you? You're all thin! You should get sick more often."  
  
Phoebe stared back at Paige in total confusion. If she knew that sickness had been the excuse given to Paige to keep her away, she didn't see what was so different about her. The rare occasions where she bothered to look at herself in the mirror, she only saw the awkward girl she'd been for as long as she remembered.  
"What are you talking about," she finally questioned hesitantly.  
  
"Oh come on Phoebe. You can't ask me to believe you don't know how much prettier you look! Add a little make up and a nice dress and the boys would stick to you like glue!"  
  
Phoebe had never really told Paige why she preferred to stay in. In fact, Paige had assumed that it was really her appearance which had motivated the reclusion. Phoebe couldn't bring herself to tell Paige that what she proposed might actually make her situation worse. Still, she wondered about what Paige was seeing. Without answering her, she got up and looked at herself curiously in the mirror. At first, all she saw were the deep pockets under her eyes, no doubt caused by the lack of sleep. Paige had probably attributed these to her supposed sickness. Phoebe had on one of the grey dresses her father allowed her to wear. These were shapeless and always fell loose on her, but as she flattened the fabric, she realized that indeed, she had changed. Maybe not as much as Paige implied, but she had lost weight and it made her look different, indeed somewhat more attractive.   
  
"It's strange," Phoebe said at last, unable to keep her eyes from her reflection, "I wasn't seeing this at all."  
  
"You really need to get out, girl." Paige exclaimed.  
  
Phoebe's expression turned sombre and she moved away from the mirror at this.  
"There's nothing out there that interests me."  
  
"Wasn't there a guy who played music you said you liked?"  
  
Phoebe sat heavily on the bed.  
"He's gone… and frankly, I'm glad…"  
  
"What? What are you talking about? A few months ago, all you could talk about was this music…"  
  
"Daddy was right. Music is bad. I don't even wanna sing anymore…"  
  
"Ok now that'd be a crime. Singing's not wrong, Phoebe. Not with the voice you have! I envy you so much."  
  
"There's really nothing much to envy Paige. On the other hand, I wish that I was as emancipated as you are."  
  
"Well girl, if you really mean it… let me give you a few pointers. Hey, why don't we plan a little outing for my next visit?"  
  
Phoebe's eyes darted nervously toward the door, as she worried about her father listening in.   
"I'm not sure that I'm ready for that Paige," Phoebe replied uncertainly.  
  
"Well, we'll see about that." Paige said then without insisting. Instead, she got up enthusiastically. "But right now, my mother sent a cake for your birthday and it's waiting in the dining room. You can't celebrate your birthday without it. Also I have this for you," she added, handing her a small box, "but I think I'll have something better next week…"  
  
Phoebe stared at her questioningly, but Paige headed for the door and signalled for Phoebe to follow even before she had the chance to look at her gift. Phoebe only hesitated a moment longer, but her cousin's joyous attitude was always an upper for her. At least for the short time Paige was allowed there, Phoebe decided that she would set aside her melancholy and she followed her, even managing a happy smile.   
  
That night, her father was almost amiable. Phoebe felt a surge of courage course through her and the moment they had said their good byes to Paige, she turned to him resolutely.  
"Daddy…I know you think tutoring is better for me, but…I'd really like to go to a school like Paige. I wanna know other kids my age…"  
  
Phoebe had stopped then as she had looked up at her father and seen the anger, even the rage showing in his expression.   
"You little tramp. I give you an inch and you're already trying to go back to your sinful ways. You'll stay here and that until your majority. Then you can do whatever you want, but if you do, don't expect anything from me!"  
Phoebe knew that she was this close to sending him over the edge and she simply went back upstairs without a word. Luckily, things stopped there that day. However, when Paige asked to come back, Victor refused to let her for another month, pretending that even her short visit had caused a relapse for Phoebe.   
  
During that month, which seemed even longer than the preceding ones for Phoebe, she cried herself to sleep every night, and became even more exhausted, barely managing to keep up with the tutor her father had hired for her schooling. This one, a woman of a certain age, finally appealed to Victor on her behalf. She saw that Phoebe was withering away for every day that passed. It took some convincing when she even suggested that Phoebe should see a doctor, maybe even one of those psychiatrists. Victor relented on letting her see her cousin and even allowed Phoebe to have some time outside instead. If this pleased Phoebe, the fact that he hired more people to watch her during those outings put a damper on her relief. However, she had been determined to make the best of it.   
  
When Paige had visited again, she'd brought a make up kit. Phoebe had marvelled at the thing, but as soon as Paige had left, she hid it carefully, convinced that it would displease Victor tremendously. Afterward, Paige and she got to walk outside, and even visited a fair once. If things had seemed better to Phoebe until then, when they returned from the fair she had the most shocking revelation. Paige had insisted on buying a pretty dress for Phoebe and when they went home, Paige coaxed her into try it on while she was there. Phoebe finally agreed and had stripped to her underwear when her father burst into her room without warning.   
  
If Phoebe expected some kind of explosion on his part, his reaction differed completely. Instead, he was looking at her in such a way that she felt ashamed. At first, Phoebe thought that she was mistaken, but her cousin's reaction, as she brought a robe and hurriedly put it on Phoebe's shoulders, told her that she was right.   
"Give me that dress," Victor had simply said then, grabbing the garment from the bed and he had left after one last long look at his daughter.   
  
Paige had not found the words to tell Phoebe what she'd felt then and it wasn't until long afterward that they both talked freely about the incident. However, in the weeks that followed, Phoebe's strong suspicion became a certainty. One night, Victor even emboldened himself by coming into her room. Phoebe had been paralysed by fear at this point and pretended to be asleep. That is when she felt his hand caressing her bosom through the sheet, which he then slowly pushed out of the way. Phoebe wanted to scream, to shoo him away, but the fear kept her immobile as he snaked his hand under her nightgown and began caressing the skin of her breasts, and then moved down between her legs. For a moment, she feared that he would pull her panties down as well, but to her intense relief, he left after only a few more minutes. That night and the following ones, Phoebe didn't sleep at all, until the fear that he would come back transformed into an intense rage. Her anger was not only directed at Victor, but also at the boys, and particularly the one who sent the note, as she had concluded that Victor's attitude was the direct product of their would-be prank. In her still childlike mind, she couldn't imagine that Victor might have had such inclinations before. Therefore, it had to be those pigs that had provoked him. In time, she came to see him as the horrible person that he was, but she never stopped hating all men for the way they treated her. However, rather than swearing them off of her life, the very fact that her father now had this sick interest in her told Phoebe that she could use this against him and ultimately against all the men who'd ever want her.  
  
Phoebe remembered that it had not really been planned but was rather a result of the circumstances. After she had resolved not to be a victim anymore, Phoebe began wearing all the clothes her father had forbidden before, even using the make up Paige gave her every day and flaunting it in his face. When he threatened to punish her, Phoebe shot back that she knew what he wanted, even prancing sensuously in front of him at this point. From that day, he cowered away, apparently ashamed, to Phoebe's utter contentment. Her new attitude and appearance also had the effect of getting her noticed by one of the guardians Victor had hired to watch her. Since her father still persisted in having her watched, she decided to use the guardian's interest to her advantage and one afternoon she invited him into her room. Gilbert had not hesitated long before following her, and even if awkwardly, Phoebe had seduced him that day. In truth, it had been an unpleasant experience for her, even disgusting by moments, but she had not shown him her true feelings. Instead, she had pretended to enjoy herself, as he grossly slid his hand in her panties and stroked her, while panting like a dog she thought then. If his touch had been difficult to endure, it was when he undressed and she saw his fully erected shaft that she almost felt sick. Until that moment, she had believed that letting him have his way with her would be quick and simple. Then she could have him do whatever she wanted, and most of all, get the freedom she so longed for. Now, as he pushed her on the bed and quickly undressed her, she began fearing the worst. The man's caresses were rough and even less pleasant than her father's had been. Then the humiliation that she felt was compounded by the pain he caused her as he entered her all at once. She moaned in pain but he probably believed it to be from pleasure because he began thrusting himself forcefully inside of her while telling her how good she felt. When he was spent, he even asked her if she had come. Phoebe couldn't even bring herself to speak as he removed himself from her and put back his clothes as if nothing had happened. However, as he gazed at her with something akin to sweetness, Phoebe swallowed the bile that burned her throat and she said:  
"I really liked it…"  
  
"Good," the young man had answered then with a contented smile. He'd even come back toward her and kissed her on the lips before whispering:  
"I hope that we can do this again soon…"  
  
Even through the intense malaise and shame that she felt afterward, she found that something good had come of it. Indeed, as she had hoped, Gilbert became a puppet that she could manipulate to her whim. Much later, she understood how inexperienced he had been himself and that it was why it had been so easy to fool him. In the meantime, she used her new freedom to defy her father more. The outings she was allowed to take, she began to prolong sometimes through the day. Her grades deteriorated noticeably as she missed more and more lessons. When the tutor complained to Victor about it, he tried again to threaten Phoebe, but she laughed in his face, and told him that she would go to the tutor and tell her about his disgusting actions.   
  
Even if it wasn't any more pleasant for her than at first, she let Gilbert take her again and again, while he became more and more dependant on her. However, once she felt something during their lovemaking. It had been only a twinge coming from her loins as he stroked her, but definitely something more pleasant than the usual hurt. That night, she hesitantly began stroking herself, searching for the sensation again and when she felt the short but intense orgasm, she knew that she had been missing a lot. Mostly, she understood that if this was what Gilbert felt or more, it was understandable that he was somewhat enslaved to her.   
  
The next day, Paige had visited her and Phoebe tried to talk to her about the exquisite sensation she had experienced.  
"Phoebe, please…this is not a subject a girl should talk about openly," had been Paige's answer as she had turned crimson.  
  
"Hey…I thought we could discuss almost anything between us. I told you about Gilbert…"  
  
"And I told you that you were crazy. You're much too young to be doing this with a man…Phoebe, you scare me sometimes."  
  
Phoebe had gotten angry at this point.  
"I thought you were my friend! If I can't talk to you about this, who else am I gonna talk to?"  
  
"I've got only one thing to tell you about this," Paige replied. "You should be aware that you're risking a lot by sleeping with boys. What if you got pregnant?"  
  
"I won't get pregnant. Like you said, I'm too young for that. And if you only have reproaches to serve me, why don't you go now?"  
  
"Phoebe," Paige exclaimed, "I only want to help you. You know I love you like a sister!"  
  
"Then, try to be at least tolerant."  
  
Paige had frowned but decided that she preferred to keep their friendship intact and said nothing more about it.  
  
A few weeks later, Paige's predictions of doom became a reality as Phoebe began feeling sick almost constantly. In spite of Phoebe's ill dispositions toward learning, her tutor again took pity on Phoebe and she went to talk to Victor about it. This one had her examined by a doctor and when he was told that Phoebe was pregnant, Victor again changed attitudes for the worse. He held it inside for the doctor, but once they were home, he went with Phoebe to her room and closed the door behind them angrily. She was so distraught about the news that at first, she didn't see the danger. It was only when he began screaming invectives at her and grabbed her roughly that she began trembling like she used to when he threatened her.  
"So you are the slut I always believed you to be. And you thought you could give me lessons in morality? Tramp! I should kill you right now," Victor had then said, sending a chill down Phoebe's spine.   
  
Instead of hitting her however, he threw her on the bed and pinned her there with his body. Then he began fondling her breast with one hand while the other roughly grabbed her between the legs. The disgust she had felt with Gilbert at first came back in force. She struggled to get away, but he was much stronger than she and soon, he had pulled her panties down and was rubbing himself against her, although still fully clothed. Desperate, Phoebe grabbed the heavy lamp on her night table, and then she hit Victor hard on the head. This one screamed in pain and rage but he still went on pinning her, albeit with increasing weakness, as he became dazed by the first hit. Phoebe saw her chance and she hit him repeatedly until he grew limp. She then pushed him off of her and dressed hurriedly, intent on denouncing him to her tutor. However, as she was about to leave the room, one of the servants came in, no doubt alerted by Victor's scream, and she took in the scene with horror. She went to Victor, who was bleeding profusely from a wound to his scalp on his daughter's bed. He was groaning but didn't wake up when the servant shook him. She looked back at Phoebe uncertainly, and then she rushed out to fetch a doctor.   
  
Much later, when Victor came to, he told the inspector who came to investigate that his daughter had gone crazy and begun hitting him when he had showed rightful anger at her being pregnant. No one contradicted him and none of Phoebe's protestations had any affect, as the policemen believed a prominent member of society over a teenager her father said was a shame to his family for years.   
  
Afterward, Phoebe was sent to a reform school for girls, where she lost the baby a few weeks later. If she felt some sadness at this event, it was totally overwhelmed by the rage that now inhabited her almost constantly. The servants had known of her father's treatment of her, but they obviously feared for their jobs, and in a way, Phoebe couldn't reproach them their silence. They were only women at the mercy of pigs who used them and treated them like dirt. Even Gilbert had turned his back on her after learning of her pregnancy and of the incident with her father. She understood that he considered her like an object which had served its purpose, nothing more. Even if she had never felt any real affection for the young man, it still hurt. The policemen of course believed a man over a girl and judged her just the same.   
  
"They're all the same," Phoebe thought again as she felt the rage mounting in her anew even as Fredo pulled away from her, in a sweat. She had been so lost in thoughts that her response to their lovemaking had only been mechanical.   
"Thanks, doll," Fredo said then, and Phoebe figured that she had managed to fool him anyway, even with the little attention she gave him.  
  
"You were great, as usual," she uttered softly in her best imitation of afterglow. However, she couldn't wait for him to leave. She got her wish but he still told her something else before going out.  
  
"The man that usually comes for the piano has taken sick, Lara… so don't be surprised when you see a new one this afternoon. I thought that you'd prefer if the work was done anyway."  
  
"Thanks, Fredo. You're always so thoughtful."  
  
Fredo smiled gently before leaving the room for his morning ablutions. Phoebe knew that he would go directly from there to the dining room and she decided to order breakfast in bed for herself. She was definitely not in a talkative mood.  
  
  
Leo had kept Paul waiting for almost an hour in the lobby of the Bureau's building. Paul had just about made up his mind to storm the offices when he finally saw his friend coming his way.  
"Took you long enough!"  
  
"Come on Paul. I've got duties to perform. Now I'm famished, so whatever you wanted to discuss, we can do it over lunch."  
  
Paul had to admit that he was also hungry and they went out of the building toward a diner which served greasy, yet tasty food. A lot of policemen and agents of the Bureau were also eating there on a regular basis and today was no exception. In fact, Paul also noticed a few of his colleagues from other publications there. It was no surprise to him. It was much easier to glean information from the officers of the law when they were off duty and relaxed. In fact, they often talked loud and no questioning was even necessary to get some valuable tidbits. As soon as they were seated, a large woman came to take their orders. After she left, Paul immediately brought up what preoccupied him.  
"Leo, I can't believe that you'd involve our friend in such a dangerous venture. What got into you?"  
  
"Oh come on, Paul. I'm only asking him to do what he does best. What's more, the girl is really a nice looking one. He might even be grateful…"  
  
"Oh yeah, I'm sure that while they cut him into tiny pieces, he'll be thanking you profusely."  
  
"You're so melodramatic, Paul. The risk is minimal. We've taken our info about that girl. She's had many indiscretions in the past apparently. There's even a rumor that she cheated on Fredo as well… I told Cole about it, so that if she threatens to squeal, he'll have some ammunition of his own against the little vixen."  
  
"You're just as crazy as he is," Paul exclaimed irritably. "What if you're wrong? You knew he wouldn't refuse. You shouldn't have done this. Have you already forgotten he saved our butts during the war?"  
  
"Look I told you already. This is truly a duty to his country almost as important as fighting the Germans. Those people, they're killing innocents without a second thought and we can't do a thing about it. They come out of it white as snow. We manage to grab a few little fishes here and there, but they're too scared to talk. Besides, when they're released, I'm certain they get rewards for their silence too."  
  
"Leo, I'm very much aware of the problems you're facing. But Cole is still our friend…"  
  
"And if I really believed he was in any danger I wouldn't have asked. I assure you."  
  
"The worse part is that you believe what you're saying." Paul added dejectedly.   
  
"Because it's true," Leo said confidently.  
  
"How about the body they fished out of the bay this morning? That should give anyone something to think about. Do you know how it happened?"  
  
"Hum…is that the friend talking here, or the journalist?"  
  
"Both," Paul chuckled unhappily. "But I'm more concerned about Cole. What if Fredo is the one responsible for this?"  
  
"We're not even sure if it's really a gang hit anymore. The coroner told us of a few wounds that looked like they were inflicted by a jealous husband. Not pretty, if you know what I mean…"  
  
"But it still could be…"  
  
"I'm sure it had nothing to do with Fredo…and besides, there's nothing more to argue about. Cole already agreed and he's probably on his way to her as we speak or he will be shortly."  
  
Paul glared at Leo unhappily.  
"What was the hurry?"  
  
"It was just the circumstances in fact. That's why I wanted to talk to Cole last night. The girl is a singer and of course, she has a piano that needs constant care. We've found out who usually does the maintenance and sent him on a forced vacation," Leo said casually. "Then one of our operatives strongly suggested Cole for the job and he was convincing enough that he got Cole an appointment for this afternoon."  
  
Paul realized that he was too late to keep Cole from going there with a dejected sigh.   
"Crazy," he grumbled as the waitress came back with their drinks, "you're all crazy…"  
  
She gave him a curious look but soon shrugged and went away.   
  
"You really shouldn't worry like this," Leo said then.  
  
"I wish I was as confident as you are… I really do…"  
  
  
Cole laid back and simply allowed Rita to play with his chest hair. She looked somewhat preoccupied but he really couldn't care less about her problems. In fact, he had just made his decision about her. She was becoming too possessive, and proved it again with her next words.  
"Cole…don't you care about any of the women you're seeing?"  
  
"I thought I already told you where I stand…" he answered curtly.  
  
Obviously, Rita didn't read the warning in his voice as she went on.  
"I know you like it with me…I'm sure that I could compensate you more than enough on my own…"  
  
"What are you talking about," Cole questioned irritably as he pushed her away and sat on the other side of the bed.  
  
"I…I just thought that we really had something…"  
  
Cole glanced back at her coldly.  
"You're deluded, you know that?"  
  
His tone of voice startled Rita.  
"But…"  
  
Cole interrupted:  
"You know, I just got myself a new customer and I'm afraid I won't have time for you anymore…"  
  
"Hey, you can't do that!"  
  
"I never promised you exclusivity, Rita. I never even pretended to like you. It was all in your head. Go find yourself another distraction, or better yet, try to teach your husband a few tricks. I don't really care either way… me I'm outta here," he announced as he picked up his clothes and began putting them on deliberately. Rita tried to grab his arm but he shook her off rudely.  
"It's over Rita, and I won't even ask anything for this one…it was on the house… Consider it my goodbye gift."  
  
"You can't leave me…I…I love you."  
  
"Go tell that to someone who cares, Rita," Cole spat, already on his way out. He could hear her sobbing but women's cries left him cold. At least, some of them had more dignity and they didn't try to hold on to him with this cheap trick. However, this one was a pitiful wreck and he would not lose another moment here. Rita didn't see it this way however. She got up and ran to put herself between him and the bedroom door.  
"You've got to listen to me. I can't believe you would just leave like this. That's not possible!"  
  
"Rita…I didn't want to go there but I guess if you insist… Not only do I care nothing for you, but you've become boring and clingy. You couldn't find enough money to convince me to come back… you're not worth it."  
  
Rita angrily slapped him across the cheek then, but Cole only smiled back.  
"Hey, that's more passion than you demonstrated in months…Now, I'm late for my next appointment," he added before pushing her aside and going to the door.   
  
"I'll tell my husband about you," Rita screamed at him.  
  
"Yeah," he replied "and then I'll knock him out good and when he wakes up, he'll throw you on the street like the cheating bitch you are. Don't think you can threaten me…" Cole finished coldly before going out the front door without another look toward her.  
  
Rita watched the door for a long moment and then went to throw herself on the bed, where she cried as much from humiliation as from the pain of losing him.  
  
Phoebe soon found the silence oppressing even if she had wanted this. She was dressed and ready to get out of the room, but she had no urge to go downstairs. Besides, Fredo was probably busy at his business dealings and it would be boring. She picked up the phone instead and Paige answered at the second ring.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Paige, it's me…"  
  
"Phoebe? Wow, it's been months…I thought you'd sworn me off."  
  
"Sorry, I was…busy."  
  
"With your new show, I know…"  
  
"That's no excuse." Phoebe uttered apologetically. Paige was the only one to know her real name anymore. Phoebe hadn't been using her real name since that first day where she had left the reform school, and made the decision that she would be a singer.   
"How are the kids?"  
  
"You really wanna know?" Paige questioned with a hint of reproach. Phoebe knew she hadn't been much of a friend to Paige, but she still loved her cousin just the same. Through the years, she had played so many roles in order to succeed; she often lost sight of who she really was. At those times, Paige was the only one who could bring her back to reality. However, Phoebe had been neglecting her lately and promised herself for the umpteenth time that she would make more efforts from then on.  
  
"Of course I do. Look I know I haven't been there much for you, but what do you say we go out tomorrow? Like old times. We could even try to find a fair…"  
  
"I'm surprised you're in the mood to reminisce. But hey, yes that'd be fun and it'd make for a change from the diapers. And the kids are great, although the little one is keeping me busy."  
  
"That husband of yours, doesn't he help at all?"  
  
"How many men do you know who'd change diapers? That doesn't mean he's not great, Phoebe, and I'd appreciate if we left Glen out of it."  
  
"Sorry, old habits…"  
  
"Don't be," Paige replied gently, "you've got good reasons…So what's up with you?"  
  
"Well besides the new show, which will begin this weekend, nothing much but I'm just peachy."  
  
"Really? See, I've got problems believing that, Pheebs. Usually, when you call out of the blue, something's wrong…"  
  
"Can't I just wanna talk to my favorite cousin?"  
  
There was a long pause at the other end and Phoebe bit her lips, knowing full well that Paige wasn't fooled.  
"Of course, although we both know I'm your only cousin, but hey, I'll take it anyway," Paige finally answered. "What's your plan for tomorrow?"  
  
"How about I pick you up at your house at say, one o'clock? That'd give us the whole afternoon."  
  
"It's perfect…" Then, Paige seemed to hesitate again before she pursued, "Phoebe…is everything really ok?"  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe trailed. "Yeah," she repeated more firmly, "I'm fine I promise, but I'll feel even better when we've spent some together."  
There was an insistent knock at the front door.  
"Looks like we've got visitors… I'll talk to you tomorrow…"  
  
"I'm looking forward to this, and Phoebe…I'm glad you called."  
  
Phoebe smiled softly as she put down the phone, and then went to investigate the newcomer. At least, this would constitute a distraction.   
  
Cole had arrived at the ostentatious house with some trepidation. It was good to feel something at least. Not even the prospect of a jealous husband managed to bother him anymore. His life was becoming boring. "Of course," he thought with a quick smile, "Paul would say I'm crazy." In all truth, Cole knew that his actions appeared unhealthy to his long time friend. However, he wasn't about to change, simply because he couldn't see himself settling down like Paul had done. Cole believed that he would wither away without some risk in his life. Besides the anger and rancour that still thrived inside of him, the thrill of danger was all that made him feel alive anymore. Paul often told him that if he'd let go of his anger, he might actually feel better for it. Cole didn't see it like that. Even if he tried, he could never forget what had been taken from him. That simple thought brought back regrets and he chased them away while eagerly knocking on the imposing door. 


	3. Music to My Soul (Chapter 3)

Music to my Soul  
Chapter III  
  
The door opened on an imposing woman, obviously a housekeeper.   
She looked at Cole suspiciously and he guessed that she was in charge of filtering visitors.  
"I'm Cole Turner," He began, since the woman kept silent, "I've got an appointment to service the piano…?"  
  
"Hum…You don't look like a piano tuner," she grumbled.   
  
"Thank you," Cole replied with his most charming smile. "May I come in?"  
  
The woman moved aside without a smile and, as she let him in, she went on staring at him.  
"Suspicious much," Cole thought to himself while entering the house. He then turned to her and the woman guessed at his silent question.  
"Follow me," she simply said, leading him into the sitting room through double doors. He spotted the grand piano immediately. It was a nice instrument for which they must have spent a fortune. Cole guessed that Fredo spared no expense for his mistress. "Well," he thought, "maybe I'll get a bonus here too."  
He couldn't help the pleased smile that came to his lips and the housekeeper noticed it as she turned toward him.  
"Something funny…?"  
  
"Not at all…nice instrument," Cole repeated aloud.  
  
"You've got a good eye…I hope that you're just as skilled in your work." The housekeeper added curtly.  
  
"I'm one of the best, Mam."  
  
"Hum… don't lose any more time."  
  
Cole went to sit on the polished bench and, somewhat in defiance, he slowly pulled his tools from the leather bag he had carried inside. Meanwhile, he was discreetly looking around. Where were the armed guards he had expected? However, he also reflected that it was all part of the reason he was there. Those gangsters, they managed to keep one step ahead of the law and the feeling of normalcy in the house must have been a façade for appearances. He half suspected that people were watching him discreetly instead, ready to intervene at any moment's notice. Any other would've shuddered at the thought, but Cole found it rather exciting.   
  
The housekeeper cleared her throat and Cole realized that he had gotten lost in thoughts again. He didn't bother acknowledging her and instead proceeded to strike a few notes, listening to the pitch of the instrument. He soon found that it only needed a mild adjustment. No doubts they had someone coming here often to take care of the mechanism. Before he began his real work, the housekeeper left without a word and then he heard light steps behind him, guessing that his target had come into the room. Leo's men were told by the usual guy that Lara Love insisted on being present every time someone worked on her piano; and it was now apparent that he had been truthful about this However, as he began working, and in spite of his curiosity, Cole pretended he had not noticed her arrival. It was all part of the game. He knew it was better to let her come to him rather than forcing it. This usually had the effect of giving him a slight advantage over the person he was after. He worked slowly to give her some time and at last, she came to him as he had expected.  
  
"How is it?" Phoebe asked.  
  
Cole finished listening to the vibration of the tuning fork before looking at her. Then, when he did so, he got a strange sensation of déjà vu, which he couldn't explain since he knew he had never seen her before. A girl like her, he would have remembered. She was indeed very pretty, even beautiful. Small but well proportioned. Her hair was bobbed in the fashion of the time and the dress, albeit a straight cut couldn't hide the very appealing curves. All of this, he took in before locking eyes with her and he was startled by the calculating manner in which her pretty hazelnut eyes were staring at him. In fact, he felt evaluated like a side of beef. It was strange to see such coldness in an otherwise extremely attractive girl. On the other hand, it was obvious that she was evaluating more than his tuning skills and it could serve his purpose.  
"The patient will survive," Cole joked half-heartedly.  
  
"I take this very seriously," Phoebe replied without smiling.  
  
"Hum," Cole reflected, "not an easy nut to crack." But rather than finding it discouraging, it stimulated him even more.   
"So do I, Lady. Doesn't mean I can't have a sense of humor, now does it?"   
  
"Do you really expect everyone to laugh at your jokes?"  
  
"Usually, I succeed. But I suppose I'll have to live with one less fan…" He uttered with a comical frown.  
  
Phoebe couldn't help a smile at this. He was very handsome and charming. Not at all what she had expected from a man of his trade… She began wondering if he wasn't exactly what the doctor ordered; particularly for the fact that he was obviously interested… Phoebe knew how to recognize the signs very well by now. Still, she could also read an intense arrogance behind the warm smile. As if he expected her to fall at his feet. She had no intention of letting him take the advantage.  
"You know, our usual piano tuner works much faster," Phoebe commented casually, as she caressed the piano.  
  
"Maybe that's why it still needs work… Trust me, I know what I'm doing and your piano will have perfect pitch when I'm done," Cole replied confidently. Even as he was making this affirmation, he couldn't help noticing that she seemed to show more warmth for the instrument than she had demonstrated toward him. Strange girl…  
  
"Well," Phoebe thought, "he certainly doesn't suffer from an inferiority complex." She wondered if it was really worth it at this point. She knew the sort; or at least, she thought she did. He would try to dominate her…Under any other circumstances, she would have taken the challenge happily, but she was in need of a quick fix at the moment. Phoebe decided to reserve her decision for later and, instead of answering, she turned away and went to sit on an ottoman that stood against the wall.  
  
"Really tough customer," Cole thought as he resumed his work. The déjà vu sensation still bothered him but he was mostly trying to devise a way to break the ice again, when he noticed something through the large window facing the street. A car had stopped in front of the house and he could see smoke coming out of the exhaust, telling him that it had been left running. Inside the car, two men were staring at the house in a strange manner. He couldn't help being reminded of snipers waiting for a target. It was a strange association, considering the war was long over, except for the fact that it was what Leo had called their fight against the bootlegging business. This had distracted him so that he was holding the tuning fork over the piano without making any move to use it. He heard a not so discreet throat clearing sound behind him and if this irritated him, Cole stopped himself from showing his annoyance, as it would in no way help his purpose. "At least, not at the moment..." he mused. Besides, the two men still held most of his attention. That is until he heard two male voices coming from the next room.  
  
"Do I really need to be present, Saul? I thought you could handle this by yourself…"  
  
"I wouldn't mind boss, but the others insisted in seeing you personally. It's about a territorial dispute they want you to settle…"  
  
"Maria," the first voice called.   
  
"Yes Sir?"  
  
"Where's Lara?"  
  
"She's with the piano tuner…"  
  
There was a long pause, and if Cole expected the man to come into the sitting room, it didn't happen.  
  
"Don't bother her now. Wait till she's done and then tell her I'll be back in a few hours," the man Cole guessed was Fredo Turello uttered. Cole thought that he heard a hint of annoyance in the man's voice and when he looked back at Phoebe, she didn't make a move to go to her lover. Instead, she pretended not to have heard the exchange, or so it seemed. "Trouble in paradise," Cole reflected, as he returned his attention to the street. Then he jumped when he saw the two men holding Tommy guns. Cole debated his options for an instant, mostly wondering where were the guards he had believed to be about. Then, when he heard the steps moving toward the entrance, he dropped the tuning fork, which elicited a groan of displeasure from Lara. He ignored it, got up and ran toward the entrance. Cole was working on instinct at this point, more on a reflex from the war than any calculated move.   
  
The two men he'd heard earlier had just crossed the threshold, and he went out after them. One of the men seemed noticeably older than the other. It wasn't hard to figure he was Fredo.   
"Look out," he called to them. The younger one turned toward Cole irritably, but he still reacted instinctively by bending down, whereas the older one stood erect, as if startled by the warning. Cole saw that he was making a perfect target and went after him, throwing him to the ground just as the first bullets began to rain over their heads. Saul pulled out his gun as he lay down on the ground and began shooting back almost immediately. This all happened very quickly, and before he knew it, Cole heard an engine roaring as the car sped away. Underneath him, Fredo was struggling to get back up and as soon as Cole was certain that the danger had past, he freed the old man from his grasp.  
  
Fredo shot an irate glance his way before calling angrily to Saul.  
"What the fuck was that? Were you trying to have me killed?"  
  
Saul seemed uncomfortable but he protested his innocence vigorously.  
"Oh course not, boss. I'm not the one who called for this meeting. I had no idea they'd planned…" Rather than finishing this sentence however, Saul looked suspiciously toward Cole.  
  
"Who the hell are you?"  
  
Cole brushed the dust off his woollen suit before deigning an answer.  
"I'm the bloke who just saved your butts… "  
  
Saul took a menacing step toward him, but Fredo motioned him away.  
"Who are you son?" He questioned more calmly.  
  
"Cole Turner…I came here to tune your piano…"  
  
"Really," Fredo questioned skeptically. "You don't look the part... How did you know about the shooters?"  
  
"I saw them through your window and they looked suspicious to me. Right up to the point where they pulled the guns, and then I knew somebody was gonna get killed. But really, this questioning makes me wonder if I made the right decision…"  
  
Fredo gave him a joyless smile.  
"Don't get me wrong…I'm grateful you saved my life. It's just it seems so convenient…"  
  
"I can assure you, I knew nothing of these men except they were about to cut you to pieces with bullets and I couldn't let that happen."  
  
Fredo observed him intensely for a moment longer and Cole sustained his stare, certain that any sign of doubt on his part could prove unhealthy.  
  
"Well boy, I gather you've got a job to finish," Fredo finally said, "and I've got some things to straighten up myself," he added while giving a pointed look at his lieutenant. "However, I'd really like to have a talk with you later…"  
  
Cole didn't know how he should take this. But even if it could prove to be something bad, it could also be an opening to get much more than what Leo had expected from him seducing the singer. However, Cole knew better than to show too much interest.   
"Right," he simply answered while turning back toward the house.  
  
Fredo called to him then, stopping him in his tracks.  
"You're not curious at all about what happened?"  
  
Cole half-turned toward the old man and shot back:  
"I don't make a habit of questioning things that don't concern me."  
  
"Good…Stick around after you're done, boy…" Fredo simply replied. In spite of the peaceful tone of voice, Cole knew this was a summons he had better not ignore.   
  
Cole continued toward the house but before he got in, he crossed paths with a hesitant Phoebe and a man carrying a gun at the ready. Cole couldn't help a derisive smile, as this was what he had expected but it came much too late to be of any use. Maybe Fredo needed better protection.  
The girl looked understandably frightened, but she still didn't hesitate to go toward Fredo. Cole couldn't help being somewhat impressed as he watched her going, but the armed guard, who had stayed behind and stared at him threateningly, soon got his full attention.  
  
"It's alright, Robbie," Fredo called, "you can let him in."  
  
The guard reluctantly moved aside.  
  
Cole stopped just inside the door, listening in for any useful information.   
"What happened?" Phoebe asked Fredo.   
  
"Nothing to concern you… Everything's fine, Lara," Fredo was saying reassuringly. "Just think of preparing for your new show and I'll take care of the rest…"  
  
"But Fredo…"  
  
"Lara," Fredo uttered very sharply, "I said not to worry…"  
  
Phoebe almost stumbled on Cole as she reentered the house. She was visibly annoyed.  
"What are you looking at," she snapped.  
  
"Nothing…"  
  
She kept silent for a moment, as if unsure about something, and then her expression became irate.  
"You scratched the piano…Good going."  
  
"I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with your protector's gratitude," Cole answered derisively. He couldn't help thinking that she was cold as ice. Her lover had almost been killed, but she seemed more concerned about the fate of the instrument. He began to wonder why she'd inquired about Fredo at all. Maybe it was more her own safety she worried about. In fact, Cole was increasingly convinced that it was the case, while taking in her put off attitude. "Don't worry about your piano. I'll take care of it." Cole added sharply, before going back toward the sitting room. He was disappointed to have lost this occasion to learn something, but Phoebe's presence there prevented him from pushing his luck. Meanwhile, he also guessed that he should let some time pass before trying to talk to her.   
  
Phoebe watched him going with irritation, but also with some interest. He really was handsome and obviously fearless. She couldn't help finding that stimulating. Phoebe strongly suspected that he was very much aware of his appeal and had probably broken a lot of hearts. However, she wasn't like other women. She had learned long ago to silence the emotions which often plagued her gender.   
  
As pleasant as the prospect of seducing him was, she soon set those thoughts aside to reflect on what just happened instead. She had known all along that Fredo was a shady character, but Phoebe had never really believed he would get shot at. She didn't like this one little bit and, in spite of his generosity, she began to consider finding another sponsor. Unfortunately, she thought then, her show was just about ready, and it was much too late to find someone else. Besides, Fredo had promised that big promoters would be present for her premiere. It was too good an occasion to miss.   
Fredo was just coming back in and he and Saul went straight to Fredo's office, closing the door behind them. The seriousness of their expressions had done nothing to reassure Phoebe. Outside she also heard the car rolling down the driveway and guessed that Robbie had been sent on some errand, which she preferred not to think about. Things were very tense and the sight of a very frightened Maria in the hallway had Phoebe questioning her choices anew, even as she motioned the woman away impatiently.   
  
However, she understood that she didn't have any other option; at least for the moment. Thus, she decided to hope for the best and she went back to the sitting room. In order to set her worries aside, she had made up her mind about the piano tuner. She would get him and exactly where she wanted him. This would actually constitute a very good distraction from the unpleasantness. However, Cole didn't give a sign that he even noticed her return and she had pain hiding her irritation as she went back toward the ottoman. Deep down, Phoebe craved attention and detested being ignored. That is, ever since the Reform School…   
  
Her first few months there had seen Phoebe resuming her pattern of reclusion. Most girls at the School were tough and stared at her in what she considered a threatening manner, which led her to try disappearing in the background. "Why did I have to end up here," she often asked herself miserably. After all, she wasn't the guilty one. Those bastards were… To add to her burden, her father passed away six months into her incarceration and left all his money to none other than the very orphanage, which in Phoebe's mind, had been the cause of all her suffering. No doubts, he had done this for spite. This coupled with the mixed feelings about his passing, caused Phoebe to throw such a tantrum that she had to be restrained and isolated.   
  
They had tied her up with the same kind of leather bounds used for insane people in asylums. This made her imprisonment feel even more horrible. She struggled to get free for a long time, but in the end, when even her screams went ignored, she gave up out of exhaustion. Then after lights out, the same woman who had given her the news about her father came back. The matron had brought in a handbag that Phoebe recognized as one of her own and she put it at the foot of the bed. Instead of leaving the room afterward, she came back toward Phoebe and observed her intensely. Phoebe's curiosity about the content of the bag melted away as she felt utterly vulnerable at this point, sensing the intense scrutiny of the woman. Finally, this one extended a hesitating hand toward Phoebe and began caressing her stomach in a much too intimate fashion. Phoebe was strangled by fear and stayed immobile at first, which caused the woman to embolden herself, as her hand moved toward Phoebe's breasts. She then began fondling her to Phoebe's utter disgust. At this point, Phoebe reacted.  
"Get away from me," she uttered in a frightened voice.  
  
"Sorry," had been the woman's reaction, as she quickly removed her hand, to Phoebe's surprise. "It's just, you're so pretty…"  
  
Phoebe was about to ask her to leave, but the prospect of remaining a prisoner of those restraints was even more distressing than the woman's disposition toward her. Therefore, and in spite of the intense disgust she felt for the matron, she pleaded with her.  
"Please, untie me? I promise I'll be calm…"  
  
"I don't know…the others might get upset…" the woman called Sylvia uttered hesitantly.   
  
Even if at first Sylvia had seemed threatening to Phoebe, the hesitant attitude told her that maybe the matron wasn't as tough as she had appeared. In fact, she seemed almost apologetic.  
"I'll tell them I freed myself…" Phoebe tried again. "No one has to know it was you, I swear. Just please untie me. These restraints are hurting me…"   
  
Sylvia gave a quick look at the door, and then she proceeded to remove the leather bounds to Phoebe's relief. However, this was shadowed by her fear that Sylvia might demand more from her. Instead, the woman simply watched Phoebe from a distance for a while longer, and then she left the room, allowing Phoebe to breathe easier. After a long moment, Phoebe went to look at the contents of the bag and found that there was very little in it. Only some personal items she guessed her Cousin Paige had salvaged before the estate was settled. There were a few of the trinkets Paige had given her through the years, including a new make up box, which made Phoebe smile. Then at the very bottom of the bag, she found her journal. In there, she had confided all of what happened to her in the last few years; the bad and the good. This also included the song she had composed before her life was turned upside down. Phoebe read the words, but their meaning was now completely lost on her. On the contrary, it only made her angry. That day, she almost threw away the accursed book but decided to keep it as a reminder of the deviousness of men.   
  
After she managed to calm down and her fright of earlier vanished, Phoebe began to see the incident with Sylvia as another proof that she could obtain favors from others because of the way she looked. Even so, it took Phoebe a long time to take advantage of this fully, but when she found that a simple smile on her part got her all sorts of special treatments, she began emboldening herself.   
  
Eventually, Sylvia developed a strong affection for Phoebe and this one learned to use it to its full extent After she managed to set aside most of her scruples, she allowed the woman to watch her undress, and even shower on many occasions. Fortunately for her, Sylvia was content with this for a long time, even if Phoebe never showed her true affection.   
  
In fact, if she never returned Sylvia's interest, Phoebe had taken to enjoying this situation in a strange way. The matron's admiration was a reassurance about her looks, and even though the thought of ever letting things go any further revolted her, Phoebe couldn't help the thrills that came from those moments. It wasn't so much who liked her, but that someone did. In time, she also learned to recognize this admiration in others who watched her with the same apparent desire and instead of her first reaction of disgust, it made her feel better and better. Much more than this, it made her feel powerful.  
  
Sylvia reinforced this impression by protecting her against the most dangerous girls living there and also some of the most severe matrons. She even got Phoebe a room by herself and a phonograph. In time, this last luxury reawakened Phoebe's desire to sing. However, her motivation for doing so had changed a lot. She no longer trusted in the purity of music. In reality, she didn't believe that anything or anyone was pure; not even her constant friend Paige. Instead, she craved for more of the admiration and even the adulation she had experienced during her time there, because she came to believe it was her due, and she figured it would be even greater if she became a celebrated performer.   
  
Phoebe wanted this very badly and was ready to do anything to attain this goal. First though, she had to get out of this accursed place. In order to do that, she had asked for Paige's mother to intercede in her favor. That day, two years into her incarceration, Paige was coming to give Phoebe the news about it, and she chose not to show her impatience even when Paige inquired about the strange looks the matron was giving them instead of telling her what she really wanted to know. Phoebe's hope was thin at best, and thinning more for every moment that Paige delayed her answer.  
"What's her deal," Paige asked with obvious disgust. Phoebe knew what it looked like and it was exactly what it seemed: jealousy.   
Sylvia had become very possessive of her lately and was watching Phoebe like a hawk, which was another good reason for Phoebe to want out. She had no intention of ever belonging to anyone… Unfortunately, she understood that if Paige had failed, she would have to take things in her own hands. "So be it," she thought as she replied.  
"Don't worry about her."  
  
"But I do worry, Phoebe," Paige exclaimed, although low enough for only Phoebe to hear. However, her news was not good and what Paige believed she saw there made it even sadder. "I'm so sorry, Phoebe," Paige finally admitted, "Mother tried everything, but they won't be swayed. I wish I had better news…"   
  
Even if she had expected it, this revelation hit Phoebe hard. She was willing to go through with the alternative, but she had hoped she would be spared.  
Paige saw her cousin's dark expression and it worried her more.  
"Are you sure that you're ok in here? You keep saying you're well treated but… the way she looks at you… Maybe we could try talking to them again…tell them you're in danger…"  
  
"Don't bother," Phoebe answered curtly. She didn't want Paige to feel bad, but her disappointment was very intense at the moment.  
  
Phoebe was seventeen, and short of a miracle, she wouldn't be let out of the Reform School until her majority, which was four years down the road. For a while, she had hoped that Paige and her mother's plea for her release stood a chance, but it obviously had been a delusion. However, Phoebe's anger toward Paige died as she took in the pained look this one gave her.  
"That's alright, Paige. I didn't believe it'd work anyway. It's not your fault. One day, I'll be free and it's all gonna be behind me. I'll be just fine till then." She said calmly.  
  
"Mother and I will always be there for you, you know that don't you Phoebe?"  
  
Phoebe wished it were true, but she knew that it wouldn't be for much longer. Not after what she planned. They'd probably want nothing to do with her afterward. Still, she reassured Paige.  
"Of course I do. You were always my best friend…"  
  
Paige smiled sadly.  
"I was your only friend…and that's so not fair. You've got so much to give Phoebe."  
  
To herself, Phoebe thought that indeed she had much to give and much more to receive.   
For Paige, she pursued:  
"It doesn't change the fact that you're the best friend anyone could have. I want you to know I would never have survived all of this without your friendship. But I'm truly fine now and you shouldn't worry about me."  
  
Paige hugged her tight at this, and for a moment, Phoebe wished things didn't have to be the way they were. She also wished that she could tell her of her plans, but Paige wouldn't understand and might even try to dissuade her. Phoebe had already made up her mind that no one, not even Paige would stand in the way of her future…  
  
As the insistent knock on the door pulled her out of her reveries, Phoebe believed that she had been right, even if the five long years she had not seen her cousin afterward had weighed heavily on her. The loud voice startled her, particularly when she heard what it was saying.  
  
"Police! Open up!"  
  
Cole was also startled by the visitor but not really surprised. In fact, he thought that they had taken their jolly time. However, when he glanced at Phoebe, he recognized a hint of fear in her eyes. Maybe it was because of the company she kept, but he couldn't help wondering if there wasn't some other reason for her worries. Far from a deterrent, it was even more of a thrill to think that she might be personally in trouble with the law. Cole was now eager to get into the thick of things with her. However, he knew that he couldn't let his impatience dictate his actions. She would be a challenge, but he was confident that with some smart moves he could get her to eat right out of the palm of his hand. Cole had never failed before and the fact that it might prove difficult wouldn't change the end result. Like all the others, he would make her fall for him. Leo had been right; Cole was already enjoying this thoroughly. And it didn't hurt that he found her prettier every time he looked at her.   
  
Heavy steps in the foyer caught his attention again.  
"What do you want?" Saul asked, as if he didn't know what the police was doing there.  
  
"I came to investigate alleged gunfire…"  
  
"As you can see, we're just fine thank you."  
  
Then the voices lowered to a whisper, so that Cole couldn't hear a thing anymore. He got the impression that the first part of the conversation had been for show. This was reinforced in his mind when he saw the policeman go back to his car without having set foot in the house. The man was carrying an envelope in his hand and Cole didn't doubt it was filled with cash. The police were notoriously on the take in this city, and although it was the first time he saw it happening, this didn't surprise him either. He figured that Leo might be interested in this tidbit and he memorized the licence plate. Then Cole gave another discreet glance toward Phoebe and her relief was obvious. Definitely something amiss with her… He could use this, but Cole knew that he'd need more than suspicions…  
  
Even if Phoebe believed they had long forgotten about her, the visit of a policeman brought back the old fear of being retaken. She had waited years before she dared coming back to Chicago and showing them all by becoming the star she had dreamed about. Even if it would have felt better to succeed as Phoebe Halliwell, she understood that she would have to satisfy herself in knowing she'd beaten them all. At least Paige would know and that was a consolation. Not even Paige's husband knew her real name and Paige's mother had passed away a year before Phoebe's return. Phoebe had insisted on her silence the very first time she met Paige again after all those years and thankfully, she had agreed.  
Phoebe chased the worries aside and smiled alluringly when she saw Cole watching her.  
  
If Cole had thought she didn't notice his scrutiny, he was disillusioned shortly when he saw her smiling. He was taken aback by the abrupt change in her attitude, wondering even more what her game was at this point. Rather than showing his surprise however, he gave her his most charming smile, as if he had expected this, and then he returned to his work. "Better to let her simmer a little longer," he thought. The strange warmth he felt at seeing her smile, he preferred to forget about.  
  
Phoebe almost growled when she saw how little he seemed affected by her attempt at seduction. "What's his deal?" she reflected. For the first time, she wondered if she had read him right. Who knew, maybe he was another of those men who preferred guys. This wouldn't have shocked her, but she found the idea disheartening. It wouldn't have been her first experience of the sort. In fact, such a man had helped her in New York after she escaped the Reform School.   
  
Phoebe was about to get lost in the reminiscences again when she realized what she was doing. It had been like this for the last week, with her remembering everything, and mostly what she'd wished to forget. Maybe it was the new show that unnerved her so? Or maybe the fact that the driver had dumped her without warning; which had been a sore point with her... No one dumped Phoebe Halliwell. She dumped them. She gave another appreciative look at Cole then. She admired his tight body, while imagining herself ripping his clothes off right then. The temptation was great to drop the game and follow her urges. If he had other preferences, it would soon be obvious anyway, but she doubted that. Even as she observed him, he dropped a tool noisily and as he bent to pick it up, she saw him staring at her thighs. It had been quick but the obvious lust she had seen in his eyes confirmed that his preference definitely went to girls. Phoebe smiled contentedly. "So you're just playing coy with me, are you," she thought to herself. From his attitude of earlier, Phoebe knew he was not timid. Therefore, the only other explanation was that he was toying with her. This was interesting as most men were rather direct and easily seduced. This would prove even more entertaining than she had believed.   
  
The tediousness of his work didn't keep Cole busy enough to prevent his imagination from running wild. The little peep show of earlier had only stimulated his desire. He wondered what it was exactly that excited him so. Maybe it was simply the fact that she seemed just as ready to play the game as he was. Whatever the reason, he realized how long it had been since he had truly desired a woman. He could go through the motions of sex, and take enormous pleasure at it, but the women's appearances were a blur in his mind. On the other hand, this girl…now she was something else. He had to refrain more than once from looking back, as it would have given her an advantage over him. The sensation actually frightened him a little. Not that he really believed he could fall for a woman, considering what he thought of them, but there was always a slight possibility. After all, it had happened to his friend. In spite of Paul's protestations against Cole's lifestyle, he had not become what one might call respectable until he met Lydia.  
  
It happened one night where they were on the prowl for some fun, a year or so after the war. Cole still had to find his true calling, and was working as a cashier in a general store. Paul had only recently begun working at the Gazette and Leo was earning his keep in his father's shop. The three young men spent most of their free time together.  
  
"Who gets first pick," Paul had asked with a sly smile.  
  
"Hey, fair is fair. We'll let the ladies decide." Cole had answered, obviously amused as well.  
  
They were walking down a street lined with saloons where they knew girls were of the easy sort and that suited them fine at this point. This was just before the Prohibition and all the troubles it would bring along. They were all in their late teens, early twenties and with little care about anything besides their own satisfaction. Although Leo still had this gentle quality about him then, along with an easy smile. A world of difference from what he had become. At the time, he was also shy with the ladies and that night, Paul and Cole had decided to emancipate him. Even during the war, when the girls had been falling over each other to get a date with soldiers, Leo had stayed clear of this little dance. And ever since, in spite of having spent the last year with them, he always ended up as the fifth wheel. His friends now believed that his shyness had lasted long enough.   
  
"Tonight's the night," Cole told Leo. "We'll find you someone… leftovers if necessary…"  
  
Leo struck his shoulder hard at this, but they were used to playing rough.  
"Hey come on, Leo, I was just kidding you. How about we make sure you get first pick?"  
  
"Speak for yourself," Paul uttered with a chuckle.   
  
"You're just jealous," Cole retorted with a grin. "How long has it been?"  
  
"Much less time than you think," Paul protested mildly. "And if you think we're gonna have this little contest of yours again tonight; you've got another one coming…"  
  
"Chicken!"  
  
"We're here to have fun, not to compete, remember?"  
  
Cole only laughed heartily at this.   
  
"I'm not so sure about this," Leo finally intervened.  
  
"About what?" Paul questioned in surprise. "Hey, now we see who the real chicken is…There's nothing scary about girls you know. You might even prefer it to your solitary pleasure…"  
  
"Paul, for god sake!" Leo exclaimed, his face turning crimson.  
  
"Now, if you wanna be a real man, you gotta face your fears, Leo," Cole added. "Hell, you went through the war like us and trust me on this; a girl is much less dangerous. Just imagine your head buried between two soft breasts, and how it's gonna feel when you have a real woman opening her legs for you."  
  
"If you guys don't shut up, I'm going home. People are staring…"  
  
Cole checked his claim and grinned anew when he saw a few older men watching them.  
"They're just dirty old geezers who wish they could do what you will soon…"  
  
"I don't think of women like you do guys…"  
  
"Not yet…" Paul uttered mockingly.  
  
"I don't think I ever will…"  
  
"Come on," Cole tried again, "the girls around here expect to put out. In fact, they're better than the average woman. At least, they don't pretend to be prudes. I sorta prefer that myself…" Then after a glance toward Leo, he couldn't help adding:  
"Of course, if you start itching in the morning, be sure to check in with your doc…"  
  
Paul slapped his arm, albeit with a chuckle.  
"Hey, are you trying to talk him into it or out of it?"  
  
After a bout of a friendly fist fight with Paul, Cole offered that Leo might need a few drinks to loosen up. They all entered the next saloon, which was a relatively more sophisticated establishment, although just as clouded by smoke and as noisy as most of the others. They had barely time to sit before Paul noticed a tall blond among a group of girls. From that moment on, his attitude toward women changed radically; or rather toward one in particular, Cole remembered.   
"Paul?" He asked after seeing his friend holding a drink for at least a minute without making a move to bring it to his lips.  
  
"Have you seen her?" Paul questioned without taking his eyes from the girls. Cole followed his stare and saw that indeed there were a few pretty ones in the lot, but he still didn't get what Paul was so intent about.  
  
"Her who?"  
  
"The woman of my dreams," Paul uttered without even thinking.  
  
"Hey, maybe you drank more of this stuff than I thought," Cole bantered.  
  
Paul finally glanced his way.   
"Oh come on, you can't tell me she's not the prettiest thing you've ever seen."  
  
"Now, I might agree with you if I knew which one you're talking about."  
  
Paul stared at him incredulously.  
"Are you so far gone that you can't even recognize an angel when you see one?"  
  
Cole shrugged and tried once again to have a good look at the girls. Then, he guessed at which one had caught Paul's fancy only because she was blond and tall, as he usually liked them. Until then however, he had only seen her from behind, although he had to admit that the view was nice there too. When she turned toward them, he saw her staring sweetly in Paul's direction and he was convinced that she was the one.  
"That blond?"  
  
"Oh never mind," Paul uttered irritably.  
  
"Hey! I don't mean anything by that. It's just I'm surprised you're so into her…What's more, you should try to remember where we are…"  
  
"She doesn't look like one of those girls…"  
  
Cole shook his head and returned to his drink, convinced that this would only be a passing thing. How wrong had he been! That night, Leo never got around being with a girl and he didn't really complain. In time he met a nice girl as he had wished and got married almost right away. Cole couldn't help thinking that maybe if he'd had more experience, he wouldn't have rushed things.  
  
Rather than what they had planned, they stayed in this saloon and Paul took an eternity before he went to the blond. Even then, all he managed to do was get her name and the promise that she would be back the following week.   
Every night after that, Paul insisted they go back to this place, obviously in case she showed up. Cole tried to convince him to give up on this folly, but nothing would do.   
"You know Paul you're becoming a bore…" He told him on the third night.  
  
"I'm not forcing you to stick with me, Cole."  
  
"You don't have to. You know that," Cole replied, slightly hurt by his friend's comment. "It's just I'm wondering what happened to the guy I knew until last week?"  
  
"I'm still the same guy, Cole. I just think I could get more than a few thrills out of my life…"  
  
"Boy, you got it bad. I wouldn't be surprised if you started spouted poetry again."  
  
"Maybe I will…"  
  
"Hum," Cole had just grumbled, not too sure he wanted to be part of this. Still, Paul was his friend and if that's what he wanted, they would go back there for as long as it would take for him to get over his infatuation.   
The night that she had promised to come had arrived at last and Paul was fidgeting nervously, even more of a wreck than he had been all week.  
"What if she doesn't show up?"  
  
"Then my man, she's an idiot…"  
  
"Hey, don't speak about her like that!" Paul exclaimed.  
  
"Good god, man, you don't even know her. For all you know, she is an idiot."  
  
"Cole," Paul uttered warningly.  
  
"Alright, alright…"  
  
"I intend to know her…" Paul continued more calmly, "at least if she ever shows up."  
  
When she had finally entered the saloon, Cole understood that it hadn't been a fluke. Paul seemed transfixed from the moment he saw her. Lydia Spencer was the girl's name and eventually, she became Mrs. McKail after a long and steamy courtship during which Cole feared he had almost lost his friend. That would have been just about the end of all. Paul had been his only anchor throughout the worse times and stuck with him even when he had disapproved of Cole's behaviour. Thus, Cole mostly put aside his own reservations about his friend's relationship and decided to go with the flow. He remembered the night before Paul's wedding, which was the one time he brushed the subject with Paul. Cole had offered one last evening of freedom to Paul, half expecting he'd refuse. Paul had surprised him by accepting his offer and for a while there, Cole believed that his friend was having second thoughts. However, it soon became apparent he was more determined than ever.  
  
They found themselves in one of the speakeasies, which had begun replacing the saloons since the Prohibition. If anything, the law against alcohol consumption had pushed people to drink more… That was almost a year and a half after Paul and Lydia's first meeting.   
"So Paul… Having second thoughts?"  
  
"You'd think that, wouldn't you?"  
  
"Well, I heard that many grooms develop cold feet the night before their wedding. I was wondering if you'd come to your senses."  
  
"Cole, I came to my senses the day I proposed. I'm happier than you could ever imagine."  
  
"Then, I guess if you're happy, I'm happy too."  
  
"Well good, because as my best man, I'd kind of hope you would share my joy; not try to talk me out of it…"  
  
"I won't anymore; cross my heart," Cole uttered with a cocky smile.  
  
"You better…Who knows, maybe one day you'll do more than being the best man?"  
  
"Don't hold your breath…"  
  
"And you're satisfied with the way things are going?"  
  
"That's me…always the best man, never the groom," Cole joked, referring to Leo's wedding, which had taken place only a month prior. "And yes, very satisfied Paul."   
  
"I can't help wondering how this can be," Paul insisted after taking a small sip of the drink he'd been nursing for a while. "You know, I'd be even happier if I knew you gave up that grudge…"  
  
"You shouldn't worry yourself about me. I'm just fine, really."  
  
"I'm still hoping that you'll find the right one eventually…"  
  
This time, Cole shrugged with irritation.  
"Paul, if this ever happens, I'll rip my own heart out of my chest."  
  
"Why being so dramatic?"  
  
"At least, this way I'll get to do it before she does…"  
  
"You really should rethink this attitude…not all women are like that girl…"  
  
"Let's not discuss it anymore if you don't mind. I'll grant you one thing. You've found the exception and I wish you all the joy in the world with her," Cole said with a sincere smile, as he lifted his glass toward Paul.  
  
Paul seemed uncertain, but he decided against pursuing the discussion. At least that time…  
  
As Cole closed the lid of the piano, he admitted to himself that in spite of a few hurdles along the way, his friends' marriages were enduring. Even Leo's marriage, although his was a lot rockier… He often wondered why he and this Piper were still together. This mystery, he couldn't begin to explain, as neither this, nor Paul's continuing relationship had convinced him that true love existed. He simply believed that Lydia and Paul got along nicely and that Piper and Leo decided to last no matter what.   
  
Cole realized that he had been lost in thoughts again, but at least, it had prevented him from making his move too soon. In fact, he congratulated himself inwardly when he felt her light fingers on his shoulder.  
  
"Finished at last?" Phoebe commented with a hint of mockery. She was more certain than ever that he was ready to eat out her hands and that even if his next words seemed to tell another story. As he looked up, his eyes on her were more eloquent than any word.   
  
Even as Cole admired her, he couldn't help thinking that the girl had a knack for finding just the right words to irritate.  
"If you don't trust the job was well done, I invite you to play something," Cole replied as he got up and indicated the bench to her. When she didn't make a move to sit, he shrugged and gathered his tools. All the while, he was watching her and he knew that she did the same.  
"I don't think you're done actually," Phoebe finally said.  
  
"And what makes you think that?"  
  
Phoebe moved closer.   
"You promised to repair your mess," she said, pointing nonchalantly at the barely visible scratch the tuning fork had left.  
  
"Then, I guess I'll have to come back…"  
  
"You did say you would take care of it…" Phoebe's voice had softened considerably, and he knew she didn't care so much about the scratch anymore.  
  
"I didn't say when…" Cole continued, playing the game. Neither one even remotely cared that Fredo was still somewhere in the house at this point. All the while, he could see what she was so blatantly offering in spite of her reproaches. Phoebe was standing so close to him that she almost touched him, and he wanted to grab her and throw her over the piano right then. It was obvious that's what she expected of him. She was licking her lips invitingly, as ready and willing as any woman he'd ever known, and yet, strangely, he hesitated.   
  
"What the hell is he waiting for," Phoebe wondered. She had seen him getting antsier as time went by. He was obviously itching to take her. Of that there was no doubt in her mind. And yet, he was standing there, doing nothing. It was even more frustrating as she had spent the last hour fantasizing and she couldn't wait to make it a reality.   
  
Cole didn't know if it was the stupid reminiscence about Paul's wedding or the fact that he had worked on this piano much longer than anticipated, but as he was about to take what she offered, he heard music in his mind for the first time in years. This acted like a cold shower that even made him forget his purpose for being there. He pulled himself away from her suddenly and grabbed his bag of tools.  
  
"Where the hell do you think you're going," Phoebe called irately, as he stepped away from her. She no longer tried to hide her feelings, so angry she was that he would reject her.  
  
"I'll be back tomorrow with some polish to repair the scratch," Cole answered curtly suddenly impatient to leave the room. He couldn't believe it… even as he almost ran out of the sitting room he realized that he was saying no to a sure thing. He had her exactly where he wanted and yet, here he was, like a scared college boy. This struck him so that he almost turned back. But as soon as he thought of doing so, the accursed music came back as if to mock him. Cole finally reasoned that she simply wasn't worth the trouble and headed for the entrance. He already had his hand on the doorknob when Saul's harsh voice stopped him short.  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
  
Cole only then remembered Fredo's request and he turned slowly toward the lieutenant. 


	4. Music to My Soul (Chapter 4)

Content Warning: Contains explicite sexual situations,violence,incest and some slash .  
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. I was right in the middle of remodeling my website and also of helping in the opening of a new Board. I know it's an excuse, but hey that's the only one I got. I'll try to write faster from now on :)  
  
  
Chapter IV  
  
  
Saul preceded him into Fredo's office and Cole couldn't help another look toward the sitting room before following the lieutenant. In the doorway, Phoebe was staring at him angrily and Cole was certain that if it hadn't been for Saul, he would have gotten an earful about his precipitous exit. Now, if his discomfort about that wasn't enough, he had to face Fredo Turello without his usual cool and that wasn't a very good start. Then, when he entered the office, Fredo signalled for him to stay back while Saul whispered something in his boss's ear. The old man nodded a few times, his face remaining very serious. Cole began to wonder if Saul had been observing Lara and him earlier. Was he telling Fredo of their little interlude? Suddenly, the vague discomfort became a lot stronger as Cole considered what a powerful man like Fredo could do to someone eyeing his girl. However, as soon as Saul pulled away from him, Fredo turned to Cole with an almost paternal smile.  
  
"Come on in, son. Care for a cigar? Booze?" As he offered these, Fredo was indicating his desk where a box containing pricey cigars lay opened beside a bottle of Canadian Whisky.   
  
Cole moved hesitantly toward the desk, and then he cast a quick glance toward the lieutenant. This one stood back impassively, leaving Cole to wonder anew.   
"No thanks. I'm fine…" He answered the old man, trying his best to sound relaxed and unconcerned.  
  
Fredo frowned slightly.  
"You don't drink?"  
  
From the tone of his voice, Cole got the distinct impression that Fredo mistrusted sober people. In the gangster's particular business, Cole supposed that drinking was the norm rather than the exception.  
"I do, of course. Simply not this early in the day…"  
  
"Good…Take a seat. You're making me dizzy," Fredo pursued more amicably while he sat behind his desk.   
  
Cole risked another look toward Saul, who remained standing, before he took the wooden chair Fredo indicated.  
  
"So, Saul is telling me you're all done?"  
  
"Short of a little repair for which I need more supplies… yes I am…"  
  
"And Lara is satisfied?"  
  
Cole swallowed hard at this. If ever there was a trick question, he was certain that this was one.  
"Well, she didn't complain about the work…although she was a little sour about the time it took…"  
  
Fredo chuckled.  
"She's rather impatient, isn't she?"  
  
"I got that impression yes…" Cole trailed. "But I'm also guessing I'm not here to give you an update on the piano repairs, am I?"  
  
"You're direct, aren't you boy?"  
  
"Well, for one thing," Cole emboldened himself, "I don't really like being called "boy""  
He almost flinched at his own audacity, but Fredo smiled anew.  
  
"So be it…And obviously, I wanted to thank you properly for saving my life…"  
  
"It was really nothing. I just acted on reflex."  
  
"You've got good instincts… Souvenirs of the war?"  
  
"Something like that," Cole answered casually. Inwardly, he was beginning to wonder where this was going. After all, Fredo had already thanked him. Was he intent on rewarding him? And if yes, what was all the probing about? Cole was now questioning the validity of his earlier expectation. He had not come here to be grilled but rather to find something out.   
Fredo paused for a long moment, as he picked up one of the cigars and ostensibly lighted it before talking again.  
  
"How's the business, sssss…" Fredo trailed and then pursued, "Cole isn't it?"  
  
"Cole will do…and I can't complain…"  
  
"The money's good?"  
  
"Well, it's not riches but it's all mine and I'm my own boss…" Cole uttered as confidently as he could. This covert interrogation was making him more uncomfortable by the moment, but it was nothing compared to his reaction at Fredo's proposition.  
  
"Since you're a direct man, I won't keep you in suspense any longer. I've got a pretty good idea of your income and I'd be willing to double it if you'd come work for me…"  
  
"Don't get me wrong…The prospect of making more money is appealing…but wasn't I just working for you?"   
  
"A young man like you; with your instincts and obvious talents shouldn't satisfy himself with a job so…demeaning."  
  
"I beg your pardon," Cole exclaimed.   
  
Fredo didn't let this bother him as he pursued:  
"I mean, being your own boss is all nice and good, but wouldn't you prefer to find a job where you could climb in the ranks and rake in more rewards?"  
  
"I'm not sure I'm following you, sir…" Cole knew exactly what he was being offered, but he chose to let the old man elaborate.   
  
"I know you're not an idiot, Cole. What I'm offering you is an entry level job into a business that's flourishing. There's a lot of room for advancement and a lot of money to be made for a man who knows his worth…"  
  
"Let me see if I get this straight…You're offering me a job as…?"  
  
"For the time being, I'm in need of a driver…the last one quit unexpectedly."  
  
"And you think I'd leave my business to drive you around?"  
  
"I think that if you're smart, you'll see it as only the beginning of a very profitable new employment. I'm very generous with the people who are loyal to me, if you know what I mean…"  
  
Cole stood up without answering, suddenly feeling the urgent need to get out. This was much better for Leo's purposes, but not very good for his health. Usually, it would have been immaterial to him, but the idea of getting so deep into Fredo's business had not really entered into the bargain he struck with Leo. However, considering the fiasco of earlier, he seriously considered taking the offer. He wasn't in the habit of not finishing what he started. If Cole couldn't get information from the broad, he might as well get it from the source. In revenge, he figured that if he was too eager, Fredo might suspect foul play.  
"Well," he said while looking back at the old man hesitantly, "I must say that your offer is rather dubious, Mr. Turello."  
  
"First off," the old man answered, "there's no need to be so formal. Fredo'll do fine. Secondly, I don't see what the problem is…"  
  
"Maybe the fact you just got shot at?"   
  
"You gotta know it doesn't happen every day; far from it. In fact, I'd never been attacked like this. I'm only a businessman offering a service, Cole. Besides, the police are already on it. But much more than this, you don't look like the type who'd run scared. Maybe I was mistaken about that?"  
  
Cole actually found it insulting that this gangster would question his courage. However, acting like a hot head wouldn't serve his purpose.   
  
"No…Fredo," Cole replied with only a hint of hesitation. "It wouldn't necessarily stop me, but I'd like to be given the opportunity to think about it first. I mean, as I told you, I got my own business…"  
  
"And I told you that you'd benefit greatly from my offer," Fredo insisted.  
  
"That you did," Cole continued with just enough uncertainty.   
  
At this point, Cole noticed that Saul had moved toward the office door. He was now standing between Cole and the way out, which was far from reassuring. Cole still chose to ignore the obvious intimidation.  
"Ok, Fredo. Let's say I would be interested… I'd still prefer some time to think about it…on my own," he pursued insistently, while indicating the door and Saul.  
  
"Of course," Fredo replied amicably while standing up in turn. "I'm not forcing you into anything."  
  
"I appreciate that," Cole calmly retorted. He was now eager to get out of this office, but he waited for Fredo to dismiss him. This one shook Cole's hand firmly before nodding toward Saul. The lieutenant then moved away from the door, albeit reluctantly. Cole glared briefly at Saul, and then he turned back toward Fredo.  
"I've got to come back tomorrow anyway. For that little repair I told you about. Maybe by then, I'll have an answer for you."  
  
"I'll be looking forward to this, Cole."  
  
"Hum," Cole couldn't help adding to himself before going out of the office.   
  
As soon as he left, Saul turned angrily toward his boss.  
"I don't trust him, Fredo. He looks slippery to me."  
  
"He saved your life as well as mine, Saul. Give him some credit. Besides, you never trust anyone."  
  
"I told you about the girl…"  
  
"And you also told me that he left and nothing happened," Fredo replied impatiently. "I need a guy like that. Even Robbie gets distracted by Lara."  
  
"That's my point…"  
  
"Saul, I'm warning you. I thought we were clear on that subject. Lara's not going anywhere. She needs me."  
  
"But for how long, Fredo...?"  
  
"You're a stubborn man, Saul."  
  
"I'm just doing my job, which is to protect you."  
"You weren't doing a very good job earlier… if it hadn't been for the boy, I'd be dead meat by now."  
  
"I won't let that happened again."  
  
"See that you don't," Fredo uttered almost threateningly.  
  
"As you told Turner, the cops are already on it. By tonight, we'll be rid of Ricardo for good and the other bosses won't be able to link this to you…"  
  
Fredo nodded pensively before probing suspiciously.  
"I seem to remember you two were rather friendly."  
  
Saul hurriedly protested.  
"I stayed when he betrayed you."  
  
"Today got me thinking, Saul…"  
  
"I swear to you, I wasn't responsible for this; and Ricardo will pay for it. Trust me on that."  
  
"We'll see when the threat is really over, Saul."  
  
Fredo's Lieutenant sustained his stare but inwardly, he experienced another of those disturbing moments of uneasiness. He looked back toward the office's entrance, wondering if Fredo wasn't thinking about replacing him. Saul wasn't gonna let that happen. Not after all he'd invested in this business, he thought irately. On the outside however, he was the image of calm and composure. Fredo expected no less from him.   
"I'll go downtown and make sure it's all resolved by tonight."  
  
Fredo only grunted his approval before returning to his desk.   
  
Even as Saul left the gangster's office, Cole was merely making his way toward his car, parked down the street. He had stopped for a moment in front of the sitting room, not really knowing what he expected. The double doors were closed and he didn't get to see Lara again. Although, he wondered why he'd have cared to… Not after this embarrassing moment. Still, by the time he forced himself to leave the house, Cole had rationalized the strange happenstance. If the music had disturbed him greatly and got him worried about himself, he finally reasoned that it might simply have been a warning. After all, they were in the house of a powerful gangster and Lara was his girl. Cole was reckless but not usually stupid. Yet, for a brief moment there, he had only thought with his dick and that was a very unhealthy attitude.   
  
The fact that the girl's face was still floating in his mind didn't enter into his reasoning. Nor did the fact that he felt an urge to go back. Cole fought the urge successfully; more determined than ever that no woman would make him suffer again. "Let alone a cold hearted bitch like this Lara." This should have been the end of it, but Cole experienced a renewed discomfort just as he was reaching the car. This had nothing to do with the gangsters, but somehow, he wondered if it was related to the music. Cole had not felt any shame in a long time about his way of life. The money was good and he didn't care too much where it came from. At least, he hadn't until this very moment. Now, looking at the vehicle he paid for in great part thanks to his sideline, Cole was reminded of his friend's reproaches. How many times did Paul tell him that his way of using women was an unsavoury one? Too often to count them, Cole reflected with a hint of bitterness. He realized that he had been standing by the car, unmoving for almost a whole minute and only the roaring of another engine behind him got him moving again.   
"What the fuck's the matter with me," Cole grumbled angrily as he got into his car at last. Firing the engine, Cole resolved to push those ludicrous feelings aside once and for all. They were reminding him too much of his old self. The self who used to be ridiculed and overlooked by all but Paul…  
  
From his car, Saul watched the piano tuner driving away with a very suspicious stare. He waited until Cole rounded the corner before leaving himself, wondering what he was going to do about this new problem…  
  
Phoebe had closed the doors to the sitting room, unwilling to have anyone else witness her frustration. She was so angry that it took her several minutes before she began to calm down. She paced the room back and forth, wondering who the hell this bastard thought he was. No one refused her! Let alone a man who had spent the last few hours eyeing her with such obvious desire. Phoebe felt like hitting someone, mostly him… but instead she finally went toward the piano and stared at it for a while.   
  
Cole had been mistaken about Phoebe's affection for the instrument. In fact, the piano was a reminder of all the reasons why she could never allow herself to weaken. As she stood, almost transfixed, she felt an urge to destroy the offending instrument. Watching these men working on her piano was also part of the ritual. Another of Cole's assumptions was wrong as it was Phoebe who acquired the piano, not Fredo. This had been her first gesture of defiance in returning to Chicago. Another act that was supposed to help keeping her focussed on the goal without wavering. No one would hurt her again or make her feel inferior. Not Cole Turner or anyone else… However, even as she observed the piano, her anger shifted from the man who offended her in the present toward her past, and Phoebe began reliving the humiliation she had to endure in order to break free of the Reform school.   
  
Shortly after Paige's visit, Phoebe put her last resort plan into action. She knew that Sylvia had grown increasingly jealous in the last few months. Phoebe also feared that as she became more of a woman, Sylvia might begin to expect more than just a few peep shows. That alone was a strong motivation for Phoebe to want out of there. She wasn't about to start a physical relationship with the matron. If Sylvia's desire and possessiveness were unnerving , Phoebe understood that they could turn to her advantage and in fact had been of use many times already. Indeed, Sylvia wasn't the only one who had noticed her. A few of her fellow prisoners were also very taken with Phoebe. Until now, Sylvia had done a good job of keeping them away from her protégée. The matron wasn't the type to hurt people personally, but she knew exactly how to punish those who didn't keep in line. A while back, one of the boldest girls had tried to corner Phoebe. This one escaped, and after she told Sylvia of her misadventure, Phoebe saw the efficiency of the protection she enjoyed. The girl was sent to one of the most severe matrons. Instead of the actual offence she had committed, Sylvia rather hinted that the girl tried to escape. She had even planted a few tools in the girl's cell in order to make it look real. The girl received such a beating that her screams were heard for over an hour throughout the dorms. She didn't return to the general population for the next three days, which she spent in the infirmary. After this, word was out that unless Phoebe allowed them near her, no one was to approach her.   
  
That is until now, when Phoebe decided that the best way to get help from Sylvia was to use the matron's jealousy. Therefore, Phoebe began a campaign of sort, mingling more and more with the other girls until they emboldened themselves, convinced that Phoebe had changed her mind about them. At first, Phoebe only demonstrated friendliness toward these girls, but as time went by and Sylvia became increasingly upset with Phoebe's new attitude, she saw that her time had come. One day, just before Sylvia took the evening shift, Phoebe went to the play room and spotted a couple of girls who had not been shy about their interest in sharing much more than friendship with her. Phoebe walked toward them and smiled at the tallest one, a brunette called Jasmine. This one didn't lose time before closing the gap between them and suggestively leaning toward her. Phoebe had a sudden doubt about her resolve and had to refrain from pushing Jasmine away, as it wouldn't have worked into her plan. She swallowed back her disgust and allowed her smile to become enticing.   
"Hey, beauty," Jasmine uttered throatily, "are you up for a little shower?"   
  
The girl was definitely direct, Phoebe thought, although it didn't surprise her in the least. Jasmine had been checking her up for a long time. Only the fear that Phoebe might alert Sylvia had kept her and others at bay until now. However, it obviously wasn't a concern anymore, or so Jasmine believed. The shower was in fact used for another purpose besides ablutions. More than once, Phoebe had unwittingly witnessed some very disturbing spectacles in there. Now she feared that in order to get what she wanted, she might end up being a participant in those activities. Bile burned her throat at the thought but she went on stubbornly with the plan.   
  
"Yeah…" Phoebe trailed then. "I'm filthy," she added, insisting on the last word to give it a truly dirty meaning which had nothing to do with her state of cleanliness. Jasmine's lurid smile told Phoebe that she had convinced her. Now Phoebe counted on Sylvia's jealousy and lust to get her out of this mess.   
  
Jasmine looked around cautiously, still worried that Sylvia might be watching, but the matron wasn't in the play room, and none of the matrons present seemed to pay them any attention.   
"Come on," Jasmine whispered to Phoebe as she grabbed her arm a little too tightly.  
Phoebe let the girl lead her on, but her discomfort augmented for every moment. She cast worried looks around, wondering what was keeping Sylvia. She had timed her move for just the right moment, but it seemed that something was keeping the matron. Usually, Sylvia came to see her first thing at the beginning of her shift. Not that Phoebe cared that much at seeing Sylvia normally, but right now she could have used her presence. As if the situation wasn't embarrassing and scary enough, Jasmine's friend, Lorna, followed them out of the play room and they were already getting to the changing room. As Jasmine pushed the door open, Phoebe had an urge to pull away. However, Lorna was following closely and Phoebe felt strong arms pushing her ahead. Before she knew it, she was standing against a wall with the two girls eyeing her hungrily. Phoebe discreetly cast another worried look at the now closed door but there was little hope that someone would help her. In fact, she was convinced that some of the other girls might have come closer and were looking out for her two tormentors.   
  
In truth, it was all her fault. Phoebe had been so certain that Sylvia would stop it short that she had not even considered the possibility of her not showing up. Even as she bitterly reflected on this, Jasmine grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it up quickly, already exposing Phoebe's ample breasts. In no time, Jasmine and her friend were roughly groping on Phoebe's bosom. Of course, Phoebe could have told them to let go or else… But then, she could never repeat this, or at least not for a long time. It was now or never. Telling Sylvia that something happened might have had the same effect, but Phoebe wasn't convinced that it would be enough to make her betray her office. She wanted out of this place at all cost, and Sylvia was her ticket to freedom. However, it looked like she would have to go through a very humiliating moment in order to succeed.   
  
As Phoebe failed in her attempt to detach herself from the horror, she couldn't help feeling their probing hands slipping into her underpants. Jasmine was already caressing her clit, while Lorna pulled her skirt down impatiently. Soon, Phoebe was naked and exposed to the two girls, who continued groping her all over while staring at her body luridly.   
"God," Phoebe thought as she felt Jasmine's fingers probing her slit and then entering her roughly. "Please, let this be quick."  
  
"Hey, girl," Lorna called to her when she saw Phoebe's tense expression. "I thought you were with us on this…"  
  
Phoebe swallowed hard, while trying to find her voice. When she couldn't utter a word through her constricted throat, she groaned instead, in her best imitation of pleasure. It was better if they thought she consented at this point. If at first, she might have been able to send them away, right then, she feared that they would molest her were she to change her mind. Their eyes were glassing over with excitement, as they were disrobing in turn. Phoebe closed her eyes just after seeing Lorna slipping her fingers inside her own slit and afterward she felt a wet tongue going down her throat toward her breasts. By then, she couldn't stop the trembling of fear. Where was Sylvia?  
  
The girls took her tremors for more excitement obviously, as Jasmine uttered hoarsely.  
"Yeah, you like it. I knew you would."  
Her fingers probed deeper inside Phoebe while she brought her lips against hers and began kissing Phoebe hungrily. This one felt such disgust at this moment that she feared she would vomit directly in the tall girl's mouth. Just as she thought that things were at their worst, she felt the other girl's tongue trailing up her thigh, moving quickly toward her loins. Jasmine removed her fingers, and thankfully her lips, but then she grabbed the inside of Phoebe's thigh, pulling it aside and opening her for the other girl. Then, Jasmine closed her mouth on one of Phoebe's breasts and began sucking roughly on it, while Lorna did the same for her clit. What shamed Phoebe the most was that in that instant, she almost felt pleasure at the girl's wet tongue toying with her most sensitive organ… When Phoebe believed that she had reached the bottom of abjection, the loud and angry voice of Sylvia thundered inside the changing room.   
"Get away from her," Sylvia screamed almost hysterically.   
  
Jasmine and Lorna were startled and moved away from Phoebe, for which she was infinitely grateful. However, when she opened her eyes and met Sylvia's, she saw that the matron's anger was directed as much towards her as toward the other girls. She wondered for a moment if she had not gone too far.  
"Sylvia…" Phoebe trailed.   
  
Sylvia ignored this and went to Jasmine and Lorna angrily while these cowered toward the shower.  
  
"Hey, she wanted it," Jasmine defended herself. "We didn't force her into anything."  
  
This only seemed to enrage Sylvia more and in an unaccustomed display of violence, she slapped the tall girl roughly across the face.   
"Get dressed and get outta here!"  
  
The girls stared at Sylvia with what could pass as defiance for a few seconds, but they obviously understood the danger of making her angrier because they did just what she said and left in a hurry. Meanwhile, Phoebe had recovered her own clothing and begun putting it on, but she was worried about Sylvia's reaction. In doubt, she decided to play the game till the end. Now wasn't the time to waver.  
"Come on, Sylvia," she said almost mockingly, as soon as the other girls had left, "can't a girl have some fun? I thought that's what you wanted me to be…"  
  
"You were supposed to be mine!" Sylvia screamed angrily. "I protected you!"  
  
"I don't recall promising you anything…"  
  
Sylvia growled and slowly moved toward her. Phoebe saw the threatening stance and found it hard to continue the pretense.  
"Anyway, there's no way I can belong only to you. All those girls like me…And I'm finding that it's much easier to give in. I'm bored…"  
  
"You can't mean that. I didn't spend the last two years risking my job to protect you so that you could betray me!"  
  
Then, Phoebe saw it was time for a change in attitude.  
"Maybe… if I didn't have to be here…? If I was only with you…Then, we could truly be together," Phoebe said very softly. The sweet voice seemed to calm Sylvia somewhat.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"As long as I stay within these walls, I'll have to face those girls and they won't forget this day anytime soon. From now on, they won't leave me alone until I put out again…If you get me out of this place, then it's only gonna be you and me…"  
  
"You can't be serious, Phoebe! I'd lose my job." Sylvia looked around as if she feared that the walls had ears.  
  
"No one else has to know," Phoebe continued persuasively. "They'll think I ran on my own."  
Phoebe finished putting on her clothes, and then, she walked suggestively toward Sylvia. "I only wanna be with you, Sylvia…The other girls don't matter…but I've got needs," Phoebe added hoarsely while caressing the matron's cheek softly.   
  
Immediately, the severe features of the matron relaxed as she seemed to relish Phoebe's touch. Emboldened, Phoebe pursued: "think how happy we'll be; just the two of us."  
  
Sylvia was now obviously getting excited and she tried to grab one of Phoebe's breasts. Phoebe moved away slightly, just out of reach.  
"But not here…I want it to be beautiful and not a spectacle for others," Phoebe protested, when she saw the disappointment dawning on Sylvia's face.  
  
"But how?" Sylvia questioned, telling Phoebe that she was getting through to her.  
  
"I'm sure you can think of a way," Phoebe retorted, again moving closer to Sylvia. This time, her breasts brushed against Sylvia's slightly and this one shuddered. Phoebe had to repress a smile of triumph.  
  
"I'll do it," Sylvia uttered quickly, between shortened breaths. "I'll do it for you…but you gotta promise me that you won't go with these girls again."  
  
"Of course I won't," Phoebe answered softly. "I'll be all yours," she added in a hoarse whisper, before walking away from the matron. Phoebe had no intention of risking another humiliation. At any rate, she was certain that she had made her point.  
  
"Lara," came Fredo's questioning voice from behind Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe was startled. For a moment, she wondered if he could see her thoughts, as ridiculous as it may have seemed. She took a deep breath before looking back at her lover.  
"What?"  
  
"You seemed lost in thoughts…is everything alright?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged impatiently.  
"You mean besides knowing I could get shot at any moment?"  
  
"That won't happen again, I promise you, Lara. I wouldn't let anything happen to you."  
  
"Maybe I should just guaranty it and leave here now," Phoebe uttered angrily. She didn't mean a single word of it, but she knew that Fredo would react at this.   
  
"You can't leave me," Fredo replied almost fearfully. It was strange to see such a powerful man humbled by her, Phoebe thought. The same as when she manipulated Sylvia, Phoebe had pain repressing a smile of satisfaction.  
  
"How do I know I won't get killed staying with you, Fredo?"  
  
"I told you, I won't let that happen. Besides, the ones who tried to kill me are gonna get what they deserve. No one will dare try this again."  
  
"You promise I won't get hurt," Phoebe questioned almost childishly.   
  
"I swear!"  
  
Phoebe closed the gap between them and leaned against the old man in her best pretense of relief.  
"Good," she said softly.  
  
She heard as much as felt the sigh of relief Fredo exhaled, as he caressed her short hair affectionately.  
"Were you satisfied with the piano tuner's work?" He suddenly questioned.  
  
Phoebe tensed immediately at the mention of Cole.   
"He did his job, I guess…" Phoebe trailed as she moved away from the old man.  
  
"He saved me," Fredo insisted.  
  
"Well, I suppose I'll have to thank him for that," she uttered, pouting.  
  
"He didn't do anything to upset you, did he?" Fredo questioned then with what seemed a strange interest to Phoebe.   
  
She had been tempted to ask Fredo to blackball the piano tuner in this town but she thought better of it all of a sudden. First off, Fredo seemed grateful to Cole and now wasn't a good time to denigrate the man. However, Phoebe was also made uncomfortable by Fredo's expression. For a moment, she wondered if he knew about her attempt at seducing Cole. Yet, he didn't get angry, only strangely curious.  
"No…although…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, I got the impression he thought a lot of himself…"  
  
Fredo seemed amused.  
"Young men often do…"  
  
"At any rate, it's not like I'm gonna have to see him again or anything…" Phoebe probed.  
  
"On the contrary, Lara…I just offered him a job, which is why I wanted to get your opinion."  
  
"You what? Fredo… I was very satisfied with the other piano tuner."  
  
"Oh it's not what I want him for… I offered him the driver's job. As you know, our driver left abruptly…"  
  
Again Phoebe felt a chill. Did Fredo know more about the driver than he let out? She also vaguely wondered again about the driver's sudden disappearance, but the idea that he might have died never entered her mind.  
"I thought it was strange too; but really, what do I care? Still, why would this Turner take a driver's job?"  
  
"Well it's not decided yet. We'll see tomorrow. He told me he had some more work to do on your instrument…"  
  
"Hum, I guess it'd be alright," Phoebe grumbled after a moment, convinced that Fredo would hire him anyway, no matter what he said about needing her advice. She got the distinct impression that Fredo's probing had nothing to do with her disposition toward a new driver and everything to do with him wanting to know something about her. She wasn't about to give him anything to reproach to her.   
  
"I gotta take care of some business, Lara," Fredo said after a long moment of silence. "I'll see you later," he added before kissing her forehead and turning his back to her.   
  
Even before he had left, Phoebe put aside her doubts about Fredo and her expression became irate. "Damnit!" Phoebe thought, "I wanted him punished and now he might be here all the time…"  
Then, she felt a strange warmth coursing through her at the idea of having Cole around more. She could see the charming smile he had given her earlier in her mind's eye, and the softening inside of her was almost palpable. So much so that when she realized it, it angered her anew.  
"Well, Mr.," She reflected then, "maybe I'll find another way to make you pay…" 


	5. Music to My Soul (Chapter 5)

Music to my Soul  
Chapter V  
  
Cole distractedly took the way to his friend's house rather than going to his own apartment. When he realized it, he figured that he might as well discuss what happened that day with Paul. Of course, he suspected Paul would be totally against his idea. However, that never kept Cole from doing anything he set his mind to before. Yet, if Paul couldn't stop him, he often gave him ideas on the way to go about whatever his plans were. In spite of strong reticence, Paul still supported him even in the craziest endeavours. All but his way with women… On this, Paul and he agreed to disagree, a long time ago.   
  
Cole remembered that time during the war when he decided to take it upon himself to attack an outpost against their officer's order. Paul had been beside himself for a while, but then he came along anyway, and so did Leo.   
  
The three of them found themselves about three hundred feet from a bunker, as Paul made yet another attempt to convince Cole to give it up.  
"Come on man, we've got no business being here on our own."  
  
"Those guys have been pounding on our lines for the last three days. If we don't take them out, they'll take us out for sure."  
  
"This is stupid. The Captain said they were planning something already," Paul countered.  
  
"Paul…I never figured you for a coward…"  
  
Paul frowned angrily at this and Cole realized he had gone too far.  
"I didn't mean that…don't mind me," he pursued quickly. "But if you don't stop talking, the Fritz will know we're here too soon; where's that gonna leave us?"  
  
"I still say we wait for the Captain and the others," Paul replied after a moment of tense silence. "What are we really here for anyway?"  
  
"For glory…?" Cole half-mocked… "Nah," he continued when he saw Leo and Paul grimacing, "I just think they're waiting too long. We've lost too many men to those Fritz already. Samuel was the last straw!"  
  
Cole was referring to an artillery man who had just succumbed to his wounds after being hit by the German battery, which was hidden in the bunker. When Samuel died, Cole became enraged at the lack of response from their superior officer. He went to his tent and if it hadn't been for his many acts of courage, Cole would probably have ended up demoted right then and there. In spite of his insistence, the officer refused to budge on this. Thus, that night, Cole managed to convince Paul and Leo to do it themselves and they went for it, albeit reluctantly on Paul's part.   
  
Before them, two soldiers were walking the outer perimeter, while one was smoking near the bunker's entrance. They watched the enemy soldiers for a while and as soon as they found a hole to slip through, Cole signalled that it was time. Paul sighed heavily, casting a disgusted look towards Leo, but both men still followed, crouching in the underbrush. However, when Cole was about to make his move against the careless soldier who still stood near the entrance, Paul caught his arm firmly. Cole gave him a look of reproach, thinking that Paul was again trying to stop him. Before he could protest however, he saw what had caught his friend's attention. Besides the soldier smoking near the bunker, another one was standing about fifteen feet away and would have surely shot Cole if Paul hadn't stopped him.  
  
With a slight nod, he signalled to Paul that he understood and then he made a wide gesture, indicating that they should try going around. This took them long minutes, as they had to be careful not to alert the patrol. Then when they were in position, they again waited for the right opportunity. As soon as Cole believed they had another chance, he didn't hesitate to go after the second man. Pulling a double-edged knife out of his boot, he cautiously walked toward the soldier.   
  
Paul and Leo watched attentively, ready to intervene was the man to sound the alarm, but he never got the chance as he fell to the ground without a sound, his throat slashed. Cole didn't even look at the man falling before he rubbed the knife against his pants and cautiously advanced toward the bunker, while his companions followed, with their guns at the ready. The second soldier uttered a strangled scream before falling just as quickly as the first one and Cole threw himself against the bunker, fearing that someone would come out. After a few seconds however when no one seemed to have noticed the man's scream, he decided he should make his move before the patrol came back. Until then, it was going according to plan. He grabbed a grenade from his belt, ready to blow up the offending battery. Cole had time to pull the pin out of the device and was preparing to throw it in, when he was stopped by a clamor behind him.   
  
Paul and Leo were throwing their guns to the ground even as he looked back. The patrol came into view, training their guns on Cole's friends and it stopped his move. They had not noticed him yet and he carefully put the pin back in place. Then, he took out his gun and lined up the first soldier. During training, Cole had become an expert shot and he proved it by killing both men with two precise gunshots. Paul and Leo then rushed to get their guns, knowing that this would bring the rest of the soldiers out, and Cole hurried to throw the grenade through the cannon hole before running toward his friends. Indeed, even before the grenade exploded, two men came out of the bunker and started after Cole. Fortunately, the force of the blast knocked them down, which allowed the three companions to escape. Even as they went, Cole and the others heard a series of explosions, which told them that the ammo was blowing up, effectively destroying the bunker.  
  
When they were almost to their own lines, Paul turned to Cole in annoyance.  
"Now that was crazy!"  
  
"Hey," Cole replied, unconcerned, "we got them. That's all that matters, isn't it?"  
  
"You'd say that."  
  
"Well, for once, I tend to agree with Cole," Leo intervened. He was obviously excited by what happened and it was surprising since, just like Paul, he usually preferred the side of caution. In the end, their enthusiasm got to Paul, who began showing signs of pride. By the time they reached their encampment, none of them cared whether the Captain would blow a gasket. They were certain of the rightfulness of their actions. Indeed, in spite of severe reprimands, the three of them mostly got accolades from their fellow soldiers as ultimately, their heroic gesture allowed the company to finally move ahead after a three-day stand off.   
  
As Cole parked in front of Paul's house, he reflected again that glory went to those who dared. Thus making his decision about Fredo all the easier. However, if taking this job didn't cause him too much worry, Lara was another story altogether. As he knocked on the door, his thoughts returned to the young woman and a strange longing came to him. At great efforts, he rejected the softening that threatened to invade him, as this would only be a weakness. There was no place for weaknesses in his life.   
  
When Lydia opened the door, he had managed to get Lara out of his mind, if only for the time being.   
Rather than her usual soft welcoming smile, Lydia grimaced unhappily.  
"Hey, am I interrupting something?" Cole questioned, without too much concern.   
  
"No… but that could be because my husband is too worried about your stubborn ass to take care of his wife properly."  
  
Cole was always amazed at how direct Lydia could be. In fact, he believed this could be one of the reasons why he managed to get along with her. Unlike most women, she held very little back.  
  
"What? Your other half is still neglecting his pretty wife? I offered my help, you know," Cole teased.   
  
"I'll bet," Lydia replied curtly, although with an amused smile that negated the severe tone of voice. "What kind of trouble are you getting yourself into this time?"  
  
"I'm surprised Paul didn't tell you. Anyway, if you let me in, I'll tell you all about it…" Cole retorted, while leaning toward her playfully. Lydia was used to his pretend come-ons and she simply played along, smiling almost flirtatiously.   
  
"Hey you, Romeo," came Paul's voice from inside. "Didn't I tell you to leave my wife alone?"  
  
Cole jumped back, pretending guilt.  
"Nothing happened… Scout's honor," he said then with a wide grin.  
  
"Right," Paul said as he came to the door behind his wife. "Come in…I'm glad to see you're still in one piece…"  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Oh come on Cole. You know how much of an idiot I am."  
  
"Don't I know it!"  
  
Paul hit his shoulder roughly, but Cole only laughed heartily as he followed him in. Lydia closed the door behind them with a falsely exasperated sigh.  
  
"You guys are just like kids…"  
  
"Don't you like kids? I thought that was why you were after Paul to pay you some attention…"  
  
"Hey Cole, I want kids, but little ones. I could use more maturity around here. When is it that a man matures?"  
  
"Don't ask me," Cole replied with a big grin.   
  
"And here I thought earning our keep and putting a roof over our head qualified as maturity…" Paul said with a falsely offended expression.  
  
"Maybe I'll believe that when you try staying under that roof more than a couple hours at a time… Ok guys... as curious as I am about Cole's latest cockamamie scheme, I think I'll leave you two alone. Paul's gonna tell me all about it later, won't you?"  
  
Paul grimaced unhappily, as Lydia left the room without waiting for an answer.  
  
"Hey, I can come back another time, you know," Cole asked his friend with a grimace of his own.   
  
"Nah…she's just miffed because I promised her we'd go out tonight but I had to cancel… I was gonna go check up on you as a matter of fact."  
  
"Hum…it's a wonder she didn't shut the door in my face then…"  
  
"Hardly enough, she likes you… that's the wonder actually. You're not the one she's upset with. It's just the third time in a row I had to cancel and the other two had nothing to do with you…"  
  
"It's good to know I'm not the only reason why your marriage's on the rocks…"  
  
"My marriage is just fine thank you," Paul answered curtly.  
  
"Hey, can't you take a joke?"  
  
"Sorry, I'm on edge… and you're not helping. What happened?"  
  
"Since when do you want updates on my conquests," Cole countered.  
  
"I've been living vicariously through you for like ten years. So why would it surprise you?" Paul joked. Of course, that wasn't true. Ever since he met Lydia, Paul had only showed passing interest in Cole's women stories. Moreover, even that was mostly to try convincing him to stop.   
  
"Yeah right," Cole retorted. "Anyway, I'm here to surprise you…"  
  
"Really," Paul asked in the manner of one who thought nothing could surprise him anymore.  
  
"I'm thinking of changing jobs…for a while at least…"  
  
"What? I thought you were fine with the tuning bit."  
  
"Oh I'm fine with it, but I just got a tempting offer…"  
  
"Ok you got me there," Paul conceded as he went to sit on the upholstered chair standing near the radio. Cole took the sofa and waited for the inevitable questioning.  
  
"How good was that offer, and when the hell did you manage to get it anyway?"  
  
"Well, let's just say that Leo should be happy… Fredo just offered me a job in his outfit…"  
Cole waited for the explosion, flinching already. However, Paul didn't say anything at first. He seemed dumbfounded.  
"Come on, Paul. Say something. I know you're dying to."  
  
"Well…"Paul began, and then he stopped himself for a few seconds… "What can I say?"  
Then the explosion Cole had expected came.  
"What the fuck are you thinking?"  
  
"Simply that I can get information better from the inside…" Cole replied calmly, only unnerving Paul more.  
  
"Did you hit your head? Or is the guy I knew changed so much that now you wanna be a gangster?"  
  
"Hardly," Cole protested. "I'd only be a driver…"  
  
"A driver to a Gangster, do I need to remind you?"  
  
"Paul, I'm not stupid…"  
  
Paul got up and started pacing the room nervously.  
"That's up for fucking debate…. Cole you went there to seduce a girl. How in the blazing hell did you manage to get an offer from her sugar daddy? How did you even get to talk to the guy? Leo told you to stay away from him, didn't he?"  
  
"Cool it," Cole exclaimed. "I didn't plan on it, but well, shit happens…"  
  
"And it seems to happen to you a lot; mostly because you step in the way consistently."  
You didn't accept yet, did you?"  
  
"No…but I'm planning to…" Cole replied, ignoring Paul's predictable reproaches and caution.  
  
"Whatever happened to getting the girl to talk with your dubious charms?"  
  
"Hey it's one thing to be mad at me; it's a whole other thing to insult me directly. Although, for once, you should be proud of me…"  
  
"Oh and how the hell do you figure that ? Right now, I'm envisioning a bunch of sleepless nights, wondering when Leo will ring the bell to get me to identify your bloody remains…"  
  
"I wish you'd trust that I can take care of myself. I seem to remember many times where I was the one saving your ass."  
  
"And I can't help feeling responsible for yours. That's my curse… Now, tell me why I should be proud of you. I've got to tell you though; it better be good!"  
  
From the next room, the sound of pots and pans being stacked noisily told Paul that he might want to consider lowering his voice. Lydia hated it when he got this unnerved and she had her own way of showing it. Cole noticed as well, and wasn't exactly surprised when he saw Paul going back to his seat and taking a few deep breaths to calm down. He waited until Paul had regained some control before continuing.  
  
"Ok, well, I went there and saw the girl… Hell, I even spent the afternoon in the same room. Leo was right… she watched the whole thing like a hawk…" Just talking about Lara was enough to unnerve Cole. He tried to get through this part of the story as fast as he could.  
"Well, I probably would've gone for it… but I ended up saving the big boss's ass instead. Now he's grateful and wants me on the payroll…"  
  
"Whoa… back up here. You're saying you…saved his ass? How?"  
  
Relieved that Paul wasn't questioning him any further about the girl, Cole described the incident to him and the subsequent conversation with Fredo… As his story progressed, Paul became increasingly worried.  
  
"Look Cole… this thing doesn't feel right to me. First off, being Fredo's driver isn't gonna give you any info…"  
  
Cole was about to interrupt, but Paul pursued quickly.  
"And even if it did, things'd be much worse. Do you really think he's gonna let you go after you found stuff out about his business? Even worse, if you give what you found out to Leo and they get him for it, I'm sure there's gonna be others to kick your ass afterward. At least the girl scheme had the advantage of keeping you out of the loop…"  
  
"I won't stay there long enough to get too deep into the business, Paul. I'm only gonna investigate discreetly. He won't know a thing…"  
  
Paul was astounded at Cole's carelessness.   
"You can't seriously believe that you could get stuff on them and they wouldn't find out. It's suicide."  
  
Cole sighed heavily at his friend's warnings.   
"Look Paul. My life hasn't been all that exciting lately. I never felt more alive than during the war. Here's my chance to do something good and to feel like that again…"  
  
"I thought all those flings were meant to do that…"  
  
"When you've seen one jealous husband, you've seen them all," Cole clowned. However, it didn't crack Paul up one little bit.  
  
"Not funny, Cole. Why couldn't you just stick to what Leo asked you to do? Hell, why did you go and save this creep anyway? If you'd let things well enough alone, now we'd be back to business as usual…"  
  
"I couldn't let a guy get shot in front of me and do nothing…"  
  
"Sure you could've. When it's a gangster like that one..."  
  
"That didn't come to my mind, Paul. He was just a guy about to be ambushed."  
  
"Well, you didn't use to save the enemy before."  
  
"The line between who's the enemy and who's not isn't so well defined anymore…"  
  
The phone ringing kept Paul from replying to this. He waited two rings, supposing that Lydia would get it, but it was soon obvious that she wouldn't and he went to the phone with an exasperated sigh.  
"Yes?" Paul answered curtly.  
  
"Oh Sarah," he continued after a few seconds, already more business like. "Really? No kidding?"  
"Alright, send the photographer ahead and tell him to wait for me. No heroics…we'll go in together."  
  
After he hung up, Cole stared at him curiously.  
"Seems I'll have to cut this short, Cole. The paper just got a tip about a big bust that's gonna happen tonight."  
  
"Do you often get tips like these?"  
  
"Hell yeah. Although, sometimes, I get the feeling they're using us… Like in this case, it's probably a rival gang who gave the tip to the cops and us. No matter, it's news and we don't ignore that kind of tip. Who knows what big headline might slip through our fingers if we did."  
  
"Do you mind if I come with you? I promise I'll stay out of the way. I'm just curious…particularly now that I'm getting into the thick of things…"  
  
"Don't remind me…Cole seriously. I want you to think about this. Give yourself some time. In fact, come with me and maybe it'll help convince you of your foolishness. Those guys, they're not choir boys. Usually there's heavy resistance during these busts."  
  
"I told you, I'm only gonna drive for them and only for a little while…"  
  
"Think about it," Paul repeated, ignoring Cole's protests. "Meanwhile, let's hurry up. The bust is set to happen in less than thirty minutes and it's on the edge of town. We've got no time to lose."  
  
The two men were already on their way when Paul remembered that he still had to tell Lydia. He was turning back when he saw her in the threshold.   
"Sorry baby…gotta run…" He said somewhat sheepishly.  
  
Lydia grimaced but said nothing. Paul went to her anyway and kissed her good bye lightly on the lips. Her response was a little too cold for his taste. Paul then promised himself to make it up to her soon, very soon.  
  
Phoebe could sense the tension in their private booth, even as Fredo pretended to be interested in the show. The Pharaoh Club was packed and it was a good sign for her big debut, which was three days from today. However, the atmosphere around her took away from her satisfaction. Instead, she was scanning the crowd, half expecting someone to get up with a gun and start shooting at them. In the end, she couldn't take it anymore.  
"Fredo…" The old man turned to her with a hint of irritation, which only confirmed Phoebe's impression of the problem.  
  
"What is it doll?"  
  
"Is there something wrong? I mean after today…"  
  
"Nothing's wrong baby," Fredo interrupted quickly while patting her thigh reassuringly. "Just concentrate on your stuff and leave the worry to us men…"  
  
"Are you sure it's safe…"  
  
"I told you, I took care of it…"  
  
This condescending attitude didn't please Phoebe in the least. However, she knew that now wasn't the time to protest. Even when he smiled at her, Phoebe could sense that she was being dismissed. Sighing, she tried to set aside her fears but all that did was bring back the disturbing memory of the piano tuner. Even as his smile haunted her thoughts, Phoebe reflected that she had been looking for anything to distract her from it. Every time she let her mind wander, the thought of him returned, bringing back the strange emotions that she didn't want to have. Ever since the day that boy had caused her life to be a living hell, Phoebe swore to herself that she'd never love any man. Strangely, at the time, and even if she had never met him directly, she was sure that she had loved the pianist. "For all the good it did me," she reflected bitterly. Yet, right then, the feelings that stirred her insides bore a strange resemblance to those days and it bothered her greatly. Maybe, she reasoned, it was just the fact that he was so handsome and at the piano… like a memory of feelings. That had to be it… for how could she have fallen so quickly for a perfect stranger who behaved like an ass toward her on top of things?   
  
Then again, maybe she was simply reacting to his refusal. Indeed, Phoebe wasn't refused by any man. That hadn't happened once ever since she set her sights on the guard assigned to her by her father all those years ago. After her escape from the Reform School, Phoebe had used her power over men to climb into the music business, which had brought her here, so close to her apogee. In order to chase away the annoying feelings, Phoebe actually forced herself to think back to those beginnings. As disturbing as they were, at this point, she preferred this to the storm that raged inside of her.  
  
Sylvia had not lost time in preparing Phoebe's escape after the shower room incident. She obviously feared a repeat of the event and didn't care much for it. Phoebe was at once excited at the idea of freedom and terrorized by the consequences were this to fail. She clearly remembered the screams of that girl accused of such an offense. Even as she hid in the laundry container, holding her breath for fear of being discovered, her buttocks contracted nervously at the idea of the correction she might receive. It was too much of a reminder of the way her father had beat her up. However, anything was better than being subjected again to the humiliation those girls had put her through. Even the thought of it made her noxious. She could still feel their filthy hands on her and she promised herself that she would run quickly not to have to endure the same fate from Sylvia.  
Before the incident, she had even believed that she could allow the matron to have her way with her as some sort of reward for helping her. No more…  
  
A vibration told Phoebe that the carriage was on its way in even before she heard the big doors opening and the horses neighing close by. The trip would be a short one, but she knew it might turn out to be rough, mostly because of how nervous she was. It didn't take long before she felt the container being lifted, but it was put down quickly as the handler protested.  
"Hey that thing's really heavy. What do you put in your laundry," he asked suspiciously.  
  
Sylvia's voice came from beside the container.  
"Don't you try and ask for help, Colin. I know what you're trying to do. This isn't any heavier than usual…"  
  
"I beg to differ…"  
  
"I checked the load myself," Sylvia uttered firmly. "Are you accusing me of something?"  
  
The man named Colin didn't answer right away and Phoebe worried that he might look in.  
  
"Of course not," he finally replied, albeit reluctantly.  
  
"That's much better," Sylvia said severely. "Now do your job. I've got better things to do than stand here waiting for you to finish."  
  
Phoebe thought she heard the man groan unhappily, but he picked up the container again. His heavy breathing told her that he was barely managing to carry the thing. Nevertheless, in the end, she thankfully felt the container being lowered on the platform of the carriage. Soon, the conveyance was on its way and Phoebe allowed herself to breathe normally again. Her relief didn't last long however, as she knew that if she wanted to escape, she now had to get out of this thing before they arrived at their destination. Cautiously, she lifted the lid and peeked around. It was night, but the street lamps gave her enough light to distinguish the surroundings. From her point of view, Phoebe saw the back of the carriage and freedom ahead. She almost jumped out right then, but she reflected that she should make sure the driver wasn't watching. Phoebe lifted the lid some more and turned her gaze toward the front of the vehicle. Thankfully, Colin didn't pay any attention to his load. He even started whistling some god-awful tune, his voice painful to her delicate ears. Certain that she could get out safely, she pushed the lid all the way up but almost caused it to hit on the outside of the box. Phoebe barely managed to catch it in time, as she cast another worried look toward the driver. More carefully this time, she got out still holding the lid and then put it back in place just as cautiously.   
  
From then on, Phoebe didn't lose any more time. Still hearing the whistling, which told her that her presence remained unknown to the driver, she went to the back and after taking a few deep breaths, she jumped toward the pavement. She had to hold in a scream of pain, as she scraped her bare forearms. Determined to put a lot of distance between her and the carriage, she got up quickly and ran toward a row of buildings. There, she found an alley and let herself down to the ground again, breathing heavily. This had all happened so quickly. It was almost too easy. However, Phoebe knew that she wasn't out of the woods. In the pocket of the civilian clothing Sylvia gave to her, she patted the ticket that was supposed to bring her to Sylvia's hometown by train. Phoebe did not intend to ever go there however. Instead, she would exchange the ticket for a destination of her choice. When she was certain no one had noticed her, she said aloud:  
"Thanks for everything, Sylvia…So long." Then she got up and headed for the nearest train station on foot, hoping to god that her luck would hold.  
  
Besides Phoebe in the booth, Fredo bent toward Saul and whispered something she couldn't hear. She still got the sensation that the severe expression on her lover's face wasn't a good sign and right then she wished she knew more about his business dealings.  
  
"Are you certain it's gonna be over tonight," Fredo asked intensely.  
  
"The police are taking care of our problem as we speak…I assure you," Saul replied confidently.  
  
Cole and Paul remained silent for a while. They were staring ahead, tense at the idea of what they would find once they got to destination. However, Cole noticed some annoyance as well in his friend's expression.   
"Lydia wasn't too happy, was she?" He asked, guessing at Paul's worries.  
  
"No she wasn't…" Paul answered curtly. He was conflicted about this. On the one hand, beside Lydia, his job was everything to him and he thought that his wife understood this. On the other hand, her attitude was understandable given the fact that the last few months had been hectic. The rise in criminal activities had also meant a very busy schedule for Paul and of course, those guys didn't necessarily act during daylight. Far from, in fact… Regularly, he was called upon at odd hours to go investigate either a crime just committed, or a tip like tonight. At first, Lydia took it in strides, but after a few months of this, she was getting tired of his numerous outings. It was also true that he had been too tired to take care of her properly. It wasn't the lack of desire that kept him for sure. Just the thought of his beautiful wife was enough to stir him still. However, the circumstances didn't give him much chance to act upon those stirrings. Sometimes, he even feared that Lydia might become so fed up with this that she would leave him. This thought was a very disturbing one, but it wasn't enough to stop him. Even if he had just been joking with Rodney that day, he truly wanted to climb in the ranks, to be recognized for his work… Paul knew that the times were favourable to it. Every day, he hoped that the big story would fall into his lap and he would finally get the acknowledgment he sought.   
  
Every time the fear of losing her arose, he reasoned that when he got his big story, she would see what he was working for and be proud of him.   
Cole interrupted his train of thoughts.  
"You know, maybe it's not worth losing your wife…"  
  
This echoed his thoughts so much that Paul jumped. Not so much because Cole had guessed at his worries, but because it was Cole…  
"Since when are you worried about my marriage? Come to think of it…" he trailed, thinking back of their earlier conversation, "that's the second time tonight…"  
  
"Hey, can't a man worry about his friend's happiness?"  
  
"Any other… Cole, I've never known you to worry sincerely about my relationship…On the contrary, I'd expect you'd say I told you so…"  
  
"Goes to say you don't know me as well as you think…"  
  
Paul cast a strange look to his friend, wondering…  
"No… I know you very well indeed…. Hey, what about that girl?" He suddenly questioned, instinctively guessing that she might have to do with this change in Cole. "You didn't tell me much about her… That's actually strange because usually I'd have to stop you from boasting of your conquests…"  
  
"You said yourself you didn't care much to hear about those…" Cole was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but hoped that Paul wouldn't see that. His friend had a keen eye however and he noticed the increasing tension.  
  
"I don't care much when you try talking about it, but when you try avoiding it, I've got to admit, that peaks my interest."  
  
"Well, if you must know," Cole began, trying his best to sound casual, "she's a pretty thing but that's just about the end of it with her. Now that I got a new idea on how to take care of Leo's request, I don't see the interest in talking about Lara…"  
  
"Cole… I know you as if I made you. This new touchy feely thing is not like you. Let alone this "let's not talk about the girl" attitude. What happened with that girl?"  
  
Cole was tempted to send his friend packing at this point. He had never been very good at lying to Paul. There was no point anyway because Paul always saw through him. He was probably the only one who could, but that didn't help Cole's cause right then. If he started talking about Lara, he knew that Paul would see the effect she had on him.  
  
"Cole?" Paul insisted when he saw his friend hesitating. Now his curiosity was fully awakened as he realized that there was something really strange about Cole's reticence.  
  
"Oh well," Cole began at last, looking away as he did so, "she's a pretty thing…really pretty…" he trailed.   
  
"You said that before…And?"  
  
"And nothing," Cole replied almost angrily as he looked back at his friend. "Mostly, she's got to be the most cold-hearted bitch I've ever met. A real good example of what I think of women…"  
  
"Oh, oh…" Paul uttered with a teasing smile…  
  
"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Could Casanova have finally met his match?"  
  
Cole grunted unhappily and was fortunately saved from more questioning when they reached the outskirts of town. Soon, the hangar that was supposed to be a depot for a large amount of hard liquor was in sight and so were a number of police cars.   
Cole got out of the car hurriedly as soon as they stopped, but Paul reached him quickly, the mocking smile still plastered on his lips.  
"Don't think I won't pursue this…this is too good…"  
  
Cole cursed his friend's intuition inwardly, but he only grunted some more as he cautiously moved toward the police line. 


	6. Music to My Soul (Chapter 6)

**_Music to my Soul  
Chapter VI_**

Cole noticed the policeman he saw at Fredo's immediately. The man wasn't too hard to spot as he was in fact the leader of the raid. This gave him a little jolt, as he wondered if the two facts were related. Cole was reflecting on this as Paul came alongside him, still harbouring the mocking smile. Cole only gave him a quick glance and he turned back toward the police line, trying his best to ignore his friend. However, Paul chuckled, having noticed Cole's gesture.  
"Hey boy…and there I thought nothing scared you…"

"Paul," Cole finally deigned answering, "I really don't know what you're talking about…"

"Oh playing innocent with me won't cut it, Cole…"

Cole stubbornly looked ahead, and Paul figured he might try to push it.  
"Come on, I really wanna know what she did to you…"

"Aren't you supposed to do some reporting here?" Cole replied irritably.

"Hell, if a girl got to you, it's much bigger news than a bust…"

Cole snickered.  
"You're dreaming…"

In front of them, the policemen were stalling for whatever reason and it gave Paul encouragement to continue his teasing.  
"So…pretty hey?"

"With all your chatter, you're gonna alert the guys inside," Cole grumbled in annoyance. 

"Same as you did in that brothel in Germany?"

They both remembered clearly the incident Paul was referring to. Only a week after the stunt they'd pulled with the bunker, their company stopped two miles away from a small German town. The Captain, probably thinking that it would annoy them, sent Paul and Cole on reconnaissance. What he had not expected was that the two young men could find something pleasant to do there.

They quickly asserted that there were no garrisons or even soldiers around the city. The place looked more like a small village than a town, short of a large building erected on its outskirts. Out of boredom, Cole decided to watch the comings and goings from that building. It didn't take him long to discover the place's purpose and Paul remembered clearly the wicked smile Cole had on when he came back toward him.  
"Hey man, how long's it been?"

"Since what," Paul questioned, already suspicious at seeing the smile on his friend's face.

"Since the last time you got a piece of ass, what else…" Cole clowned.

"Alright, I give… what the hell are you talking about," Paul asked impatiently, although, deep down, his interest was peaked. 

"While you were sitting here doing nothing, I found where we can really have a good time…"

"Cole," Paul started while giving the building a closer look, "you're not thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking in that oh so infantile brain of yours…"

"Hold the insults, Paul McKail. Who was it that was complaining about the monotony last night? I'm offering you the best distraction ever…and it doesn't hurt that it'll be our little revenge on the Captain for not appreciating us…"

"To the point…?"

"Girls, Paul… and willing ones at that…"

As Paul watched, three men came out of the building, laughing heartily, while a few girls showed up in the upstairs window. Paul couldn't understand a word they said, but it was obviously some sort of rowdy goodbye. Their quasi undressed state was a dead giveaway on their profession. Against his better judgement, Paul felt an urge to go as well. However there was still the matter of who those girls were, meaning the enemy.  
"And exactly how do you think they'll greet a couple of American soldiers…"

"Don't you remember," Cole said while opening his pack. "I kept the clothes we found on that farm a few days ago… I knew I could find a use for them…"

"You were planning on visiting a German Brothel?" Paul asked incredulously. Cole threw an outfit against his chest, which Paul didn't catch. He looked from the outfit, now on the ground, to Cole with an undecided expression. 

"You're so funny, Paul...I was planning on using it to gather some info incognito… but hell, it works nicely now, doesn't it?"

"Ok…you got the clothes, but that doesn't change a thing. The moment they hear us speak, we're dead…You might've a lovely accent, but I doubt those girl will appreciate it."

"Come on, Paul, stop exaggerating. These are only girls. We've got some of the local currency and that's the only language those girls understand or care about. Just keep your mouth shut and take your fun. I know I intend to," Cole said while changing quickly into the civilian clothes. 

Paul only hesitated a few more seconds before doing the same. That didn't keep him from commenting.  
"You're deeply insane, you know that?"

"Who's the craziest one? Me or you for following me…?"

"I'm just going because I'm sure you'll get yourself killed if I don't watch your back…"

"Why does that sound familiar?" Cole mocked, while hiding his gear and already going out of their hiding place. "Besides…You can't fool me Paul McKail. I'd recognize that lustful expression anywhere."

"Same to you," Paul answered gruffly, although he still followed his friend with a tingle of anticipation that he couldn't help finding stimulating.

Hardly enough, they entered the place without any problem and were soon matched up with a couple of really pretty girls … Things seemed to be going well as they were led toward the upstairs bedrooms. The blonde that Paul had chosen was definitely a forward girl who began undressing him even before the door was closed. At this point, he believed that Cole wasn't so crazy after all, particularly when her full lips closed on his shaft and he had to repress a colourful exclamation. Everything went to hell however when after a few minutes of her heavenly ministrations, he heard a sudden commotion coming from the hallway. Paul groaned in disappointment when the girl stepped away from him and opened the door curiously. 

It didn't take long for Paul to understand that they were in trouble. Cole was cursing loudly, obviously very angry, and a girl was shrieking something in German.

Paul pulled up his pants hurriedly, not taking the time to button his shirt before he ran out of the room and found Cole facing a large angry man and a girl who was hiding behind him, while she went on screaming. Paul didn't have a clue what transpired, but it was clear that the man had ill intents toward Cole and he didn't hesitate to grab his friend by the collar. Throwing the obviously useless caution to the winds, he called to Cole.  
"Let's get outta here!"

Cole seemed to want to go after the big man, but Paul didn't let him. He pulled so hard on him that Cole almost lost his balance.  
"Hey!" Cole exclaimed. "I'm not done here yet."

"Yes you are," Paul insisted while practically dragging him toward the stairs. Cole almost hit him, but then he seemed to realize the trouble they were in because he followed Paul out of the building and they hurried toward their hiding spot. Neither spoke until they had grabbed their gear and put a good distance between them and the town. Then Paul turned to Cole irately.  
"You know I could just kill you!"

"Hey!"

"What happened?" Paul questioned just as angrily.

Cole didn't seem eager to explain and Paul became more curious than angry at this point.

"So?" 

"Huh well…that girl started doing a pretty pleasant number on me, but then she stopped and tried to get more money. I tried to keep calm, but to be honest, I was a little frustrated and I screamed at her…she got real upset and called for her pimp…and well, the rest you know…"

"Jesus Christ, Cole! You couldn't keep your big mouth shut?"

"Fuck, if you had been there, you'd probably have done the same!"

"Well…" Paul replied, grudgingly agreeing, "I might actually forgive you…when I manage to forget you interrupted the best fuck I ever had!"

"Sorry man," Cole said with a half-smile.

"Oh don't you dare mock me. You know that we might be in a heap of trouble if those guys give the alert?"

"You saw like me; there were no soldiers around. Besides, they couldn't be certain if we weren't deserters or even civilians. I don't think they'll give themselves the trouble."

"You better be right about that. If the Captain hears of this mess, we won't need to wait for the Fritz to shoot us…"

"Hey I won't tell if you don't…"

"Hum…" Paul grumbled as he started back toward the camp.

Cole couldn't help teasing him a little more.  
"So… she was that good?"

"I'll never know how much, thanks to you. You better shut up now, Cole. Or I might just forget about my own safety and denounce you."

"Alright, alright, I get it! You're mad…"

"How did you guess? Anyway, next time keep your schemes to yourself!"

Paul saw that Cole was about to add something but he gestured imperatively in his direction before hurrying ahead. At the time, Cole decided to drop it and believed it was the end of it. However, Paul never missed a chance to remind him of this little faux pas. Usually, they would both laugh about it pretty quickly, but right then, Cole didn't feel like being teased. In fact, as he saw the policemen starting toward the depot, he wished that Paul would simply forget about his current weakness… but much more than this, he felt an irrational anger building inside of him.

"Come on Cole. You can't leave me in the dark… I know there's something bothering you…"

"Paul, if you know what's good for you, you're gonna drop it," Cole replied between clenched teeth. 

Paul realized that Cole was getting madder by the moment and it told him that there truly was something happening. However, he also understood that Cole wouldn't tell him anything that night. Maybe, he could try talking to him another time. In fact, he planned to do so when his friend was calmer.  
"Alright," he whispered as they began following the policemen, "I'll drop it for now… But don't think I won't find out what's the matter with you…"

"That's what I get for being friends with a fucking journalist. There's nothing wrong with me, I told you!" Cole exclaimed. A few of the men ahead of them heard his exclamation and turned to him angrily. Cole sustained their stares without flinching, but deep down he felt stupid for allowing his anger to show like this. For a moment, he was even tempted to go back to the car, judging himself slightly too upset for this sort of activity. As he contemplated doing just that, Cole caught sight of a shadow disappearing around the corner of the warehouse. He couldn't be absolutely certain and decided to keep it to himself for the moment, but that intrigued him enough that he made up his mind to stick around. Ahead of them, the policemen were already nearing the large doors and they finally crashed through them, all their guns at the ready. 

It was obvious they had been expecting some resistance, but none came. In fact, the place seemed deserted. Slowly the first few men went in walking cautiously, until they were satisfied there was no danger.  
"It's clear," a loud voice called from inside. Cole thought he detected some anger in the voice and wondered about it. It didn't take long for him and everyone else to understand what caused it. The few men who had entered the warehouse came back out with dejected looks on their faces. 

"What did you see," the man Cole knew as one of Fredo's creatures, questioned.

"Nothing! The fucking place was cleaned. There are a few crates in the back but they contain only clothes…"

"No fucking way," their leader exclaimed.

Cole observed him closely and he got the distinct impression that his disappointment was phoney. Even as he was thinking this, the man went in the warehouse in turn and Paul signalled that he still wanted to get a look at the place. Cole followed him and the photographer, who now seemed bored. They came in just in time to hear another exclamation.

"What the fuck," one of the policemen said as he pushed a crate aside. Behind it, there were two bodies covered in blood. They were riddled with bullet holes and it took Cole a moment to recognize one of them. When he did however, the slight malaise of earlier became much stronger. Cole grabbed Paul's sleeve and pulled him aside. Paul tried to shake him off as he wanted to get closer, but Cole insisted.  
"Paul…"

Cole's voice was tense and it alerted Paul.

"What?" He said turning toward Cole while the crime scene became abuzz with comments and exclamations. His photographer had forgotten his boredom and was shooting as fast as he could now. Therefore, Paul figured he'd question the chief in a few minutes. He then gave his full attention to his friend, who looked even more upset than he had outside. Paul repeated his question when Cole didn't answer.  
"What's wrong?"

"You know how I told you I saved Fredo's butt today," Cole began, while staring at the ever larger group of policemen around the bodies.

"Yeah, I got that," Paul answered without really understanding what it had to do with their earlier argument.

"Well, I'm guessing justice was served swiftly," Cole pursued cryptically.

"Ok Cole, I'm as fond of mysteries as the next journalist, but now, I'd really like you to get to the point. First off, you're making me nervous…"

Cole interrupted his comment.  
"I just recognized one of the shooters…"

"What? Where?" Paul questioned while looking around until he followed Cole's stare and his jaw dropped. "Wow, now that's a strange coincidence…"

"A journalist like you doesn't believe in coincidence, Paul. And neither do I… There's something else…"

"I'm afraid to ask," Paul uttered in a low voice, now irrationally fearful to attract someone's attention.

"The guy who led this raid…he was at Fredo's this afternoon and Fredo's lieutenant paid him off…"

Paul opened wide eyes at this.  
"Did he see you there?"

"No I just saw him through the window. But I'm sure it was him. And now this failed bust and the bodies…"

"Should really tell you that you've got to stay away from those guys…" Paul finished. "This is getting serious, Cole…"

"All the more reason to expose them…Leo might be right about this war…" Cole uttered pensively. 

"Cole, you're not seriously thinking of going back there, are you?"

Cole didn't answer as he returned his attention to the crime scene. As he did so, he met the leader's gaze. This one was observing Paul and him curiously. Cole should have been ill at ease with this, but in fact, it stimulated him to find out more. "Or was it something else," Cole suddenly questioned himself. From the moment he saw the body, Cole had only two thoughts in mind. The first one was that there was a lot more to Fredo than he even thought; not to mention his enemies. However, it was the second one he had tried to ignore until now. Lara was living among these people, probably unaware of how truly dangerous Fredo was. As the policeman on the take looked away, Cole realized that he didn't know which motivation was the strongest for him going back. Either a sense of duty or the simple fear for this girl he had never even met before today. 

"Cole?" Paul questioned, realizing that Cole was again lost in thoughts. "You haven't answered my question…"

Cole shook away the strange feeling to answer his friend.  
"Leo asked me to do something… and he had a good reason. I won't disappoint him," Cole replied offhandedly as he turned away from the crime scene and left the warehouse. 

Paul was tempted to go after him right away, but he still had to interview the police for his paper. Groaning at Cole's temerity, he shrugged and went in the direction of the group of policemen, albeit reluctantly.

After Cole got outside, he remembered the shadow he'd seen earlier. He had forgotten to mention that to Paul, but even now, he couldn't be certain if he had dreamt it or not. In reality, he was beginning to wonder if the man who was investigating the murders wasn't the very one who committed them at this point and he dismissed the shadow for the time being. At any rate, he caught sight of Leo, not surprisingly alerted about the bust, but late for it nevertheless… Cole had still been hesitating slightly in spite of his assurances to the contrary to Paul. Mostly because of the strange feelings that accompanied his urge to pursue this adventure. However, long before he finished relating what he knew to Leo, he had made up his mind.

Robbie entered the Pharaoh Club hurriedly, and then he slowed down, realizing that he might attract too much attention. He was new at this gang's business, although he wasn't exactly a novice at crime. At twenty-two, he had done quite a few things that anybody else would be ashamed of. Robbie might have been at some point in the past, but even at his young age he was hardened. However, he had to admit that killing was a little more than his usual, and he was shaken at the moment. Although, he couldn't be too sure if it was the killing that made him feel like this, or the bad news he was bringing to Fredo…

Robbie crossed the dance floor while trying to look as casual as he could and he spotted Fredo in his usual booth. The sweet Lara was there with him. For a moment, Robbie forgot about his worries to fantasize about her. Those full lips, he only wanted to crush them with his and most of all, he wanted to possess her. Granted, she was obviously a little older than he was, but Robbie didn't care too much about that. He actually believed that she must be an experienced lover. What a thrill that would be. The beginning of a hard on pressed against his pants and as he turned back toward Fredo, he became self-conscious and a little fearful. That took care of his arousal as he approached Fredo's lieutenant first.  
"Saul, I've got to talk to Fredo…"

"Have you done what I asked?" Saul questioned instead of granting Robbie his request. 

"Well yeah…it's all taken care of," Robbie said while looking cautiously around them. "But I still need to talk to Fredo," Robbie repeated stubbornly.

Saul stared at him severely.  
"Anything you wanna tell him, you can tell me!"

Robbie stared back silently, but he was softening under the harsh glare of his superior. He was about to spill the beans to Saul when Fredo came to them.  
"What's the matter," the old man questioned. 

Saul seemed irritated by his boss's intervention.  
"Robbie here has something to tell us," Saul answered, slightly insisting on the last syllable. 

Robbie glared at him for a second, and then he turned to Fredo. He knew that something was up in their little gang. Fredo had been increasingly weary of his lieutenant lately and what had happened tonight might just be the proof that he was right.  
"I went and did what was asked of me," Robbie began for Fredo, "but the other part of the plan didn't go as well…"

"Our two problems were taken care of, weren't they?" Fredo asked first.

"As I told you, yes…but Ricardo apparently got wind of the bust," Robbie added in a low voice. 

Fredo remained very calm in appearance, but Robbie knew better than to think he wasn't reacting. Indeed, Fredo slowly turned to his Lieutenant and Saul seemed to shrink slightly under his boss's stare.   
"Exactly how did he learn of this so quickly?"

Behind them, Phoebe was getting a little upset. She detested all the mysteries and covert conversations those guys kept having. Not that she cared all that much about what Fredo did, but she always wondered about her own position in this household. Particularly because she knew that Saul was suspicious of her. So much so in fact that she was the one who had begun insinuating things about Saul to Fredo. It hadn't been too hard. Obviously, Fredo had a suspicious nature and maybe deep down, Saul truly was untrustworthy. At least, Phoebe often rationalized her schemes in this fashion. 

Rationalization was a big deal in Phoebe's philosophy of life and had been for a very long time. Just like when she had turned her back on Rudy in New York after he gave her food and shelter for over six months.

After fleeing the Reform School, Phoebe ended up in New York, but alone and penniless short of a few dollars Sylvia had left for her in the civilian clothes pocket. This money was soon gone as Phoebe ate and spent the night in a cheap hotel. Then she found herself on the street. This wasn't really what she intended and after almost a week of stealing the little food she ate and sleeping under a bridge, she was ready to prostitute herself if necessary. However when she actually tried, she got very lucky. A colorfully clothed man came to her that night and at first, she thought he would be her first client. He was smiling and gesturing exaggeratedly as he began talking to her.  
"Hey you, sweet thing… you don't look like you belong here," he said in a soft voice. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Phoebe replied defiantly. "I'm here to do some business," she pursued, coming closer to the man.

"Oh girl, you're very mistaken here. You're not exactly my type." The man said with a teasing smile.

"What the hell are you talking about," Phoebe uttered angrily while stepping back. 

"Come on little girl, don't get angry… I like my partners a little more masculine, if you see what I mean…"

Phoebe saw exactly what he meant, and at this point, she wondered if there were any normal people left in the world. After spending a few years fighting off lesbians in the Reform School, the first man she met was gay too. On the other hand, it wasn't an insult to the way she looked and she figured that he wasn't all that interested in that either. Without another word, she turned her back on him, determined to find business elsewhere that evening. She was famished.

"Hey," he called back. "Do you have a place to go?"

"Why would you care?" Phoebe replied curtly, while turning halfway toward him.

"Hum…I don't really like to see a pretty girl like you going to waste on the street. I may not have any physical attraction for girls, but I can see that you're not made for this life."

"You don't know me at all…"

"What if I was to offer you shelter?" The man pursued, ignoring her weak protest. "I've got a flat that's too large for me and I'm in between relationships right now."

"Again, why in the hell would you wanna help me?"

"Let's just say I'm feeling generous tonight. But if you don't care for my offer…"

Phoebe didn't answer right away. She was tired and ready to do just about anything to get some money, so that this offer wasn't any worse than what she had planned. Yet, the man could have been some sort of maniac… On the other hand, she reflected that she could meet a worse one next…  
"What would I have to do?"

"Nothing really…well, maybe some cooking and cleaning…" When he saw Phoebe about to protest, he pursued quickly, "I don't want you to be a cleaning lady or anything… just do some work to earn your keep…"

Phoebe bit her lips in wonderment. The offer was tempting, if rather unbelievable.   
"I guess… I guess I could give this a try…" She finally uttered hesitantly.

The man smiled anew at this.  
"Well then, let's get you off this street, and for god sake, out of those dirty clothes. My flat's only five minutes from here…"

"I don't even know your name," Phoebe questioned as he started walking away.

"Rudy… Rudy Belamant. And you are…?"

Phoebe thought about it for a long moment, and then she replied.  
"Lara…Lara Love…"

Rudy stared at her curiously for a moment but he didn't comment on the obviously made up name. He probably didn't care, because his was just as made up. Later on, Phoebe learned that it was his stage name. Rudy then started back and Phoebe followed him to his apartment. 

Phoebe's musings were interrupted by Fredo coming back toward her. He seemed really unhappy and that didn't reassure her at all. Meanwhile, Saul and Robbie were leaving…  
"What's happening," Phoebe asked the moment Fredo was beside her.

"We're going home, Lara," Fredo said in a manner that told her not to protest. 

"You still haven't told me what happened," Phoebe still stubbornly questioned as she got up to follow him.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to worry your pretty little head with my business," Fredo answered gruffly, which only served to worry Phoebe more.  
"I'll take care of everything, Lara…"

Phoebe was tempted to ask again, but she saw that now wasn't the right time and she followed him out, thinking that at least the next day she would have some pleasant time with Paige. Maybe she wouldn't be so worried and tense afterward…

Saul and Robbie stopped just outside the Club and Saul lit up a cigarette nervously. However, when he noticed Robbie staring at him, he glared back.  
"Don't ever try a stunt like that again," Saul growled. 

Fredo had finally agreed to trust Saul on his word that he had nothing to do with the failed bust. Or at least, he didn't insist on his culpability… Maybe it had more to do with the fact that the shooters were dead… Saul was starting to wonder seriously about his own safety in this outfit. 

"So what do we do now," Robbie finally asked.

"We've got to figure out where the leak came from," Saul replied while staring at Robbie. Right then, this one worried that Saul intended to use him as the scapegoat. Maybe he shouldn't have talked to Fredo in front of the Lieutenant. Saul had a reputation of being vindictive. Now it was Robbie's turn to feel a shiver as he followed Saul to his car.

Cole entered his apartment building and almost didn't see the note stuck in his mailbox, so preoccupied he was with his inner conflict. When he did see it, he picked it up distractedly but soon recognized Rita's handwriting with a dejected sigh. He was tempted to throw it away unopened but he figured that it would constitute a distraction. The note was short and of the begging kind. 

"Cole, you have to reconsider. I swear I'll do anything you want. I can't stand the idea of not seeing you again. I don't know what I'll do if you don't come back… Rita"

"Well," Cole thought as he tossed the note into the wastebasket, "that wasn't much of a distraction." He was used to these sorts of messages. All of them were of the same nature and usually didn't provoke any urge of going back in him. However just as he was heading for the stairs, he hesitated slightly. For the space of a moment, he was almost tempted to call her. Maybe if he slept with her, he would manage to forget about Lara… Then, an even more unusual feeling invaded him. He felt bad at the idea of hurting Rita uselessly. Sighing, he went on to the stairs, reflecting that it was much better for her not to see him again. Outside the building, Rita was standing in the shadows. Through the glass doors, she saw Cole throwing the note away and tears of rage brightened her eyes as she stood there long after he had gone up.

Then she uttered between clenched teeth, "you can't do this to me. I'll make you come back…" In saying so, she pulled a gun from her handbag and looked down at it with a crazed expression.


	7. Music to My Soul (Chapter 7)

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter VII**

Cole found himself in a dark corridor, walking aimlessly. On each side of him were unmarked doors, all the same. He felt oppressed, as if the walls were closing in on him. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the music started. At first, it seemed to be coming from very far away but as Cole moved ahead, searching, he stopped in front of one of the doors, convinced that it was the one, even if it was no different from the others. He felt a slight chill as he grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door slowly open. What he saw inside only surprised him mildly, as if he had expected it. The music had stopped and he was standing at the entrance of the Orphanage's study, bathed in a soft white light. No furniture was left in it, short of the grand piano and the polished bench. But what mattered was who was there, waiting for him. 

Lara was smiling warmly at him from the bench. When he didn't move, she beckoned him. Cole took a few hesitant steps and the door closed noiselessly behind him. In Lara's eyes, there was none of the coldness he had seen the previous day. She seemed happy and at peace.  
"Won't you play for me," she questioned softly.

"I don't play anymore," Cole managed hoarsely, as he felt his throat tightening.

"Of course you can," she insisted gently.

Without knowing how, he found himself sitting by her on the bench, his hands poised to strike the keys. Cole looked down at his hands and saw that he was trembling slightly.  
"I can't play," he protested louder, pulling his hands away.

"Sure you can," Lara said again, as she took his hands in hers and gently brought them back toward the keys. "You always could, Cole… Please, play for me…"

Cole turned to Lara, staring at her beautiful face uncertainly. Slowly, she moved toward him and her lips brushed against his. Cole felt dizzy as he responded to her kiss and he only pulled away when he heard the music. He turned back toward the piano and was surprised to see himself playing as if no time had passed, just the same as the last time he was sitting in just this place. 

"Cole," Paul's voice came from behind him and Cole jumped, as if pulled out of a trance. He glanced at his side and his heart sunk when he realized Lara was gone.   
"Cole" Paul insisted and then Cole woke up, looking around his bedroom in total confusion.

It took him a second to realize that someone was knocking insistently on the door.  
"Cole, I know you're in there. Come on…"

Cole sighed heavily at recognizing his friend's voice. It was just like Paul to insist like this. The night before, Cole took a ride back with Leo; and he had to admit, that was to avoid any more unpleasant discussion. Of course, Paul surely guessed and the only surprising thing was that he waited until the morning to come here.  
"Just a minute," Cole called gruffly as he got up and grabbed his pants.

As he headed for the door, Cole was still shaken by the dream. However, there was also anger growing inside of him. Anger with Lara for causing all this confusion inside of him, but most of all, he was angry at himself for allowing such a weakness. His life was as he had wanted it until yesterday. Cole hadn't had a second thought in years. Yet now, he was questioning everything. How could he have even worried about Rita's feelings was beyond him. This woman was no better than the others. She'd only have given him grief if she knew he had cared even for an instant. And so would this Lara, he thought irately. 

When he opened the door for Paul, this one saw that Cole wasn't in a much better mood than the previous night.  
"Hey Cole… you thought you could get away from me?"

"Paul, you really are an ass. I don't run away from anything," Cole answered while turning his back to his friend. "I simply didn't see what more I could do there…"

"Yeah," Paul replied sarcastically. "Hey, if you're not running away from me, can I come in? I got something to tell you…" Paul saw the annoyed shrug Cole made and he added quickly, "Don't worry, I won't insist about you and the girl anymore…In fact, I'm not so sure she's good for you…"

"I'm not worried," Cole replied a little too loud, as he turned back toward Paul.

"Sure…" Paul said as he moved inside without waiting for the invitation. 

After a moment of silence, while Paul took a seat in his living room, Cole questioned him.  
"So, if you're not here to give me grief about your stupid theory. Why are you?"

"To try and talk you out of this scheme of yours… what else…?"

"Paul, I thought I was clear last night. I promised Leo I'd get him the goods on Fredo and I intend to do it."

"Cole… you saw the bodies like me. Those guys are lethal. Even if you get something on them, you'll never be safe again. Besides, I learned something else this morning and I really think you need to hear it."

"I give," Cole sighed heavily as he took a seat himself. "What?" He pursued impatiently.

Paul almost rolled his eyes.  
"Did you read the paper yesterday?"

"No Paul… I don't need to read the paper," Cole answered with a half smile. "You're good at keeping me apprised of anything of interest…"

"Lazy bastard," Paul joked lightly. However, he soon became serious again. "Look Cole, they found another body floating in the bay yesterday morning. A mutilated one who had been thrown in sometimes this week…"

"And that should be of interest to me why?"

"It has to do with Lara…"

Paul saw Cole's frown and he went on quickly before this one could interrupt.  
"They just identified the body this morning. He was Fredo's former driver… The one who supposedly quit unexpectedly and which Fredo asked you to replace…"

Cole felt a chill at this, but he didn't let Paul see that he hit the mark.  
"Alright, but if Fredo's on some sort of killing spree, that's all the more reason…"

Paul interrupted, "There's more… Some people who knew the guy claim he was boasting of an affair with Lara Love; only days before he suddenly disappeared…"

At this, Cole flinched visibly. 

"Yeah Cole…that's the kind of people you'd be dealing with… Count yourself lucky she wasn't interested…" Paul fished.

"Who the hell said she wasn't interested?" Cole exclaimed. 

Paul couldn't help a teasing smile at this.  
"Well, see, I got a hell of a time imagining that you said no to a sure thing!"

"I could just…" Cole stopped himself and breathed in deeply before pursuing more calmly. "I can think with something besides my dick, Paul."

"You could've fooled me many times…" Paul uttered just as teasingly.

Cole chose to ignore this and continued right away.  
"As you said… those people are dangerous, and I realized the risk of touching Fredo's girl. That's all… Now he's got nothing to reproach me…"

"Things could've changed. If you even tried to put the moves on her, the girl might already have talked to Fredo about it. For all we know, there could be a shooter waiting for you out there right now."

"Paul, are you purposefully trying to freak me out?"

"Yeah!" Paul answered emphatically. 

"Well, won't work. For all you know, the driver got killed by a rival gang. Last night could've been the same thing for that matter. You said yourself it could've been a coincidence…" Cole added. Cole felt an almost irrepressible urge to defend the girl against Paul's accusations and it only increased his anger with himself. Yet, even if he was indeed miffed at her for his weakness, he couldn't accept that she might be as vile as his friend implied.

"And you told me I shouldn't believe in coincidences…" Paul insisted.

"No matter, I didn't do anything to that girl, and Fredo's got no reason to suspect me of anything. And I don't believe she would do such a thing," Cole added against his better judgement. Realizing he had indeed tried to defend her, albeit mildly, he pursued quickly before Paul could use this against him. "I'm just a piano tuner who saved Fredo's butt… He's grateful and I'm sure he's got no intention of having me killed. Far from… I even had the distinct impression that he had more trouble trusting his own Lieutenant than me…"

"What if you're wrong, Cole?"

"Then, next time you'll see me, I'll have a nice body bag outfit," Cole clowned half-heartedly.

"Don't even joke about it. You can walk away from this right now. No harm done…"

Cole stood up and took a few steps away from Paul before he answered. He knew Paul might be right about this, but he couldn't help wanting to go back. Cole's only problem now was to understand why it mattered all that much. In his mind's eye, the answer came with the memory of the dream, and he almost told Paul about it, but refrained.  
"I'm not one to turn around, Paul. You know that perfectly well. I won't get killed and I will get the info on Fredo. You know I mean it…" Cole said without looking at his friend.

Paul sighed heavily.  
"I wish I was as confident about this as you are…"

Cole didn't answer this. Paul waited for a moment longer but when Cole said nothing more, he pulled an envelope from his jacket.  
"Hey, I found this in your mailbox…there wasn't any postage on it…"

Cole finally turned toward his friend and saw the envelope in his hands. It looked the same as the one he'd found the night before. Cole went to pick it up and he indeed recognized Rita's handwriting.

"Not again," he sighed dejectedly.

"Won't you open it," Paul asked as Cole put the letter unopened on the coffee table.

Without replying, Cole picked it back and opened it with a shrug of annoyance. The letter was very similar to the one from the night before but the words sounded more desperate.

"Cole, you've got to reconsider. I swear; something bad will happen if you don't. Please don't leave me… Rita."

Cole thought, "Something worse will happen if she doesn't stop this…"

He was actually considering giving the goods on her to her husband at this point but as he thought of that, he felt sick. "What in the hell has this Lara done to me," Cole thought angrily as he dropped the note back on the coffee table.

"Bad news?" Paul questioned.

"No…nothing to concern you for sure," Cole replied gruffly…

Paul frowned but didn't insist.

~~~~~~~~

Rita sat in her kitchen, staring at the coffee pot, which was already boiling and threatening to spill, but she didn't react. Not even when her husband came in and exclaimed at the sight. 

"Rita, what's the matter with you," he questioned while hurriedly picking up the coffee pot and turning off the gas. 

Rita only continued staring, apparently without seeing or hearing anything.

"Rita, have you gone mad," her husband insisted when he saw the absent look in her eyes. "I think I know what your problem is," he suddenly spat. "Your lover dumped you, didn't he?"

That got a reaction from Rita, who glared at her husband at once angrily and with surprise.

"Yeah…you thought I didn't know how much of a slut you are? Well, I'll have you know that I don't care too much either way… But you won't ignore me in my house. And I sure won't endure your broken heart, Rita. Get over yourself…"

"If you know, why are you still here?" Rita finally asked flatly.

"I ask myself this question every day," he replied dejectedly before leaving the room without waiting for an answer.

Rita watched him going, and then she looked down at her hands, which had remained hidden from view until now. She was still holding the gun, her fingers almost caressing the trigger…

~~~~~~~~~~~

Phoebe was in her personal dressing room, relishing her triumph, but at the same time knowing that something was missing. Restless, she opened the door and looked in the hallway, expecting something but not knowing what. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Cole came to her and pulled her completely out in the hallway. He pressed her against the wall, face first, and then leaned against her back heavily, his warm breath burning the skin of her neck.  
"Phoebe," he whispered huskily, "I want you." He was already pulling her dress with one hand while the other grabbed one of her breasts and began fondling it almost roughly. 

"I," she managed under her breath before the caress of his hand on her bare thigh sent a shiver in her that stopped her. She bit her lower lip, while closing her eyes, only wanting to drown into the sensation. 

"Yes," Cole trailed, "I know what you want," he pursued as his hand slowly moved between her thighs and toward her quivering loins.

"Yes…" she whispered in a trembling voice.

"Lara," Fredo questioned softly. 

Phoebe opened her eyes and almost jumped out of her skin at seeing Fredo bending over her. His hand was caressing her inner thigh, but gone was the sensation of intense pleasure she had in the dream. Now, all she wanted was for the old man to leave her alone.

"Sorry, Fredo," she said, while rolling over, effectively escaping his caress, "I've got a headache…"

Fredo watched her curiously, as he tried his best to hide his frustration.  
"I understand," he said then, but Phoebe knew that he was making an effort. 

However, she cared little for the old man's frustration. What really bothered Phoebe was the intensity of this dream. That bastard… it wasn't enough that he had humiliated her yesterday; now he was invading her dreams… Fredo left their bed after a few seconds and she almost sighed in relief. She looked at the clock and saw that it was only 9:30 am. Still hours away from her visit with Paige. Phoebe waited until she was certain that Fredo had left the room, and then she rolled on her back again, while she allowed her mind to wander off to the past in an effort to dissipate the intense desire she still felt for the piano tuner…

It had been almost six months since Rudy picked Phoebe up on the street. To this day, she still hadn't told him her real name and by then, she was actually getting used to hearing herself being called Lara. At first, it had been difficult, but she liked the made up name. Not only had Rudy saved her from a life of depredation and humiliation but he also was helping her enter the showbiz world after he heard her singing. Phoebe soon found out that Rudy was a ballet dancer who had enjoyed a moderately successful career that was now on the decline. Therefore, he took Phoebe under his wing and began showing her the ropes. However after six months, she'd only had two gigs and in very obscure clubs at that. The last one had actually been a bad experience. The drunks frequenting the establishment had wanted something very different from her singing number and insulted her. After that, the old doubts had come back, and Phoebe began looking for the reassuring gratification of sex. 

Rudy was very worried about her, but Phoebe assumed he was only scared to lose his only chance to recapture fame. In the end, she met a bar owner with a little more pull and she dumped her gay friend unceremoniously.

"You can't dump me like this," Rudy had exclaimed the day Phoebe announced it to him.

"Look Rudy, we both know that if I wasn't a good singer, I'd probably be back on the street. You can't give me what I want. You tried…"

"Lara…" Rudy exclaimed, apparently horrified at Phoebe's cynicism, "you know I wouldn't do that."

"I know no such thing," Phoebe replied harshly. "All I know is that people always use others. My father used me…other men and women did too and now, I'm gonna use them."

"How could such a young woman have become so cynical?"

"You ask me?" Phoebe questioned with a hint of disdain. "Look at what people are saying about you. Many could knife you just for what you are…"

"Lara!"

"Don't try to stop me. I owe you nothing… I paid my dues and you should be grateful I'm giving you back your life. Good bye," Phoebe had finished before picking up her bag of belonging and turning her back on Rudy for the last time. 

As she got up and began preparing for her outing, Phoebe felt a pang of remorse at the way she treated Rudy. After all those years, it seemed ridiculous. Her malaise only worsened as her mind wandered again toward the dream about Cole, which seemed just as real and arousing as it had before she reminisced. "What's the matter with me," Phoebe wondered with a tinge of anxiety. She seriously hoped that her visit with Paige would finally put all the doubts and worries to rest…

When Cole arrived at the Turello residence, he thought he heard screaming from inside the house. This was confirmed as soon as the housekeeper opened the door for him. Lara and Fredo stood in front of his office and Lara was positively fuming.

"You won't keep me stuck in here! No one will ever force me to stay somewhere I don't wanna be. I'm going to see Paige and that's the end of it."

"Lara you gotta be reasonable. I can't risk you going out there on your own right now. It's not safe…"

"I'll decide what is safe," Phoebe almost shouted again. 

"Lara, I told you, there's no way I'm letting you go out there!" Fredo retorted angrily this time.

"Others have tried to lock me in, Fredo. I dumped them all. I'm not gonna be tucked in a corner and made to wait for your good will. I'm going," Phoebe insisted again.

Cole thought he detected a hint of fear in her voice. As if the thought of staying in here was worse for Lara than going out there and risking being attacked… She was obviously even willing to defy a powerful man like Fredo to get out of the house. Was Lara claustrophobic? Or was there something deeper going on here? Maybe something he could use, Cole thought again to himself. 

The housekeeper was already trying to shoo Cole into the study, but Fredo saw him then and came straight at him, obviously giving up on convincing Phoebe for the moment.

Cole couldn't help the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. All of Paul's warnings were still echoing in his mind. Yet, Fredo seemed actually friendly considering the obvious annoyance he had with Lara. The old man didn't lose time in small talk either as he extended his hand toward Cole.  
"So…are you joining the team?"

Cole watched him uncertainly. It was now or never. He could just turn back like Paul said. He could've walked away from this after making the repairs to the piano. Yet, Cole looked discreetly behind Fredo and he cast a quick glance at a still fuming Lara… he knew then he didn't have a choice. For whatever reason, he wanted to be there.  
"Well, even if I still think it's a little sudden, I'm willing to give it a try," Cole finally answered.

"A try?" Fredo questioned somewhat unhappily.

"You know, being a chauffeur's not exactly glamorous."

"And I told you that you'd only be starting from there. However," Fredo gave a quick look back to Lara himself, "right now, I could use your services."

"What, now?" Cole replied, pretending he thought it was too soon. In reality, Cole had guessed what Fredo wanted him for. 

"I think you could be the answer to my problem… Lara," he called to her. "What if we compromised?"

Lara took a few steps toward the two men. Cole got the distinct impression she was avoiding his eyes. He found it strange considering her directness of the previous day. In fact, he had expected recriminations.

"What do you mean," Phoebe questioned hesitantly. She had her doubts on what Fredo was about to propose and she wondered if the trepidation she felt inside was caused by annoyance or impatience.

"Cole here just accepted the chauffeur's job. If you agree to let him drive you there and back, I'll feel much better about you going out."

"I can drive myself," Phoebe protested mildly.

"Lara, you've gotta be reasonable. I wanna keep you safe and I trust that Cole can help in that respect. What does it matter, anyway? Until he left, Martin was driving you everywhere," Fredo added in a voice that again made Phoebe squirm inside.

"I don't even know him and I don't trust him," Phoebe still tried, indicating Cole.

"I can assure you Lady," Cole intervened with a smile, "that I'm a very good driver and won't let anything happen to you…"

In spite of her resolve to avoid looking at him, her eyes met with his at this and the sensation that coursed through her was not one of fear or annoyance. However she soon realized this with irritation and she turned away from Cole's stare, addressing Fredo instead.

"If that's the only way…I guess I can live with it…"

"That's my girl," Fredo replied with a half-smile.

Phoebe reflected that she would prove to herself Cole wasn't that much of a problem for her. No man would have a hold on her she repeated stubbornly in her mind.  
"I wanna go now!" Phoebe then exclaimed impatiently. "Paige's waiting for me…"

"I still had this little work to do for you… on your piano remember?" Cole replied.

"That'll wait."

"Take the car that is parked up front," Fredo offered. "You can leave your tools here, but if you'll follow me in my office, I have a few instructions for you," Fredo offered, ignoring the annoyed gaze Phoebe gave him.

"Whatever you say," Cole answered, putting down his bag of tools near the double doors. All the way to the office, Cole thought he could feel her eyes on him. The thought brought a slight arousal to him which he tried his best to repress. How could even the thought of her be enough to stir him? This even after she was so obviously insulting to him… At the same time, however, Cole had detected vulnerability in her and he couldn't help the warm feeling that accompanied this knowledge. This was strange indeed as he would usually consider such a thing a way in. Now, it only provoked an intense desire to protect her. 

Inside the office, it was soon obvious that Fredo's "instructions" were rather simplistic. The old man opened a drawer of his desk and pulled a handgun out of it. He weighed the weapon pensively for a moment while Cole wondered if this had not been an elaborate scheme to finish him right then and there.

Then, Fredo walked toward him and handed him the gun, handle first…  
"I think you should be armed."

"Is there something wrong," Cole finally asked, as if until now, he had believed that Fredo resolved all his problems as he told Cole he would the day before.

"Just consider this a precaution. I care a great deal for Lara. I don't want anything happening to her."

"I get that…what I wonder is…" Cole hesitated a moment. "Well, is there something in particular that you fear?"

"Would that change your mind," Fredo asked with a hint of defiance in his voice.

The old man was obviously trying to appeal to Cole's pride, no doubt thinking that Cole wanted to back down in the face of danger. Cole felt an irrational anger mounting in him at the thought.  
"Not at all… I said I'd do it, didn't I?" Cole replied while taking the gun resolutely and ostensibly checking the load.

Fredo observed Cole's handling of the gun appreciatively and Cole knew that the old man was satisfied with his expertise.   
"Now remember what I told you about Lara," Fredo called to Cole as this one was heading out of the office.

"Nothing's gonna happen to her." Cole assured. Deep down, he had to admit he cared just as much as Fredo. This time, Cole didn't even try to deny it as he saw her waiting for him near the front door. However, he also swore to himself that as soon as he was convinced she was safe and after he had finished his work for Leo, he would leave her behind and try his best to forget about the beautiful singer. No one, not even Lara would change the way he lived his life.


	8. Music to My Soul (Chapter 8)

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter VIII**

Cole couldn't resist the urge to look back at her, either in the mirror or with a few direct glances during the trip to Paige's house. Every time he did, he felt like engaging in some conversation with Lara, but she seemed utterly uninterested. Cole was certain it was all an act. He had seen her eyes back at the house and there was definitely something there. Yet, Lara kept silent from the moment she gave him Paige's address. When he looked for the umpteenth time, he noticed that her dress was slightly pulled up, as if she had purposefully exposed her thighs. He wondered about it. Was she trying to provoke him? When Cole looked again, Lara flashed a sudden luscious smile his way, answering the question. He turned away somewhat self-consciously, as he felt a renewed arousal. There were so many questions, so many doubts and yet right then, all he could think about was how it would feel to hold her in his arms. "Stupid," he chastised himself silently.

Phoebe was certain that her little provocation had an effect. She was still very miffed at his rejection of her and only wanted to make him regret what he had missed. However, as she watched, the memory of the dream returned to her with a lustful need. Angrily, she shook her head and tried her best to chase away the feeling, but she only partially succeeded as she returned the dress to a more proper position. "Idiot," she told herself as she looked away from Cole.

Cole managed to regain control over his senses and he began to rethink his conversation with Paul. What if she had known? Cole had refused to accept this until now. Not even considering what he thought of women. That was too vile… But what if she really was the one who told Fredo to get rid of the driver? "No," he again argued with himself. If she had an affair, it would have been ridiculous to tell Fredo about it. But still… Cole hated this uncertainty. Everything was so clear cut for him until yesterday. Now he felt like he knew nothing at all. Exasperated, he decided to try asking her directly.  
"So…You knew him well, the last driver?" He questioned as casually as he could.

Phoebe was startled by his sudden question.   
"What the hell business is it of yours?"

"Just curious," Cole replied, casting a quick glance toward her. "Fredo said he was driving you everywhere…"

"Again, what business is it of yours? You got the job, isn't that enough?"

"No need to become so defensive," Cole said with a hint of mockery that Phoebe didn't miss.

"I'm not defensive. Men like you, I eat a couple for breakfast every morning…" She replied aggressively. His action, or lack there of, the day before weighed heavily on her mind and Phoebe felt the need to provoke him. She knew it was petty, but she didn't really care. However, Cole didn't bite, or at least, he didn't seem to as he answered with the same mocking tone of voice.  
"How interesting…" He gave Phoebe a very suggestive gaze and she snickered without answering.

"You know I'm just curious," Cole tried again after a moment. "Fredo offered me this job promising a lot of advancement. I was wondering why the last driver left such a great prospect, that's all…" 

"How should I know? Guess he got bored…" Phoebe deigned answering. Then, she added with some mockery of her own, "Maybe you're expecting too much out of this job. Why don't you go back to tuning your pianos?"

"I'm hurt," Cole clowned, still not giving in. "Is my driving that bad?" He was grinning at her in the mirror, but under this amused appearance, Phoebe thought she saw something else.  
"From the way you've been staring at me since we left the house, I'm amazed we didn't have an accident yet," she replied with just the right amount of disdain.

Cole couldn't help being slightly embarrassed at the confirmation of his earlier suspicion. However, rather than giving her the satisfaction of admitting to anything, he kept the grin firmly on his face while answering.  
"Don't worry little lady. I know my way around a car…"

"Then maybe you should keep your eyes on the road…"

"You think a lot of yourself don't you, Miss Love?"

"A lot more than I think of you…"

Cole didn't know if he wanted to slap her for her impertinence or kiss her to teach her. Or maybe it was more of the same urge as before, he admitted grudgingly. He was certain that if he replied, she might just sense this, so he kept silent. However, Cole also knew that he was no closer to finding out what role she had played, if any, in the driver's death. After a long moment, he was about to try questioning her again when he realized they had arrived at their destination. They were in front of a small house with white washed walls. A few toys were strewn over the lawn giving the place warmth, a family feel that Cole suddenly longed for. Why today of all days was he regretting what he had missed as a boy? He had no clue but the sight distracted him enough that he forgot about his duty. Phoebe cleared her throat loudly to remind him of it. 

Unable to hide his irritation, he got out of the car without a word and brusquely opened the door for Phoebe. As she got out, Cole gave her an annoyed look to which she didn't react, even avoiding his eyes. In truth, Phoebe didn't look at him because his proximity had reawakened the lustful sensation and she feared he would see it in her eyes. It wouldn't do to give the cocky man an advantage over her. 

Phoebe's knees felt a little weak as she headed for the house, unsure if it was relief she felt or disappointment.

Forgotten was the irritation as Cole stood immobile beside the car, watching her go while he inhaled the smell of her perfume which lingered behind her. He realized after a moment that he was still holding the door open and hurriedly closed it. "Wake up," he chastised himself anew. When he looked again, Lara was already at the door and a pretty brunette, just a little taller than Lara, was greeting her. There was something strangely familiar about this girl too, but Cole couldn't place her. However he quickly set this aside when after the two girls embraced, the one Lara had come to visit cast a curious look his way. Cole was used to this kind of scrutiny by women, but for some reason, it made him uncomfortable. Mostly, he realized, because Lara noticed her staring as well. It was made obvious by the looks they both gave him afterward as they talked to each other in too low a voice for Cole to make out what they were saying. However, he could very much guess and decided to get back in the car, which he did hurriedly.

"Who's the hunk," Paige asked.

"Oh just the new driver," Phoebe answered casually.

However, Paige seemed to know her better than this, as she pursued.

"Hum, you know, he seems your type." In saying so, she was openly admiring Cole and he went back in the car, as if made uncomfortable. Paige smiled impishly as she returned her gaze toward Phoebe.  
"Isn't he?" She questioned.

"He's just the driver…"

"Well, if memory serves, you liked the last one too…"

"Who said I liked this one," Phoebe protested a little too quickly.

"If you don't, maybe you need to have your eyes examined. This one's a big improvement over the last one."

"And he knows it too well," Phoebe answered curtly. Then she pursued quickly, seeing her cousin's grin. "Hey! I got Fredo and I don't need anybody else at the moment. Remember…It's my big night soon."

"Oh yeah, the day you'll become a star, hey…?" Paige mocked gently. 

"Laugh all you want, but I'll show you soon," Phoebe replied, no longer upset. Paige always had a way of bringing her back down to earth. However, Phoebe wished that she would drop the Cole subject.

They both went in at this point and after Paige offered her a cup of tea, she didn't lose time disappointing Phoebe in that regard.  
"You know, I think the guy would be a much better bet for you…"

"How the hell would you know that," Phoebe replied, unable to hide her irritation.

"Well, for one thing, he looked really interested in you…or maybe it was me he was looking at?"

"Paige, get off this…"

Paige became more serious all of a sudden.  
"I'm worried about you, Phoebe. This Fredo's dangerous. It's not worth risking your life to get a career. Not to mention selling yourself…"

"I thought we agreed to disagree on this?"

"I can't help wanting to stop you from making a terrible mistake. Call it stupidity on my part but I love you alive and well."

"You're so melodramatic! Nothing's gonna happen to me. Come this Saturday, I'll have all I ever wanted."

"Every day I read horror stories about the business your lover's in," Paige insisted. "This morning the paper talked about a double murder, gang related. And yesterday, it was a body that washed up on the beach. According to the journalist, the man had been savagely tortured. It scares me thinking that you live among these people." In saying so, Paige picked up a pile of newspapers, intent on showing it to Phoebe to emphasize her point. When Phoebe saw the picture of the first victim, she gasped, reacting much more violently than Paige had expected.  
"What is it?"

"Oh my god," Phoebe finally uttered in a strangled voice. "Martin," she trailed…

"Oh," Paige exclaimed in turn. Now that she looked closely at the picture, she also recognized the former driver. "Oh my God," she said again, now almost trembling with fear for her cousin. "You've got to get out of there," she added quickly.

Phoebe seemed transfixed as she stared at the picture. "It couldn't be," she thought uncertainly. "No… it has to be a coincidence. If Fredo knew about Martin and me, he'd have said something."

"Phoebe," Paige called to her. "Don't you see?"

"I see nothing…It's very disturbing, I'll admit… but…" Phoebe hesitated some more, again wondering. Then she looked up at her cousin and tried to convince herself as much as Paige with her next words.  
"I think I know what this was. The idiot was a gambler. Fredo didn't even know where he went…I'm sure someone got him for some unpaid debt."

"You don't really believe that, do you Phoebe? Please, reconsider. You could stay here for a while. If we have to, we'll ask the police to protect you against Fredo…"

"I don't need any protection," Phoebe suddenly protested. "Fredo and I are just fine. If this idiot Martin got himself killed for his bad habit, that doesn't mean I should lose my best chance at stardom because of it."

"Phoebe," Paige exclaimed incredulously.

"I'm telling you, there's nothing to worry about."

Paige shook her head dejectedly. Phoebe was so stubborn. "What if I'm right?" Paige shivered at the thought of the horrors that monster could inflict on her cousin. Yet, Paige knew that Phoebe would be very hard to convince of that. Even impossible… As usual, Phoebe would do just what she wanted. Paige remembered the day, only four years ago, when she found Phoebe in New York. She had tried to convince her to change her ways then...to no avail.

At the time, Phoebe had just dumped a club owner who'd lost his business when he stood accused of bootlegging. Paige had been visiting New York with her husband of only a year. Walking down the street one late afternoon, she almost fainted when she recognized her cousin coming from the opposite direction. Without hesitation, Paige pulled herself away from her husband and ran toward Phoebe. Then, choking on her emotions, she hugged her cousin tight before remembering all the troubles this one had caused.  
"Phoebe Halliwell! What the hell were you thinking?"

"Well," Phoebe said then, "I see things didn't change much. You sure can run hot and cold."

"Why did you disappear like that?"

"How could you ask me that," Phoebe replied without any apparent remorse. "I was the one stuck in that prison for another three years. I couldn't take it Paige."

"We'd have helped you…" Paige tried again. 

"You know you tried and it didn't work…" Phoebe answered. Then her eyes caught sight of a man coming toward them purposefully. "Do you know him?"

"It's my husband," Paige answered softly, as she looked back. "I can't wait for him to know you."

"Paige, my name is Lara Love now. Please don't tell him my real name…" Phoebe added anxiously.

Paige looked back with an appalled expression, but when her husband rejoined with them, she presented Phoebe as Lara Love to the obvious relief of her cousin. Paige didn't have any picture of Phoebe as she had regretfully not thought of getting any. Therefore, her husband accepted her explanation that Lara was an old friend of hers rather than the cousin she'd talked about so often. Since then, Paige was convinced that Greg figured it out, but he never questioned it. She was very grateful for his discretion, but she was miffed at Phoebe for forcing her to lie to him.

That night over a girls' dinner without Paige's husband, Phoebe explained to her that she had started a new life with a new name and said good bye forever to Phoebe Halliwell. Paige found it hard to accept, but in the end she was only happy that her cousin was back in her life. That wasn't to say that things had gone smoothly at first. After Phoebe's escape, the police interrogated both Paige and her mother at length. It had been an ordeal that she didn't remember fondly. Phoebe apologized profusely for the trouble she caused her cousin, but she wasn't remorseful about her escape however. 

"But Phoebe… think about it. What if they ever catch up with you? You could've finished your sentence and be free to live your life without the fear of getting caught."

"No one will come for me. I was a little worried at first, but I guess they didn't think I was worth the trouble. I'm building myself a new life and you should be happy for me…"

"What kind of life is that, Phoebe?"

"The kind that's gonna give me what I really want. I'll sing just like you wanted me too, Paige. And I will become a star; I guaranty it."

Paige had wondered to no end about how this would come to pass considering that Phoebe was a fugitive. Much more than this, after some more insistence on her part, Phoebe told her some of the life she led in New York and Paige found it increasingly unbelievable. How could the sweet girl she used to know become such a cynical being? Phoebe was talking about men as if they were only stepping stones on the way to success. After some resistance, Phoebe told Paige of the few she had already put behind her. In the end, Paige almost felt pity for some of them. But much more for Phoebe, who knew no love and never intended to. Paige was so happy herself that she couldn't understand why her cousin denied herself this joy. Maybe if Phoebe loved someone, she would be tempted to change? The mere mention of the word had made Phoebe cringe.  
"Paige…you may think you're very happy… and I wish that I didn't believe what I'm about to tell you, but unfortunately I do. Your husband's just one of them. As soon as he tires of you, he'll go for some fresh meat like they all do. Men are disgusting and they don't deserve any consideration."

"Phoebe, are you insane? Not all men are like your father…"

"Don't ever mention him again," Phoebe exclaimed. Then after calming down somewhat, she pursued, "it wasn't only my father, Paige…"

"I know about those boys… but Phoebe, they were only boys…"

"No…they were what they are. Beasts who believe they can take us and throw us away… or put us in a corner for usage at their convenience. No man's ever gonna do that to me again!"

"I'm so sorry, Phoebe… So sorry you had to live through this."

"Don't be. It made me stronger. I'm not delusional anymore…"

"And I am," Paige questioned irritably.

"I'm sorry…maybe he's not too bad… but if he ever hurts you, I'll take care of him myself."

"Leave him out of this. Greg and I are very much in love. He'd never hurt me."

At this, Phoebe stared at her cousin without a word. Paige knew what Phoebe was thinking and she preferred not to pursue the subject.

****

Phoebe interrupted Paige's reminiscence with a surprising suggestion.  
"Let's go shopping!"

"What? Phoebe! After what you've just learned, you wanna go shopping?"

"What did I learn? That Martin got what he deserved for not paying his gambling debts? This has nothing to do with me," Phoebe uttered in total denial. "Let's go…I wanna have fun today. No more depressing thoughts."

Paige watched Phoebe in astonishment for a moment and then she thought she understood what her friend meant. Phoebe had come to her in the hope of finding some peace and Paige only managed to make her nervous. Maybe later she would try again to convince Phoebe…

Cole was getting antsy in the car. This gig didn't fit his need for action. He wasn't one to stay in one place for very long, lost with his own thoughts. Until now, that had not been a problem. However, he was starting to see a pattern in himself and it was unpleasant. Introspection was actually something he had avoided for many years he realized. Now, he couldn't seem to stop and he was getting tired of it. He looked in the rear view mirror, more to distract himself than for any real need and noticed that a car he'd seen earlier was still parked down the street, while the driver was sitting in it. That made him curious and as an added distraction, he decided to check up on it. After all, he was also supposed to keep Lara safe, and this looked strange to him.

As casually as he could, Cole climbed out of his car and started walking slowly toward the suspect vehicle. When he got about ten feet from it, he knew that something fishy was going on. The man he knew as Robbie was sitting in the front seat and when this one saw Cole approaching he came out of his own vehicle. In fact, it was obvious that Robbie wasn't too happy to have been found out.

"Hey," Cole called cautiously, as his right hand moved slowly toward the gun stuck in his belt. "Did Fredo send you here?"

"Saul did…," Robbie answered very seriously.

"I don't see why. I can protect Lara on my own…"

"I don't think Saul is worried about Lara," Robbie uttered with a hint of sarcasm.

"Are you saying he's worried about me?" Cole asked with as much incredulity as he could fake.

"You haven't proven anything yet…" Robbie replied.

"I see," Cole said, while staring directly at the young gangster. 

He felt thoroughly uncomfortable with the man. Cole got the distinct impression that Robbie only waited for some provocation on his part. What was Saul up to, he wondered anew, even as he gave Robbie a cocky smile.  
"Well, you're welcome to waste your time for as long as you wish." Then, he slowly turned his back to Robbie and started toward the car. In spite of his apparent carelessness, Cole was paying close attention to any sound coming from behind, while he still kept his hand near the gun at his belt. When he heard the footsteps behind him, Cole understood that Robbie had elected to follow him and Cole pretended he didn't notice.

As she and Paige were heading out, Phoebe worked on herself to forget what she had seen in the paper. However, it was difficult to ignore. What if Fredo truly did it? A shiver coursed down her spine at the thought and again she rejected it forcefully. No, this couldn't be. Fredo had been nothing but sweet to her lately and not at all jealous. However, that also reminded her of her stupid move of the previous day. In a way, she began thinking that Cole's rejection was almost a blessing. If he had taken her offer, she had the feeling that they wouldn't have gone much further than the study, so strong her urge had been. It could have been seriously dangerous for her, and she admitted, surprising herself, dangerous for Cole as well. Maybe it was this momentary lapse, or the renewed frustration she felt then, but when she saw Robbie coming toward the car behind Cole, Phoebe got another urge. It didn't help at all that Paige started again on how handsome the driver was from the moment they got out of the house.

Cole saw them coming and grudgingly, he went to open the back door for them. However, Phoebe passed him without a glance and she went directly at Robbie.  
"Hey Robbie," she uttered languorously. "What are you doing here?"

Robbie's eyes widened in surprise at Phoebe's warm greeting... He had hoped for something from her, but never really expected it to happen. Yet now she was looking at him in such a manner that he felt a delicious chill coursing through him. Maybe, he would get to taste her after all, he reflected, barely containing the urge to touch her right then and there. Phoebe didn't resist this however. She cast a rapid glance toward the driver and then put light fingers on Robbie's shirt collar, moving down toward his chest languorously.   
"Huh," Robbie began hesitantly as her touch was all he could think about. "Saul wanted me to make sure everything was ok…"

"Saul," Phoebe questioned dubiously.

Robbie feared that she would turn away and he quickly added, "well, I wanted to make sure too…"

Phoebe flashed another big smile at the young man, to which he responded with an almost timid one.

Cole watched this with a mounting discomfort that was totally foreign to him. He only knew that this wasn't pleasant at all. When he understood what this feeling was, he wished he could have slapped himself with the hope that it would go away. He was jealous…something he never even thought possible. Yet, right then, he hated that man with all the fibers of his being. It took him all of his self-control to stay where he was as he flashed angry looks at the couple. Lara's friend helped him in that she was watching him closely and Cole realized that he must have been really obvious because she was grinning mischievously. This only added to his total confusion and anger. At last, he couldn't take this anymore.  
"Did you wanna go somewhere," he questioned irritably.

Phoebe turned very slowly toward him, as if she couldn't be bothered by a mere employee but deigned answering anyway.   
"As a matter of fact, we were going to shop," She finally said, giving Cole what he thought was a disdainful look before she returned her attention to Robbie. "I assure you Robbie. I'll be just fine… but I'm so grateful for your concern," Phoebe said sweetly. "Why don't you go back to the house and I'll be back in a few hours," she added with a suggestive caress on his arm. 

Robbie, who thought himself blazed actually flinched like a college boy at this.  
"Yeah, of course," he answered with a stupid grin.

"Later," Phoebe added in the same lascivious voice before she turned toward their car and signalled for Paige to get in as well. 

Cole couldn't help glaring at Robbie before he closed the car door a little too hard. He was so upset, he even forgot to be worried about the reason why Robbie had come here in the first place as he climbed into the driver seat and started the engine. Only when he engaged on the road did Cole think of checking up on what Robbie was doing. However, this one was still standing on the side of the road, making no move to go to his car. At least, this reassured Cole that he wouldn't be following them all day.

After he lost sight of the gangster, Cole's anger turned toward Lara. He knew it was stupid on his part but he couldn't help feeling irrationally betrayed. Behind him, the two women were giggling at something and he was convinced it was about him, this only irritating him more. He began paying closer attention to their conversation while pretending he didn't care.

"I'm telling you," Paige was saying barely above a whisper. "He's got it bad for you…"

Phoebe chuckled at what she thought was her cousin's naivety.  
"Oh come on, he's just like all the others. Men all want what the others have. Must be some atavistic remnant from the cavemen..."

"Well, this caveman still seems really into you, Phoebe." Paige said then, the last word a little too loud for Phoebe's taste. Indeed, she thought she noticed Cole's slight movement of surprise at the name.

"Paige," she grumbled irritably, "don't call me that."

"Oh right," Paige replied covertly. "Sorry. But I gotta tell you, I don't understand why you'd play these games with him. Besides, I really don't like that other guy. He looks shifty to me."

Phoebe shrugged in annoyance and didn't answer this. 

Cole hadn't heard anything but the name Phoebe. Although it surprised him a little, he reasoned that Lara Love was certainly a professional name. He still thought that it might be useful information. Who knew what else he could learn? This new possibility helped him calm down a little as it reminded him of the reasons why he was there in the first place. Cole chastised himself inwardly as he questioned Phoebe on their destination as flatly as he could manage. This one answered almost distractedly and it annoyed him anew. 

Through the afternoon, Phoebe pretended that everything was fine but so many things bothered her now that Paige could see it as plainly as if Phoebe had said so. However, every time Paige tried to talk to her, Phoebe quickly changed the subject and this until they came back at Paige's house a few hours later. There, Cole helped carry the packages inside and he finally heard something of interest.

"Phoebe," Paige started, certain that Cole wasn't really paying them any attention at this point. "You've gotta listen to me."

"About what," Phoebe questioned, even though she knew what her cousin wanted.

"You know perfectly well. What happened to Martin is bad. I can't help fearing for you."

"I told you. He got killed by his own fault… It had nothing to do with me, I'm sure of it." Phoebe replied. 

Cole passed them on his way back to the car and Phoebe stopped talking, hoping he hadn't heard any of their conversation.  
"Look Paige," she said after she was certain that he was out of ear shot, "I want you to stop worrying. Nothing is wrong. Saturday, I want you in the front row seat, you hear me," she added with a sweet smile.

Paige stared at her cousin with the same obvious worry but she nodded in acquiescence, albeit reluctantly. Smiling anew, she indicated Cole and added, "Meanwhile, why don't you give some thought to a change in partners. I really think you could have something there."

"Stop talking crazy, Paige. He's only an ambitious man who took this job with the hope of finding riches. I don't need another one of those in my life…"

"I don't think," Paige started, but Phoebe interrupted her.

"I know…Just worry about being there Saturday. It wouldn't be the same without you Paige. You know you're the only person that really matters in my life."

Paige smiled softly at her cousin before they hugged for a long moment. Reluctantly, Paige let go of Phoebe and watched her go with renewed apprehension.

All Cole retained of the last bit was that Lara knew about the former driver's death. Uncomfortably, he wondered what it meant and how long she had known. As they went on their way, he glanced at her in the mirror and he thought he detected some nervousness in her. Was it about the former driver? The mystery of this woman only deepened for him. However, far from helping him distance himself from her, he realized it only served to increase his interest in her. By now, he had almost managed to forget about the intense jealousy he had felt earlier, but the need for her was only growing for every moment.   
"Something the matter," he questioned as he saw her grimacing unhappily in the mirror.

"None of your business," Phoebe answered too quickly. Cole got the distinct impression that she was afraid.

"It's just you look jumpy…"

"One would be for less. You should know better than anyone. What with Fredo getting shot at and all," Phoebe voiced then. It wasn't really her main concern, but she suddenly felt the need to talk. Talk about anything rather than torturing herself about Martin.

"I won't let anything happen to you."

Phoebe looked up curiously when she heard the accent of sincerity in his voice. Did he really care? No, that couldn't be, she thought again.  
"Of course you won't. If something happens to me, Fredo'll have your head."

"Right," Cole answered irritably.

For the rest of the ride, they kept silent and Phoebe realized that she regretted having said what she did. She almost wished she could believe he cared. 

Robbie had spent the afternoon doing some research on Cole Turner and he was now telling Saul what he found out.  
"There's nothing special about him. The little I gathered, he lives large… Maybe a little too large for the kind of business he has, but other than that, he doesn't seem to have any connection with another gang."

"What do you mean large?" Saul asked suspiciously.

"Well, he has a very nice apartment. The car he owns is paid for in full…but other than the piano tuning and some war stories, none of his neighbors knew much about him. Except maybe that he receives a great number of female visitors."

"A gigolo," Saul immediately assumed with a smirk. "Well now that I can believe…Still, if he has such means… why accept Fredo's offer," Saul mused for himself.

"Beats me," Robbie replied, garnering an irritated glare from his boss. When he saw the mood Saul was in, he excused himself and left Fredo's office where they had been discussing this. He got out just in time to see Phoebe and Cole returning, the driver burdened by a number of packages. Phoebe had obviously been extravagant. Robbie looked around cautiously and then he smiled at her when he was certain no one was observing them. Her response seemed colder than earlier and he began to wonder if he had read her right. However, she still came to him and Robbie didn't notice Cole's angry glance as this one put down the packages. Without waiting to see what they would do, Cole stomped toward the study, determined to finish the work on the piano. He couldn't stand to look at them anymore. His tool bag was still besides the double doors and he grabbed it angrily. Once inside the study, Cole chastised himself again for the jealousy he felt but to no avail. All he could think about was what she might be doing with that man right now. He found himself standing still in between the doors and the piano, uncertain what he should do. After a long moment of indecision, he went and sat heavily at the piano. 

He was about to begin working on it when a flash of his childhood came to him.

Cole's mother was sitting by his side, as he was only four years old. She had been the one who initiated him to music. He remembered her soft features and how she always smiled at him even though she was already very sick by then.

Cole didn't know why all those memories and sensations were coming back like this. All he knew is that it was very sudden. Until the day before, he had buried all of this under a blanket of cynicism that suited him well. Now, he couldn't stop the memories. He remembered also how his mother in her last few weeks couldn't even sit on the bench with him, but would lie still on the couch beside him and listen to him practicing for hours on end. This had been a bittersweet period for Cole as even at this tender age, he had sensed that the end was near. His mother used to love a particular melody. It was only a lullaby, the one she'd taught him first and before he knew it, Cole began playing it hesitantly on Lara's piano.

Phoebe was doing her best to be pleasant to Robbie. Now that she had started this, and even though she almost regretted it, she wasn't ready to back off. Yet, she couldn't help a few glances toward the study, as she wondered if Cole cared. She had almost convinced herself that he didn't when she heard the first hesitant notes of a lullaby and she turned abruptly toward the study, startling Robbie. Hadn't Cole said he didn't play at all? Yet, within a few seconds, the melody began to take form and it was obviously played with skill. Slowly, she walked toward the study, ignoring Robbie's reproachful stare as he followed her.

Cole seemed totally taken into the music, oblivious to anything around him, as if he was in another place, Phoebe thought. For the first time in years, she simply enjoyed listening. A strange peace was invading her at the sounds. Only when she remembered the last time she had felt like this did she shake the feeling away almost angrily.  
"I thought you didn't play," she called curtly at Cole.

This one seemed startled and instead of turning to her right away, he stopped playing and looked at his hands with what seemed astonishment. It only lasted an instant before he turned to her with a smirk.  
"It's only a lullaby. Anybody can play this on a piano," Cole answered, wondering why he was defensive inwardly.

"Right," Phoebe answered, unconvinced.

Their eyes met then and Cole could swear he saw pain in hers, as if the music had awakened some regrets in her just as it had in him. Cole tore himself from this moment and, forgetting altogether about the repairs, he grabbed his tool bag and stood up abruptly. As he passed Phoebe on his way out of the study, he said aloud.  
"Well, if Fredo wants me, he knows where to find me. I think it was a full day's work." Then, after flashing a glaring look at Robbie, he bent defiantly toward Phoebe and whispered in her ear.  
"Phoebe suits you much better…"

Cole didn't even know why he said that as he hurried toward the front door before anyone could protest and he didn't see the startled look on her face. 

Cole was tempted to go directly to Paul's again but he decided against it when he realized he didn't know how to talk about the conflicting feelings he was now having. Why were all those childhood memories back? Deep down however, he had a good idea of why. Phoebe's beautiful face was floating constantly in his mind. He could still see the pain in her eyes and wondered what could have been so painful in the music. After all, she was a singer and heard music all the time. That brought him back to his own dilemma and the amazing yet disturbing fact that for the first time in twelve years, he had played music. Moreover, he understood that all this was in fact related to the feelings Phoebe had awakened inside of him. 

As he got back inside his apartment building, Cole distractedly picked up yet another note, obviously from Rita again.

"Cole…since you haven't come back yet, I fear that there's no hope… Unless you come to me now, I guess it's not worth continuing without you…"

The note was unsigned but it wasn't needed. However, the implication of the message sent a shiver down his spine. Cole became convinced that Rita was about to commit the irreparable and he turned around abruptly, practically running out of the building, as he caught himself praying that he wouldn't be too late.

Rita sat in her living room, staring fixedly at the front door while she held the gun in her lap.   
"I'm waiting for you," she uttered darkly… 


	9. Music to My Soul Chapter 9

**Music to my Soul**

Chapter IX

** P**aul stopped his car about fifty feet from the house of his destination. It was a rich neighbourhood, filled with large and expensive looking habitations. However, Paul didn't pay much attention to those. His focus immediately went to the wealth of activities taking place in front of one particular house. At least three police cars were parked in the middle of the road, along with a horse drawn hearse. Paul spotted his photographer just as a stretcher was rolled out of the house. Only then did Paul make the connection with a shiver. He recognized this place because Cole indicated it to him as they were driving by, the day he bought his new car… Paul also remembered the note of the morning and now he wondered about Rita and his friend.

He was tempted to approach the stretcher first, on which even from a distance he could see a body with the sheet drawn all the way over the head. Then, he figured he might as well try to talk to the police first. Gingerly, as he was uncomfortable with this event, he went toward the nearest officer but stopped short at seeing Cole sitting on the lawn, his head buried in his hands. Paul felt relief mixing with some puzzlement at his friend's presence. The confusion got even deeper when more police officers came out of the house dragging a handcuffed Rita. The mature woman seemed transfixed for a moment, but when she spotted Cole in turn, she became hysterical.  
"Cole… I did it for you… You've gotta believe me. We can be together now!"

The officers had to tighten their hold on Rita as they pulled her towards one of the cars. She repeatedly tried to turn toward Cole and get his attention but this one didn't react at all. Paul watched the car leaving and then he walked toward Cole uncertainly. As if sensing his approach, Cole looked up and Paul saw something he never thought reflected in his friend's eyes again. There was infinite pain in his expression.   
"Cole," Paul questioned softly.

"Don't start with the "I told you so" Paul," Cole replied brusquely, looking away.

Paul sighed heavily, knowing this wouldn't be easy. After a few seconds of silence, he went to sit by Cole on the lawn. The ground was cold and uncomfortable, but Cole didn't seem to care one way or the other.  
"What happened," Paul finally questioned.

"Fate just came to bite me in the ass is what happened."

Paul grimaced unhappily but he insisted calmly.  
"More to the point…?"

"Rita shot her husband…when I got here he was already dead, bleeding like a pig on their living room rug." Cole's voice was low and pained, although a hint of self-mockery pierced through his next words. "I guess I should've known it could happen…you heard what she said?" Cole added, turning toward Paul with the same haunted expression.

"Cole, I…"

"There's no excuse." Cole interrupted. "I know I said no "I told you so" but that's because I don't need to hear it from you. I've been telling it to myself for the last thirty minutes."

"Cole," Paul started more firmly. "It's not your fault if the woman was that disturbed. Granted, you didn't help, but I imagine she and her husband must've had problems before. Just the fact she slept around was a big hint. You know it could have been you on that stretcher…"

Cole didn't answer while he avoided looking at his friend and Paul got the distinct impression that he was pondering whether it would have been better that way.   
"Look, I got to have a talk with the man in charge for my paper, but I want you to wait for me. I'll buy you a drink afterward…"

Cole nodded weakly without looking up and Paul reluctantly left his side. Throughout his conversation with an officer who was more amenable than the others, Paul kept watch of his friend, fearing that he might leave in this state of mind. All the while, Paul also wondered about this overreaction. What just happened was dramatic yes, but Cole wasn't one to become this upset, not even for something like that. Yet right then he seemed devastated and in truth, Paul was even surprised that he didn't try to leave in spite of Paul's request. What was the matter with his friend? Where was the calculating man he had gotten used to after all these years? As Paul was thanking the officer and preparing to return to his friend, a memory flashed in his mind. It was probably the last time he had seen Cole emotional about anything. 

**

The surgeon had just left after confirming to both of them that the surgery was successful. Paul remembered how detached Cole had been while looking at his own hands.   
"Hey, isn't it great?" Paul asked.

"Yeah," Cole had said, obviously unconvinced.

"Don't you see what this means," Paul questioned further, puzzled as he was by his friend's lack of enthusiasm.

"I don't know," Cole answered flatly, surprising Paul even more.

This one stayed silent for a long moment, wondering what was the matter with his friend. Then, he thought that maybe now was the time for a little confession. His part in Cole's drama weighed heavily on his conscience, but Paul had not been able to tell Cole about it until then.   
"Cole…there's something I need to tell you…"

"What?"

"Remember when…well when the accident happened."

Cole flashed an angry stare at his friend, telling Paul that he still wasn't over what happened.  
"Well…" Paul continued hesitantly, "I wrote a letter…a letter to the girl…"

"You what???" Cole uttered in astonishment.

"I never meant for her to read it or do anything to hurt you…Someone found it and apparently they gave it to her …and then…"

"Then what," Cole asked curtly.

"Then, the other boys sent you the note you got…it was my fault… I know that now."

Cole had stood up at this point, staring at his friend with more hurt than Paul ever remembered seeing in him and then he stomped out of the hospital tent. 

For the next few days, every time Paul tried to talk to his friend, Cole turned away from him and Paul feared he might have lost his friend for good. Then, on one evening where Cole was drinking with a few buddies in the mess hall, Paul went decisively toward him, determined as he was to try one last time to get through to Cole. When he got close, Cole looked up and surprised Paul by giving him an awkward smile and inviting him to the table. Paul had been preparing a speech and now he didn't know what to say as he sat with Cole and the other guys. These seemed to sense something because they soon got up claiming to have some tasks to finish, and they left Cole and Paul alone.  
"Ssssssssso…" Paul trailed, unsure as Cole didn't say a word.

Cole turned to him with the same awkward smile.  
"I overreacted, didn't I?"

"I wouldn't say that," Paul answered calmly. "I'd have been pissed myself if the situation was reversed…"

"You didn't do this, Paul. She did."

Another long silence prolonged between them. Paul watched the other people distractedly, unable to chase away the feeling that he was still partly responsible.  
"That was stupid on my part and I should've told you I did it…I just never imagined…"

"I told you, Paul. It wasn't your fault."

"But now, you can play again," Paul added with a little more enthusiasm.

"I'll never play again…"

How many times did Cole repeat this to him? As Paul approached his friend, he knew he couldn't count them. It was all part of the same thing; Cole's hatred of women, his need to belittle them and the coldness of his actions. It all started that night when his entire life changed because of that girl, and that was never clearer than in the mess hall when Paul saw Cole's almost lifeless eyes as he told him he'd never play again. Paul knew then how truly hurt his friend had been but he had yet to find a way to help him through this.   
"Cole," he called to him.

Cole didn't acknowledge him right away. Instead he looked back toward the house where the awful drama had taken place.   
"Cole, we've gotta go. The officer told me you've answered all their questions?"

"Yeah," Cole trailed as he slowly got up.

"I'll give you a ride…"

The simple fact that Cole went to Paul's car without protesting was another sign that he was struck deeply. Paul followed him while still worrying. Since he had not gotten through to him about the piano, could he help Cole with this new catastrophe, he wondered as he started the car…

Phoebe was preparing to go to rehearsal but her heart wasn't in it. However, she still welcomed the chance to get out of the house and be distracted from the confusing thoughts that haunted her. Ever since Cole left, she either tried to figure him out or went back to wondering about Martin and Fredo. Neither subject was any better for her tranquility. Earlier, when Fredo learned that Cole had left abruptly, he almost threw a fit and Phoebe actually found it scary this time. She avoided him afterward since she couldn't help imagining what he might do when really angry, and the sight of him only intensified those fears. This is why she tried to sneak out on her own, knowing full well that Fredo wouldn't want to let her go without a driver. She was afraid of confronting him but still wanted out of there. Her luck ran out as she was about to open the front door.  
"Where are you going?" Fredo called curtly, startling Phoebe.

Phoebe felt a chill and she hesitated slightly before turning toward the man she had considered her protector until recently.  
"I'm going to rehearsal, Fredo. You know that."

"You can't go anywhere by yourself. I thought I made this clear this morning."

Phoebe's first movement was to protest vehemently, but once again the hint of fear, which was growing in her, kept her from it. Instead, she tried to appeal to him.  
"Look, it's my big night in two days. I've got to be ready and I can't be without some practice on stage."

"I still can't let you go alone," Fredo repeated stubbornly, while taking a few steps toward her. 

Phoebe had to work on herself not to step back. What a change it was from the confident attitude she had in the morning. Until then, she would never have imagined that Fredo could be a danger to her. Now she wasn't certain of anything anymore. Fredo seemed to sense her discomfort because he gave her a paternal smile before addressing her in a more amenable voice.  
"I tried to get Turner back here, but he doesn't answer the phone. I can't let you go unless there's someone who can make sure you're safe. Why don't you let Robbie accompany you there instead? I can spare him for tonight. Saul's gonna stick around."

Suddenly, the idea of being stuck with Robbie all night didn't have any appeal for Phoebe. In fact, it made her thoroughly uncomfortable.  
"There will be many people there, Fredo. I won't be alone. Besides," she added in a lower voice, "are you sure about Saul?"

"Lara, again I gotta warn you not to interfere in my affairs," Fredo retorted while his expression darkened. "Robbie will go with you or you will stay here. I don't want anymore discussion."

His intonation, even more than the words, told Phoebe it would be a bad idea to protest further. She simply nodded in acquiescence and Fredo turned around to go fetch Robbie. A minute later, the young gangster was eagerly joining her by the door. However just before they went out, Fredo called to Robbie. Fredo waited until he was certain only Robbie could hear what he had to say.  
"You watch her as if your life depended on it, Robbie. And don't let her out of your sight. Lara is too free spirited for her own good. And Robbie," Fredo added as the young man was again turning toward the door, "Bring her back to me." The last word was pronounced in such a manner that Robbie understood it was meant as a warning. Nevertheless, he still believed that he could fool Fredo and get to screw the pretty singer. After all, she had given him all the signals. Robbie only nodded and hurried back to Phoebe, already imagining himself undressing her.

Cole and Paul had been sitting in their favourite Speakeasy for at least two hours and Paul felt that he had not made a dent in Cole's gloomy mood. This one was nursing a drink, not really interested in anything his friend had to say. For the last thirty minutes, they had fallen silent, vaguely watching the growing crowd in this early evening, while each lost in their thoughts. 

Cole couldn't help seeing the atrocious scene he had witnessed over and over in his mind's eye. It wasn't so much the death that had struck him so hard but the crazy look on Rita's face when he entered the house. She was sitting on the love seat where they had shared a few passionate moments in the past, only staring ahead while her husband bled to death at her feet. When she had noticed Cole, she'd smiled alluringly, as if nothing had happened. Then, as he tried to shake her out of it, she started on this crazy notion that she'd done it for him. It didn't matter that it was insane on her part. Long after he'd called the police and left Rita in their custody, Cole still couldn't get this out of his mind. He knew that Paul was trying to make him feel better about it, but in truth, he didn't want to feel better.

If he had done this sort of thing only once, maybe it wouldn't be so terrible, but he knew now how much hurt he had spread during the last few years. Cole had seen it clearly in Rita's crazed eyes. What's more, for the first time, he questioned everything he had held true for almost twelve years. The worse part, he reflected, was that, if he had been wrong all this time, no amount of remorse or even amends could repair the damage he had done. Looking back at his long time friend, Cole realized that even now he was being selfish. How could he have come this far?   
"You should go home, Paul," Cole suddenly uttered, startling his friend.

"I can't leave you alone now, Cole," Paul answered quickly. He feared what his friend might do in this state of obvious depression. Actually, Paul wished he knew what was truly on Cole's mind, right then.

Cole chuckled unhappily before he answered.  
"If you're afraid I'm gonna kill myself, don't worry. I'm not that crazy…"

"Wow, you're a laugh a minute Cole Turner," Paul replied without a smile as he was truly not amused. "What's the matter with you?" He questioned next.

"You mean the fact I got a man killed is not enough," Cole replied impatiently.

"I mean you killed men yourself before, Cole. I'm not saying you enjoyed it, but you were never that broken up over it."

"I did care," Cole answered, somewhat appalled… Then he seemed to deflate, as if he couldn't bring himself to give any more excuses for his behaviour… "Sorry," he trailed while again avoiding Paul's eyes.

Paul watched him with a mix of astonishment and compassion for a while, as he was unsure what to say now. Cole seemed so changed. Then, he realized what this attitude reminded him of. It was like they had turned back time. However, when Cole was the young man filled with hope Paul used to know, he wasn't that easily defeated.   
"Feeling's a bitch isn't it," Paul finally said.

Cole shrugged without answering, which only deepened Paul's discomfort. Two girls walked by the table at this point, giggling in an obvious attempt to get their attention. Paul was a married man but he did remember the game very well. Cole and he had played this one quite a few times. Cole indeed looked up and gave a quick glance to the girls without a smile, and then he went back to his gloomy contemplation. That is when Paul made the connection.  
"It's that girl isn't it?"

This got a reaction from Cole.  
"What are you talking about," he protested with more animation than he had all night.

"Oh yes that's it… you really know how to pick them…what happened?"

"Nothing happened. Lara has nothing to do with this…"

"Lara hey?" Paul couldn't help a little smile after hearing his friend's intonation. "You've fallen for her haven't you?"

"Paul, you stop that right now…Why don't you go back to your wife. I've kept you from her long enough…"

"Ok now I know there's something there. Since when do you care about my marriage?"

"I care that you're happy. I always did, you know that…"

"Maybe so, but you never, ever cared about me being happy with Lydia…or more to the point, you never cared about her feelings."

"Well, I do now," Cole answered curtly, "you should be happy about that."

"Don't get me wrong. I am! I just wish I knew if this Lara had something to do with it…"

Cole sighed uncertainly. Until now, he had tried to avoid thinking about Lara. It only added to the pain and the confusion. What if he was falling for her? How fitting indeed, he reflected that he would fall for a woman who was certainly never gonna return his love…

This time however, Cole knew he couldn't even reproach it to her. In a way it would be the proper punishment for what he'd done. The one woman he could love was also the one who wouldn't hesitate to break his heart at the drop of a hat. How ironic, he added bitterly for himself.  
"Look I don't know," Cole admitted in a low voice. "I don't know anything anymore Paul. For the last two days I've been having doubts about everything…today…" Cole hesitated, unsure if he should tell Paul. He still had trouble believing it actually happened.

"What?" Paul questioned with a hint of anxiety. His friend's voice was filled with pain. This wasn't how he envisioned Cole finding his heart again.

"I played today…" Cole simply said while observing Paul's reaction.

"You, you… what? You played? You what?" Paul babbled incredulously. 

"Yeah, I know… it seems impossible, doesn't it?"

"No! It's great!" Paul said with the beginning of a smile. For a moment there, he forgot about the drama that had taken place earlier, only amazed at this news.  
"I mean, Cole…you played!"

"Only a little tune my mother taught me…I don't even know how it happened…"

"You remember your mother?"

"Yeah," Cole trailed again. "I know I never told you that. In fact, until this afternoon, it was never so clear…"  
As he was saying this, he could see his mother again, so weak, as she lied on the sofa by his side. He also remembered the terrible pain it had been to lose her. Maybe it was when this pattern of denial started. His first year in the orphanage had been hell. Afterward, her memory had become a blur, with only the piano for a reminder. And even that, Cole knew, was mostly a subconscious way to keep her alive for him. Then when he heard the girl singing from across the street, the little boy's feelings that had always accompanied his playing changed into something much more adult. And then, she had betrayed him… Was that really what was happening? Was he falling for Lara, and was that what brought back to the surface all those feelings he had buried under the hatred and denial all those years? Yet, Cole also wondered what he knew of love. Friendship he understood. Paul had been a great teacher of that. However, what he felt for Lara was not the reassuring feeling of friendship. It was an aching, a longing for her, and he couldn't tell if it was love or simply an intense desire.  
"I don't know what's the matter with me, Paul. I really don't know…"

"I'm afraid I do…I just wish you hadn't fallen for that girl…she could be a murderer, Cole."

"No!" Cole protested vehemently. "I won't believe that."

"How can you be so sure? All the signs tell…"

"No Paul…you didn't see how scared she looked," Cole pursued intensely.

"What happened? You've learned something?"

"Well…" Cole started hesitantly. "I'm now convinced that she knows about the driver's death, yes… but I don't believe she had anything to do with it…"

"Maybe what you're feeling now is blinding you, Cole."

"I'm not stupid, Paul," Cole almost shouted.

"Hey I didn't mean it like that, Cole. I just know how easy it is to ignore the bad about someone you love… I've been doing that for twelve years, turning a blind eye to your dark side…" When he saw Cole about to protest, Paul pursued quickly. "Don't get me wrong, I think you're the best friend I ever had. However, you've got to admit that it wasn't always a picnic…"

Cole preferred not to answer that. He was now realizing this very clearly and that didn't help his mood in the least.  
"I don't know what to do Paul…All I know is that I wanna protect her…"

"Cole! It's all in your honor that you'd wanna do that, but what if she's in cohort with Fredo? What if she understands why you're there and denounces you to him? What happened to the driver might very well happen to you or worse…"

"Be that as it may, Paul, I still can't turn my back on her…I just can't…"

"You might have to, Cole. Look, I know how difficult that can be, but unless you're absolutely sure about her, I don't think you should risk your life for her. Please, at least think about it some more…"

"Alright," Cole answered grudgingly, again surprising Paul. "I'll think about it, but I can do that on my own… I'll take a cab; just go home…"

"You're sure," Paul questioned with a frown. "I don't mind staying. In fact, I'd prefer to…"

"No…it's ok Paul. I need some time alone…and I promise I won't do anything rash if that's what you're afraid of. But I can't promise you I won't go back to Fredo's. Even if it wasn't just for Lara, there would still be the matter of my promise to Leo. I haven't gotten the goods for him yet…"

"But…" Paul started to protest.

"I'll be careful, I promise," Cole interrupted. "If I go back, I won't tell Lara anything that could endanger me…is that enough for you?"

"It's not, but I guess it'll have to do. However, now I'm seriously curious about this girl."

"Wait a minute," Cole said with more animation. "What are you thinking about?"

"Well," Paul began casually with a smile, "I promised Lydia I'd take her out and a night at the Pharaoh Club seems appropriate. If I'm not mistaken, your Lara's show opens this Saturday…"

"No Paul. I don't want you anywhere near them," Cole protested.

"Hey, it's a free country. Besides, what could happen to me in a crowded Club? I'm just gonna be one of the spectators. I wouldn't risk Lydia's safety like this…"

"I still think it's a bad idea."

"And I say I wanna see the girl who stole my friend's heart. By the way, I hope I don't have to worry about you ripping it out of your chest?"

Cole wanted to protest, but he really wasn't even certain enough of anything at this point and frankly, he didn't feel like pursuing this discussion. He still worried about Paul going anywhere near Fredo's circle, but he also knew that Paul could be just as stubborn as he was.  
"Just go home," he simply said with a vague smile. "I'll try to refrain from doing that…"

"How reassuring," Paul clowned, although at this point, he wasn't certain if he should be happy about Cole's new attitude, or scared to death. Reluctantly, he went out of the Speakeasy, but all the while, he continued to worry about what would happen next. 

Not long after Paul left, the gloomy thoughts returned to Cole, and he found himself staring at the glass of liquor without seeing it. That is until he heard a voice he had not expected calling to him sarcastically.  
"Well, you don't take rejection too well, do you," Lara was saying. 

When Cole looked up, more than a little astonished at her presence there, he saw that Lara was smiling mockingly. For a second, he became irritated, but he soon forgot about it as he looked away from her. At this point, he was only relieved that she was safe and he decided not to respond to her provocation.  
"Where's your little puppy?" he still asked in an attempt at some sarcasm of his own that fell flat.

"Who're you talking about?"

"Weren't you all cozy with this Robbie guy? Or maybe Fredo's around somewhere? I wonder how you can keep up with this game you're playing…" Cole tried to sound casual, but he wondered if he wasn't too transparent none the less.

"Not that it's any of your business… but I'm on my own tonight," Lara answered as she took the seat Paul had occupied earlier without being invited. "Now are you gonna offer me a drink?"

In spite of all he knew about her, and all he didn't, Cole realized that her mere presence had lifted some of the pain from his chest. Suddenly, he didn't even care whether she saw how much he was happy to be with her. Even if he remembered Paul's warning, as he gazed back at Lara with a half-smile, he couldn't help his heart from racing.  
"Alright, I give… what would be your pleasure?"

"That's more like it," she uttered softly with a smile that could have melted an iceberg. 

Robbie was becoming impatient. Lara had cut the rehearsal short and he had hoped it was gonna be for his benefit. However, after she taunted him with a sweet smile and the light but burning touch of her fingers on his chest, she claimed she needed some time alone in her dressing room. That was fifteen minutes ago and now, Robbie couldn't wait any longer. He was so hard it was becoming painful and he wasn't about to let her lead him on like that. Lara had been hinting at this all day and he was ready for the screw of his life. Decidedly, he knocked on the dressing room door. After many attempts without an answer, he called loudly to Lara. When still getting no answer, Robbie became anxious at the same time as angry. Without anymore hesitation, he pushed the door open and found the room empty. His arousal was immediately replaced by a sinking feeling, which he felt through his guts.  
"Fucking bitch!" He screamed, closing the door behind him and rushing out of the Club to try and find Lara before Fredo got wind of this… 


	10. Music to My Soul Chapter 10

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter X**

**R**obbie sat in his car, watching the house anxiously. He had been looking around for almost an hour before ending up here. However, right then, there were two possibilities, and he reflected that neither was very good. If Lara was already home, Fredo would know he had lost her and he would be in deep shit. And that was the least he could face. The other possibility was that she wasn't there, and if something actually happened to her… That thought alone caused him to swallow hard. He remembered clearly Martin's screams as Saul followed their boss's instructions. This wasn't a pleasant prospect, was Fredo to become angry with him. Martin had only been indiscreet. If Lara died or even got hurt, he didn't want to think what Fredo would do to him. For a moment, Robbie wondered how far he could get if he tried to run away. However, that would mean giving up all he had worked for… "Goddamn bitch," Robbie grumbled, as he made the decision to continue looking for her a while longer. Who knew, maybe he could turn this around and even get her to give him what she so obviously promised. 

Putting his fears behind him, he started the car and headed away from Fredo Turello's house

The last hour had seemed to fly by for Cole. They had only been talking about meaningless stuff, but it felt good none the less. Even the silences were in no way uncomfortable. Indeed, Lara didn't seem in any hurry to leave either, and Cole found himself grateful for just her presence. That is until he began wondering about Fredo. Lara seemed somewhat lost in thought when he called to her.  
"Lara?"

"Yes…" she answered, as she turned to him with that soft smile she had given him a few times in the last hour. For a few seconds, Cole almost forgot all about his worries, enjoying the warm feeling that came to him at the sight. 

"You were saying," Lara insisted.

"I'm wondering… Won't Fredo worry about you being alone for so long?"

"I'm not alone…after all he wanted you to drive me. Technically… I'm respecting his conditions…"

"Technically as in… he doesn't know about it," Cole added pointedly.

"What's the problem," Phoebe questioned, while her expression darkened.

Suddenly, Cole felt as if the room had cooled off. All the bad feelings of earlier threatened to return and he realized that it was only because he feared he had displeased her. That was rather unbelievable, but he couldn't help wanting to see that smile again. However, Cole couldn't dismiss his worries so easily. Cole was convinced that the old man wouldn't hurt Lara as long as he believed she belonged to him. On the other hand, if she tried to leave or provoked him, Lara could be in danger and Cole certainly didn't want to be the cause of it. Even if the idea of her going back there troubled him, Cole didn't think she could just decide to leave Fredo like that; if her wanting to leave him was even in the realm of possibilities, he admitted to himself grudgingly. On the other hand, if he could get something on the old man, then Lara would be safe from him and maybe…Cole realized he had to stop thinking this way. It was only hurtful and maybe, this need he felt was simply a reaction to his remorse. It still didn't change the fact that he wanted to make sure Lara was safe, no matter the outcome. Even as he pursued her, Cole knew he'd already made the decision whether to continue this mission or not.  
"I'm not sure if there's a problem, but this morning he seemed awfully worried. I…well… we both know that Fredo is not exactly a philanthropist…but he seems to care about you a lot…"

"Are you worried about me or yourself?" The annoyance in her voice was palpable. 

Cole felt her slipping away by the moment.  
"Look, I'm just thinking that he might have a point… what with those people shooting at him and all. If you expose yourself, they could come after you because of him…"

"I won't be locked up," Lara uttered stubbornly.

Cole thought he detected a change in her attitude. This time however, underneath an air of determination, Cole could sense some panic in her. That didn't reassure him.  
"I'm sure he doesn't mean to imprison you…"

"No one can keep me from doing what I want," Lara pursued angrily.

Cole was startled by her strong reaction.  
"Did anyone do that to you before?"

Phoebe watched him in silence, wondering if she hadn't showed too much of her fears. It was so strange, she reflected, as she also pondered her answer. For the last hour, and in spite of her earlier misgivings about Cole, she had felt safe and relaxed; not worried at all. It was unexpected, given how tense their previous encounters had been. The good feeling was even stranger when she thought back on the strange thing that occurred just before she entered the Speakeasy… Then, for a heartbeat, she was convinced that she saw a much hated face in a car driving away. It had shaken her more than she'd cared to admit, even as she dismissed it as pure coincidence. Maybe, she thought, her need for reassurance was what sent her to Cole in the first place. Earlier, when she had spotted him in the Speakeasy, Phoebe had been tempted to turn around. However, seeing him looking forlornly at his drink, she had wondered if she was the cause of his bad mood. In a way, the idea was flattering and indeed a form of reassurance, prompting her to go to him. By now, Phoebe had figured there was more to it… Nevertheless, she had felt good in his company and avoided any unsafe subject. Now she began questioning his earlier attitude, mostly because she didn't want to be put in the spotlight. Moreover, if until now she didn't feel the need to probe, just then, she found it was safer to ask him about his problem rather than exposing her own feelings any further.  
"What about you?"

"What?" Cole uttered in surprise. He had not really expected her to answer his question directly as she had been avoiding anything personal until now, but he had still hoped that she might open up. However, Cole wasn't prepared to be questioned himself. 

"I mean earlier you really didn't seem too happy…"

"Nothing to worry yourself about…"

"It's just…" Phoebe hesitated, suddenly unsure if she wanted to go down that road. None the less, she was somewhat curious at how quickly he shed his arrogant attitude.  
"Well, you didn't seem like yourself…"

Now it was Cole's turn to get upset.  
"What would you know about me? You've only known me for two days and we didn't exactly get along..."

"What do you make of the last hour?" Phoebe asked, obviously hurt. Phoebe couldn't believe it but his rebuff had actually hurt her. How could she have allowed a man to have any sort of power over her? Yet the disappointment still remained, no matter how hard she tried to rationalize it.

Cole was immediately remorseful for his outburst. That wasn't what he had intended but he realized that old habits die hard. Uncertainly, he tried to make up for it.  
"Look," he began hesitantly, "I rather enjoyed the time we spent together. And in truth, I wasn't in any hurry to cut it short. But I still think it'd be safer for you to go home…"

"And I told you…"

"Please," Cole interrupted. "It'd pain me if something bad happened to you…"

Phoebe almost protested again, as she was now determined not to let him see the effect he had on her. His obvious caring only intensified her reluctance. What game was he playing, she couldn't help wondering painfully. However, even as she opened her mouth to reiterate her protestation, she looked up and caught sight of Robbie near the entrance. Phoebe quickly decided that she had no intentions of being stuck with that gangster. If he saw her there, she might have to fight off the horny young man. Phoebe wasn't in the mood for that at all.  
"Can you drive me," she suddenly asked Cole, as she made sure to stay out of Robbie's sight. 

"Huh, I would…but I don't have my car…How did you get here?"

"Cab," Phoebe answered somewhat distractedly. Then she pursued quickly, "Where did you leave it," All the while, she was concentrating on hiding from Robbie. 

Cole noticed her sudden nervousness, but he put it on her displeasure of earlier and was only unhappy that he caused it.  
"It's not all that far if you don't mind taking a little stroll?"

"Let's go," Phoebe uttered curtly just after she saw Robbie heading toward the back of the room.

Cole wondered not only about his idea of walking to his car rather than simply calling a cab, but even more so the fact that she didn't protest. He admitted to himself that he simply wanted to prolong this time with her and maybe bring back her good dispositions toward him and her eagerness to go with him pleased him at first. After a few hundred paces, he began to wonder anew, as he noticed Phoebe looking behind her regularly.  
"Is there something the matter," Cole questioned, breaking the silence they had maintained since they left the Speakeasy.

Phoebe looked up a little too quickly, flashing an uneasy smile at him, and Cole knew she was about to fib.  
"Nothing at all… Let's get there, shall we?"

Cole glanced behind them as well before offering his arm to her. No one seemed to be after them, but it was obvious that Lara was very tense. However, since she chose not to talk about it and considering her earlier outburst, Cole figured he'd know soon enough if there was something wrong. He didn't feel like upsetting her more…

By the time they reached Rita's neighbourhood, Phoebe was considerably calmer, but Cole began to tense himself. He almost managed to reach the car without a look at the house, but as he opened the passenger door for Phoebe, he couldn't help staring. The pain and remorse rushed back inside of him and he felt a sudden urge to run. 

Maybe it was the expression on his face, or the fact that for a long moment, he had been holding the car door open and staying very still, but Phoebe noticed that something was up and her sudden comment startled Cole.  
"Hey what's wrong? See a ghost?"

Rather than answering Phoebe, he closed the door abruptly on her and went around the car quickly, again avoiding looking at Rita's house, but to no avail. Cole understood that this ghost, as Phoebe put it, would pursue him no matter how far from this place he went. Broodingly, he climbed into the car and they left without him uttering a word. After a moment, Phoebe found this not only offensive, but actually painful.   
"Hey," she called louder, "Is something wrong?"

"What do you care?" Cole uttered curtly, while staring at the road stubbornly. He knew he wasn't being fair, but he feared that if he started talking about it, he might get swept away by his pain.

"I don't actually," Phoebe answered irritably. "I just don't like to be ignored…"

"So is that why you came to me? Because you wanted me to notice you…?" Cole answered almost aggressively. Why was he doing this? How did they go from that pure moment of peace and back to the bickering? Yet, he couldn't help himself as he pursued. "Besides, you didn't tell me what was bothering you earlier and I didn't go all paranoid on you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Phoebe exclaimed, even though she knew she was being unfair as well. She just couldn't stand the fact that he had read her so easily.

"Maybe not everything's about you, little spoiled brat," Cole spat in response, almost wishing he could pull his tongue out of his mouth. What bloody demon possessed him, he had no clue. But even this slight attempt at reason was shot to hell when he felt the sting of her slap on his cheek. Without even thinking, he brought the car to a stop at an odd angle and turned toward Phoebe furiously.  
"How dare you?"

"How the hell dare YOU," Phoebe spat back just as angrily. "You're nobody!"

All the pain and frustration they both had to live through came back at once. The unfairness of it all seemed almost overwhelming. Each in their own way, they had believed that the other understood somehow and taken comfort in that until now. The realization of their common mistake brought all the anger and rage back. However, even as Cole thought he was gonna explode at her for all of this, as if she should be the one to pay for everything he'd suffered, he remembered with a start all the pain he had caused himself. Suddenly, all of his anger turned against him as he formed a fist and hit the side window violently. The sound of broken glass, mixing with his grunt of pain had an effect on Phoebe as well. For a moment, abject fear replaced the resentment, as she believed she was the cause of this rage. Nevertheless, Cole's next words startled her the most.  
"I'm sorry," he uttered in a low voice as he looked away.

Phoebe took a few deep breaths, as she tried to find a calm place again. The anger had flown, but it still left a bitter aftertaste.   
"What was that about," she asked uncertainly. When he didn't answer, she became worried again, but then she noticed his hand bleeding and hesitantly reached for it.

"You're hurt…let me have a look at it."

Cole glanced first at her in surprise and then at his hand bleeding profusely. For the first time in years, he felt the same pain and fear as when he realized he might never be able to play. That he had only played once since was immaterial. Suddenly, he was afraid he might never know if he could do it again.  
"Don't worry about it," he grumbled for her, while pulling his hand away. However, there was so much pain in his voice that Phoebe feared he was hurt a lot more than he thought.

"Let me look at it," she insisted more forcefully. Phoebe didn't know why she cared so much, but she did. There was such vulnerability in him at this point; as if he was about to crumble… It awakened in her a desire to comfort him. Phoebe couldn't remember the last time she had felt like this; she only knew it felt good to care. After Cole allowed her to clean the wound with a handkerchief she found in her hand bag, she was relieved to see that the bleeding had made it looked worse than it was. She covered the superficial wound with the handkerchief afterward and only then looked up. When she met Cole's eyes, her heart jumped. In them, she saw at once surprise and softness as she had not expected. He seemed amazed at even this small gesture of compassion. 

"Thank you," he whispered.

It wasn't the words that made her heart swell; it was the way he said them, while still staring at her intensely. Before she knew it, his lips were on hers, softly exploring them. There was no demand in that kiss; it was like gratitude at first. Phoebe soon felt the need for more however, as she instinctively leaned closer to him. She was rewarded by his wanting caress on her back, as she opened her lips and invited him into a deeper kiss. They soon both forgot about everything around them, including the broken glass still littering his side of the car, as the intense desire they felt overcame both of them. His touch burned her skin through the thin fabric of her dress. His hand moved toward her breast and he began stroking her almost forcefully. She could feel the intensity of his need easily since it was echoed in her as she leaned even closer, revelling in the sensations he awakened in her. 

Cole obviously became impatient as he tried to pull her to him and the gears got in the way. Without hesitation this time, he grabbed her buttocks and was about to lift her over the obstacle toward him when the loud sound of a horn startled them both back to the reality of the street. Cole let go of Phoebe when the obviously impatient driver insisted noisily, but he made no move to take the wheel. He was breathing hard, as was Phoebe, while they stared at each other intently. The car went around them, apparently without them noticing it. Then, suddenly, he looked away with some reluctance.  
"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that…"

"What," Phoebe babbled as she frowned in puzzlement. There had been no mistaking his intentions and she certainly had not showed any sign of refusing him. 

"I just don't think it's right…" Cole pursued while finally grabbing the wheel and starting the car.

"Wait a minute!" Phoebe exclaimed. "You've got no right to decide what's good for me…" Her heart was still racing from their embrace and it only added to her frustration. Phoebe had little or no patience at any given moment. That also went for her restraint, which was non-existent, and particularly in such situations. As he prepared to engage on the road without answering her, her fury intensified.  
"You son of a bitch! You're probably scared shitless of what Fredo's gonna do to you…"

Phoebe expected a reaction to this, but she never expected the look he gave her then. 

Cole turned to her with what she thought looked like hatred. When he spoke, his voice was cold as ice, but Phoebe still felt it as if it was drilling through her.  
"Is that what you did to the former driver? You got upset with him and sent your sugar daddy after him?"

"What?" Phoebe questioned with an astounded expression.

Cole watched her with a mixture of disbelief and disgust.   
"You mean, after what you said, I'm supposed to believe you didn't know why your lover's dead?"

Phoebe feared that her chest would collapse; it had become so hard to breathe. She still managed painfully, "what do you know about Martin?"

"Was that his name? And don't try telling me you didn't know. I heard you talking to your friend today. To think that I believed you were innocent in this…how stupid of me!" Cole looked away angrily, cursing himself inwardly for his weakness. How could he have thought even for a second that she wasn't like all the others? However, his bitter musing was cut short by her cry of anguish.

"No…" Phoebe trailed painfully… "That can't be…"

"Stop this," Cole added, but this time with some hesitation. There was something in the way she spoke.

"I didn't know…I…" Phoebe stopped herself as she realized that deep down, she had known from the moment she saw the paper; maybe even before that. She had been in denial all day afterward, but the reality of things was hitting her hard at this moment. 

"What," Cole questioned in a much softer voice.

"Oh my god," Phoebe uttered with a tremor in her voice.

Cole observed her closely and he saw her trembling. Moreover, even in the weak illumination provided by the street lights, he found that she looked pale as death. Even then, he wondered if she was reacting like this because of what happened to the man she called Martin; or if it had more to do with facing the consequences…However, as uncertain as Cole was about Phoebe's motivations, when he saw the devastation in her, his heart went to her.  
"I'm sorry… I didn't mean…"

"How do you know," Phoebe interrupted.

Cole hesitated at length. He remembered his promise to Paul and, of course, the fact that a moment ago, he had firmly believed she was capable of such a horrible deed. Suddenly, he wasn't certain of anything anymore, but in doubt, he chose to play it close to the chest.  
"It seemed like the logical thing…I heard you talking about your…relationship with the driver… and also read about his death…"

"I swear, I didn't mean for anything to happen to him," Phoebe said more for herself than for Cole. She was still struggling with the shock.

"What exactly did you mean?" Cole couldn't help asking.

"You can't really believe I'd have asked Fredo to kill him?" Phoebe questioned with obvious outrage.

"I don't know you…and what I've seen of you so far…"

"You've got no right to judge me like this," Phoebe exclaimed with obvious outrage. However, deep down, she was seeing herself as the monster she imagined Cole must have believed she was. How could she have not cared at all? She went on all day as if it had been some stranger who died. Not the man with whom she'd been sleeping for almost a month prior to his disappearance…death, she added for herself painfully. What's more, if the painful realization wasn't enough, now she was scared as well. The latent fear she had experienced until now was quickly growing into an all out panic. Phoebe looked down at her hands and she saw that she was trembling violently. "What have I done," she thought painfully as she wrung her hands in an attempt at controlling her trembling, but with little success. Considering the guilt she now felt, Cole's next words surprised her all the more.

"You're right…I'm the last person who should judge you." Those words had been so sad that they cut through Phoebe's own bitterness and pain.

Phoebe turned to him with a questioning stare. She had already made up her mind that Cole had a right to hate her for her actions. Now he looked even guiltier than she felt. 

Sensing her intense stare, Cole shifted uncomfortably on his seat. Right then, he felt a need to confess to everything. Cole didn't know if it was to help her through her own problems, or if it was because in some small measure, he would feel better by telling her. Either way, he still told her what happened that day. As Phoebe watched him with increasing discomfort, Cole ignored it, convinced that only after he had come clean, could they actually talk freely.

"So you see," he concluded, "I'm much worse than you are. Fredo probably decided to do this because he was jealous and somehow in love with you. I never cared about that woman at all. Leaving her didn't hurt me in the least…I never even thought of the consequences…until now," Cole added in a whisper. He couldn't bring himself to look at Phoebe afterward. 

For a long moment, they sat in silence. This was only broken by the occasional car horn, which at last convinced Cole to move the car closer to the curb. When he started the engine, Phoebe jumped and almost protested. However, as she saw that he was quickly stopping, she kept to herself. Distractedly, she looked in the rear view mirror and noticed a car parked in the shadows. It looked vaguely familiar, but then most cars did. Her present state of mind soon had her forgetting about this, dismissing it as yet another paranoid impression.  
She returned her attention to Cole who was now staring ahead impassively.

Cole didn't know what else to do. In a way, he wished he was alone right then, but that would have meant driving her back to that monster. He couldn't believe he had opened himself up to that woman like this. Yet, instead of the reproaches any other would have made to him, she was in a unique position to understand. It was probably why there was no anger or outrage in her voice when Phoebe finally spoke.  
"It's a strange coincidence isn't it?"

"What do you mean," Cole questioned while half-turning toward her.

"I mean what are the odds…? We both caused people to die…"

"I told you, it wasn't your fault… if that even happened this way…"

"You said you were certain?"

"I said it was logical…"Cole answered flatly. "But either way, you should blame those who killed him, not yourself."

"Then maybe you should do the same…You didn't kill that man."

Cole closed his eyes and turned away again.  
"I might as well have been holding the gun to his chest…"

His reply met silence and Cole thought that this time, she would see that he had no excuse. Instead, he was surprised to feel her hand coming to rest lightly on his.  
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself…"

Cole grimaced unhappily but he didn't protest.

Phoebe thought this was so strange. The time she had spent with Cole seemed like a rollercoaster of emotions. Yet, right then, and in spite of the uncertain future she faced, Phoebe felt oddly calm.

"What do you plan to do," Cole asked.

"I've got to go home," Phoebe replied reluctantly as she removed her hand slowly.

"Phoebe," Cole said, suddenly turning toward her.

Phoebe reacted at the use of her name but she didn't stop Cole as he pursued quickly.  
"You don't have to go back…I can get you far away."

"And go where?" Phoebe reacted. "My place is here…"

"What?" Cole uttered in surprise. "Didn't you just understand what Fredo did? Don't you see the danger to you?"

"Fredo won't do anything to me," Phoebe uttered more assuredly than she felt. The truth was that for an instant she had envisioned running away with Cole. However, the realization of her dreams was only a little more than a day away. She couldn't run away from that. Not after all she'd been through to get there.  
"Look, if you're right," she insisted, "then, that's all the more proof Fredo won't hurt me. He did this to Martin because he's enamoured of me. If he had wanted to kill me, I'd be dead already…"

Cole was watching her with an appalled expression and Phoebe suddenly felt a slight shame.

"Don't look at me like that. You don't understand…"

"What don't I understand," Cole questioned irritably. "That you're asking me to drive you back to the monster that killed a man you loved?"

"I never loved Martin," Phoebe answered with the same irritation. "But…" she began quickly when she saw that Cole was about to add something, "the point is I'm not going back for Fredo…"

"Then what," Cole almost snapped. The worry was returning quickly.

"I told you…you wouldn't understand."  
How could anyone understand what she'd lived through, Phoebe thought. In spite of his recent tragedy, Cole had managed to get his own business and had a life of his own. Phoebe's future lay ahead. It was tied to this show that she firmly intended to perform. "Please, bring me home," she added aloud.

Cole shrugged unhappily, but this time, he didn't protest. They were soon on their way and neither one noticed the car starting behind them with its lights off.

Robbie was beginning to think they would never leave. Earlier, he had arrived there and blessed his luck to have found her with that man. He had no lost love for the piano tuner but at least, he was almost certain that the man didn't want to hurt Lara. However, as he was about to go to them, he saw them kissing rather purposefully and decided to wait and see. There was no point in provoking a scene with that Cole guy. Robbie figured that he'd get him by some other means. All that mattered was that he would be there when she got home and he might actually keep his balls intact. Meanwhile, he was half expecting to have to watch them and, if that made him angry in a way, he also found it somewhat exciting. Which is why when they headed back, he was almost hoping that they were going to some remote location rather than Fredo's. He was soon disappointed as they headed down his boss's street.

Cole climbed out slowly, still very hesitant at leaving Phoebe there. However, as he opened the passenger door, Phoebe didn't wait long before she got out of the car. She only stopped as Cole put his arm out in front of her, trapping her between him and the car.  
"I've gotta go," Phoebe uttered uncertainly.

Cole wasn't sure what he had intended. Just then, as she stood so close, all he could think about was for Phoebe and him to go away together and never look back.   
"You can still change your mind, Phoebe…It's not too late."

Phoebe looked up and again in his eyes she saw the same softness as before. However this time, there was a need in them too. This she recognized easily. She almost lifted herself toward him, wanting only to feel his lips on hers again, but the little voice of reason was fighting against her desire.  
"Why do you call me Phoebe," she asked instead, unable to keep the tremor from her voice.

"It's your name, isn't it?" Even as he said so, Cole bent toward her, as he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her again. At the last moment however, Phoebe turned away nervously. Cole frowned mostly to himself.  
"I'm sorry…you must be wondering what kind of a monster I am…"

"No!" Phoebe exclaimed, looking straight at him again. "No," she said in a softer voice. "I…I just don't wanna be responsible for…"

"Hey, Turner," came Robbie's voice from behind Cole. "Thanks for bringing the singing bird home," he pursued mockingly.

Cole straightened up uneasily, but he didn't move away from Phoebe. Instead, he answered just as mockingly.  
"You know, I'm starting to think that Fredo really is in need of new blood. You guys keep screwing up."

Robbie growled and tried to grab Phoebe's arm, but Cole pushed him firmly away.  
"I really think the girl can get home by herself… Robbie isn't it?" Cole added while turning toward the gangster with an assurance he was far from feeling inside. "After all, I found her alone in town…Is Fredo aware of that?"

Robbie twisted his mouth in a falsely amused smirk.  
"I've had my eyes on her all this time. Was just wondering how long this little escapade would last…"

Phoebe watched the two men staring at each other and she figured now was as good a time as ever to move away. The moment she did, she thought she felt Cole's eyes on her back. "What must he be thinking," Phoebe wondered. Yet, she still believed that she was right… It didn't keep her from experiencing an intense panic as she neared the front door. As she was about the grab the doorknob, Phoebe had a sudden urge to run back and take Cole's offer. However, Robbie's presence was the first obstacle to this and next, as she was still hesitating, the door flung open and she found herself face to face with a very angry Fredo…


	11. Music to My Soul Chapter 11

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter XI**

Under Fredo's inquisitive stare, Phoebe felt trapped. She had tried to reaffirm her independence by going out alone for at least part of that evening, but as she was now faced with the consequences, she was made painfully aware of how dangerous it was to defy this man. "Fredo, I can explain," Phoebe uttered somewhat nervously, and then she stopped herself, as he gave no sign of softening.

"It was my fault," Cole said, while coming toward them with a very flippant attitude. "Sorry, Fredo… I just thought your girl needed a little distraction."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Fredo questioned angrily, ignoring Cole's comment.

"I just told you! I drove Miss Love around for a bit and I'm just bringing her back to you…"

Fredo cast a suspicious look at Phoebe but he soon returned his attention to Cole, who was staring straight at him without any apparent concern.  
"If you want our association to work, Cole, you'll have to abide by my rules."

"Hey," Cole frowned. "I'm not a slave and besides, I had a personal matter to attend to earlier. What's important is I picked up your girl like I was supposed to…"

Phoebe turned to him with a hint of surprise, but she said nothing to him. Instead, she grabbed Fredo's arm.  
"Look, I just needed a little time out of the house. Cole showed up at the Club and offered to drive me. I thought you wanted me to go and come back with him in the first place."

"You left the Club almost two hours ago, Lara," Fredo uttered reproachfully, although there was an obvious softening to his voice. 

Phoebe decided to play on it for all it was worth.  
"I'm so sorry I worried you."

Fredo looked from Cole to Phoebe with the same hesitant expression, and then he resolutely pursued, "you should've warned me. I'm doing this for your own good, Lara."

"I assure you, Miss Love wasn't in any danger," Cole added with assurance.

Fredo cast a somewhat darker look his way and only then seemed to notice Robbie.  
"Hey! Robbie… Weren't you supposed to drive Lara back here after rehearsal?"

Robbie had seen Cole rushing ahead of him and he understood too late that the man was going to take advantage of his slow reflexes. By the time Robbie got there, it was obvious that anything he had to say wouldn't matter. He was hesitant to answer Fredo, worried as he was about the old man's reaction, when Cole surprised him.  
"Oh Robbie was behind us all this time. He never stopped watching us and we felt very safe." 

Robbie was so flabbergasted that he only nodded in the affirmative. Although he was relieved that Cole probably saved precious parts of his anatomy, Robbie couldn't help resenting the fact that he now owed something to the piano tuner. 

"Is that true?" Fredo insisted.

"Yeah," Robbie trailed, barely looking at his boss. "Yeah I watched them," he added a little more firmly.

"Well, if you're satisfied… I'm a little tired," Phoebe interrupted. Without waiting for Fredo's answer, Phoebe stepped around him to enter the house. However before going in, she couldn't help one last glance at Cole. For the briefest instant, when their eyes met, Phoebe thought she saw relief and the same soft spark that had been there earlier. However, she had to cut it short as she hurried in, intent on pretending to be asleep by the time Fredo got to their bedroom. 

Cole watched her disappear inside with a mixture of relief and disappointment. He knew it was better this way. Fredo seemed relatively satisfied that nothing wrong went on that night and Phoebe would be safe for the time being. After all, he still had a task to finish and it was essential that nothing major happened until he got what he came there for. In fact, it would be for her own good eventually. However, he was now more resolved than ever to get her out of there as soon as possible. 

As she had turned back toward him, Cole thought he saw gratitude in her eyes, along with something more, but it had been so brief, he wondered if he only imagined it. Phoebe was still a mystery to him. Her avoidance of earlier had been well intentioned; at least, according to her. However, he wondered about it. He couldn't help worrying as well because at this point, Cole knew that the desire he had for her wasn't just that. In the car earlier, he had seen a side of Phoebe that was unexpected and it only deepened his need for her. Cole also understood that for the first time in years, he wanted the love of a woman…

"Don't ever do something like this again," Fredo uttered severely after Phoebe left.

Cole was pulled out of his thoughts by the stern comment.  
"I assure you, I meant no harm…"

"Nevertheless…I wanna be informed of where Lara goes and what she does. She's a danger to herself."

For once, Cole agreed with Fredo's statement but he refrained from telling him that. The fact of the matter was that he thought Fredo represented the true danger to Phoebe.  
"Am I free to go," he clowned instead.

"Just as long as we understand each other," Fredo replied curtly. 

"She's your girl," Cole added in a cavalier fashion.   
Then, he turned around and, after a nod to Robbie, accompanied by a mocking grin, he went toward his car. Cole had almost made it there when Fredo called to him.  
"What happened to your car window?"

Cole jumped slightly, but he regained his countenance before turning to Fredo.  
"Oh that… it's nothing… I broke it accidentally," Cole said then, as casually as he could.

"No one attacked you?" Fredo insisted.

"Nothing of the sort; don't worry," Cole replied sincerely before climbing into the car. A few pieces of the broken glass had fallen back toward the center of the seat, and Cole brushed them away self-consciously just before he started the engine. As much as he'd have wanted to stick around for Phoebe, Cole had no intention of incurring more of this inquisition tonight. Of course he realized that he was getting off easy. Maybe a little too easy, he added for himself with a hint of concern, as he drove away without another look toward Fredo.

Fredo turned a severe gaze toward Robbie after Cole's car disappeared around the corner.  
"Is there any truth to what they said?" He questioned his man.

Robbie was still watching the road, not in any hurry to answer his boss. No matter how good a liar he was, Robbie feared that Fredo would see through him. Not to mention that it was killing him to play the piano tuner's game.

"Robbie," Fredo insisted louder.

"It's all like he said," Robbie finally replied grudgingly. "I'm sorry…I should've insisted on them coming back, but I promise you, she was never in any danger."

"Be sure she never is," Fredo added threateningly. "Your life may just depend on it."

Fredo said this as he turned his back to Robbie. The old man never saw the look of hatred Robbie gave him, although he knew about it without needing to see it, as he closed the door in Robbie's face. Forgetting about Robbie, Fredo cast a curious look toward the stairs as soon as he was in. He was perplexed by Lara's attitude. It wasn't so much whether she had lied that bothered him but her avoidance of the last two days did. While Phoebe believed Fredo unaware of this, he had actually seen through her right away.

"Did she come home," Saul called from Fredo's office door. The disdain in his lieutenant's voice was palpable.

"Why ask what you already know?" Fredo answered while turning his stare toward Saul.   
"However, I do believe that you should check up further on this Turner…"

Saul couldn't help a little smile from spreading over his lips. He had been trying to open Fredo's eyes about Cole while the old man was worried and vulnerable. Seemed that Turner had helped Saul's purpose…  
"Of course…" He simply answered as he watched his boss starting toward the stairs somewhat warily. Saul added for himself, "and then all I'll have left to do is getting rid of Lara…"

Phoebe undressed quickly, forfeiting the ritual of removing her make up that night. She couldn't even stand the idea of another talk with Fredo, let alone sex, was he to get in the mood.

As soon as her head hit the pillow, she forgot about the old man and remembered the evening moment by moment. It was strange how each detail seemed to matter so much all of a sudden. The little smiles Cole gave her as she talked with him. The way he was looking upon her covetously throughout the time they were in the bar and yet, he didn't do anything about it until she offered. By moments, Phoebe had felt more wanted than ever before in her life and that sensation alone had been almost intoxicating. Yet, for most of that time, a sense of peace had been even more prominent inside of her; as if being with him was where she belonged. "How could this be," Phoebe questioned herself silently. Without finding the answer, her mind lingered on their interlude in the car, where his touch alone had captured her completely. For that brief instant, Phoebe had known for sure that it was the right thing. Then, as Cole had let go, the fear had returned; the fear of everything it meant to belong to a man. Was that the reason for her anger? Or simply that in truth she was mad at him for not insisting, for not stealing away what she couldn't give on her own?

Fredo entered the room then and Phoebe tensed. However, the old man didn't insist as he came to bed and simply deposited a light kiss on her forehead before turning his back to her. Phoebe couldn't be certain that she fooled him but she was grateful he didn't insist. Increasingly, she couldn't bear the thought of giving herself to Fredo, and, as she thought more about it, to any other man. This alone disturbed her greatly, even as she wondered what Cole might be thinking at this very moment.

Cole had turned the car into an alley less than five hundred feet from the Turello's house.

Shortly after, he saw another car roaring by and he supposed it must have been Robbie or another of Fredo's men coming after him. However, as disturbing as the thought was, Cole didn't believe there was more to it than a latent jealousy on Fredo's part. Still, it told him that he would have to be careful around the old man from now on. Cole's only problem now was to figure how he would hide his feelings. These were flooding in him like a torrent. Fear mixed with deep joy; tenderness tainted by desire. However in spite of the intensity of the aforementioned feelings, he couldn't forget the remorse, which was now returning fully. How could he ever hope to be loved after what he had done? Granted, Phoebe wasn't above reproach. Nevertheless, Cole still believed that her faults paled in comparison to his own. Then there was her attitude, which also brought painful doubts to him. It was so obvious how much she mistrusted men in general. This, Cole had understood instinctively from the start, although he had neglected to contemplate the implication at the time. It had been made abundantly clearer during their evening together. In spite of the pleasantness, he had felt Phoebe's reticence all along and even during their moment of abandon, something was holding her back. Cole even reflected that it was this more than any reasonable urge which had stopped him from going any further with her. 

Cole could hardly reproach this to her however; particularly considering his own attitude towards women during the last twelve years. He exemplified everything that a woman should distrust in a man. None the less, Cole now wished intensely that he could be deserving of her trust. "If that's even possible," he thought bitterly. The images of Rita and her dead husband came back to him painfully, and were only chased away after a moment, when the memory of Phoebe's kiss managed to stir him again. His musings went on like this for a while, from the pure ecstasy of this memory to the despair of his intense remorse, with him being torn between simply going home or turning back and taking Phoebe away from the monster she lived with. In the end, he managed to convince himself that she would be ok, although with great efforts, and he started the car again. 

As he pulled out on the road, Cole found that he had no urge to go home just yet. Instead, he headed for a place he never thought he'd want to see again. Soon, he was looking at the opulent house where the orphanage had been. Cole had not returned to this place since the day they brought him to the hospital. In spite of the bitterness that always accompanied this memory, right then it was nostalgia that prevailed in his heart and mind. Slowly, he turned toward the other side of the street, looking up at the window where the girl had been. Nothing seemed to have changed at all, although both residences were somewhat worse for wear. He knew from Paul that the orphanage had gone bankrupt less than a year ago. When Paul had mentioned it to Cole, he had insisted on one particular part of it. It pertained to the piano which had been the very same one on which Cole had played then. It seemed that an anonymous buyer had come forward as soon as the bankruptcy was announced, and made a substantial offer for the instrument. No one knew who bought it, but at the time, Cole had cared very little for the anecdote. Now sitting in his car between the two imposing houses, he vaguely wondered about it. He also thought of the girl and of the fact that he had no idea what had become of her or her family. Up until this moment, he had not cared to know at all. Cole never intended to take his revenge directly on the singing girl. In fact, he had soon convinced himself that all women were like her and not one deserved his affection or trust. Another pang of remorse shook him as he again reflected on how much he wanted to be worthy of trust right then. How ironically sad it was that what woke him up from this awful nightmare was exactly what would keep him from deserving forgiveness. 

In spite of this revelation however, Cole still had a lingering doubt about the girl herself. Why had she done this? Why hadn't she cared at all? Even if Cole knew that wallowing in self-pity wouldn't do him any good, at this point it was somewhat of a relief to put the fault on someone else, even if for only a brief instant. Chasing this away quickly however, he finally resolved to go home, no more certain of what would become of him now, but a little more aware of his own feelings for the first time in twelve years.

The next morning, as Cole came out of his apartment building, he was mildly surprised to see Paul coming toward him. His friend must have planned to check up on him and Cole couldn't blame him. The night before he was a mess and even this morning he wasn't much better, as he had barely slept at all. He cast a quick glance down the street and recognized the same suspicious car he had noticed there when he got home. Cole wouldn't have cared so much, as he had expected it, but the fact that they would see him with Paul disturbed him.   
"You shouldn't be here," Cole said too curtly in guise of greeting to Paul. This one gave him a peeved glare.

"Hey, can't a friend care about you? I was worried…"

"Sorry," Cole uttered somewhat nervously as he glanced to the parked car again. "I just don't want you to get into trouble."

"Trouble??" Paul questioned in surprise. "What kind of trouble could come from me visiting…?" Paul stopped as he noticed the applied stare Cole was giving to a car down the street. "Are you being watched?" He asked anxiously.

"It's not what you think... I simply believe that Fredo might be a little suspicious of me and his girl… Maybe he wants to know more about me now."

"What changed," Paul questioned curiously. 

"Nothing much…" Cole answered vaguely. "Why don't we talk about it over coffees?"

Paul frowned, unable to imagine what could have happened since the last time he saw Cole. At the time, it was obvious nobody was following him. What's more, and in spite of Cole's reassurances, Paul couldn't help worrying about this new development. On the other hand, Cole seemed willing to share this time and he wasn't about to stop him from doing just that.  
"Alright…" he simply answered and Cole led him toward a nearby Café.

Just before entering the establishment, Cole noticed a man coming out of the car and he recognized him as Robbie. Inwardly he thought that this boy was becoming a serious annoyance as he let Paul go ahead and then soon followed him inside.

As soon as they had ordered their coffee with croissants, Paul began questioning Cole.  
"First off, how are you this morning," He asked very seriously.

"If you're wondering whether you should take my gun away and remove all dangerous objects from my apartment, don't," Cole said, half-amused. "I'm not suicidal…"

"Well, see that's my problem," Paul continued, barely mollified. "I don't believe you'll kill yourself; I believe you'll make sure someone else does it for you."

"Contrary to your very dark opinion, I don't have a death wish, Paul. When are you gonna stop with that?"

"Oh I don't know; when you stop running after trouble?" Paul quipped. Cole was obviously slightly better than the night before, but he could still recognize melancholy behind the calm façade. 

"I'll be around for many years, bugging you till you don't wanna hear from me again…"

"Lucky for you, I'm a faithful friend… And a masochist to boot…"   
Cole shook his head with a little smile while Paul couldn't help cracking up at his own wit.  
"Alright," Paul continued, "I won't insist on the death wish thing, but I'd like to know what the deal is with you being followed…"

"That mostly has to do with the impression I left on Fredo last night."

"Last night?"

"Well," Cole began with a corner smile that was unusually timid on his part, "after you left last night, I met with Phoe…Lara."

"What?" Paul asked with a grimace of perplexity. "How did that happen?'

"I can't tell you…coincidence I guess? Anyway, we got to talk for a while, and when I finally brought her home, Fredo was waiting for us…he didn't look too happy."

"You just talked? With a woman?" Paul uttered incredulously.

"Yeah," Cole replied with false outrage. "I'm not an idiot you know? I can talk to women too…"

"My point is you never cared to."

"Maybe I was missing out on something," Cole trailed while looking away.

"Oh my," Paul exclaimed.

"What's that supposed to mean," Cole questioned quite uselessly. He knew exactly what his friend had meant. This revelation had become clearer to him through his long and almost sleepless night.

"You're in love head over heels! I thought it was just some kind of infatuation until now…That's the only explanation for your attitude of late…"

"Go ahead, laugh all you want," Cole replied dejectedly as he looked back at this friend. 

"I still believe that she's not exactly what I hoped for you…"

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that, Paul," Cole continued with a defeated expression that was even less typical than the timidity of earlier. "I don't believe anything is gonna come of it…"

"If you're right about Fredo's motivation to have you followed, I wouldn't be so sure…"

"Hum," Cole grumbled while casting another look at the front of the Café, "it might not be Fredo actually. I've got a feeling that it could be more personal now that I think about it."

"How so?"

"That boy out there was following us last night."

"Boy? Us?"

"Robbie, one of Fredo's men, and he was following Lara and me."

"What? You think he's jealous? Then I'm worried again. The guy's a gangster with a gun. What if he takes it upon himself to get rid of you?"

"I don't believe he would risk it. At least, not without Fredo's approval..."

"And what makes you so sure Fredo doesn't approve?"

"For one, he didn't try to kill me yet…"

"How reassuring," Paul sighed unhappily.

"Come on, Paul. I may be a bit of a hot head, but I told you, I'm not stupid and I don't want to die."

Paul stared at him with stupefaction and Cole finally felt compelled to question him about it.

"Hey cat got your tongue?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with the son of a bitch who never admitted to anything I said to him?"

"Don't get your hopes up, Paul… Once I managed to sleep I'm sure I'll be back to my old self in no time."

"No hurry," Paul simply answered with a half-smile. "So…what are you gonna do about that Robbie?"

"Nothing... I'm gonna let him follow me for now."

Paul's smile vanished as he cast a worried glance of his own toward the entrance.

"Be careful," he added very seriously.

*****

Phoebe woke up and right away she noticed that Fredo had left. That was unusual enough for her to wonder about it. However, she heard a few muffled voices coming from downstairs and supposed that he had some business to attend. It didn't keep her from worrying, but with the kind of dreams she had been having, Fredo was the last person she wanted to see right then. Phoebe was troubled by her dreams, which had been people by intense sensual visions, all about Cole, but much more than this, all of them ending violently interrupted by Fredo. Phoebe wondered what it all meant, but it only confused her more to try making sense of it. Even as she called the housekeeper to draw her bath, the vivid memories of an intense sex dream was still stirring her in spite of all the ugliness that accompanied it. "What is it about that man," Phoebe reflected uneasily. She still refused to believe that she could have fallen for him. That was quite impossible. What's more, she believed that the bad parts of her dreams might have been a warning to herself. Yet, no matter how hard she tried to relax and put Cole out of her mind, the thoughts of him returned, just as powerful. In the end, Phoebe concluded that there was only one way to end this longing. After dressing, she went back to her room and grabbed the hot mug of coffee Maria had left for her. Then, with only a slight hesitation, she picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hotel Riviera, what can I do for you," a male voice answered after the first ring.

*****

"I'm telling you, Fredo, I had nothing to do with this mess," the police officer that led the raid was telling the old man nervously. Behind him, Saul was standing very still, and to the policeman's opinion, threateningly. He had known right away that the failed bust would anger Fredo. It wasn't enough that the men who shot at him were dead. 

"How else could Ricardo have known about your raid, unless you or one of your men warned him, Samuel?"

"I can't vouch for everyone at the station," Samuel pleaded anxiously, "but I wouldn't betray you. You've been too generous to me."

"Unless Ricardo was more generous…?"

Samuel was tempted to step back, but he could feel Saul behind his back.  
"I swear to you. I have no idea what happened. Those men are dead though…" he tried.

"No thanks to you." Fredo replied coldly.

"Did you…?" Samuel questioned and stopped himself, fearing he'd already said too much.

"This is none of your business," Saul replied from behind him, provoking renewed fear in Samuel.

"I swear, Fredo. I didn't betray you, but I'll find out who did…"

"Why don't you do that?" Fredo offered derisively.

Something in Fredo's voice had Samuel fearing that this mistake could have been his last. He had not dared showing up until now, but Saul's summon was one he knew would be unhealthy to refuse. This was one of those times where he regretted having agreed to work for those gangsters. True, the pay was good; much better than what the city offered. In addition, faced with occasional unsavoury events, he rationalized that the violence was necessary to keep a balance in the city. He also remembered that in the beginning, he had justified his actions by thinking that the prohibition law was an aberration anyway. However, as time went by and he got deeper into the mobster's world, Samuel couldn't help the doubts from creeping their way inside of him. Particularly when his own safety was at risk…  
"I will…" He assured Fredo. He stood as straight and confident as he could while Fredo stared at him with his cold eyes and Samuel worried that he might notice the trembling of his hands. This staring match was interrupted by a knock on the door, as Fredo looked in that direction to Samuel's temporary relief.

Cole could still hear his friend's warning echoing in his mind as he headed toward the front door of the Turello's Mansion. However, if he knew that Paul was right about the need for caution, he couldn't help his impatience at seeing Phoebe again. He was so intent on that thought alone that he didn't realize the danger as Maria led him inside. That is until, after finding no sign of Phoebe, he noticed the policeman watching him intensely.   
"I've seen you before," Samuel uttered unpleasantly.

At this point, Robbie entered the house without waiting to be let in and he immediately added a question of his own.  
"What were you doing with that snooping journalist?" 

Cole glanced from Robbie to the policeman uncertainly, and then he met Fredo's cold stare. He knew then that his small problem of the previous evening must have grown exponentially all of a sudden. 


	12. Music to My Soul Chapter 12

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter XII**

Upon his arrival at Fredo's house, Cole was immediately stuck between a rock and a hard place and he seriously feared for his safety. Particularly when Fredo turned a very suspicious glance his way in response to the two accusations Robbie and the policeman made almost simultaneously. All the way to the house, Cole had mostly been worried about Phoebe, as he didn't believe there was much to Robbie following him around. He certainly had not been prepared to answer questions about Paul. Then when he found out how quickly the tables were turning on him, he was unsettled to say the least. In doubt, Cole's first reaction was to throw those men's reproaches back in their faces. "What the hell are you accusing me of?" He asked around with apparent genuine indignation.

"Hey you heard me," Robbie answered angrily. "That bloody journalist stuck his nose in our business too many times already. I find it interesting that you'd be friends with him."

Cole thought it was his bad luck that Paul had been so curious about Fredo. Why couldn't he have concentrated on another of those gangsters? At any rate the damage might already be done and there was no point in dwelling on the subject. Not to mention that Cole realized he had better keep his wits about himself if he wanted to survive this.

"I must admit," Fredo added, confirming Cole's fears, "I'm interested in your explanations as well. What's more, it's not looking good for you that you were involved in the other night's raid."

Cole swallowed hard, looking at all the men present in turn before he answered. Again, he chose to continue with defiance, as well as denial, as a defense. While staring directly at Fredo with all the confidence he could muster, he exclaimed, "That's what I get for saving your butt? Not only are you having me followed everywhere I go, but now you're accusing me of what? Being a spy? Is that the kind of opportunity you were talking about when you offered me this job? I didn't ask anything from you and frankly I've got to tell you, this crap is quickly getting old…"

"You still haven't told us what you were doing with this Paul McKail," Robbie insisted from behind him, startling Cole. He didn't have time to answer this however, because Phoebe's voice caught all their attentions.

"What's going on here?" Phoebe questioned from the stairs. 

In spite of the knot in his stomach, Cole couldn't help the little thrill he felt at the sound of her voice. However, Phoebe didn't meet his gaze when he turned toward her. In fact, she completely ignored him and instead, she went straight to Fredo.

"Are you talking about that nosy paper pusher Cole told me about last night?"

"What do you mean," Fredo questioned with sudden interest.

"Is it?" Phoebe insisted, finally turning a lazy gaze toward Cole.

"Huh…yeah," Cole managed hesitantly as he was rather surprised at her affirmation. He was certain he never mentioned Paul during their conversation. 

"Oh then, this has nothing to do with me," Phoebe replied casually, while making a move to leave the room.

"Lara," Fredo called back imperatively. "I want an answer."

"About what?" Phoebe replied as if she couldn't imagine what he wanted from her.

"I asked you about the journalist. What did Cole tell you about him?"

"Oh that! He just told me that this guy had come to him thinking he'd get the goods on you. Apparently he's really insistent. "

Cole held his breath, still wondering what was going on. She was obviously lying for him, but he wondered why exactly. "Like she said," Cole uttered cautiously. "I just didn't wanna get into this…"

Fredo cast a cold glance his way and then he returned his attention toward Phoebe. "You and Cole must have gotten real close for him to tell you these things…" Fredo questioned again, this time with obvious suspicion directed as much at Phoebe as at Cole.

Phoebe stared back at her old lover confidently, still ignoring Cole. "I don't know what he thinks and I could not care less. He was just babbling about a bunch of things last night and I caught on that one because I believed it could be about my show… Anyway, he just said he was annoyed, that's all." 

"That's all? So how come you're on a first name basis?"

"Oh come on Fredo. He's the help. If you're thinking that I'd…anyway, whatever ideas he got in his head, they don't concern me in the least..."

"So why did you bother telling me this?" Fredo pursued while staring intently at her.

Phoebe didn't even flinch as she gave him her answer. "I was just wondering if you were still mad about last night, that's all. And frankly, you've gotta trust me; if that one's a spy, he's not a very smart one."

"Hey," Cole couldn't help exclaiming. He stopped himself, as he realized that his pride was the least of his concerns at this point. Instead, he took a few quick breaths to calm himself and turned to Fredo. "Look, the other night, I went to the raid because I was curious to know what the police were doing there. I met this journalist through acquaintances and I might have mentioned your name by accident when I saw him the night of the raid… I was still thinking about your offer then…. Anyway, ever since, he's been bugging me for information… He even let himself in my apartment in spite of my protestations…"

"And what did you tell him?" Fredo asked, not at all mollified by Cole's explanation.

"Even if I had wanted to tell him anything, which I don't," Cole replied curtly, "what the hell was I supposed to tell? I'm just the driver here and not for long if you keep treating me like this." Cole finished with a heavy hint of indignation.

"Well…" Fredo began in a slightly more hesitant manner. 

Before he could pursue however, Robbie interrupted. "Now wait a minute here. You're just full of shit. I saw you going inside a Café with that guy. You sure didn't look like you were running away from him."

"What's he talking about," Fredo asked Cole directly with renewed suspicion.

"Alright it's true," Cole replied as calmly as he could. "Look, the son of a bitch told me that if I didn't go with him, he'd come here and hint that I gave him information anyway. I wanted to come clean with you, Fredo. I just wasn't sure how you'd react."

"And is he gonna come here?" Fredo pursued coldly. 

"Nah…he's the one who's full of shit. As soon as I saw that, I dumped him and I came straight here. I assure you, this guy knows nothing at all."

Fredo glanced at Robbie, but this one shrugged angrily since he had no way of knowing if this was true or not. He still intended to find out however.

During all this time, Saul had remained very silent behind Fredo. Cole only then noticed the man's eyes fixated on him. For some reason, he got more upset about that than he did under Fredo's inquisition. Maybe because Saul seemed to have judged him already… What was Saul gonna tell Fredo now? Even as Cole thought of that, he saw Saul moving toward the old gangster and he held his breath. No doubt the old man would listen more to his lieutenant than to a near stranger and the snake eyes Saul was training on Cole told of a vindictive personality. Without a doubt, if the former driver had truly been the victim of this gang, Saul must have been the one doing the deed; or at the very least, he orchestrated it. Suddenly, Paul's warnings weighed a lot on Cole's mind. Not only that, but he couldn't help worrying about his friend as well. As he saw Saul bending toward Fredo's ear, Phoebe interrupted again.

"Look Fredo, I don't know about you, but I don't think he's smart enough to invent a story like that. What's more, he came here to drive me to rehearsal and I'm late already. Can't you just finish this later? Tomorrow is my big night and you promised to do everything to help me with it…"

Fredo turned to her with obvious annoyance but he didn't protest. In the same movement, he noticed Saul beside him, but instead of motioning him closer, Fredo gestured dismissively, to Saul's obvious irritation. Nevertheless, Saul took a few steps back. "Alright…but Cole," he continued for him, "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because you saved my life. However, if you see this journalist again and you don't tell me about it, I'll know and I won't be so magnanimous next time."

"I can assure you, I've got no intention of betraying you, Fredo. Why would I save you and then do that?"

"That's the question isn't it," Saul couldn't help adding then. That garnered him an irritated glare from his boss but he stared right back without flinching this time. However, he kept silent.

"Drive my girl and keep her safe. And remember…if you're trying to play me, I'll know soon enough."

The threat was implied and Cole didn't need it to be spelled out. He still wondered why Fredo would trust him with Phoebe, but maybe the answer lied in the fact that she came to his defense. That was in no way reassuring however. What if he was setting her up too? In spite of his deepening worry, Cole still stared back at Fredo with confidence while Phoebe grabbed her bag and headed for the door. When she realized that Cole wasn't following her, she called to him impatiently. "Hey you coming or do I have to drive myself?"

Cole gave one last look at the men assembled there and then, without a word he went to open the door for Phoebe. Only when they were outside did he start breathing normally again, but he knew he wasn't out of the woods just yet. Saul would talk to Fredo eventually. And besides, the fib about Paul wouldn't hold for long. All Cole could hope for was that Fredo was sincere about giving him a second chance. Still, Cole knew that he would have to act faster if he wanted to get the goods on Fredo before it was too late. If they dug any further in his life, it wouldn't take them long to see that Phoebe and him lied… 

As Cole was thinking of all of this, he followed Phoebe distractedly to the car and only as he opened the door for her did he try to ask her about her intervention. However, as if she knew he was about to talk, Phoebe gave him a cold glance that froze the words in his throat. He couldn't understand why she would act like this after so obviously helping him back there and this discrepancy puzzled and worried him. As soon as she had taken a seat in the back of the car, unlike the previous night, Phoebe curtly gave him an address that was nowhere near the Pharaoh's Club. When Cole tried to question her about this, he got the same cold reaction from her and he dropped it for the time being. 

For a long moment, Cole drove in silence, unsure of how he should feel. Phoebe remained very silent and apparently oblivious of him. This only deepened his unease and in the end, he surprised himself by worrying more about her attitude than about Fredo and his gang. Questions came to him non stop about this. Did Phoebe really put herself on the line for him? Or was it a selfish means to exonerate herself from a real or imagined offence? Was she pissed at him because she felt Cole forced her to lie for him? Granted, her tactic had put him off… However, in hindsight, he could see that it worked. Still, Cole couldn't help wondering what she was really thinking as he gave her another quick glance in the mirror. Although she didn't seem to pay him more attention than before, he thought that she looked jumpy. Had she been observing him until now? Was she also wondering about him the same way he was about her? Or had she been truthful before about how little she cared about him? For the umpteenth time, Cole opened his mouth, ready to ask her and then he closed it right back for fear that he would get the wrong answer. He was so troubled that he didn't even care about where they were going anymore. However, he wondered if the change in destination was a good or a bad sign, without finding any more answers about this than the rest. All this introspection, which was at the expense of the more important subject of their imminent jeopardy, began to irritate him. He knew there was only one reason why he would become so upset about her attitude and it wasn't too good at this point in time.

Cole shifted uncomfortably on the seat, mostly put off with himself for his weakness. It had been a long time since he felt this helpless with a woman. This wasn't bringing back good memories. However, as hard as he tried to fight it, he realized he was unable to think more reasonably. At last, Cole realized that Phoebe's silence was even more upsetting than anything she could have said and he was about to question her anyway when she finally spoke, although tensely. "You've gotta lose him," Phoebe suddenly announced. 

Cole looked back at her briefly and he saw that she was staring at a car a short distance behind them. It didn't take a genius to figure out they were being followed again. Cole gave a good look at the driver in his rear mirror but the man was unknown to him. However, Phoebe's increasing nervousness told her that she knew him.

"I don't know," Cole uttered hesitantly. "If they're having us followed, won't that make Fredo even more suspicious when we try to lose our tail?"

"I don't care," Phoebe replied shortly. "You've got to lose him. You can do that, can't you," she added in a challenging fashion.

As much as Cole wanted to be reasonable about it, her provocation had an effect. "I could lose him in my sleep," he replied with too much bravado even for him. He knew he was showing off, but he couldn't help it.

"Well," Phoebe questioned when he still didn't act upon his claim.

"Hold on to your butt," Cole shot back, just before he accelerated suddenly and threaded dangerously though the traffic. 

Cole gave many glimpses to their pursuers, who accelerated in turn to catch up. However, it was soon obvious that the man at the wheel wasn't as skilled as Cole was. He almost hit a car just as Cole looked back once more and at the same time, Cole saw that Phoebe was a little paler than before with some measure of satisfaction. When he estimated that he had put enough distance between them and their pursuers, he swerved onto a side road, and then turned again at the next intersection, this time heading in the opposite direction. They drove like this for a good fifteen minutes, going back and forth, until Cole was convinced that they had lost them. Then he backed up the car into an alley and observed the road for a long moment, in case they were still behind them. When he was satisfied that the driver of the other car had lost them, he turned an irritated stare toward Phoebe. "Now are you gonna tell me why we did something so stupid?"

Phoebe replied with a question of her own, and it was so abrupt that Cole was taken aback. "Who's this Paul McKail?"

Ever since she heard the name from the stairs, Phoebe found a new motive to get Cole quickly out of the house. This one was much less pleasant however. The combination of her sighting of the night before, of finding Cole in that bar and now hearing that he was acquainted with a guy named Paul had jolted her. Right then, she was observing Cole closely, wondering at his uneasiness. "So," She insisted when he didn't answer.

"What does it matter to you?"

"Just answer me…"

Cole detected tension in her voice; as if she wanted to know and dreaded it at the same time. "Well, it's just like I told Fredo… Thanks for the help by the way, but I really didn't need it," Cole uttered as calmly as he could. Her sudden interest in Paul didn't sit well with him any more than Fredo's.

"You're saying you don't know him that well," Phoebe questioned with a subtle softening to her voice.

"As well as one might know a guy with whom I shared a few drinks in the past. Just a vague acquaintance really…You still haven't told me what business it is of yours…"

Phoebe looked away instead of answering the repeated question. Maybe it was just a coincidence… Yet, she had to know. "Last night, I thought I recognized someone from my past…he was named Paul too and he was coming out of the same club where I found you…"

"What makes you think it's the same Paul? First of all, the fact that we were in the same bar means nothing at all. I mean, it's not like we were alone…" Cole was thinking furiously while trying to show a casual façade to Phoebe. Why was she interested in Paul? It was rather obvious that she knew him somehow. However, Cole had never heard Paul mentioning her before. In fact, considering how Paul felt about this adventure, Cole was certain that he would have told him about knowing Phoebe. "So why," He asked himself again in puzzlement.

"I just thought…" Phoebe started hesitantly. Then she stopped, realizing how ridiculous that was. There were many men named Paul in the city alone. Besides, now she even doubted what she saw the night before. "Never mind," she uttered irritably. Phoebe hated to have once more shown any sort of vulnerability to Cole. Last night had already been too much. All she wanted from this day was to satisfy an urge and put it behind her. Maybe then, she would stop thinking about Cole so much and go back to the way things were before. Also, she knew that she was seeking release from her remorse about Martin. Phoebe hated to even think about this and she resolutely set it aside, instead concentrating on the first reason why she had wanted Cole and her to be alone. Without wait, she switched into seduction mode, which was something she knew very well and was reassuring at the same time as a means to satisfy her needs. "No really," she told him in a throaty voice. "I was just a little upset about something. Nothing that concerns you; I'm sure it wasn't the same Paul anyway. We've got so much more pleasant things to think about right now."

Phoebe's sudden change in attitude confused Cole, not to mention that it reawakened his desire for her all at once. She was such a complex woman and yet, instead of fearing it, he was tempted to jump without a care for his own safety. Cole knew he was being unreasonable. Maybe it was a reaction to his remorse and his need to forget about it. At first, he was still vaguely compelled to probe further into her questions about Paul, but when he saw the way Phoebe seemed to soften, he forgot all about that. It was as if her earlier concerns had been of no importance and if Cole still wished he knew what it was about, he suddenly wasn't too anxious to make Phoebe angry again. "Then, we're ok with this business," he still asked uncertainly. Her smile was stirring him a lot more than Cole even cared admitting to himself.

"Yeah, I told you," Phoebe uttered in a sultry voice, "I was just overreacting to something. All this agitation, you know?"

"So then… why did we lose this guy?" Cole risked, while he stared at her in a manner that told Phoebe she had been right on the mark about the way he felt.

"It's a surprise…suffice to say I didn't want them to know where we're going."

Cole had one last moment of hesitation, mostly because he hated uncertainty, but since Phoebe seemed to be in such a joyous disposition all of a sudden, he set aside his own worries completely. With the beginning of a smile, he asked, "and when will I get this surprise of yours?"

"Get us to the address I gave you…" Phoebe simply answered. 

Cole already imagined what his surprise would be and if he should have been weary of it, at this moment, he only wished he was already there. To hell with Fredo and Saul and anyone who might have been an obstacle. Without any more hesitation, he gave her one last smile and started the engine again. Cole still had the presence of mind to look about before leaving their hiding place, but he could see no suspicious car and he headed for their destination with renewed impatience. 

It was only as he parked the car behind a discreet hotel at the edge of town that he experienced renewed scruples about this. As he hesitated at the wheel, Phoebe called to him with the same seductive voice. "Won't you open the door for me?"

Cole tightened his hold on the wheel slightly as he tried to reason with himself. This was totally wrong. He should be warning Paul at this moment, not contemplating making love to Phoebe. 

"Come on, Cole… Don't you want your surprise," Phoebe added, this time almost against his neck. He felt her warm breath against his skin and all reason went out the window. Cole almost didn't bother getting out of the car, as he was tempted to turn to her and kiss her right then and there. However, even as he was about to, he felt her moving back and he hurried out. As soon as she was out herself, Phoebe came to lean against him suggestively and Cole couldn't keep his eyes off of her. 

"See," Phoebe uttered with a teasing smile, "that's what I appreciate about men. They can't hide their true desires…" This she said as she pressed her hips against his and felt his obvious arousal. 

Cole wanted to grab her right then and there, but he had another moment of clarity. "Look…" he uttered hoarsely, as Phoebe lifted her face toward his, while her lips already parted invitingly. "Look, Phoebe," Cole tried again, even while his hand came to rest on her hips almost of its own accord, "I have to know," he blurted as he jerked slightly away. "Why did you help me?"

Phoebe pouted unhappily, as she had obviously not planned to make conversation. "I just didn't think it was right that another driver should die so soon after the last one…" She uttered casually. "Besides, I don't believe you're a spy. You're not, are you?" She questioned with a sudden hint of suspicion.

"No…of course not…but…was that the only reason," Cole questioned again, slightly cooled off by her casual attitude.

"What other reason could there be? Well, besides the obvious," Phoebe continued as she grabbed his buttocks and began massaging them shamelessly. "Come on Cole," she insisted then, "you knew exactly what we were coming here for..."

"Yeah," Cole replied throatily while staring at her lips without even realizing it. "I guess yes, I knew, but…"

"But what," Phoebe exclaimed impatiently, letting go of him. 

Cole felt a sudden emptiness that was none too pleasant at this. Yet, he couldn't help the little voice of his conscience nagging at him. "Alright, I won't tell you I don't want you. That would be a lie."

Phoebe gave an applied gaze toward his midsection, telling him that she had no doubts about that.

"But that doesn't mean we should," Cole pursued uncertainly.

"Why is that," Phoebe questioned again with mounting frustration. 

"I don't want you to get upset, Phoebe," Cole replied. "It's just…" He had to look away. "It's just that for many years, I treated women rather badly…I used them and discarded them without a care…"

"I'm not reproaching that to you," Phoebe uttered edgily.

"You should…I know I do now," Cole admitted. "I don't want it to be like that with you," he trailed as he gazed back at her. When he did so, Cole thought that he read something unexpected in her eyes. He thought there was a trace of guilt of her own in her expression.

"What do you expect from me?" Phoebe still questioned. "A future? You think we'll run away together?"

"I…I don't know…"

"Well, I do," Phoebe pursued more firmly. "It's your choice Romeo. I'm offering myself to you, no strings attached…" 

"I…" Cole swallowed hard, barely believing that he was about to refuse such a tempting offer. And for what? A principle? One he never cared to have until this very moment? 

When seeing Cole's hesitation, Phoebe experienced a renewed fear of being rejected and even if she knew deep down that he was actually trying to show respect toward her, the pain this caused her blinded her to reason. Her anger flared and she suddenly headed back toward the car while she spat between her teeth, "well, you had your chance!" 

Instinctively, Cole grabbed her arm before she could get in the car. "Please Phoebe…I just need to know if it means something to you…"

"Like what," Phoebe asked hesitantly without looking at him. In spite of her resolve, Phoebe felt the burning of tears threatening to flow unabashedly as she only then realized how much it did matter to her. Yet, she still worried that giving Cole any hint of this could lead to unexpected and unpleasant consequences.

"I don't know exactly," Cole admitted painfully. He couldn't take his hand off of her. He feared that if he let go of Phoebe, he would lose something infinitely more precious than anything he ever owned. Inside of him, desire mixed in with an intense emotion that he had pain to recognize. Cole only knew that it at once made him feel weak and strong. "I just know that I need it to mean something," he still managed.

"What if I have nothing more to offer," Phoebe questioned softly. 

Even as she said this however, Cole felt her trembling and he became convinced that she was trying to keep her true feelings from him. "Why did you help me?" He questioned again.

"I told you," Phoebe said half-heartedly, as she turned halfway toward him. "There was nothing more to it."

Her eyes bright with tears told another story however. "Are you certain?" Cole asked again as he lifted his free hand toward her face and gently stroked her cheek.

Phoebe tried to resist, but the soft touch finished breaking her defenses. She closed her eyes while pressing her cheek against his hand, as she uttered hoarsely, "why would you reject me again?"

"I'm not, Phoebe," Cole replied quickly. I…" He could see such pain in her expression, and he only wanted to do something to erase it. "Resisting you is simply torture, Phoebe. You're so beautiful and desirable."

"Then please," Phoebe pleaded, as she opened her eyes and gazed directly at his. "Don't reject me again."

In her eyes, Cole saw the answer to his question expressed louder than any words. Whereas there had been a sensual invitation in them earlier, now there was a vulnerability that warmed him up inside; and if he could resist the seduction, this, on the other hand, he couldn't. Even as he reached behind her neck and took the lips so obviously offered to him, Cole vaguely wondered if it was what he had hoped for; but by then it didn't matter anymore. As their kiss deepened, Phoebe's response became more passionate and she again grabbed his buttocks, firmly pulling him to her. This time however, Cole sensed that it was more an instinctive reaction than a provocation and he wanted only to satisfy both of them on the spot. He pushed her against the still open door of the car, and it closed with a loud thud, although barely causing them to notice, it still was enough to remind Phoebe of where they were. Reluctantly breaking the kiss, she whispered against his lips, "far from me to be a prude, but shouldn't we get a room?"

The thought of having to let go of her even for the time it would take to rent the room was almost painful, but then, Phoebe pulled a key from her handbag and without the need for any explanation, he simply groaned, "lead the way…"

While Phoebe inserted the pass into the keyhole with hands trembling from anticipation, Cole wrapped his arms around her from behind and he began groping her belly, and then pulling up her dress just as the door unlocked. Cole then pushed her inside, closing the door behind them with a kick as he went on undressing Phoebe impatiently. 

Neither one of them noticed a car parking a little ways from the hotel and the driver coming out of it just in time to see Cole and Phoebe rushing inside the room. The man congratulated himself on his patience. He had some trouble following them but eventually, he managed to catch up with them and now, he believed that Saul would be satisfied with his news. Convinced that they were in there for the long run, the man started walking toward the nearest public phone, which he had spotted on his way there.

Inside, neither Cole, nor Phoebe cared about the world outside or the danger that lurked. Just like in her sexy dream, Cole pressed her against the wall of a small sitting room, which was adjacent to the bedroom. By then, he had already taken off her dress and he grabbed her breasts firmly, while his lips trailed down Phoebe's back toward the only piece of clothing that remained. For every caress, for every touch of his soft and wanting lips on her skin, Phoebe felt tingling all over and she became totally lost in the moment, closing her eyes and drinking in every sensation. By the time he found the soft skin of her buttocks, after pulling down her undergarment with his teeth, and he began tracing lazy circles with his tongue that awakened a fire in her loins, Phoebe's only concern was to stay in this moment for as long as she possibly could.

Still, Phoebe's need for release was growing greater by the moment; but when she tried to turn toward him, Cole held her firmly against the wall, while his hands slowly, almost painfully, moved toward her lower belly. Phoebe groaned loudly when he found the soft hair between her legs and began toying with it, in her mind, teasing her mercilessly. "Please," she uttered in a barely audible voice. All it got her was for him to remove his caressing hands and her frustration grew at the same time as her desire. However, the rustling sound of clothing being dropped on the floor told her what he was up to and she held back another groan of frustration. Instead, she parted her legs and waited while her breath quickened, out of excitement as much as anticipation. Even knowing that he was coming back, a tremor shook Phoebe as his muscular body molded itself to hers and she felt his naked skin burning hers.

Cole enveloped her with his strong arms and she felt as if he meant to swallow her whole; at the same time, she was willing to give herself to him. Deep down, Phoebe was shocked at her own abandon but she didn't want to fight it. For the first time in years, she allowed herself to trust a man completely and didn't feel the need to control the situation, even if she had no idea why or how it happened. All she knew was that it felt great and she wanted the sensation to last. 

While Cole nibbled on her earlobes, his body so tight against her that she could feel his heart racing against her back, his fingers found the warm opening in her loins and he began expertly stimulating her, without ever allowing her to reach complete ecstasy however. It was at once maddening and exciting. 

When Cole was certain that he brought her to the limit, as she was groaning and rocking against him already, he suddenly whirled Phoebe toward him, covering her lips with his hungrily, while grabbing her buttocks and pulling her hips tighter against his. Phoebe instinctively threw her arms around him, planting her fingernails in his back as if she believed she could fall if she didn't hold on to him. Cole lifted her just enough so he could carry her to the bed, never stopping his intense exploration of her warm mouth, as Phoebe responded with the same ardour to his kiss. As he laid them both on the bed, he opened his eyes and released her lips while trailing a caressing hand inside her thighs, eliciting more groans from Phoebe. Until this moment, and in spite of the enjoyment he was taking in pleasuring Phoebe, Cole had avoided looking in her eyes. He vaguely understood that he feared seeing only lust in them. For the first time in almost twelve years, he wanted to feel more than just lust from a woman. He wanted her to return his affection. 

In spite of all the affairs Cole had through the years, he consistently rejected any display of affection from the women he bedded. Most of these women believed that he felt something for them because of the great care he took in pleasuring them. Thus, they were always startled by his refusal of such demonstration. However, considering how good he was in bed, they soon accepted this apparent coldness as some eccentricity on his part, or even shyness. 

In truth, Cole was actually gratifying himself a lot more by satisfying them. Rosalind, his first lover, had been very thorough in her teaching. The most important part of what she taught him was making him appreciate what men often deny themselves: anticipation. Instant gratification, according to Rosalyn, was what most men desired from women. She taught him that there could be much more to be had by pacing oneself and she was right. By giving those women all they could wish for, he was making certain that they would also give themselves to him completely and they did without fail. Until this very moment, he had believed that the possession of these women and their willingness to give in to him so completely was the best part of lovemaking. However, as Cole stared at Phoebe and watched her features so obviously expressing intense pleasure, he understood that he had missed out on the greatest sensation of them all. It wasn't enough that she was his at this moment; he wanted to see love in her eyes. 

The thought shocked Cole so much that he stopped his caresses and almost pulled back, as he was suddenly paralysed by the fear of rejection. He remembered this pain too well. The fact that he was thinking of the young girl who caused him so much pain in life in this particular instant felt strange and unnerving to Cole. 

Phoebe sensed an unpleasant change in Cole. He was pulling back, and this time, it wasn't the same as earlier, she was certain of it. Phoebe didn't know if she was getting angry or afraid as a disagreeable sensation coursed through her. She was about to protest aloud when, as she opened her eyes, she met his hesitant gaze and it removed all trace of anger in her. Instead, she found herself fearful without knowing of what. "What is it," she uttered uncertainly.

Cole was now peering intently at her without a word and her discomfort grew. "Cole?" Phoebe questioned.

What was it he saw in her eyes? Again he wondered if it was the feelings he had been hoping for mixing with the worry, or if she was simply being strangely solicitous. Yet, he thought he could recognize something in her gaze. It was the same fear he felt inside. "I…" he began, but stopped himself immediately. How could he voice such a fear and not appear weak to Phoebe?

"Have you changed your mind," Phoebe questioned with a hint of disbelief and disappointment to her voice that was unmistakable. 

"No…" Cole trailed while looking away. "I mean…I don't know…"

"Now you're having scruples," Phoebe exclaimed incredulously. "Are you still trying to deny you want me?"

"No Phoebe," Cole replied intently, gazing back at her. "I want you more than you can even imagine," he voiced with the same intensity.

"Then what is your problem," Phoebe asked. She wanted to sound angry or even exasperated, but somehow, it came out as pleading and she was the first surprised by this.

"I told you," Cole answered. "I need it to mean something…" Cole closed his eyes, worried that he would see the rejection he feared in hers. Instead, he was startled when he felt her fingers caressing his cheek tenderly.

"Cole," Phoebe said again, this time very softly. "I'm not sure what you want from me…" Phoebe stopped for a second, as she was uncertain herself of what she felt. "But I do know that right now, I don't want this to end…I…" Rather than pursuing right away, Phoebe moved closer and her lips brushed against his. "I don't know what I feel, Cole. I just know that it does mean something to me…much more than I expected…" she whispered.

Cole knew it wasn't all that he wanted from her; but he also understood by the look in her eyes that it truly was much more than he might have expected from her. He knew that it must have been hard for her to admit this. He knew it because he knew her through his own fear of showing his emotions. At least, until recently…There was such warmth to her gaze now, as he had never seen there before. "Phoebe," he whispered hoarsely, before rolling her on her back impatiently. There wasn't any more direction to his desire as he moved on top of her and recaptured her lips hungrily. He only knew he wanted to be with her now, while this moment took place between them. Phoebe roped her legs around his lower back, pulling him closer to her impatiently and this time, there was no wait for her as he entered her quickly, almost forcefully.

Cole revelled in the sensation of complete rapture he got almost from the moment he was inside of her. All the while, both of them were staring at each other intently, as their kiss became only a breathless caress of each other's lips. Cole was certain that he had never experienced such a complete union with any woman before. As he lost himself in Phoebe's eyes, and sensed more than knew when she was ready, he felt that for this brief moment, they were sharing much more than just physical love. Her scream of intense pleasure mixed in with the music that he heard in his mind as he gave in to his overpowering need for relief and reached deeply inside of her. Long after they were spent, they still held on to each other, refusing to break the connection, as much physical as emotional between them. The sensation of bliss lingered while he was still gazing at her intently and Cole knew in his heart that he had been waiting for her all his life…

In that instant, Cole was so certain that Phoebe shared his feelings that he was about to try putting them into words as they were invading him irrepressibly. However, an insistent knock prevented him from doing so, breaking the moment as Phoebe fearfully turned her gaze toward the door leading to the sitting room. 


	13. Music to My Soul Chapter 13

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter XIII**

"I won't let anything happen to you," Cole uttered as he reluctantly moved away from Phoebe and headed for the sitting room. 

"Cole," Phoebe called back anxiously. "It's not me I'm worried about…"

Cole turned halfway toward her with a little smile. The implication of what she said was obvious and if it hadn't been for the circumstances, his heart would have jumped for joy. However, he couldn't help worrying about what laid behind that door. Who would come here but those who had been following them? And if so, were they coming under Fredo's order to finish them off because he didn't believe that Phoebe was safe from this gangster, no matter what she thought. He signalled for her to stay back before heading out of the bedroom. Upon entering the sitting room, a chill reminded him of his undressed state and he grabbed a bath towel conveniently hooked on the connecting door. Quickly wrapping it around his hips, he also noticed something else as he headed for his clothing and picked up the gun that ended up on the floor earlier. In the corner of the small sitting room, there was a piano. He vaguely pondered this while walking toward the outside door cautiously. Cole couldn't help wondering about the coincidence. Pianos were not usual furniture for that kind of discreet hotel. Was this suite especially reserved for Phoebe? He hadn't questioned the fact that she had a key earlier as things heated up pretty quickly. However, now it was another story. Did she bring her pianist here for more than rehearsal? Before he could go further into this unpleasant reasoning, another loud knock startled him. A voice came through the door at this moment that half-reassured Cole.

"Room service, Miss Love…" 

Cole turned toward the bedroom and saw that Phoebe was watching him from the threshold. She obviously wasn't very good at following instructions, but that didn't really surprise Cole. She nodded with relief and he relaxed his stance as the hand holding the gun went to his side. He still opened the door slowly, concealing the gun behind his back, not entirely convinced that this wasn't a trick.

The young man in livery didn't seem surprised to find a stranger there instead of Lara, and it again brought an unpleasant awareness to Cole. He didn't let his feelings show for the boy however, as he opened the door wider to let him in. The bell boy noisily rolled a table topped with shiny plates into the room, while discreetly avoiding looking at the bedroom. If he noticed that Cole was hiding something from him, he pretended not to, telling Cole that he had seen it all. The boy stood at the door after completing his task and Cole realized he was waiting for his tip. Never turning his back to the boy, he pulled a few dollar bills from his pants' pocket and he extended them impatiently to him. "Have a good one," the boy said pleasantly before heading out. 

As soon as the door closed, Cole gave another look at the bedroom and he saw that Phoebe was wearing a robe and coming toward the table without any apparent concern. He watched her lifting the lid of one of the plates while he slowly moved toward the piano. Cole then ostensibly laid the gun on top of the instrument. 

"You didn't need that, you know," Phoebe finally said. 

"I prefer to be prepared for anything. I'm supposed to be protecting you," Cole replied flatly.

His tone of voice alerted Phoebe. "Is there something the matter?" 

"They seem to know you here," Cole said as casually as he could manage. 

However, Phoebe picked up on this. "Hey… what's this about?"

"Nothing," Cole answered. As much as he wanted to keep the irritation from his voice, even that one word sounded annoyed. 

"Are you reproaching me something," Phoebe questioned with a hint of annoyance of her own.

"I didn't say anything… yet," Cole added while coming back toward her. He couldn't help staring at the spread on the table with a renewed discomfort. "Was that the whole seduction package? Or a reward for rendered services…?" He questioned as he indicated a bottle of champagne in the center of the serving table. This time there was no mistaking his irritation. 

"Wait a minute, Cole. What right do you have to judge me? I never pretended to be the perfect little woman…" Phoebe spat. She watched him with a cross expression until she met his hurt gaze. Then, Phoebe began to feel uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry; you're right," Cole offered uneasily. "I've got no business judging you…I guess it reminded me too much of what I've done quite a few times myself. It's not that easy to look at things from the other side of the fence…"

Phoebe was now more than a little confused about the way she felt. On the one hand, she didn't like the fact that Cole assumed he could judge her actions and catalogue her. But then, his change in attitude was enough to melt her anger. "I guess we make quite a pair," she said with a hesitant smile.

"Someone's gotta do it," Cole replied lightly. Phoebe barely had time to feel better before he became serious again. "You were worried earlier."

"I told you, I was worried about you. That's why I wanted to get them off our tail."

"You could simply have given up on this little interlude," Cole uttered half-heartedly. 

"I'll admit," Phoebe cooed while coming to lean against him suggestively, "I'm not good at resisting my impulses…" One of Phoebe's hands slid slowly the length of his stomach toward his loins while, with the other, she was ostensibly undoing the belt of her robe. Then she smiled teasingly as she began caressing him suggestively through the thin towel. "And it's obvious you're not good at it either…" 

"If you put it this way," Cole managed between short breaths. 

"Are you hungry?" She questioned just as teasingly but with a throaty voice.

Cole was mostly torn between his renewed desire and his worries, but as Phoebe pointed out, he wasn't very good at resisting his impulses either. "I think I'll go straight to dessert," he said before grabbing her and crushing her lips with his. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Saul hung up the phone of the office with a Cheshire cat smile spreading over his lips. He turned to find Robbie watching him closely. Saul was very much aware of Robbie's interest in Lara. In fact, he intended to use it if the need arose. Things were looking up. "Your boy did a good job," he said aloud for Robbie.

"What are you gonna tell Fredo," Robbie questioned irritably. His frustration was visible as he had guessed at what his man saw. "Goddamn bitch!" he thought. He imagined himself slapping Lara silly and wished that she wasn't Fredo's girl anymore. Who knew, maybe this time, Fredo would turn his back on Lara and Robbie would get his revenge. This idea alone made him feel better.

"I don't know," Saul finally answered. "What's the use?" 

This pierced Robbie's bubble. He still promised himself that he would find a way to give Lara what was coming to her for leading him on like this. "I really think Fredo has a right to know his girl's a bitch who opens her cunt for any pretty boy that comes along…"

Saul eyed Robbie severely before responding to this. Now wasn't the time. "Fredo already knows and doesn't seem to care too much about that. However, I really think you should watch your mouth in this house if you want your balls to stay where they are."

Fredo was not there of course, but Robbie still got a chill at the idea that he could hear his comments. However, he wasn't about to acknowledge his fears in front of Saul. "I still believe the boss should understand Lara isn't trustworthy."

Saul seemed to ponder this for a moment and then as he headed out of the office, he offered, "Don't worry… soon I'm hoping to be rid of the bitch…" For himself, he added, "same for anyone who gets in my way…"

Robbie called back to him as he was already crossing the threshold. "What do we do about Turner?"

"Try to verify this stuff about the paper pusher. I'm sure there's more to this than meets the eye. On the bright side," Saul added as he turned back toward Robbie with a cruel smile, "you might be able to beat up on Turner very soon…"

Robbie didn't answer. He mostly wondered how he was so transparent. However, he knew that Saul was a smart man and he elected long ago to stay on his good side. Robbie was convinced that Saul was more his ticket to the big time than Fredo ever was… Instead of lingering on his own shortcomings, he started imagining himself beating Cole to a pulp.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Cole was exhausted but happier than he'd been in quite some time. He lay across the bed, his head resting on Phoebe's stomach, while he caressed one of her nipples lazily. The view was rather appealing from where he was but at this point, he mostly felt the need for some rest. Pearls of sweat shone between Phoebe's breasts, witness to their intense lovemaking of earlier. Now, they were both resting in silence, not wanting to risk saying anything that could bring this bliss to a crashing halt. After a moment however, Cole's remorse came to put an unpleasant damper on his happiness. He reflected that he didn't deserve this, considering the drama he had caused with Rita and her husband. Phoebe must have noticed that he becoming tense because she lifted her head from the pillow and stared at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Cole uttered without conviction. He still removed his hand from her breast and came to lie beside Phoebe. 

She wasn't fooled by his denial as she turned toward him and caressed his forehead soothingly. "It's obvious something's bothering you…"

"Well, you can't say everything is rosy…"

"What were you thinking about just now," Phoebe insisted. 

Cole hesitated. Telling her the truth of the matter would surely remind her of her own problems.

"Is it me?" Phoebe insisted with a hint of anxiety.

"No!" Cole exclaimed. "No, it's definitely not you. On the contrary…"

"Then what?"

"Well…I was just wondering if I've got a right to feel this happy after what happened to Rita…"

"Oh…" Phoebe uttered while her expression darkened noticeably. Cole was convinced that she was reminded of the former driver as he had feared. Nonetheless, after pondering this for a moment, she pursued, "You know… as bad as your involvement in that mess may seem, this Rita and her husband were also responsible for their own problems…"

"That's also what my friend Paul said…" Cole understood his mistake right away, but it was too late. He saw it in Phoebe's eyes from the moment she heard the words.

"Your friend Paul…?"

"Phoebe, I…" 

Phoebe pulled away from him, bringing the sheet over herself ostensibly. "I believed you said he was only an annoying acquaintance."

Cole almost told her he'd meant another Paul. However, he didn't want to lie to her again. Paul's warning still vaguely echoed in his mind but this time, he ignored it. "Alright, I lied… I admit it…"

"What exactly does that mean," Phoebe questioned pointedly.

"Phoebe…I wasn't exactly honest about my motivation in coming to Fredo's house…"

Phoebe suddenly had a sinking feeling. Up until this moment, her only fear was that Fredo would become jealous and try to hurt Cole. She had already made the decision of trying and convince Cole to stay away from the mansion by asking him to give up this job. However, in all of this, she never imagined that he came to Fredo's for any other reason than to tune the piano; not even after hearing what Robbie and that policeman said. "What were you there for," she asked with obvious suspicion. 

Cole suddenly worried that he had overestimated the level of trust he could put in her. He swallowed hard, wondering if he wasn't serving his own head to Fredo on a platter by telling Phoebe the truth. 

"Cole," Phoebe questioned insistently.

He licked his lips nervously before continuing, and that even believing this could be suicide. "I was supposed to gather some evidence against Fredo," he blurted out while staring at Phoebe intently. 

At first, Phoebe didn't seem to react at all, which was puzzling. Then she slowly looked away and Cole felt as if a cold wind blew through his chest. He still waited for her answer in silence.

"How were you supposed to do that," Phoebe questioned in a strangely calm tone of voice.

"I…Phoebe, I know what you're thinking but I swear to you, it's not like that…"

"On the contrary," came Phoebe's cold reply as she stood up with the sheet wrapped around her. "I believe it's exactly like that." She turned to him and he immediately saw the deep hurt in her eyes. He had no problem recognizing that expression. For the longest time, he saw it every morning while looking in the mirror. 

"I swear Phoebe…things changed since I saw you first…"

"So I'm right. You were planning on using me, weren't you? When did you intend to start pumping me for information? Right now, or did you think you should wait until I fell hard for you and couldn't refuse you anything? You must have taken me for such a fool."

"No, Phoebe, no…" Cole exclaimed painfully. "I told you that things changed. You've gotta believe me."

"Men will stoop to anything to get what they want. You should be glad…" Phoebe uttered dejectedly without giving any sign that his plea touched her in any way. "I guess you managed to fool me like no one before. I'll give you that. I made the mistake of believing you could be different. I won't do it again," Phoebe spat before she turned toward the sitting room decisively. 

Cole went after her hurriedly. Since he was unsure about what to tell her that would make her change her mind, he tried to keep her from leaving by grabbing her arm. "Phoebe, please…" he pleaded again but she shrugged him off angrily.

"Don't follow me, Cole. And I strongly suggest you stay away from Fredo."

Cole stared at her incredulously. "Phoebe you can't tell me you want to protect that monster!"

"I don't care about Fredo," Phoebe uttered laconically. "My only concern is that thanks to him I'll get what I've always wanted and now I know that's all I should've cared about…" 

The last part of her sentence was so bitter that Cole knew he had made a crucial mistake. Phoebe was as fragile emotionally as he was; maybe even more so… What could have hurt her so badly that she became this fragile, Cole wondered even as the fear of losing her was tearing him up inside. "Phoebe, you don't wanna risk your life just for a performance. Please reconsider…"

"And then what?" Phoebe almost shouted. "I stay with you…give you all the info that you want about Fredo and then you dump me when you're done with me? Is that the plan?"

"Of course not, Phoebe," Cole told her, appalled as he was by her cynicism. "I'll protect you…" He hesitated some more when seeing her expression hardening by the moment. "You don't have to tell me anything, Phoebe. I just want you to be safe, away from him…"

Phoebe didn't answer but rather picked up her crumpled dress and put it on hurriedly. Then she turned toward the door without another look at Cole.

"Phoebe," he called again.

"Don't waste your breath. For a short while there, I forgot what men are about, but as I told you, I won't make that mistake again," Phoebe responded while keeping her back to him. Without waiting for an answer, she opened the door.

"Phoebe I…" Cole wanted to tell her that he loved her but he stopped himself. He saw her hesitating, as if she had sensed what he was about to say. When he remained silent, Phoebe shrugged irritably and went out of the room, closing the door noisily behind her. 

Cole leaned against the wall while staring at the door that just closed on his hopes. Why couldn't he tell her how he felt? Then Cole reflected bitterly that anything he could have said would have sounded empty to Phoebe.

~~~~

Phoebe was heading toward the car but she stopped halfway there. Even if it hadn't been for the fact that she didn't have the keys, she knew that she was too shaky to drive. How could she have been so stupid? Because he was handsome and knew how to sweet talk her? Yet, deep down, she still wondered if he had been sincere about his feelings. What if he was? What if she was wrong and he wasn't like all the others? Phoebe shook her head dejectedly, knowing full well that she was fooling herself, but it didn't get her to move an inch as the doubts piled up inside of her.

~~~~

Marco, the man that had followed them there watched her curiously from a distance. He wondered if she was waiting for the driver. At any rate, she seemed to be on her way to the car and Marco turned back toward his own vehicle as he didn't want to be caught unaware. That's when he came face to face with one of Ricardo's men…

~~~~

Inside, Cole dressed in a hurry, at first intent on going after Phoebe in spite of his doubts. However, as he grabbed the doorknob, another wave of despair coursed through him. "What's the point," he thought bitterly. "She's probably already gone." Besides, Phoebe hadn't given him a single chance to plead his cause before crushing him just like the girl from his past. Being reminded of this only deepened his resentment as he absently walked toward the piano. Before he realized what he was doing, Cole was sitting in front of the instrument and he stared at it intently. Angrily, he hit the keys with his fists. However, instead of getting up and moving away from the piano afterward, he began playing the lullaby that had come so naturally to him the last time. Music had always been his only faithful friend along with Paul. That is before he had lost the ability to play at all or the inspiration for that matter. Now however, the pain he felt inside screamed for some form of release and the music provided that. As the lullaby ended, he pursued by hitting notes at random or so it seemed until Cole realized that he knew the resulting melody very well. It was her song… For a moment, he almost stopped. However the compulsion to play was so strong that he kept at it, soon losing himself completely in the music.

~~~~

Phoebe had been stuck in place for several minutes, unable to go back, but even less able to leave. Confusing feelings were invading her and she couldn't make sense of them. On the one hand, her anger towards Cole was intense, as she felt he betrayed her trust. Yet, she couldn't help remembering how she felt in his arms. For a while, Phoebe knew in her heart that she was safe and wanted in a manner that she had never experienced. She was convinced that she connected with him deeply, as if she could see through to his soul. For the first time ever since that awful day twelve years ago, she believed that she could fall in love. It was scary and exciting at the same time and she had been too afraid of her own feelings to tell him. However now, Phoebe was uncertain about everything. How could she have been so wrong? Was the little girl that she had been coming back to the surface and weakening her? Was she experiencing the same stupid longing she did before everything went to hell? Why was she losing it just when everything was falling into place? But no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it was only a weakness on her part, Phoebe still felt that she had to make sure about Cole. She turned toward the hotel and gazed at it intently. Then she started slowly walking back toward it.

~~~~

Marco stared at Ricardo's man with a knot in his stomach. Frankly, the idea of risking his skin for that slut was a little much. On the other hand, he knew that if anything were to happen to Lara, Fredo would have his head. "Luigi," he started as calmly as he could as he saw Luigi's hand resting near where his holster must have been. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, can't a guy stop for a little talk," Luigi answered with a phony smile.

"You're quite out of your way…" Marco replied.

"Ok I'll admit I did come here on purpose…You've been a pain to follow too and besides, I thought Robbie'd be here but you'll do," Luigi uttered with much less amenity. "Ricardo's got a problem and he thinks that maybe one of you could give him some explanation… For example why is it that your boss felt the need to kill two of our men?"

Marco thought that Luigi had some nerve asking him this, but at least, he didn't seem interested in the girl.

"Cat got your tongue," Luigi insisted.

"It seems a little strange coming from you. Ricardo's the one who tried to kill Fredo first. He had to expect some retaliation."

"What the hell are you talking about? Ricardo ain't that stupid."

"Yeah right," Marco spat while reaching slowly for his own side arm. "If Ricardo thinks playing innocent is gonna stop Fredo from getting him, he's got another thing coming."

"Ricardo had nothing to do with this."

"If he didn't do it, why's he hiding?"

"He got a tip to empty the warehouse and lay low."

Marco temporarily stopped his move toward the gun and observed Luigi curiously, but this one suddenly looked behind him and his expression changed noticeably. "Hey, isn't that Fredo's doll? Maybe if I got her to come with me, Fredo would be more willing to discuss this in a civilized manner," Luigi uttered as he took a step forward.

"I can't let you do that," Marco uttered while reaching for his gun.

Before he could grab the weapon however, Luigi saw his move and launched at him.

~~~~

Phoebe was almost at the door but stopped suddenly as she heard the music. She immediately recognized the melody and even though the pianist was less skilled than she remembered, there was no mistaking that song. Even as she stood there, paralysed by the surprise, Phoebe could remember the words she had put to it. Along with the deep hurt that was always associated with those lyrics, she soon felt extreme rage clouding her mind. 

~~~~

For a while, Cole was so intensely concentrated on the music that he forgot about everything else. Then suddenly, his eyes fell on the gun still resting on top of the instrument and he stopped playing abruptly. All the pain he had kept at bay while playing returned fully, magnified by his disappointment that Phoebe didn't come back as he vaguely hoped. He caught himself wondering why he even hoped for that. He didn't deserve to be happy and he had admitted it to her. No matter what Paul or even Phoebe said, he had caused a man to die just because he was too bitter to see the damage he was doing to others. With a trembling hand, Cole began reaching for the gun, not even truly realizing what he was doing. When he picked it up, the handle felt cold but, at the same time, it was almost a relief. Maybe everyone would be better off if he was gone, he thought almost with detachment. Paul might suffer from it for a while, but Cole knew how much he had missed the friend he was to him long ago. This, Cole could never be again. Phoebe…he hesitated. He was now cradling the gun against his chest, while remembering what he told Paul. Maybe it was fate that indeed, a woman had ripped his heart out as he had feared. Maybe now, he should really finish the job. 

~~~~~

Marco tried again to reach for his weapon while Luigi pounded on him with both fists. Luigi saw his move and he reached for Marco's arm, twisting it roughly while hitting him again. This time, Marco fell to the ground and he vaguely wondered if Luigi would finish him just before passing out.

Luigi almost pulled out his own gun, but he reflected that since no one noticed their spat, it was better to keep it this way. Besides, Marco would serve as a messenger for Fredo about the girl. As he thought of her, he looked back toward the hotel, but found no trace of the girl outside. Resolutely, he headed for the establishment. He debated whether to crash into the room or not, but decided to try finesse, again to keep any undue attention away from him. However, as he knocked on the door, the loud report of a gun shot startled him.

~~~~

As the cab made its way toward the Pharaoh Club, Phoebe tried to make sense of what happened. When the music stopped, she managed to move again and ran to the front of the hotel, jumping in the first cab that came along. She only wanted to get as far away as possible from this place and her own confusion. There was something strange about all of this, she finally reflected after she started calming down slightly. If she knew that she'd never heard this melody played by anyone else but the boy from her past, she also knew that this boy had been a virtuoso; no doubt destined for a much brighter future than tuning pianos for horny older women. 

Yet, Cole was playing with only relative skills. She suddenly remembered her own suspicions about Cole's friend and the fact that Cole had kept the truth from her about this Paul. Maybe he knew the history they had even though the likeliness of that was minimal. Yet, what were the odds that she would meet Paul's friend and…Phoebe had to stop her train of thoughts as her feelings for Cole were resurfacing. "No," she said aloud, attracting the attention of the driver. However, while he glanced curiously at her, he said nothing as Phoebe looked away. "No," she repeated for herself. "I won't let him get to me." Phoebe managed to shut up the little voice of doubts for a while, but her longing soon played tricks on her again. "What if he didn't know? What if he simply learned the song from someone else? Maybe he was sincere…" As the cab stopped in front of the Club, Phoebe shook her head strenuously. She had to stop trying to find excuses for him. Cole still lied to her, she told herself even as she paid the fare distractedly and headed for the entrance to the Club. 

~~~~

Cole jumped at the knock and the gun went off. He almost fell off the bench in utter surprise, but this jolted him back to reality as the bullet missed his arm by mere inches. Reflexively, he dropped the gun to the floor and it made a thudding sound. Then Cole hurriedly headed toward the door as another insistent knock was heard. He vaguely hoped that this was Phoebe but still wondered why she wouldn't use her key. As he unlocked it, the door came at him and hit him squarely in the face. Already dizzy, Cole tried to get a look at whoever was there, but he only managed a glance before the intruder hit him hard with a blunt object and he passed out on the spot. Luigi watched Cole for a second or two, training the gun on him while he was making sure that Cole was unconscious, and then he quickly surveyed the suite. He grunted unhappily when he realized that Lara was nowhere to be found and then he hurried out of the room, as he was certain that the gunshot would have attracted some attention. Indeed, as he was running back toward his car, he heard shouting behind him but he didn't turn to see if they were coming at him until he was sitting at the wheel. Then, he saw a boy in livery heading for Marco hurriedly, no doubt thinking that this one had been shot. Luigi didn't lose any more time, putting the car in gear and leaving the scene as fast as he could. 

~~~~

Paul walked out of the Newspaper building without paying too much attention to the passersby. For once, he had decided to have lunch with Lydia instead of the grub that he always got at the greasy restaurant across the street and he was looking forward to this. He was whistling as he headed for his car but he stopped abruptly when a firm hand grabbed his forearm. Instinctively, Paul tried to shrug it off, but a hard voice warned him. "Don't move." This just as Paul felt what was, no doubt, a gun barrel pressing on his side. 

"Hey, if you want money, don't you think there are easier ways to get it? Like working for example," Paul uttered with a hint of mockery that rang false.

"I just wanna have a chat with you," Robbie said as he came into Paul's field of vision. "Get in the car," he ordered then. 

"You know," Paul clowned, even as he tried to remember why this guy looked familiar. In his unnerved state of mind, he couldn't really think straight and was annoyed with himself, but he still had the presence of mind to try delaying the inevitable. "I always talk better standing up. Why don't we stay right here?"

"I've got no problem getting rid of a nosy paper pusher like you right here and now. Think of how much it'll hurt when the bullet ploughs through your guts…" Robbie added menacingly.

Paul thought that the man was actually challenging him to make a move and he decided it wasn't worth it. "Alright, we'll talk in the car if that's what you want."

"Too bad," Robbie uttered as he pushed Paul rudely toward his vehicle. Paul looked around, vaguely hoping that a policeman would be on hand, but he saw no one that could be of any help and he thought that resisting would not only put him at risk but also the innocent people on the sidewalk. Sighing dejectedly, he climbed into the car while Robbie got into the back and then quickly pressed the gun against Paul's neck.

"Now what," Paul asked edgily.

"Now you drive off and we have this talk…"

Paul started the engine and put the car in gear while still looking outside for any sign of someone having noticed his precarious situation. However, no one seemed to pay them any attention. In fact, Paul thought that even if any of them had seen what was going on, fear possibly kept them from intervening. 

"Move it," Robbie urged him impatiently. 

Reluctantly, Paul left the curb and went through the first intersection before questioning his captor about their destination.

"It really doesn't matter. Just drive!" Robbie answered. "Now…what's your business with Cole Turner?"

Paul recoiled at the mention of his friend, suddenly worrying that the worst might have happened to him. What's more, he suddenly remembered who that man was and it only intensified his anxiety. "What have you done to him," he couldn't help asking, regretting the words the moment they were out. 

"So, you do know the guy pretty well, don't you," Robbie questioned as he saw Paul's reaction. Paul grimaced unhappily as Robbie's comment confirmed to him that he had said too much. "Talk, asshole," Robbie insisted curtly.

Paul kept silent, mostly wondering if saying anything more could provoke the very thing he had feared happened to Cole.

"Don't try to play idiot with me," Robbie added while pressing the gun harder against Paul's neck. "I saw you talking to him this morning."

"Hey, I talk to a lot of guys," Paul tried half-heartedly. He knew it was too late to deny but he wanted some time to regroup and figure out what the deal was.

"The look on your face tells me you know that guy a lot more than that. Now, I'm gonna ask one more time. What's your deal with this Turner?"

Paul got a sinking feeling as he frantically tried to find something to say that wouldn't give away anything to the gangster. "What did this playboy tell you?" He finally asked, trying to sound as assured as he could.

"Seems you were pumping him for info about Fredo…"

Paul had to refrain from actually exclaiming at this. "What was Cole thinking," he thought before pursuing for the gangster. "I don't know why he would say that…"

"I've already told you not to take me for an idiot, McKail. The louse told us that you were again trying to get the goods on my boss and we really didn't appreciate it."

Paul worried anew about what happened to Cole, but so far, the gangster had not mentioned any killing so he went on with his newly formed idea. "Is that right? You know, you're right. He's a louse. If it's true that I showed a vague interest in his relationship with Fredo, I never expected that gigolo to be of any help to me."

Robbie shifted uncertainly and Paul felt the pressure of the gun releasing slightly. "Then why were you with him this morning," Robbie still insisted.

"I guess he didn't wanna tell you all how much of an asshole he is. I was trying to get an interview about his involvement in a marital dispute that ended in a killing a couple nights ago."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know why I even bothered. The guy is trash. That stupid woman killed her husband for him and he just walked away without a second thought." Paul hated himself for every word but at this point, he figured that if Cole was still alive it was better for those gangsters to think of him as a heartless gigolo rather than a spy. In truth, Paul knew that not so long ago the description might have fit him like a glove anyway. 

"You're trying to make me believe you didn't care he worked for Fredo?" Robbie questioned dubiously.

"Look, if I wanted to know something about your boss, I'd try to find a better source than a guy who's only met him a few days ago… Might I interest you?" Paul taunted while he cringed inwardly.

"Don't push your luck," Robbie uttered threateningly as the pressure from the gun intensified again. 

"Hey it was just a question. Call it a bad habit if you want."

"Stop the car," Robbie ordered imperatively rather than responding to Paul's banter. When the car was at a stand still, Robbie moved closer to Paul and practically growled the next threat. "Remember this, asshole. Stay away from Fredo and while you're at it, stay away from the louse."

"If you say so," Paul uttered between clenched teeth.

"I'm warning you," Robbie pursued intently. "If I read anything about Fredo or this little conversation in your trash, I'll get your wife. I hear that she's a pretty morsel," Robbie added with a lusty intonation.

"Leave my wife alone," Paul couldn't help reacting.

"It's up to you," Robbie dropped just before heading out of the car hurriedly. Paul saw him moving away quickly while his heart still pounded wildly in his chest. As soon as the gangster was out of sight, Paul began surveying the street for a pay phone. He spotted one a little distance from his parking spot and without hesitation, he climbed out of the car and headed for it. He had to get Lydia away from the house first and then, he would try to find out what happened to Cole…


	14. Music to My Soul Chapter 14

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter XIV**

"Hello," Lydia answered in a voice that told Paul she was expecting bad news. He had to admit, this wasn't the first time he disappointed her and he should already have been home by then.

"Lydia…I'm sorry…"

"No! Not again. Paul you promised me."

"I'll make it up to you," Paul tried.

"That's what this lunch was for, Paul," Lydia answered curtly. 

Paul sighed nervously while glancing around for any sign of the gangster. "Please, Lydia, I swear to you, I've got good reasons and now, I need you to do something right away."

"What? You stand me up and you expect me to do favors for you?"

"Lydia," Paul said much louder than he had meant. The silence at the other end of the line told him that Lydia was startled. No matter how many disagreements they got into, shouting was rarely a part of them. Softening slightly, Paul pursued with still a lot of tension to his voice. "I need you to call Leonard and ask him to come get you; right now!"

"Paul, what the hell's the matter with you? You don't seriously believe that going to our neighbors will make up for you not showing up…"

"Lydia, I can't be sure," Paul said, ignoring his wife's protestations, "but I believe you might be in danger." Again, Lydia remained silent for a moment, telling Paul that she heard him but that she was wondering what to make of it. "I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it, Lydia."

"What did you get yourself into, Paul?" The fear in Lydia's voice was almost palpable. 

"Everything will be fine if you stay at Leonard's today. At least until I can come get you."

"You didn't answer my question, Paul. What's wrong?"

"It's probably nothing. Just an idle threat; but I don't wanna take a chance."

"It doesn't sound like nothing Paul. And if you really believe I'm in danger, why aren't you here already?"

Paul shut his eyes tight, a gesture born as much from impatience as from the remorse he felt, while he tried very hard to steady his voice when he spoke next. "If you do what I say, you'll be safe. I've got something else to do and it's really important that I don't lose any more time."

"Losing time," Lydia exclaimed angrily. "Is that what I am to you? A waste of your precious time? What's happening now Paul? Rodney gave you the story of your life and you couldn't refuse? Even if it meant putting us both in danger?"

"Lydia, I'd never put you in danger on purpose," Paul exclaimed, appalled. "Look, Cole might be hurt or worse. I've gotta find him!"

Lydia let out a derisive laughter at this. "AH! I should've known. That eternal screw up dragged you into one of his stupid schemes again and you still care more about his fate than mine."

Paul had to drag in a deep breath at this, as he almost exploded right then and there. He pulled the handset away from his ear and stared at it for a few seconds, trying to decide what to say next. Slowly, he brought it back to his ear, only to hear Lydia's next remark. 

"When are you gonna open your eyes about him? Cole is a selfish man who never gave anything back after all you've done for him."

Despite his resolve to be reasonable, this was just too much. "Enough! I never put Cole ahead of you, no matter what you think. He never even asked me to do that. However, I'm not gonna try and defend him to you. I don't have time for this. Lydia, for once, would you please do what I ask? I need to know you're safe before I can help Cole. You're only making things worse right now."

In the charged silence that followed, Paul waited tensely, wondering if it was all worth it. Maybe Cole had been right about his marriage. Yet, he loved her so damn much that the simple idea that they might not make it together was unbearable. "Lydia…" he began uncertainly.

"I'm sorry," Lydia cut him tensely. "I just got scared. Who am I kidding? I still am."

"Do as I say, please," Paul replied, as he tried to calm himself. "I promise you everything will be fine."

"How can you be so sure? You still haven't told me what it's about."

"I'll explain everything to you tonight, I promise." Before Lydia could protest again, Paul pursued quickly, "that's a promise I'll keep!"

"I'll hold you to that," Lydia uttered very seriously. "I want you to be careful," she added after a beat.

"I love you Lydia. Don't forget that. I don't know what I'd do without you and you've gotta believe that at least."

"I do," Lydia replied firmly. "I love you too," she trailed. 

"Lydia?" Paul questioned with a hint of worry that had nothing to do with Cole at this point.

"Just make sure you don't get killed," Lydia tried in a would-be humorous manner. "I'd never forgive you for that."

Paul decided he might as well take his cue from her. "I wouldn't want that," he said as lightly as he could manage.

"No you sure wouldn't…" 

Paul became serious again as he remembered the gravity of the situation. "Call Leonard as soon as I hang up, alright?"

"I will…although, I still find it stupid to have him come get me. He lives across the street…"

"Lydia, please…"

"Alright, I'll call him. And Paul," she added, "I didn't mean to be so harsh about Cole…I was just angry."

"It's ok," Paul answered without too much conviction. "I understand… Now I've gotta go."

"Be careful," Lydia repeated before hanging up. 

Paul hung up slowly, staring at the phone all the while. He couldn't help wondering if things weren't getting worse between Lydia and him. As he left the phone booth, he firmly resolved to make sure they spent some quality time together after this mess was dealt with. However, as soon as he took this resolution, he set it aside as his worry about his friend returned all at once. "What the hell have you done now Cole?" He grumbled before climbing into his car and speeding away.

~~~~~~~~

Marco slowly awakened, feeling pain all over from the repeated hits by Luigi. For a moment, he wondered how come he was still alive as he pushed away an annoying hand shaking his shoulder. Then he heard an anxious voice.

"Are you ok man? I heard a gun shot. Have you been shot?" 

The voice was shaky. Marco opened his eyes to face a young man in livery. Fear was written all over his face, but the boy still stayed by his side. Instead of answering the questions, Marco tried to stand up and nearly passed out again as a wave of dizziness coursed through him. Marco drew a few deep breaths and tried again. The boy attempted to help him up, but Marco pushed him away rudely. "Leave me alone," he uttered in a raspy voice. He could taste blood in his mouth and knew he must have been a mess, but at least, he was alive. With an effort, Marco stood up and looked around him for signs of his attacker but found none. Then a sudden chill shook him. The boy talked of gun shots… He whirled toward the spot where Lara stood earlier and sure enough, she wasn't there anymore. His anxiety deepened. 

Meanwhile, the boy was insisting. "Do you want me to call the cops? You're in really bad shape."

"No cops, no doctors" Marco uttered curtly, while turning toward the boy abruptly. "Forget what you've seen here if you want to stay healthy and go back to whatever crap you're doing normally."

The boy was startled and obviously put off by Marco's attitude. However, he noticed the holster against the wounded man's chest and he decided it wasn't worth it. "Whatever you say," he uttered nervously while moving away from the gangster. All the while, the boy kept his eyes on him, as he was worried that the man would change his mind and shoot him. His stomach sank when he saw the gangster walking toward him. However, he sighed in relief when the man moved past him and headed for the back of the hotel. 

Marco hurried anxiously toward the hotel room, no longer worried about being seen. If Lara had been kidnapped, he knew he would pay dearly for it. When he got there, the door was ajar and that gave him a renewed fear for himself. Hesitantly, he drew his gun and then opened the door slowly. When nothing happened, he gingerly entered the room and knew right away that his worse fear must have come true. He saw the driver sprawled on the floor, unconscious and bleeding from a gash on his forehead. Marco didn't even bother to see if he was still alive before running toward the bedroom. Once there, he grunted angrily when he found it empty. From the look of the place, the tramp had gotten her fun before anything happened to her and Marco gave the bed one last dejected look before his anxiety returned fully. 

He turned back toward the sitting room and stared at the phone uncertainly. "Why me," he uttered between clenched teeth, unsure what he should do. However, he knew that running wasn't an option. They knew everything about him and they could find him very quickly. His fate would be worse if he tried. What's more, Saul didn't like the girl at all. Maybe he would be lenient if Marco was honest with him. With a shaky hand, he reached for the phone.

~~~~~~

Phoebe found the band already there and visibly antsy. Under any other circumstances, she would have simply dismissed their attitude and gone on with the rehearsal, but in her present state of mind, she was annoyed. She almost headed straight for her dressing room instead, but a familiar voice behind her stopped her short.

"Hey girl! Where the hell were you?" Paige asked without real reproach to her voice.

The intense relief Phoebe felt at this was almost overwhelming. She would never have called Paige, even though she needed a friend, but the fact that her cousin came on her own boosted her moral somewhat. "What are you doing here," she exclaimed while smiling almost happily. 

"Hey well, I know you don't like me to go to the house and I was worried about you. So I figured you'd have to rehearse eventually..."

Phoebe went to hug Paige and this one was so surprised, she didn't react at first. "Hum…" Paige said at last as Phoebe pulled away reluctantly. "I see that I was right. You've got to tell me all about it."

Phoebe gave another glance toward the band and these stared back with obvious contempt. However, this time, it was rather easy to dismiss them. "You're right. I do need a friend," she replied for Paige. "Come with me."

Paige didn't question this and followed Phoebe to her dressing room. 

~~~~~~

Paul went to Cole's apartment and to a few bars he knew his friend frequented but didn't find him and the more time passed, the more anxious he got. At long last, he decided that he had to take a little risk if he wanted to ascertain his friend's fate. Fortunately, he was acquainted with a guy who worked for the entertainment section of the newspaper, and he gave him a call. 

"Hey John," he began as soon as he was put through.

"Paul. How are you?"

"I've got a big favour to ask of you." Paul said rather than answering the greeting.

"Hum…and if I do that for you, are you gonna slip a good word for me to Rodney?"

"Hey I thought we were friends," Paul uttered half-heartedly. He knew perfectly well that in this business, friendship was relative. John wanted in the serious news business, as he put it, but he had little credentials to support his candidacy. However, Paul was in great need of his help right then and he figured it wouldn't hurt to talk to Rodney, if only to humour John. "Never mind," he caved right away. I'll let him know you want out of the tits and overblown egos' heaven. But don't get your hopes up."

"I only need a little push thank you. So what can I do for you?"

"It's really not much. I need for you to get me an interview with Lara Love."

"Good bloody luck, buddy! Her sugar daddy's been refusing every journalist around. I tried…"

"Any other avenues besides official channels…?" Paul asked with obvious disappointment. 

"Well…" John hesitated. Then he pursued in a conspiratorial tone of voice, "if you're not afraid of her entourage… and if you promise to bring me back something juicy… I can put you in contact with someone who'll get you in her dressing room."

"Like this afternoon," Paul insisted.

"Ask and ye shall receive."

"I'll bring you back what I can if you make this happen quickly."

"Huh, forgive my curiosity but…uh…. are you trying to get something on Fredo through her?"

"You're getting too curious," Paul replied curtly.

"Oh alright… Have it your way… Call me back in a few minutes…"

~~~~~~

"Alright! We're here," Paige said as soon as the door to the dressing room closed behind her. "What happened?"

"If you're worried about Fredo, don't be. He's not the problem…at least, I don't think so…"

"Oh, that sounded so reassuring," Paige uttered sarcastically. Then seeing that Phoebe was becoming even more upset, she toned it down a notch. "What's it about then?"

"Paige," Phoebe started with a hint of hesitation and a grimace. "Do you remember what happened to me? I mean…"

"Of course I remember your asshole of a father," Paige replied edgily.

"I don't mean that exactly," Phoebe corrected. "I mean…before…with the boys…"

"Oh you're talking about piano man. Or rather piano boy…"

"Yeah," Phoebe trailed. She was still uncertain about the whole thing. Yet, hearing that song had brought back so many bad memories all at once that no matter if Cole was the boy or not, he was still responsible for her pain at the moment. 

"So?" Paige questioned insistently.

"I heard that song again today."

"Really? Where?"

"I…I was with this driver that you saw yesterday…"

"The hunk?" Paige questioned with a little amused smile in spite of her worry.

"Paige!" Phoebe exclaimed irritably. She wasn't in the mood for rowdy humor at all. 

"Ok… so what about the song?"

"He was playing it…"

"Who? The driver?" Paige questioned dubiously. She'd heard the boy playing quite a few times as well and she couldn't imagine what he would have been doing driving for a gangster since he was obviously destined for a great career. "Why in the hell would your little virtuoso be driving for a gangster?"

"I don't believe he's the same guy…" Phoebe uttered with a lot of hesitation. "I just don't know what to think…"

"Well," Paige began as she took a seat, "I know that it must have been tough for you…all the bad stuff it surely brought back… but if he's not the one…"

"I slept with him," Phoebe blurted out without even thinking.

Paige didn't seem very surprised and indeed, Phoebe knew that she had half-expected she would do just that. "And you feel what? Guilty?"

"I feel betrayed…"

"Betrayed? Now Phoebe, don't get me wrong. I love you to pieces. However…I don't remember you ever putting much into a roll in the hay. On the contrary, I'd expect you to have seduced him and then dumped him…"

"You don't understand," Phoebe uttered nervously as she looked away.

"Wait a minute! What is it I see here? Could it be that the roles were reversed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Phoebe uttered in a futile attempt at covering her weakness. 

"Oh, oh… now that would be the most ironic… Are you falling for this guy, Phoebe?"

"NO!" Phoebe protested much too loud.

"Yes! That's it! Wow Phoebe. You mean there's a heart beating inside that chest?"

"You're supposed to be my friend," Phoebe almost whined.

"And I am. Now, I know it's not the ideal match I wished for you, but boy! If he warmed that piece of ice you call a heart, maybe I should go and thank him profusely."

"If he's that boy," Phoebe aggressively replied, "I don't know what I'll do, but whatever it is, you might end up wishing my heart stayed frozen…"

Paige was startled by the intensity of the anger her cousin displayed. She kept silent for a moment, unsure if she was waiting for Phoebe to talk or if she simply feared that anything she would say might cause an even worse explosion. "Phoebe," she said at last. "I…look, I don't want you to suffer…I didn't mean…"

"I know Paige," Phoebe cut her off in a much more subdued tone of voice. "I don't know how I feel," she added painfully after a few seconds.

"Oh baby," Paige exclaimed solicitously before she got up and hugged her cousin tight. "I didn't mean to make you feel worse…" She couldn't believe that her cousin was actually so stricken. Sure, she didn't quite let it out, but that was more emotion than she had seen Phoebe demonstrate in years. 

Phoebe held on to her tight, as if she was using Paige as an anchor not to drift away. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Paige had no answer to this, but in a strange way, as she held Phoebe, she believed that she was getting back the sweet girl she used to know, and if it didn't make everything alright by far, she was still a little relieved. After another long moment of silence, Paige pulled slightly away from her cousin. "Phoebe…I know that you don't wanna hear it, but…"

"What?"

"Well… I know you feel bad about this whole song thing…but…"

"Paige, come out with it!"

"I have to try and convince you to leave this Fredo…"

"Paige," Phoebe tried to protest.

"No look…it's obvious you're having feelings for this other guy. Even if it goes no where, how can you continue living with that monster?"

"Even if I had feelings for Cole," Phoebe began tensely, "and I'm not saying I do," she added quickly. "I still won't lose the chance of my life. I told you; I'm not staying with Fredo for any other reason."

"But Phoebe…"

"No! Now more than ever, I want to succeed. I'm finally grabbing the brass ring and I won't let anyone take that away from me."

Paige was tempted to try again, but Phoebe was already reverting to her cold and determined persona. "Alright," she replied, defeated, "I just hope that you won't regret this…"

"I won't Paige." Phoebe assured her confidently. However, she wished this apparent certainty was as firm inside of her as the façade she presented to her cousin. "Thank you for being here for me," she added softly.

"You know I'll always be here for you and frankly, I believe you'll need me a lot more and sooner than you think…"

"Please Paige, don't destroy this. I've sacrificed everything for this moment. Twelve long years…"

"I…" Paige tried again, but she stopped herself, knowing that all she would succeed in doing would be to start a fight. She knew what Phoebe expected from this show. Her cousin believed that fame would somehow vindicate her. Paige wished that Phoebe took at least a measure of pleasure in this, but it was unlikely. Maybe her cousin had truly lost the ability to deal with emotions. A moment ago, Paige had seen her almost giving in, but from the look of her, she was already regaining full control over herself. Paige sadly began to wonder if she had been a help or a hindrance by coming here… 

"I've got to rehearse now," Phoebe announced without even asking what Paige meant to say. In truth, Phoebe feared that Paige would talk more about Cole. If she did, the fragile hold Phoebe had on herself might not be enough to stop the torrent of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. "No," she told herself firmly as she accompanied her cousin to the door, "nothing, let alone a man, will keep me from finally achieving my goal."

Phoebe quickly embraced her cousin, cutting short the goodbyes, and then she hurried back toward the stage. 

Paige watched her going with growing apprehension… As tempted as she was to stick around and hear her cousin sing, Paige decided that this place was too spooky. With a sigh, she resolved to leave, still wondering how Phoebe could willingly expose herself to such danger, no matter the prize…

~~~~~~~~

Paul met up with a shady individual in the alley behind the Pharaoh Club. The man was unshaven and wore a cap that hid half of his face. His clothes had seen better days and sported wide black stains all over them. Paul assumed he must be some maintenance worker with a very low pay. That had to be the only reason why he was risking going against Fredo and Paul thought that he got lucky on that one. However, John warned him seriously before giving him the information. As he said, he could have used it himself, but nothing would make him come to this place without the consent of the old gangster. Paul couldn't repress a chill at the thought of what he was doing, but he still couldn't turn back. With a little luck, Cole would be inside and all of his worries would have been for naught. But if not, the young singer still might be able to clue him in on Cole's whereabouts. 

The man was now staring at Paul intently and this confirmed what John told him. He was expecting a substantial bribe for his services. Without a word, Paul handed him a fifty dollar bill, and the man gave him a reproachful glare.

"Hey look, I'm not here to buy the club," Paul told him curtly.

The man simply grunted unhappily while pocketing the money, and then he led Paul through the back door. They were barely inside when he suddenly pushed Paul into a shadowed corner. This one understood why when he heard footsteps coming their way. His companion was sweating profusely and it did nothing to reassure Paul. Fortunately, whoever had been there left quickly and the man signalled for Paul to follow him discreetly. After many detours and a few close calls, he ushered Paul into a luxurious dressing room. "You wait here," the man simply said before turning around and closing the door hurriedly on Paul.

Paul wasn't too keen on the waiting part. It had already been too long and his anxiety intensified with every moment. Nonetheless, as he tried to go out of the dressing room in spite of the man's warning, he heard male voices nearby and he stepped back hurriedly. Cursing silently, he held his ear to the door and waited impatiently. That's when he heard something else that gave him pause. Lara's voice was muffled but he was certain that there was something familiar about it. Paul didn't know exactly why, but he was disturbed by it. It took a long while before he could get out of the dressing room and when he did, he made his way slowly toward a spot near the club proper. The closer he got, the clearer the singing voice became. His malaise grew proportionally. 

Despite the puzzlement he experienced, Paul was still intent on finding out about Cole and he tried to ignore the singing while cautiously glancing into the nearly empty club. Unfortunately, he found no trace of his friend there and he returned his attention to the songstress. Now he could see her and appreciate that she was indeed very pretty. However, she didn't look familiar to him at all. He had almost given up on figuring out where he heard the voice when, after the band started packing their instruments, the girl walked to the piano and, while caressing it lightly she began singing "the" song. Paul felt as if a lightning bolt struck him then. There was no mistaking this song or that voice. Paul knew for a fact that she wrote those lyrics herself. He was so stunned that until she stopped mid-sentence, apparently just as disturbed by what she did, he had almost forgotten the precarious situation he was still in. 

He had the presence of mind to turn back toward the dressing room just as a man called Lara's name angrily from somewhere inside the club. 

"Lara? Where the hell were you?" Robbie bellowed. 

A chill went down Paul's spine at this voice. If he found himself face to face with Robbie, god knew what the consequences would be not only for him, but for his wife and Cole. He heard Lara respond irritably as he was hurrying back.

"Not that I owe you any explanation, but I was here rehearsing…"

"Half of Saul's men have been scouting town all day to find you. You weren't here earlier."

"If you can't get your info straight, don't try blaming me for it."

Paul didn't hear the rest as he re-entered the dressing room and hid in the closet. He cursed his bad luck again, but even if the more reasonable action would have been to leave, he still couldn't; not without knowing what became of Cole. The fact that they had been looking for Lara at once intrigued and worried Paul. What was she trying to hide? Or were they really so stupid that they didn't look in the club first? That seemed highly unlikely. He tensed some more when he heard the door to the dressing room opening and closing. Light steps moved about the room, and there seemed to be only one person inside to Paul's mild relief. He was about to peek discreetly when the closet door opened wide in front of him and Lara let out an exclamation of fright. Nervously, Paul grabbed her and covered her mouth quickly while watching the door intensely. After a few seconds, while struggling to hold on to Lara, who was stronger than she looked, Paul was half-reassured that no one noticed anything and he gave his full attention to the singer.

"Now, I'm not here to hurt you," he said in a voice that didn't do anything to reassure Phoebe. She had recognized him right away. It was mostly why he managed to get a hold of her so easily. The shock had been intense. Only seconds before, she had been musing over her options about Cole and then, she unexpectedly found herself face to face with someone whom she considered her true nemesis. While struggling to get away from Paul, she was thinking furiously. What was it? Were Cole and he playing tag-team with her? The thought was revolting and also depressing as, for the past hour, she had caught herself many times hoping that maybe Cole wasn't the monster she hated for all those years. Now it was all in question again.

"Look, I just need to ask you a few questions about Cole," Paul tried again. This got him a definite reaction. For the space of a second, Lara stopped struggling altogether only to redouble her efforts right after. 

"Hey," Paul snapped, "I've got better things to do. The sooner you answer my questions, the sooner I'll be out of here. And it won't be soon enough…" Paul added with something akin to disgust in his voice. He swore to himself that if that bitch hurt Cole again, she would live to regret it. Just then, Phoebe bit his hand so hard, a blinding pain shot from his hand through his arm and he relaxed his hold on Phoebe just long enough for her to free herself. 

Paul then cradled his hurt hand while trying to go after Lara again, but surprisingly, she stopped halfway to the door and didn't scream as he had expected. Instead, she turned to him. "I won't scream yet… but don't touch me again."

"You fucking bitch," Paul exclaimed, made angrier by the throbbing pain. "What have you done to Cole?"

Phoebe intended to get to the bottom of this sordid affair but she was stopped by the intense hatred she read in Paul's eyes. What right did he have to be angry? He was the one who most likely caused so much pain in her life. She almost asked him where the other boys were this time around, but decided against it. No need to let him know how much he did hurt her in the past. "I don't know what you're talking about," Phoebe said instead. 

"He was with you and now he's nowhere to be found. I want answers and I won't go anywhere until I get them."

"Not that I care all that much," Phoebe began, "but what do you have against me? Your asshole friend tried to get info from me, but I didn't do anything to him and I resent that you assume I did," she pursued disdainfully. Inside, she was confused and a little shaky, but she didn't want to give Paul the satisfaction of seeing that. 

"You cold hearted bitch! Cole was right. You're just a worthless whore!"

This time, Phoebe couldn't keep in the hurt and it was written all over her face as she breathed in hard before exclaiming irately. "How dare he? The louse! He's the one who tried to seduce me to get the dirt on Fredo!"

"What have you done to him," Paul repeated while mixed feelings started chasing each other inside of him. The girl had looked genuinely hurt by the insult. Could it be that Cole wasn't the only one who got caught emotionally? Yet, Cole wasn't anywhere near her and he had indeed vanished, which, combined with her own accusations, didn't seem to bode well for his friend's fate. "Did you give him up to your sugar daddy?" He asked angrily.

"I didn't do shit to him! And I don't see why I should answer any of your questions. I only have to call out and you'll be history." In fact, Phoebe wondered why she didn't do so. 

"Didn't you hurt him enough?" Paul questioned even more edgily. All the anger he had against the girl of their past was coming back to him at once. The suffering she inflicted on Cole was weighing heavily on him. However, when she spoke next, Paul experienced some doubts.

"What about you? Didn't you hurt me enough? Did you have to come and destroy my life just when I'm about to become a success?" Phoebe stopped herself, wondering who she resented more at the moment; Paul, for possibly destroying her life in the past and even now; or Cole for making her feel vulnerable at a time where she needed all of her strength. 

"What the hell did I ever do to you? I don't even know you…well not really…"

Phoebe puzzled over this for a moment, but she recalled that Paul never saw her face to face. It made his actions of twelve years ago all the viler as he obviously chose to hurt her without cause. Then as she mused over the fact that maybe, he really didn't know who she was, Paul confirmed that he did.

"I did recognize your voice however. How can a heartless bitch like you express so much feeling, when it's obvious that you have none? You must be the most devious creature that ever lived." Even as his anger and worry prompted the hurtful comment, Paul began doubting again. The more he spoke, the more Lara seemed to crumble. 

"Get out of here," Phoebe snapped at this point.

"Not until you tell me what I came to hear."

Phoebe fought hard to contain her anger and then she headed for the dressing table. There, she grabbed one of her lipsticks and jolted the address on a napkin, which she then dropped on the floor between her and Paul. "That's where he was the last time I saw him. You and he are worth each other. Now get out!"

Paul hesitated only a moment before picking up the napkin. All the while, he kept his eyes on Lara cautiously. He wanted to ask her why she didn't care what happened to Cole all those years ago, but at the same time, Paul wondered if it was worth it. Instead, he started toward the door slowly. He already had his hand on the doorknob when Lara's question stopped him. "Did you teach Cole to play?"

There was something in her intonation that gave Paul pause, even as he answered sincerely, "Me? Hell no. I couldn't play the piano if my life depended on it." Then, he turned halfway towards her. "What did he play?" 

Phoebe hesitated before answering. She was already showing too much weakness as it was. Despite this troubling thought, she still answered after a fashion. "Something I thought I'd never hear again…" she trailed.

"Surprising," Paul whispered in a low voice. He didn't need for Lara to tell him what melody that was. He was certain that was no coincidence she sang the song earlier. 

"Who taught him then," Phoebe dared ask next, while the truth was already dawning on her even if she tried to deny it.

"Nobody… Cole composed that music long ago…for you…" As soon as he said the last words, Paul saw intense surprise in her eyes. 

"But he…" Phoebe couldn't bring herself to continue. First off, this revelation didn't fit with her take on what happened. Why would Cole have written this melody for her only to hurt her so badly afterward? What's more, there was still the matter of his lack of skill earlier. However, telling Paul that she wondered about Cole's awkward interpretation would have been an admission of all the time she spent thinking about him since she left him at the hotel. As much as she wanted to know the answers to those questions, she couldn't bring herself to ask Paul. His face was a painful reminder of the rancor she'd lived with throughout those years, and certainly didn't help her see things differently at the moment. "Never mind. When you find him," she pursued as flatly as she could, "tell him again not to come anywhere near me. I didn't say anything to Fredo, but I can't promise I won't…" In truth, Phoebe had no intention of doing this, and that even with the mounting anger and confusion that gripped her insides. However, she also didn't want to see Cole. Not if it meant having to deal with feelings on which she preferred not to dwell.

Paul watched her intensely for a moment and then he shook his head dejectedly before opening the door and glancing about cautiously. He didn't bother to look back when he was certain that no one was around and he left the dressing room without another word.

~~~~~~~~

He was moving through a dark tunnel, and in a daze, Cole vaguely wondered if this was what it felt like to be dead. His friend's voice reaching to him from what seemed a very long distance puzzled him all the more until the pain in his forehead told him that maybe he was alive after all. Although at the moment, he didn't know what would have been better. 

"Cole! Cole wake up, you son of a bitch! Don't you dare die on me," Paul said then and this time, Cole heard it much more clearly as he tried to open his eyes. However, he squinted because of the bright artificial light and closed them right back. 

"Cole?"

"Would you stop screaming," Cole uttered in a low and raspy voice that he barely recognized. "My head's gonna split in two!"

"Someone sure gave it a good try," Paul attempted to quip but without much conviction. When he had found Cole unconscious, he thought for sure this was it. Even now that Cole spoke up he was only half-reassured. "We need to get you to a hospital," he added with deep concern. 

"Nah," Cole grunted while gingerly assessing his injury. Even the light pressure of his fingers was enough to worsen the pain and he removed them immediately. However, he still didn't want to go to any hospital. "I don't need any quack to tell me I got hit in the head. Besides," he added while finally opening his eyes, "you always said I had a hard nut. I'll live…"

"Stubborn idiot," Paul reproached irritably. He still tried to help Cole, but this one pushed him away and slowly sat up. 

Cole then noticed the pool of blood and he grimaced unhappily. Nonetheless, what really got to him was his next thought. "Phoebe!" Forgetting about the pain and dizziness, he stood up quickly and almost fell back when his body betrayed him momentarily. However, when Paul tried to steady him, Cole again pushed him away and headed for the door.

"Hey!" Paul called, realizing what Cole must be thinking. "If Phoebe is this Lara Love, you really don't have to worry about her…"

"What would you know about that," Cole questioned while turning a wondering stare toward his friend.

"I just met your sweetheart," Paul replied curtly. "In fact, she's the one who told me where to find you."

"She's ok?" Cole questioned anxiously.

"I told you. She's perfectly fine; unlike you…"

"If you think she sent the goon who hit me, I won't believe that…"

Paul stared at Cole uncertainly. If he told him what he found out, what would it do to his friend? On the other hand, maybe it would insure that Cole wouldn't return to Fredo's and at this point, Paul thought his safety was more important than the doubts he had begun to entertain about the past. "Cole…there's something you ought to know about this Lara…"

Cole didn't know what his friend was about to say, but Paul's expression was so serious that his heart sank. "What," he asked hesitantly.

Paul took a deep breath and he quickly related his conversation with Lara, along with what he found out about her; but he left out the parts that got him thinking. Now wasn't the time to confuse Cole. Throughout his speech, Paul avoided looking at him, but when he was done and Cole said nothing, Paul gazed at him uncertainly. What he saw in his friend's eyes gave him a chill.

"Goddamn bitch!" Cole exclaimed. "When I think…" Cole stopped abruptly as he glanced toward the piano and suddenly realized that something was missing.

~~~~~

Marco and Saul were standing on each side of Fredo's desk and the former handed something wrapped in a handkerchief to Saul. This one took the object without a word and then he opened the top drawer where he put it away. "You didn't touch it, did you?" Saul asked very seriously.

"No!" Marco replied nervously, too worried about his own safety to wonder about the strange request. "You said not to."

"Good," Saul said flatly. "What about Turner?"

"He was alive last I saw him, although barely. I'm sure Luigi did a number on him too…" Marco was trying to sound confident, but in truth, he was very scared. Saul had not made any comment about his lateness, but Marco knew that he shouldn't have waited this long.

He had hesitated at length before coming back here and now his eyes darted about the badly lit office, as he half-expected someone to come out of a dark corner with a gun pointed at him. 

"If you're worried that the girl got taken, I can reassure you right now," Saul said then, surprising Marco. "Robbie just gave me a call. She got to the club on her own. Not a scratch on her," Saul added with obvious disappointment. 

"Everything is alright then," Marco replied with some relief until he noticed Saul's inquisitive stare.

"I'm not sure that Fredo would say that, Marco," Saul pointed out somewhat threateningly.

"Look Saul, it wasn't my fault. I tried to stop Luigi! And besides, Lara's fine so…"

"No thanks to you. Now Fredo is gonna think this Turner is a hero again. That he took one for his girl…"

"But he was banging her," Marco protested.

"Fredo doesn't care… he cares only that people in his employ are doing their job," Saul commented in a falsely casual tone of voice. "What does that say about you?"

"I promise you, it won't happen again. I'll go after Luigi myself…"

Saul's lips spread into a joyless smile. "You think you could find the asshole?"

"I used to do his sister… I'm sure she knows how to find him…" Eagerly, Marco added, "I won't stop until he draws his last breath…"

"Wait," Saul tempered. "Maybe you could do something more useful than killing this trash."

"Anything," Marco answered quickly. 

"If you can find this Luigi, maybe you could give him a message for Ricardo on mine and Fredo's behalf…"

"What's that?" 

"I wanna meet with Ricardo…I think it's time we had an open discussion," Saul said with the look of a predator about to pounce. 

Marco didn't need him to elaborate on the thought. Saul obviously intended to double-cross Ricardo. "But what if Ricardo refuses?"

"Didn't you just say you won't fail us again?" 

Marco swallowed hard at this comment. "I won't…" he assured Saul, even though, he wasn't too certain how he would accomplish that. However, now wasn't the time to show his doubts to the lieutenant. Nevertheless, he still had something on his mind. "Luigi told me they had nothing to do with what happened to the boss," he tried uncertainly.

"And you believed him? Ricardo knows he's been made. It's no surprise he's trying to deny…"

"But…"

"Look, we both know Ricardo is lying, but it could work to your advantage. Tell Luigi we just want to get to the bottom of this mess and that we can't do that until we talk face to face with his boss."

"I guess it might work," Marco uttered wearily.

"Then don't lose any more time." Saul snapped.

Marco slowly began walking backward toward the door. As he turned to grab the doorknob, he wondered if he wouldn't get shot in the back. Maybe, Saul was just waiting for that… It was only when he was out of Saul's sight that Marco began to breathe almost normally. That is until he remembered the nearly impossible task that was just given to him. "I'm cooked," Marco uttered between clenched teeth before heading out of the house.

~~~~~~~

Inside the office, Saul was staring at the open drawer with obvious satisfaction. He picked up the package and cautiously unfolded it on Fredo's desk. The gun Fredo gave Cole was resting on the handkerchief. "Soon, I'll be rid of all my problems…" Saul said aloud before closing the handkerchief over the gun and pocketing it. "Soon," he repeated with a cruel smile.


	15. Music to My Soul Chapter 15

**_Music to my Soul_  
Chapter XV**

Saul bumped into his boss as he came out of the office. Fredo was frantic and didn't give Saul a chance to regain his countenance before he spoke. "Where's Lara?" The old man questioned imperatively.

"Don't worry; the little bird turned up, safe and sound at the club," Saul replied with a hint of disdain that made Fredo frown.

"If I didn't know better," Fredo uttered coldly, "I'd think you were disappointed…"

"Look Fredo," Saul began irritably, "I'll admit I don't have too much love for your little doll, but I'd never betray you. You want me to keep her safe and I do it."

"Wasn't that what you were supposed to do when you said you'd have Turner and Lara followed?" Fredo questioned, apparently unimpressed by his lieutenant's assurances.

Saul stared at his boss impassibly before answering in a flat voice. "Marco had some trouble keeping up with them as they apparently tried to run away from him…"

"Or Marco was just distracted because he didn't think it mattered all that much…I mean how hard can it have been to follow them from here to the club" Fredo retorted, although with a slight hesitation. 

Saul saw that he still instilled some doubts in his boss and he was satisfied. "Seems they made a few detours… I guess your girl wasn't up for rehearsal right away," Saul dropped casually. He saw Fredo's mouth twitching and knew he made his point. "Well, all that matters is she's safe," he soothed next. "However, it seems she ditched your favourite driver…Robbie will drive Lara back home himself."

"Did you lose Turner? Or did you "lose" him," Fredo asked with renewed suspicion.

"I've got no idea where he is…and frankly, maybe you should start looking for a new driver…"

Fredo glared at Saul, who cursed Turner again for being the cause of more of this suspicion. Of course, he knew that Lara was really the one responsible for it. She had been whispering lies into Fredo's ear for months. For a moment, he was tempted to go into details about Lara and this Turner, but he refrained from it, knowing that somehow, this would turn against him again. "You do remember I said not to touch him yet?" Fredo insisted at last.

"None of my men did anything to him," Saul answered sincerely. For himself, he regretted not knowing the extent of the damage Luigi did on the driver. However, this time he had not needed to lie and somehow it must have been obvious because Fredo relaxed visibly. 

"Don't get me wrong, Saul. I know there might be something up with this boy. I just owe him… Now about Ricardo," Fredo suddenly changed the subject.

"I might have news on that front very soon," Saul replied with relief. "He's hiding deep but I've got a lead."

"I want this little shit gone, Saul. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," Saul replied, but not before swallowing hard. There was something in his boss's intonation which implied that if he didn't take care of business soon, he would be the one being taken care of. "I'm working on it!" He affirmed.

"See to it," Fredo uttered darkly. "As soon as Lara's home send her to me," he added before heading inside his office.

Saul didn't answer. His boss expected to be obeyed to the letter. Instead, he wondered how long it would take Marco to get back to him. He was impatient to deal with this Ricardo business. This should go a long way into getting him back Fredo's trust.

~~~~~~

Cole came back from the bedroom with a deep frown.

"What the hell is it you're looking for?" Paul questioned at last.

"I had a gun and someone took it."

"May I suggest your attacker took it?" Paul added with a hint of sarcasm. 

"I guess," Cole replied with a strange hesitation. 

Somehow, Paul knew there was something about the gun besides the fact that Cole lost it. However, he was more worried about Cole's next course of action at the moment. "So…I hope that you got it into your thick head you've better off staying well away from this Fredo and his gang now."

"I don't know," Cole replied distractedly while staring at the piano.

"You don't know?" Paul exclaimed incredulously. "Didn't you hear a word I said?"

"I heard every word," Cole replied flatly, still stubbornly looking away. "But I won't allow this bitch to keep me from doing what I set out to do. I promised I'd get the goods on the asshole she's shacking with and I will…"

"Uh, uh… are you trying to uphold your promise to Leo, or do you think you'll get your revenge on Lara somehow?" Paul uttered angrily. "Or maybe, it's that bloody death wish of yours…"

"I told you I've got no intention…" Cole stopped abruptly, puzzling Paul. 

"What? No more protest?" Paul questioned. Then he followed Cole's gaze and saw the obvious hole in the wall behind the piano. "Did they shoot at you?"

"No…" Cole trailed. Then, to Paul's puzzlement, Cole walked toward the door hastily.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"I've got to go," Cole replied cryptically.

"Now wait a minute," Paul exclaimed, stopping Cole as he was about to open the door. "I've spent the whole afternoon imagining the worse; I searched town frantically to find you. I even took big risks in the process and now, you're running away from me without a smidgeon of explanation?"

"What am I supposed to tell you? I know I screwed up." Cole replied dejectedly.

"You can say that again. Do you know that one of those very unfriendly buddies of yours threatened Lydia and I?"

"What?" Cole exclaimed, whirling on himself and finally meeting Paul's gaze. "Did they hurt her?" He then asked anxiously.

"No…she's safe for now… but I'd like to know how my name popped up…"

"I'm sorry… they saw you this morning and apparently, you've made enemies of them."

"Is that why they came after you?"

"How the hell should I know," Cole said irritably. 

"Shouldn't that be another pretty good reason to stay away?"

"If I don't go back, they'll know I lied to them."

"And if you do, there's no guaranty Lara won't spill the beans. Hell maybe she already has…What the hell were you thinking?" Paul questioned with renewed annoyance. "Why in the fuck did you tell her everything?"

"Look, I didn't mean to…I… I thought it'd be ok…"

"Well now you know it wasn't." Paul reproached. 

Cole seemed unsure for a moment and then he grabbed a chair and sat heavily. "I was so sure…" he uttered in a low and defeated voice.

Paul sighed sadly, knowing that Cole must be crushed all the more by his revelations about Lara; or Phoebe as he called her. "I'm guessing things heated up between the two of you," he remarked while nodding ostensibly toward the bedroom.

"Go ahead… I know you want to crucify me. I probably deserve it."

"You sure do…" Paul replied but without the reproach that should have accompanied the remark. "Cole, I… I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry about anything. I'm the idiot."

"Well," Paul began while sitting on the piano bench, "not that I don't enjoy this new humility on your part," he pursued with a slightly mocking tone of voice, "but really, I guess in your situation…"

"What situation? I'm just a fucking imbecile who managed to be had twice by the same girl. And here I thought I got smarter," Cole said bitterly.

"We don't know if she…"

"You just told me yourself," Cole snapped. "You think she'll tell Fredo about me…"

"I don't know that for sure," Paul tempered. "However, I can't let you take that chance."

Cole wanted to protest that it was none of Paul's business, but he frankly didn't have the heart. Whatever he decided to do, he didn't feel like arguing about it with his friend. How could it be," he questioned himself in the silence that followed. "How could I have fallen for the very girl that destroyed me?" Suddenly the enormity of this new development struck him. Was this fate coming to bite him in the ass? At this point, he tended to believe it. Maybe he did deserve this after all. A wave of sadness invaded him then and he gave another applied glance to the hole in the wall. For a moment, he regretted not going through with it. At least he would have been spared this renewed pain. 

Paul watched his friend intently, waiting for any sort of answer. However, as Cole remained silent and his expression darkened, Paul began to wonder if things weren't worse than he even thought. Granted, his news would have been enough to cause Cole some serious grief. Still, Paul would have expected more anger and less apathy on his part. "You played again…" he tried, hoping that it would bring Cole to open up.

This barely got a reaction out of his friend and Paul sensed that the damage ran deep inside of him. He was about to apologize again when Cole responded absently. "Yeah…I thought it'd make me feel better…"

"Did it?" Paul asked hesitantly.

"Not really," Cole replied darkly, while still looking away. 

Another long silence fell between them and while observing Cole, Paul noticed something he had missed earlier. On the left sleeve of Cole's shirt, he noticed a blackened stain. He couldn't be certain but he thought he remembered seeing the same sort of stains on victims of close range gunshots. "Didn't you say they didn't shoot at you?" He questioned after a moment.

"They didn't…" Cole replied without thinking.

The fact that Cole didn't seem surprised at his insistence about the gun shot intrigued Paul further. "Is that gun powder on your shirt?"

Cole slowly looked down at his sleeve. "I guess…" he said.

"How did it get there if they didn't shoot at you?" Paul expected Cole to tell him he was the shooter, but Cole's silence suddenly brought him a disturbing insight. "Cole?"

Cole stubbornly avoided his stare and said nothing. "No…please tell me you didn't try to…" Paul stopped, unable to finish the thought. However, Cole's continued lack of response was confirmation enough. "You, fucking asshole! How dare you?"

"What the hell are you insulting me for," Cole protested too weakly.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Cole Turner, if you're still thinking of…"

"I'm not…" Cole replied laconically, in doing so, confirming all of Paul's suspicions.

"Oh how reassuring," Paul pursued angrily. "Did you go insane? I know you don't have too much respect for life… but trying to kill yourself? I can't believe it. Did you even think about me? Or Leo even?"

"I thought you all had enough grief from me," Cole admitted in a subdued tone of voice.

"Fuck! If you weren't already banged up, I'd knock some sense into you myself. You selfish bastard…"

"It's not you who's gotta live with a man's death on his conscience," Cole suddenly exploded. "My life was over twelve years ago. I've lived on borrowed time and managed to destroy countless lives along the way. For a moment there, I thought I'd do everyone a favour by disappearing."

Paul glared at him without a word and he suddenly stood up, pacing the room like a caged animal. Cole barely acknowledged his friend's unnerved state and it angered Paul all the more. "You son of a bitch! I thought many things about you, many of them none too pleasant, but the last thing I figured you for was a coward!"

This finally got Cole to react in a big way. He bolted off the chair and came to face his friend angrily. "Take it back," he growled.

"Well," Paul uttered without showing any sign that Cole intimidated him in the least. "At least, you've still got some pride in you."

"No one; not even you, can call me a coward and get away with it," Cole pursued angrily.

"What the hell do you call trying to get away from your problems by killing yourself, Cole?" Paul replied curtly, while staring at Cole steadily. 

Cole sustained Paul's stare a moment longer, but then, he looked down, his anger obviously deflated. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I don't know…"

"What you were thinking," Paul finished for him. "Cole, I told you. Maybe it's true that you've got some responsibility for this guy's death. However, I think that the best way to repay your debt to him is to live well and prove that you're more than the playboy you've been so far."

"That's stupid," Cole said weakly. "That guy certainly wouldn't think I'm doing him a favour by living…no matter how much good I'd do."

"You don't know that, Cole. But much more than this, think of the wrong you were about to do."

Cole turned away and walked slowly toward the piano before speaking again. "I've done nothing to deserve your friendship, Paul…why are you still here?"

"Oh right!" Paul exclaimed dejectedly. "You're still looking for excuses, aren't you?"

"Paul," Cole warned mildly.

"No way… First off, I've been your friend much too long for you to dismiss me so easily. I've never asked anything in return and that should tell you something."

"What's that," Cole questioned uncertainly.

"Being friends has nothing to do with merit! Why the hell do you think I stuck with you all those years?"

"I…I don't know…remorse?"

"Asshole! You think I'd have put up with your antics just because of remorse?"

"I've heard of more trivial motivations," Cole uttered almost normally, which angered Paul all the more. He walked quickly toward his friend and grabbed his arm, forcing Cole to look at him.

"I'm your friend because I know the man inside of you. The one who is hiding behind all this fatalism… You didn't use to be so easily defeated Cole. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You already know that…" 

There was such pain in Cole's eyes that Paul's anger receded. "It's not just that man is it?"

Cole shrugged the hold Paul had on him and he sat at the piano again. "I love her," he whispered painfully.

Paul sighed heavily and went to grab the chair Cole had been sitting in earlier, dragging it closer. After sitting down, he waited a moment longer before speaking up. "Look Cole… I know you're having serious issues with emotions. I mean," he added quickly when he saw Cole about to protest. "I know that falling for her was a big step…ok it's like a bloody Greek tragedy, I'll admit. It must be tough to know who she really is…"

"I knew already…" Cole uttered under his breath.

"What?" Paul questioned in puzzlement. "How the hell…"

"I don't know how…maybe it was the voice…I think I knew from the moment I heard it. I just refused to acknowledge it. Doesn't that make me really pathetic?"

"No!" Paul exclaimed heartily. "I mean, it's strange that you still fell for her…"

"I don't think I ever stopped loving her, Paul." Cole admitted grudgingly. "All those years," he pursued dejectedly, "and after what she's done to me and I never could get her out of my heart."

This, Paul had no problem believing. He knew that had to be why Cole behaved in the manner he did for the past twelve years. Those feelings he tried to bury were the actual cause of all the bitterness he had showed since. "I'm so sorry," Paul simply uttered.

"No more than I am…"

"But Cole…now that you've actually met her and saw that she wasn't what you'd hoped for…"

"Am I what any woman should hope for?" Cole asked bitterly.

In light of Cole's actions, Paul might have agreed with this, but he didn't think they were what defined his friend. "Cole…you did a lot of wrong, that's undeniable…But I know that if you find the right woman, she won't regret it for one moment."

"You're too sweet and so blind…"

"No I think you're the one who's blind to yourself, Cole. That girl…she ought to be stupid. I can see it even now. As much as you love her now Cole, I'm sure you'll find another one. There are many more fish in the sea…"

"Don't I know it? I probably sampled half of them already," Cole mocked sadly.

"Your heart wasn't free…"

"And it probably never will be. You don't know, Paul."

"What? What don't I know? That you're in love and you think it's the last time it'll ever happen?"

"When you met Lydia, you knew right away she was the only one for you, didn't you," Cole questioned.

"Lydia wasn't a tramp who slept around to get ahead in life," Paul couldn't help saying. "She didn't turn her back on me ever. Not even when she thought I was neglecting her. She certainly isn't one who could have dismissed destroying a man's life and even sent her father to finish the job."

"Maybe there were reasons…" Cole tried.

"Reasons?" Paul repeated incredulously.

"We don't know…maybe something happened to her to make her what she is…Look at what I've become."

"Do you really mean to defend her actions?"

"I can't judge her, Paul. True, my life was seriously altered because of her, but instead of making the best of it, I just wallowed in self-pity for all those years. If only I'd been the only one who suffered because of it, but we both know it's not the case," Cole pursued in relentless self-deprecation. 

"But she threatened to have you killed, literally," Paul protested again.

"A few hours ago, I knew I'd found perfect happiness, Paul. I didn't have a single doubt. And you know what? I know she was happy too. Things went wrong afterward, but I'm sure that she felt it."

There was nothing to say to that and Paul didn't even try. As the silence prolonged between them, Paul had time to wonder again about Lara's strange attitude. Could there be something to what Cole was saying? And if so, what did that change to the situation if anything? For the time being and even if he promised himself to get to the bottom of it, Paul's main concern was Cole's safety however. "You're coming with me. I'm not leaving you alone." He said as he got up.

"I don't need a babysitter," Cole replied with vague combativeness. 

"If you don't come with me, I'll have to follow you everywhere. Or I'll get Leo to arrest you and keep you safely behind bars. There's no way I'm taking the chance of seeing you going back to those gangsters."

"I told you," Cole tried to protest, "If I don't, they'll know I've got something to hide."

"Since they probably already suspect it, I believe the best thing to do is for you to go into hiding for now. I've just got the place for it too. I was about to go get Lydia and bring her there. I hope you can stand staying with my wife for a few days…"

As much as Cole wanted to say no, and even if his mood was thoroughly down, he couldn't help a little quip at this. "What? You'd trust me alone with your wife?"

"I don't trust you; I trust my wife," Paul answered with a half-smile. 

Cole managed a smile as well, thinking that at least it was good not everything changed. Once again, he was infinitely grateful for Paul's friendship. "I just hope I deserve it," he told himself before following Paul out of the room, already planning to slip away at the first chance he got…

~~~~~~~~~~

Phoebe entered the mansion, soon followed by Robbie to her utter discontent. He was sticking to her like glue and she wanted away from him badly. She'd always thought he was a little creepy, but lately, the sensation had deepened. Phoebe was convinced that he had ill intents toward her. In truth, it was easy to understand why. She'd put herself in this mess. That didn't make her change her mind about Robbie however. When Saul came out of the hallway and headed toward them, Phoebe actually felt relief as she couldn't stand to be alone with Robbie one more second. It was rather disturbing however, since she had no lost love for Saul either. Nevertheless, the lieutenant wasn't literally after her ass, unlike Robbie. 

"Fredo wants to see you right away," Saul said severely in guise of greeting. 

Phoebe didn't even try to appear offended as she headed toward the office. However, as she entered, she couldn't help worrying about what transpired in her little escapade. She knew she'd have to think fast if Fredo heard of it.

"Lara," Fredo exclaimed with obvious relief. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Why is that," Phoebe said innocently. There was no need to give him ammunition by appearing guilty. "You knew I was rehearsing."

The reproachful glance Fredo gave her sent a chill down Phoebe's spine but she kept gazing at him calmly. "Lara…why did you try to ditch Marco?"

"Oh that," Phoebe answered offhandedly. "I think you freaked this Turner out," Phoebe pursued. "He told me he didn't like to have a target painted on his back and he didn't believe this job was worth it. Before I could say anything, he lost our tail and dropped me off."

"He what!??" Fredo almost shouted, startling Phoebe.

"It's ok. He didn't leave me unprotected. I got a cab and went straight to the Club from there…no harm done."

"He knew he was supposed to take care of you."

"Well I guess since you sent someone after us, he didn't think you trusted him for the job. Anyway, he's out of here. Good riddance," Phoebe added disdainfully.

"What does he think? That he can just leave?"

"Oh come on Fredo," Phoebe cooed, "he's not even worth your trouble. I told you he wasn't all that bright."

Fredo still looked angry for a beat, and then he suddenly changed attitude. "Well, I'm glad you're ok," He said, standing up and coming to hug her. When he tried to kiss her however, Phoebe turned her cheek to him. Fredo sensed her reticence but didn't say anything about it. "We'll find a new driver then. I won't have my favourite girl driven by an unreliable guy."

"Perfect," Phoebe simply said before turning around.

"Lara," Fredo called back.

"Yes," she trailed.

"You've got to know I'm only looking out for you. Don't go running off again…"

Phoebe didn't reply and instead nodded uncertainly before hurrying out of the office. 

There was something in those last few words that told her Fredo wasn't so certain about her affirmations. She still hoped he would leave Cole alone but she would have preferred that Fredo said so. As she headed for their bedroom, she began to wonder why she was so worried about a man who caused her so much grief. Yet, there were the words Paul uttered about Cole. How could he have written that song for her if he didn't care at all? Maybe the answer lied in Paul's reproach about her being insensitive. Maybe Cole was also good at faking it? No matter how she tried to convince herself of this, it didn't seem to add up. After all, Paul had been wrong about her too…

Phoebe gave a passing look at the bed and then she went to run a bath, hoping that it would help calm her down. Ever since Paul left the dressing room, contradictory feelings and ideas assaulted her non-stop. However, among all of those thoughts, more disturbing one than the next, a realization finally made its way through and troubled her above all. She knew Cole. At long last, she had remembered the tall unassuming boy that often walked along with Paul. At the time, it never occurred to her that he was the one with the soul she fell in love with. As most teenagers, her outlook had been too superficial. Much more than this, Phoebe understood she had known almost from the moment she saw Cole again after all those years and she'd simply refused to admit it to herself. All those feelings he stirred in her, they were not new. That love, which she thought was dead long ago, she understood it had only been dormant inside of her.

Phoebe undressed slowly, unable to push away the thoughts of him touching her, making love to her with such passion and tenderness as to make her forget even who she was. For all the pleasure they shared from this physical contact however, Phoebe knew it ran deeper than that. She couldn't have felt such happiness only from sex. Not after all the men she had throughout her tumultuous life. For a short while that morning, she had experienced what she believed to be a perfect connection… It was hard not to remember that it's what she used to feel while Cole was playing. Was that why she got so angry, she wondered, as the warm water caressed her skin but barely managed to relax her. Had she been more afraid of those deep feelings than from any betrayal? Even now that she should be more worried about Fredo's suspicions, she couldn't stop wondering if she really ran away from her one chance at true happiness. From somewhere deep down inside of her, an intense malaise was growing. Something she had not felt in years. Pain, she had lived with…the cold emptiness, she had endured. However, throughout all of this, Phoebe never let sorrow overwhelm her anymore. She had not cried in years. Just then, as she remembered the hurt look in Cole's eyes, her throat tightened as she fought against the mounting urge to cry. 

"No," she exclaimed aloud, forcing back the sobbing that she knew was coming. "I can't let that happen," she added for herself, closing her eyes tight as if it could chase away the troubling thoughts. "I can't let him hurt me again."

Even as she managed to regain some control over her emotions, Phoebe couldn't help another unpleasant sensation to course through her. That one was of shame. The shame the little girl she used to be would have felt for even half of what she had done with her life…

~~~~~~~

That night, Marco gave a call to Saul that actually brightened the lieutenant's severe features. It wasn't long before he was ready to go, but not before he had put out calls to a few of his more trustworthy men. 

As he and Robbie were headed for the car, this one gave a long look toward the mansion. "Does Fredo know where we're going?" He asked the lieutenant.

Saul gave him a dismissive shrug before climbing into the car. It wasn't until they were under way before he answered Robbie. "I'm doing what Fredo wants me to do. He doesn't need to know the details right now."

"I thought he'd like to be informed that we found Ricardo…"

"We haven't taken care of the problem yet. I'll give him the good news after all is said and done."

Robbie nodded in the affirmative, but he couldn't stop a little malaise from invading him. Fredo liked to know everything about his business, but increasingly, Saul was making decisions on his own and implementing them without consulting the boss. However, he didn't think it a good idea to point that out to the lieutenant. Particularly that since he had been involved in a few of those actions, Fredo would also hold him responsible were the truth of the matter to come out. Saul had also dangled a carrot that was very tempting in front of Robbie. He told him that Lara would soon lose Fredo's favors and that he could finally get his hands on her. The thought had been exciting to say the least, and silenced most of his misgivings about the "mission" until now. All he had to do to get his prize was work for Saul and for the betterment of their outfit according to the lieutenant. If Saul could make it happen for him, Robbie believed that he was doubly his ticket to the big time. Finally putting most of his worries to rest, Robbie could only hope that Saul didn't plan to turn Fredo's ire against him was something to go wrong. 

Soon they were parked in front of a run down building on the edge of town. A large wooden billboard was hanging precariously over a large door which stood half-opened. The painted words were all but washed out on the billboard and Robbie couldn't make them out. It didn't help that there was no lighting other than the car's headlights, which only provided a halo of illumination and left the rest of the building in complete darkness. All in all, the feel of the surroundings was spooky. Robbie clutched his gun as Saul climbed out of the car cautiously. They seemed to be the only ones there and it didn't reassure Robbie at all. Where were the guys Saul called in? Slowly, he made his way out and they both walked toward the front of the car, stopping there and bathing in the bright glow of the headlights. It took only a few seconds that still seemed like an eternity to Robbie before two men came out of the building, both obviously just as well armed as Saul and he were. 

Luigi walked ahead of the other man but soon, they recognized Ricardo himself. 

"Hey," Saul uttered loudly but very calmly. 

Ricardo took a few more steps and stopped while nodding in response. 

"Your man told mine that we had a little misunderstanding," Saul pursued after his interlocutor declined to answer his greeting out loud.

"You've gotta believe me," Ricardo finally uttered with just a hint of anxiety. "I've never sent anyone after Fredo. Why would I?"

"Well, Fredo could argue that you've been dying to expand your business for a while…" Saul said very seriously.

"I wouldn't be stupid enough to go after Fredo. The others would have my hide."

"As things stand, everyone already thinks you've done it, Ricky."

"But you know me, Saul… You know I wouldn't do that. I'm sure you told Fredo…"

"Fredo is not an easy man to sway. Besides, those were your men who shot at him and it didn't help your cause in the least."

"'Were' is the operative word here. I'd already told them they were out of my outfit only the day before. I think they were out to take their revenge on me."

"By killing Fredo? " Saul questioned incredulously.

"Well, they knew what would hurt me the most. They probably didn't want me to just die. They wanted me running scared too. I swear to you, I had nothing to do with it."

"Why didn't you just say so?" Saul offered affably. 

"As you said yourself, Fredo is not an easy guy to talk to and besides, I thought I'd be better off waiting until the dust settled and he had time to calm down."

Saul nodded in apparent approval. 

"Besides," Ricardo added, encouraged by the lieutenant's calm attitude, "I got a call from someone who told me to lay low. It was a good call too since the police ended up in my warehouse. You wouldn't know who was kind enough to warn me?"

"I haven't a clue. Maybe you're right about your men… You hiding made you look very guilty…"

"And also," Ricardo pursued, ignoring the insinuation, "you wouldn't know how it is they found those two guys' bodies in there?"

"Didn't you say yourself a moment ago you cut them loose? Why should you care what happened to them?"

"Right," Ricardo answered hesitantly. "So, do you think Fredo might believe me?"

"As you said, the dust from this whole mess is settling down and the culprits are dead. Maybe if you gave some form of compensation to Fredo…"

"What kind?"

Instead of answering the suspicious inquiry, Saul suddenly gestured behind himself. Three more sets of headlights came on, startling Luigi and Ricardo. "What is that?"

Saul gave him as warm a smile as he could muster. "I think Fredo will be very satisfied with your head on a platter." This he said just before ducking and, almost at the same time, machine guns resounded, illuminating the night with a myriad of bright mini explosions. Ricardo never had a chance to shoot back as he fell to the ground, riddled with bullets, soon followed by Luigi. 

After the gun fire died down, Saul stood back up and walked slowly toward the bloody bodies. He kicked Ricardo's remains roughly and then pulled a sharp knife from his belt. Bending toward Ricardo, he grabbed his left hand and in one swift move, cut his middle finger, which was adorned by a large gold band. He stood up, holding up the trophy and turned a satisfied expression toward Robbie. "I guess it'll be enough for Fredo. Heads are so messy."

Saul then noticed the puzzled expression on Robbie's face. "What is it?"

"Do you really think Ricardo was lying?"

"Of course he was. This whole affair is behind us now. Let's go," Saul replied curtly.

Robbie stood there a moment longer as Saul's men came to grab the bodies and carried them toward their own vehicles. The malaise he'd experienced earlier deepened without any clear cause for it. Something didn't add up. 

"Hey," Saul called impatiently. "Either you get in now, or you walk back…"

Robbie gave one last look at the bloody dirt, only witness to the massacre which just took place, and he shook himself before hurrying back toward the car.

As they headed toward the mansion, Saul casually turned to Robbie. "I forgot one last loose end earlier. I want you to find Marco and get rid of him."

"Why?" Robbie uttered in surprise.

"Not that I owe you any explanation, Robbie, but I don't think Fredo wants an incompetent man in his employ. Marco served his purpose. Now, it's time for him to make like a tree and leave…permanently. Also Robbie," Saul added in an eerily calm voice, "you should quit thinking so much. It's an unhealthy habit." 

Robbie's discomfort deepened, as this felt like a threat if he ever heard one. Marco was only a pawn and his job was to do just what Saul asked. However, Robbie couldn't help worrying about his participation in all this, even as he resolved to carry out the order.

~~~~~~

The next day, Phoebe woke up to find her old lover much more relaxed than he had been in days. She didn't know what did it for him, but right then, Fredo's happy dispositions only grated on her. Not only had she not resolved her dilemma about Cole, but today was her big day and she had butterflies fighting a war inside her stomach. Fortunately, that served as a perfect excuse to reject Fredo's advances.

"Please, Fredo…I'm a mess. I'm so nervous about tonight."

"You've got nothing to worry about," the old man hoarsely replied while trying to grab her breast. "You're perfect and soon the whole world will know it."

Phoebe moved away abruptly and stood up before Fredo could stop her. "I need some time alone to calm myself down…you understand, don't you," Phoebe questioned softly. 

Fredo was obviously far from understanding, but he didn't insist to Phoebe's relief. "I've got some more business to attend to today; but I'll be back to accompany you to the Club. Have no fear," he said instead as he headed for his own bathroom.

"I'm counting on it," Phoebe answered lightly. As soon as he was gone, she sighed deeply in relief. The simple thought of his hands on her was revolting all of a sudden. She felt the intense need to draw another bath just thinking about it. 

Later on, as she was heading for the dining room, Phoebe heard Fredo and Saul talking in the office. Saul was telling him about some shipment soon to come and she could even hear the shuffling of papers. When Fredo and Saul came out of the office, she hurriedly hid in the hallway, still unsure why she was doing it. She heard the outside door opening and closing and waited a moment longer until an engine roared outside before she dared peering out of her hiding place. The foyer was empty and she walked back gingerly. Then, she noticed the door to Fredo's office ajar. Impulsively, she went in, not even knowing what she intended to do there. She didn't notice Saul watching her from the door to the sitting room. A cruel smile spread over his lips as he saw Lara going into the office surreptitiously. "Well, well, well," he uttered in a self-satisfied whisper, "it's gonna be even easier than I thought."

Meanwhile, Phoebe moved in cautiously, giving many quick glances behind her. When she was certain no one was coming, she emboldened herself and shuffled through a pile of papers carelessly spread on top of Fredo's desk. When she understood what she was looking at, a chill coursed through her. These were loose sheets obviously destined to be added to a ledger and which bore the names of many gangsters with whom Fredo had business dealings. On one, she found the details of a shipment of liquor that was supposed to arrive three days hence. Phoebe couldn't believe she was looking at this documentation. It was so incriminating. She almost left right then and there, but Cole's words came back to haunt her. She was living with a monster and doing nothing about it. Yet, Fredo had been good to her. How could she betray him? Then another thought came to her, born of her recent worries about Fredo's dispositions toward her. Maybe she could use this as leverage? If Fredo suddenly decided that she wasn't worthy of his trouble anymore, he might think twice about getting rid of her violently if she had some weapon against him. Phoebe gave another anxious look toward the office door and then she grabbed the shipment form along with a few of the most incriminating documents, which she pocketed hastily. 

No doubts, they would know that some of the paperwork was missing, but before they assumed she took it, Phoebe was certain that she would have time to contact a lawyer to create some assurance for her future. As she headed out of the office, not before looking around carefully and making sure no one was observing her, Phoebe had another bout of remorse about Cole, but she had to insure her own safety first.

As soon as she had gone back upstairs, Saul left his own hiding place and entered the office in turn. He then sifted through the paperwork and threw it in the wastebasket before lighting a match and dropping it in as well. Until now he didn't have too much hope that Lara really was in collusion with the driver to get info on Fredo, but when he noticed her trying to hide in the hallway, he decided to wait and see what she would do. Now, it seemed his long shot was paying off big time. He could only hope that she would call Turner soon and he could finally bring his plan to completion. The driver's failure to show up had set him back, but this new development might just be what he'd been waiting for. As he watched the last of the papers burning, he caught sight of Ricardo's gold band resting on the edge of the desk. Saul patted his coat pocket while uttering, "One down…three to go…"


	16. Music to My Soul Chapter 16

****

Music to my Soul  
Chapter XVI

"Can I leave you two alone?" Paul questioned, half-joking.

Paul, Lydia and Cole were standing in the foyer of a small but tastefully decorated apartment. Paul brought them there the previous night and Lydia's first comment had embarrassed him.

~~~~~

"What the hell is this place, Paul? Your love nest…? Is this where you spend all those hours away from me?"

"Lydia," Paul exclaimed unhappily, "you know perfectly well…"

Lydia smiled mischievously as she interrupted him. "Get down from your high horse, cowboy. I was just pulling your chain. Although, I must admit that you're keeping some rather unsavoury company… and that includes you, Cole Turner."

"Hey, don't jump on my back. I've had a long day," Cole replied with a soft smile in spite of the rebuke. 

"What makes you think this place is anything but legitimate," Paul tried without too much conviction. 

"That would be the look of apology on your face all the way up here. That and the obvious romantic setup... Who's the lucky guy; or rather the sleaze bag…?"

"He ain't lucky anymore and he's only lending me his place because he's got it on lease for another two months and he has no use for it. What's more, he made me swear I wouldn't reveal his name, or he'll torture me… or well, blackball me across town. Take your pick."

"What does he think? That I won't torture you until you talk?"

"You know I could be persuaded with something less painful than torture," Paul replied slyly, which earned him a slap across the chest. 

"Or I could withhold the "persuasion" until you fess up…" Lydia replied with an amused smile.

"Hum, not your lucky day, Paul," Cole quipped as he stepped away from them.

"You stay out of this," Paul answered in the same vein. "Anyway, none of those goons know about this place; so if you both stay put, you'll be safe."

"And you expect me to just hide in here?" Cole commented.

"I expect you to stay alive, Cole," Paul retorted more seriously. 

"What about you? They've already come after you once…"

"And they only threatened to do something if I publish my story; which obviously, I won't. And don't go getting ideas. I'll stay right here tonight and make sure that if you leave, you won't go far."

"I see trust runs high."

"I just know you, Cole Turner."

Cole shrugged and went to take a look at the other rooms. The first thing he noticed had him wincing. In the sitting room, he found another piano. "Hey Paul, did it come with the love nest, or did you order it just to torture me?"

"A little of both," Paul answered behind him, startling Cole. 

"Hey, don't sneak up on me."

"Don't change the subject," Paul replied. "The owner had it in storage, so I just asked the landlord to bring it back. No sense in letting a perfectly good instrument to gather dust in the storage room when it could help keeping you busy."

"I won't touch it," Cole replied stubbornly.

"Oh right. This afternoon you wanted to kill yourself and now, you're determined to make yourself miserable for the rest of your life. Figures!"

"Playing is what makes me miserable, Paul." 

"I don't believe that for a moment. You were utterly down on yourself today and the first thing you did was to sit at the piano. That should tell you a lot."

"I also almost killed myself right afterwards. What does that tell you?"

"That you were upset for playing so badly?"

"Hey," Cole said irritably as he turned toward his friend. "And what the hell makes you think I was playing so badly?"

Paul smiled at the demonstration of pride. "Touchy…" 

Cole shrugged anew, mostly upset that he was so transparent. He knew that Paul was trying to shake him out of the depression he was quickly falling back into. 

"First off friend, that girl told me about it. I'd love to verify it for myself though…" In saying so, Paul indicated the piano insistently, but Cole turned away from it. "Cole," Paul pursued intently, "you've got to stop denying what's in you. I write for a living, but besides Lydia, writing is my life. Music is that for you; you know that as well as I do. You just forgot for a while…"

"Heavy on the while," Cole replied bitterly. "Plus what makes you think that me playing is gonna resolve anything?"

Paul sighed deeply before grabbing his friend's shoulder in a gesture of support. "I don't believe it'll make everything right, Cole. I just think that you need something real to hold on to; now more than ever. Music was always real for you."

"Not now, alright," Cole uttered hoarsely. The piano was only a reminder of all that was wrong in his life at the moment. 

"Take your time buddy," Paul conceded. "Meanwhile, I've got to face my own music," he added with a grimace. 

Lydia was coming toward them with drinks, and Paul's comment told Cole that she and Paul needed some time alone but that didn't keep him from teasing them a little. "Huh, I noticed that this place only has one bedroom…" he said, as he grabbed the drink from Lydia. "Are we supposed to threesome in there?"

"In your dreams, buster," Lydia answered. 

"A guy can always try," Cole joked half-heartedly.

"Remember what we talked about the other night? I don't wanna have saved your butt just to have to kill you myself." Paul teased. 

"Alright, alright! I got the message!" Cole replied while gesturing them away jokingly. "Still, where am I supposed to sleep?"

"Hey, your pick: the couch or the floor. Hell, if you want, you might even try the piano…"

"Paul," Cole warned affectionately.

"My turn to back off… The apartment is yours aside from the bedroom, which I think my wife and I are gonna go try right now."

"Again, some of us are dreaming wildly in here, and I claim the kitchen as well. It's off limits to you both…" Lydia said then, eliciting an amused grimace from her husband.

"Don't go anywhere," Paul added before turning his back to Cole.

Rather than acknowledging the last part, Cole replied, "Don't be too loud!" 

Lydia only shook her head dejectedly. Those two could be really rowdy when they started, but in a way, she preferred that to the gloomy expression Cole harboured all the way there. Meanwhile, Paul gave another glance toward his friend, somehow wondering if he shouldn't stay with him. However, Lydia and he did have some stuff to sort out and besides he knew he couldn't watch Cole at all times. He shrugged uncertainly before following Lydia in the bedroom.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Cole turned toward the entrance uncertainly. For the time being, there was nothing he could do and he was certain that Paul was serious about sending the cops after him. Paul rarely joked about stuff like that. Besides, he knew he still had a lot to think about. That didn't mean he intended to stay there for very long. The thought of Phoebe came back to haunt him almost immediately and he sat on the comfy couch while giving in to yet another moment of discouragement. For every time Cole told himself that he should follow Paul's advice and just forget about her, the urge to see her would come back even stronger. Only the fact that he still didn't know enough about her to be certain she wasn't the monster he'd always believed her to be kept him where he was. 

The next morning, Paul found Cole asleep in that same sitting position. "Hey buddy, glad you didn't bolt," he said as he was shaking him. When Cole only grumbled, he added, "Come on, I don't have all day and Lydia doesn't appreciate it when we allow her breakfast to grow cold."

Cole grimaced unhappily. Just then, he had been dreaming of Phoebe as he imagined her so long ago. In his dream, things were all wonderful and they had this beautiful life he used to hope for. Dejectedly, Cole reflected that if he had not been this stupid dreamer back then, he might have avoided making all those terrible mistakes. "The dragon has spoken," he finally uttered. 

"I heard that," Lydia called from the kitchen.

~~~~~~

"So?" Paul insisted.

"If you fear I'll bolt the moment you leave…"

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," Paul replied as he grabbed his attaché-case. Promise me you won't."

Cole rolled his eyes impatiently. "Alright, I'll be a good boy and try to seduce your wife instead," Cole replied a little too grudgingly considering the joke attempt.

"You're threading on dangerous ground, friend," Paul replied with a half-smile as he was only partially reassured. He could sense that Cole wanted to face his demons. He just didn't think that going back on this suicidal mission was the answer. However, Paul also understood that Cole was now struggling with an even more serious dilemma. He was convinced the reason Cole intended to go back was that girl. His friend's ambiguity about Phoebe was obvious. 

For that at least, Paul planned to make a few inquiries that might shed some light on what made this Phoebe what she became. Paul still wasn't certain that she hadn't been the monster they had believed her to be all along. However, he'd seen something, not only in her eyes, but even more so in Cole's plea on her behalf. The previous night, after a long and tense discussion with his wife, even if it was followed by a rather pleasant reconciliation, Paul had not found sleep immediately. He had turned the conversations with both Phoebe and Cole in his mind every which way, trying to figure out what he was missing. That and the fact that he went to check on Cole a few times, half-expecting to see him gone each time and it didn't help him relax in the least. That day, he intended to figure out this mystery. However, he had to be certain that his friend wouldn't go running off before he had all the facts.

Cole, who saw Paul still hesitating, put him out of his misery. "I give you my word I won't leave…at least, not until your return…"

"I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with that," Paul replied with mild relief. "Well, I've gotta run. Don't do anything I would do," he warned affectionately before leaving the apartment.

As soon as he left, an awkward silence fell between Cole and Lydia. He finally broke it with another half-hearted joke. "Well, he's gone now. What are we gonna do to kill the time?"

"You might wanna consider keeping your distance," Lydia retorted with an amused smile.

"Hey, one might say a lot about me, but I never had to force myself on a girl…"

"Well Paul implied that you were going for it with anything that wore a skirt and no matter what."

Cole frowned, pretending annoyance. "I'm really gonna have to discuss Paul's notions of friendship."

"You can take comfort in the fact that he was saying this affectionately."

Although the exchange was light and relatively pleasant, Cole knew he was trying to run away from his issues. That simple thought darkened his mood almost instantly and Lydia noticed. "You shouldn't beat yourself up so much…"

"I see that my good friend didn't lose any time giving you a detailed account…"

"Maybe but he didn't really have to, Cole. I know you well enough to see you're not yourself."

"And here I thought I was doing such a great job at covering it," Cole answered, but without a trace of the good humored teasing he had relied upon so far. Without waiting for Lydia's answer, he headed toward the sitting room and stopped short at the sight of the piano. No matter what he told Paul, the urge was coming back stronger by the moment. The more troubling thoughts went through his mind, the more tempted he was to give in and play. He thought it was strange how quickly his old pattern was coming back to him. Music had always been the one thing that calmed him down. That was, until yesterday…Even now he wondered if it truly was the piano which plunged him into this deep despair, or the fact that he was already so close to the edge when he sat at the instrument.

"Why don't you," Lydia said from beside him. She had followed him quietly and Cole was a little startled.

"What for?"

"If only because it's so obvious you want to…"

Cole didn't even bother denying it. However, he made no move toward the piano either. Lydia observed him for a moment longer and simply added, "I'll leave you two alone." This just before she headed out of the room…

Cole gave a short gaze toward her, but his attention quickly returned to the piano and his thoughts firmly on Phoebe. Soon he found himself sitting on the bench and playing before he had really made the conscious decision. 

~~~~~~~

Paul was pouring over old newspapers at the public library. He concentrated his search to the years surrounding the drama Cole, Phoebe and he had lived through. After almost an hour of painstakingly sifting through useless articles, Paul caught sight of a small headline: "Victor Halliwell nearly killed by his own daughter."

The details included the street address and from that, Paul knew he had possibly found his first clue. The journalist who wrote the piece was mainly on the side of the purported victim, saying that Victor's ungrateful and spoiled teenage daughter was described as a rebel and generally troubled child, whom the businessman's entourage was convinced would turn out badly even before the tragic event. The house staff was questioned about the girl and nearly all of them said that she was a shame to her father. All but one young maid, who declined to answer the journalist's questions. Paul noted her name, Sandy Lassiter. The teenager's name was withheld from the report but Paul was certain that he was getting close to something. In conclusion to the article, the journalist made his own suppositions, no doubt inspired by some of the comments he gathered. It seemed that the girl's mother died when she was nine and it told the scribe that it could have been a strong factor in her turn for the worst.

Paul jotted down all the pertinent details, and then he searched through the following months without much luck until he found Victor Halliwell's obituary. He was astonished and troubled to learn that the old man left everything he owned to the very orphanage where Cole and he had lived for a while. 

Almost two hours after entering the library, Paul found the last clue and the confirmation that he was on the right track. A Phoebe Halliwell made the news when she escaped from the Reform School where she had spent at least two years for assaulting her father. At least, if Paul put the two events together, it appeared to be the right timeframe. There was mention of improprieties on the part of a matron, but no details on what actually transpired. As for the girl, she was still at large at press time and now Paul was convinced that her escape was indeed a success, considering her present tenure. 

Armed with this knowledge, Paul's next stop was the neighbourhood which had seen their drama unfolding.

After a few unfruitful inquiries with close neighbors, Paul finally knocked at the mansion which had housed the Halliwell family. The new tenant was rather clueless as to what went on, but she had one piece of good news for Paul. The maid, whose name had caught his attention, worked for the current owner of the house, as he learned after only a few minutes of conversation. "Is Sandy working now?" He immediately inquired

"She's on her day off…" The middle age Lady that opened the door told him. "You say you're a journalist? Why this sudden interest in such an old story?"

"I'm investigating the Reform School where Phoebe Halliwell spent some time and this is only for a background check." Paul saw that the lady of the house was still a little reticent, so he pursued almost conspiratorially, "there has been reports of very ugly behaviours on the part of the staff there and my newspaper ordered an in depth investigation."

"Really," the Lady questioned with obvious interest. Curiosity for the unpleasantness of the world was a common trait to most people. This woman was no exception.

"Yes and I'd be grateful for your help in uncovering the truth of the matter."

"Well, I'm still not sure what Sandy can help you with, but…she lives two blocks from here. I'll give you the exact address." She hesitated a moment. "Will we get to read about this soon?"

"Madame, since you've been so helpful, I'll have a copy sent to you directly before the official publication." Paul said pleasantly. It garnered him a warm smile from the Lady, who then diligently gave him the address he needed.

~~~~~~~~

"Do you have a clue where this journalist is?" Saul said in the phone. He was getting antsy as hours after he witnessed Lara's betrayal, there was still no news. The driver had not shown up and Lara was staying in her room, claiming she needed time to prepare mentally for her performance. He had one of his men listening in for any possible phone call, but so far, Lara only rehearsed a few numbers and stayed silent the rest of the time. Saul could have waited a little longer, even a few days, but he felt this had lasted too long already. "I told you. From what I heard, if you find this McKail, you'll soon find Turner and that's who I want. Stakeout the newspaper building." He remained silent for a moment as he listened in to his interlocutor, and then severely pursued, "No! You leave the driver be. On the other hand, I want to know the moment you learn anything new. I'll give you more instructions then. Don't disappoint me."

Saul hung up irritably. They had lost trace of both men since yesterday. When he sent someone to find the driver in the hotel room, this one had vacated the premises. Their only clue came from the bellboy who was accosted by a man accompanying Cole late in the afternoon. The man, who from the description Saul was convinced was Paul McKail, asked about any phone calls or visitors to or from the room Cole was staying in. The bellboy assured Saul's man that he said nothing as promised. This information told the lieutenant that Turner and this McKail were even closer than he suspected since the journalist came to Turner's rescue. For him, it was another useful bit of information, of which he intended to take advantage if the need arose.

~~~~~~

Lydia stood in the threshold to the sitting room, and she knew that as far as Cole was concerned, she might have been in another country. For the past two hours, he'd been playing non-stop. At first awkwardly, but then with increasing ease as time went by. She ended up coming back to listen in and now she stood almost spell bound by a sweet and soulful tune, which Cole was working on. When he stopped, Lydia felt as if pulled out of a sweet dream and she looked up to find Cole staring at her uncertainly.

"You must have loved her tremendously," she said then, almost without thinking. 

"Why on earth would you say that," Cole replied with the same lack of assurance.

"That music…I've never heard it anywhere before. This has to be the one Paul told me about. The one you wrote for her."

"Well…it was a long time ago…and I can't even do it justice anymore."

"Are you kidding?" Lydia protested as she came in and took a seat facing him. "I wouldn't get tired of listening to you. Why didn't you play before?"

"If Paul told you everything, I really don't see how you can ask me that."

"It's a shame, Cole…"

Cole stood up, still unsure if she was simply being nice, as he avoided looking at Lydia.

"Don't think for a minute I'm just saying this, Cole. I mean it. Paul was right. It's hard to believe though…"

Cole turned a sad smile toward her. "I guess I didn't make much of an impression on you, did I?"

"Well…I'm not stupid Cole. It's pretty much obvious you didn't like me either."

"That's too strong a conclusion. I just…it wasn't really…"

"No…it was all the women."

"Just about…"

"What if you were wrong about that girl?"

Cole had been asking himself the same question for a while already. By moments, like when he defended her to Paul, he was convinced that Phoebe couldn't have been as bad as he had assumed before. However, at other times, the vivid memory of his pain was enough to bring back the resentment. "What if I wasn't?" He finally uttered.

Lydia didn't answer the question immediately. She observed her husband's friend a moment longer, knowing instinctively that he was weighing this dilemma in his mind, and probably had for the better part of the last few hours. "You'll never know unless you try talking to her again," Lydia finally said.

"What? Didn't Paul tell you what he thinks of me going back there?"

"Well… I didn't mean right now…I just meant that at some point, you'll have to clear the air; if only to free yourself."

"And if I was right…what then?"

"Then again," Lydia added pensively, "maybe she's not the problem at all…"

"What the hell do you mean?"

"You're a rather stubborn man, aren't you?"

Cole didn't deign answer that. 

"Look Cole, whether or not she was the bad person you assumed she was," Lydia pursued when she saw that Cole wouldn't answer, "it doesn't mean that all women are bad. If you weren't so narrow minded on just about everything, you'd have seen that long ago…"

"Is that supposed to be a pep talk," Cole replied irritably.

"I'm just saying…if you were prepared to compromise a little more…"

"And what makes you think I'm not?"

"Your first reaction to disappointment was to try to…"

"Let's not talk about that," Cole interrupted a little nervously. He didn't want to rehash his over the top reaction of the previous day. However, deep down, he had to admit that Lydia made a valid point, as painful as it was. He was rather intransigent. Cole didn't know if that was a personal trait or something born out of the misery he'd lived through, but he had always needed a strict order in his life. The return of those deep feelings had been rather overwhelming and they still caused a serious turmoil in him. "I don't think Paul would agree with your views about Phoebe and I…"

"Like I said, I'm not telling you to rush there now; or even that you should be with her. I just believe that when things have calmed down, it might be good for you to see her point of view."

Cole uttered a derisive laughter. "You know, I might not be the only intolerant one in this mess. Phoebe told me in no uncertain terms she didn't want anything to do with me. She even wanted Paul to make sure I knew she didn't change her mind later on."

"Maybe she's just as afraid as you are…"

"I'm not afraid of anything," Cole protested a little too loud.

"Are you sure?" Lydia questioned softly.

~~~~~~

Phoebe clutched the papers that were still tucked in her pocket. Nervously, she turned toward the door, half-expecting someone to burst in, guns blazing. For a moment, she wondered if that wouldn't be the answer. The pain and confusion she was experiencing at this point were close to unbearable. For all those years, she had managed to avoid any emotional involvement. Feelings were only something that other people had. She had goals and plans and so far they had served her well. However, now she was filled with doubts and she feared that she was falling apart. 

Over and over, Phoebe was reliving what happened between Cole and her; and every time, she couldn't help wondering whether he was sincere about his feelings for her. This added to her newly acquired insight about the past only made things harder to put in perspective. What if she'd been wrong all those years? After all, Paige told her often enough that her father was the way he was because it was in his nature and not because of those boys' prank. Sure, her cousin admitted that what they did probably triggered her father's worse behavior. However, Phoebe was increasingly convinced that if it hadn't been for them, something else would have set him off. Still, that didn't explain the way Cole had tried to humiliate her, or so it seemed at the time. Or was it really that? A knock on the door interrupted her inner debate and almost threw her for a loop as she practically jumped out of her skin. She took a few seconds to regain some countenance before she answered. "What is it," she managed almost normally.

"Mr Turello is being detained longer than he anticipated. He's asking that you meet him at the club. Saul is going to drive you there."

"Alright," Phoebe answered to the closed door with more than mild relief. She didn't like the idea of going anywhere with Saul, but the thought of facing her lover alone was even more disturbing right then. Sighing, she realized it was almost time to leave and she hurried to prepare as all this introspection set her back.

~~~~~~

Marco was walking briskly toward the home of his current girlfriend. Until now, he had stayed hidden in a cheap hotel, but now he felt the need for some company among other things. He had time to think since he arranged the meeting between Saul and Ricardo. Nothing had transpired from it yet, but it wasn't hard to guess that no one would see Ricardo alive again. However, that wasn't what Marco worried about. He believed that Saul's reaction to his inquiry about Ricardo was off. In truth, the simple fact that Fredo's rival had even tried to have him killed was already a puzzle for Marco. As things stood, there was a relatively good atmosphere between the various factions and they wanted to keep it that way. This sudden attack on the most powerful among them without apparent cause seemed illogical. Marco knew Ricardo from before and he was aware that the gangster was a smart one. At least too smart to believe he could get away with this. The other bosses would have immediately considered him a threat and gone after him. No, there was something that didn't add up and the more Marco thought about it, the more obvious the answer became. 

That was why he had stayed in hiding. If he was right, he knew his life wasn't worth much because his suspicions would have painted a target on his back. He had been pacing like a caged animal most of the night and now, he was turning toward the only person he believed he could trust. Maybe she could help him skip town, even if Marco didn't entertain too many illusions about his chances. He had almost reached his destination when he heard an engine roaring behind him. Instinctively, he threw himself behind a fence just before the distinctive sound of a machine gun was heard.

~~~~~~

Paul sat in his car in front of the Newspaper and debated where he should go from there. What he'd learned was appalling. His interview with the maid had been the first blow. She was utterly reticent to talk about the past at first. In the end, Paul told her the truth about his motivations and the girl immediately changed attitude. She became almost hostile and only collaborated after Paul gave her more details about his side of the story. Paul even got the distinct impression that the only reason she told him anything was because she felt like vindicating the young girl she used to know as Phoebe Halliwell. 

"You really don't know," she began sadly. "The poor girl… Her father…"

As she interrupted herself, Paul was convinced that Phoebe wasn't the only victim of this man; and she soon confirmed it for him. 

"That bastard," she started again painfully. "I remember that night. He beat her up so bad that I had to put a pillow over my head not to hear the sounds of the belt hitting her. She barely screamed, but I knew why…"

"How is that?" Paul asked softly. He knew this was just the beginning of a very unpleasant tale. What's more, he sensed that the maid never told anyone what she was recounting to him.

"He did it to me. He would beat me up and say that if I screamed or complained, he would hurt me more. I was just seventeen then. I was so scared and I can only imagine how scared Phoebe was…"

"What do you mean, he beat you up?"

The girl swallowed hard at this. She was obviously hesitating about telling her whole story. However, her expression changed suddenly. There was hatred in her eyes when she looked up. "He was coveting Phoebe but he couldn't bring himself to take her. When his need was too strong, he came into my room and…"

"Oh…" Paul said with sincere horror to his voice. "I'm so sorry…"

"You had nothing to do with this. When he died, I cheered. God help me, I did."

Paul understood this very well. However, even if he knew that was very painful for the maid, he had to learn everything he could about Phoebe. And that even though it seemed very obvious that Phoebe's youth must have been hell. "Why didn't you say anything at the time?"

"I was too scared. Victor swore he'd kill me if I opened my mouth to defend Phoebe and I believed him. After the night when he beat her up so hard, he never did again that I know of. However, the damage was done and Phoebe became a shadow of herself for months. That is until she began rebelling against him."

Paul saw the maid wince at this memory. "How did she rebel?" He questioned to encourage Sandy.

"She began sneaking out of the house and then, she had an affair with one of the men on staff. She defied Victor every chance she got. I should have been glad about it considering, but…"

"But what?" Paul insisted.

"He got worse with me because of it. Every night, he came into my room, and…he would…well you know; and called her name while doing it. Then he would hit me, telling me that I was a whore just like her… Sometimes, I think he didn't know whether it was her or me. The more ashamed he became about his desire, the more violent he got."

She stopped talking and Paul swallowed hard at the harsh images this tale evoked. "Did he ever touch Phoebe in this manner," he finally asked when the maid remained silent.

"I don't know for sure. I just know that she became aware of his desire because once or twice, I heard her telling him off. Then…that night…"

"When she supposedly assaulted him…?"

"Yeah…they were screaming and there was a struggle in the room. I didn't understand what it was about at the time, but I was told later that Phoebe was pregnant… I'm sorry I didn't try to help her," The maid suddenly exclaimed guiltily.

"I don't think you could have done much," Paul replied solicitously, although he still believed that she should have told the authorities. However, he could really imagine how scary this must have been for the maid. Most likely, she didn't see any other choice but to keep quiet. "I'm sorry I forced you to relive this. I never imagined…"

"I should've said something. But sometimes I think I hated her for my own misery…god forgive me," she pursued painfully. Sandy stopped talking as the remorse and pain seemed to overwhelm her. Then she took a few deep breaths before she pursued, "her poor cousin tried to help Phoebe but…"

"What?"

"Phoebe was too proud to tell her everything…at least, that's what I think. Paige was a strong girl. She might have done something if she heard the whole truth sooner. I think that in the end she guessed at what happened but when they found Victor badly beaten, it was too late… Paige tried to speak up then, but nobody believed her. No more than they believed poor Phoebe."

Paul stood up at this, knowing he got all he could from this poor woman. As he was thanking her, she grabbed his arm. "Please, don't publish this. I don't have much besides my job and if they heard…"

Paul knew how cruel people could be. They would blame her no matter what. "I promise I won't do that. However, I think I need to talk to this Paige person…Do you know where I might find her?"

Sandy nodded weakly and then she wrote down the address for him. 

When Paul got to Paige's door, at first he also tried the article story on her and that got him inside. She seemed eager to blame the Reform School. As she told Paul, she was never certain of what happened to her cousin there, but she suspected terrible things. When Paul began to question her about Phoebe's past however, Paige gave him a suspicious glare. "What does Phoebe's past have to do with the mistreatment she received at the Reform School?" 

"I just need some background information…"

Paige suddenly stood up and pointed at him accusingly. "Wait a minute! You're that guy. You're the one who did this to her! I remember seeing you!"

Paul immediately tried to defend himself and Cole. "You don't understand," he began. "We never meant…"

"We? Who's "we"? Are you including those other stupid boys who tried to humiliate Phoebe? As if she didn't have enough grief as it was!"

"I swear to you, it wasn't like that at all…"

"Phoebe went through hell after this little prank of yours. I don't think she'll ever be the same again."

"That goes for my friend too," Paul suddenly exploded. "Not everything is as it seems and I really wanna know how she could destroy his life and not give a damn; that no matter how much pain she was in."

"What the hell are you talking about," Paige asked loudly.

Paul realized he had reacted too forcefully and he took a few deep breaths to regain some control over himself. Her accusations had seemed so unfair to him. Yet, it was obvious that he was missing something. 

"That night, your cousin wasn't the only one who saw her life destroyed. What she did to my friend was unspeakable."

Without questioning his apparent knowledge of Phoebe's tragedy, Paige rather went on angrily, "What could she have done to anyone that could be so terrible? Phoebe was a sensitive and shy girl, who believed in prince charming. And that no matter how many times I tried to emancipate her. I think she was hoping he'd come on his white horse and take her away from the prison her father built around her."

"Then why did she push him off that wall? He only wanted to know her…"

Paige seemed to ponder this for a moment. "How can you think that? Phoebe had nothing to do with whatever happened to your friend. Her father had to be the one who did that. Afterward, he cut her off from the world completely. He was obsessed with her and keeping her away from any outside influence; even mine."

"She sent him after us," Paul tried.

"She couldn't have done that. She was afraid of telling him anything at all. She was devastated that he found out about those boys and she paid a terrible price for it. You have no idea, do you?"

By now, Paul had a pretty good idea and his denial was more self-defence than anything else. As he kept silent, Paige questioned him further.

"Were you the one? Did you lead her on with that stupid letter?"

"No…huh…well, I didn't send it to her…if I had known…"

"Do you know how much she liked you? She was convinced you were the love of her life…"

"That wasn't me," Paul finally managed. "That was a friend of mine who probably felt the same about her… actually he did…this was all a tragic misunderstanding."

"Tragic is a mild word for it," Paige replied severely. "What are you doing here?"

"Just…"

"Wait…if it wasn't you…that driver who played the piano. Was that him?"

"Yeah," Paul trailed.

"Did he know about Phoebe?"

At this point, Paul didn't think telling her of Cole's revelations about his foreknowledge was a good idea. In fact, it was obvious that neither Cole nor Phoebe really understood clearly what attracted them to each other at first. Now though, Paul understood that Phoebe might have a lot more in common with Cole than he had anticipated. He couldn't believe it. How could two people who never met other than through the music be so similar? How could they have both reacted with this same emotional shut down? 

"Did he know," Paige insisted angrily when she didn't get a response.

"Not at the time…their meeting now was only a strange coincidence. Or maybe it was fate," he added for himself, although not quite believing it. 

"He hurt her again, you know that?"

"How is that?" Paul questioned even though he knew what was coming.

"Maybe in the past he didn't do it maliciously, but now his mere presence caused her tremendous pain."

"I assure you…Cole is just as miserable about this whole mess."

"Maybe he should have thought of that before getting involved with her…"

~~~~~

Sitting in the car, Paul tried to think of what he could have told her that would have made her understand. He had been tempted to tell her what Cole went through, but he changed his mind when he realized it was pointless and in no way helping. That woman might have sympathized with Cole's plight, but at the same time, her cousin had suffered just as much. What's more, he had trouble excusing Cole in this as well. After all, his friend's motives for seeing Phoebe again had been less than honourable at first. But much more than this, Paul felt the weight of his own guilt more than he ever did before. This letter he wrote started a chain reaction that brought them all to this tragic crossroad. No matter that his intentions were good, the end result was terrible. Now his best friend was in mortal danger but didn't really care about it. And from what Paige told him, she feared for Phoebe as much as Paul did for Cole, which would certainly not go smoothly with his friend. "Cole…" Paul sighed heavily. How could he tell him about all of this? How would his friend react when he learned that throughout those years he blamed an innocent girl who had suffered a fate even worse than his own? Or was there any comparison at all? On the other hand, Paul debated, if I don't tell him, will Cole ever forgive me if he is to find out on his own later on? Maybe his reaction would be worse if the truth came from someone else. He couldn't help worrying about all of this in light of Cole's near fatal gesture of self-destruction. 

While he pondered all of this, Paul didn't notice a man observing him intently from the sidewalk across the street. In his disturbed state of mind, Paul had considered asking for Rodney's advice, but now he saw that this was too personal a matter to involve his mentor. Sighing, he started the engine and again missed noticing when the observer signalled to another man sitting in a car just behind Paul's. The latter began discreetly following Paul while the former set out to find a phone.

~~~~~~

Phoebe got into the car besides Saul and she couldn't help a shiver at the thought of what was in her hand bag. For a moment, she considered leaving the incriminating papers in her personal chest, but she didn't know how much she could trust that no one would look in it. Saul gave her a cold glance, which only deepened her malaise, but she sustained his stare for a second before looking ahead with apparent detachment. 

"Big day isn't it," Saul questioned, surprising Phoebe. There was something in his voice that put Phoebe even more ill-at-ease.

"Yes," she answered laconically as she was afraid to give away her anxiety.

Saul remained silent for a while as they got under way. Then he started again. "What did this Turner do to you?" 

The fact alone that Saul was making conversation was already unsettling, but the mention of Cole was even more damning.

"It's none of your business. Suffice for you to know he won't be back…"

"Hum…I got the feeling that he might," Saul uttered then.

Phoebe was tempted to turn to him but she forced herself to look ahead. "You're mistaken."

"We'll see," Saul only replied. 

However short this had been, it worried Phoebe tremendously. What if he already knew, she questioned herself as she had pain controlling the trembling in her hands. Afterward, she resolutely tried to ignore Saul, but by then, he'd already instilled fear in her and the trip to the club became utter torture. 

~~~~~~

"I've got to go back now," Cole suddenly said as he quickly downed the drink Lydia served him and took a few steps toward the doorway to the sitting room.

"Wait, you can't!" Lydia exclaimed. 

"Something is wrong," Cole replied firmly. "I know it."

"How the hell would you know that?"

"I'm not sure. I just feel it. Something bad is gonna happen."

"I think you're just projecting Cole," Lydia tried. That didn't keep Cole from leaving the room however and he only stopped as the door to the apartment opened and Paul came in with a gloomy expression. 

"What is it?" Cole asked anxiously.

"Cole…" 


	17. Music to My Soul Chapter 17

**

**

Music to my Soul  
Chapter XVII

Cole mixed in with the crowd massing in front of the Pharaoh Club even as his apprehension grew by the moment. Paul's words still echoed in his mind.

~~~~~

"Cole please, you can't think that risking your life is gonna make up for what happened to her." This, Paul said as they were standing in front of the opened apartment door. He was holding on to Cole's arm firmly. "True, she suffered a lot in the past and maybe… ok, probably we had a lot of responsibility in it. But Cole, look at what you've become because of what happened to you. All those years and all those mistakes… See what it took to open your eyes. What if she's not ready to change? What if she's truly lost? You might be walking into a trap."

Cole winced unhappily, still wounded deeply by the mere image of what Phoebe went through. He knew Paul might be right about her. However, if he learned one thing from those mistakes, it was that once he could have avoided them if he had not shied away. "Paul...Do you remember what you told me before all of this happened? Do you remember how you called me an ass because I didn't follow my heart? You may be right about her, but this time, I will follow my heart Paul. Nothing's gonna stop me. I'll try to get her out of there. She's in danger because of me…again. I can't let that happen. Who knows what they may be putting her through right now if they believe she was in collusion with me to spy on Fredo."

"Cole," Paul tried again, "she chose this life. She knew the risks. Much more than this, she didn't hesitate to defy this gangster by sleeping with you and who knows how many others. She had to know the danger. If something happens to her, she'll have been the instrument of her own destruction; not you."

Cole shrugged Paul's grasp angrily. "I won't let you talk me out of it, Paul. Don't waste your breath

"It's mine to waste and besides, how can you be so sure she's in any danger? She told you herself that she wasn't."

"I'm not sure, but I can feel it. Maybe I'm just projecting, like Lydia said; but if something happened to her I don't think I could take it, Paul. I've got to see this through."

"Let me come with you."

"I'll have a better chance to get in by myself. Besides, you've got to stay with Lydia. If I'm caught, they'll most likely come after you next."

"I'm supposed to let you go to your death and do nothing about it?" Paul almost shouted.

Cole turned pained eyes toward his friend. "I've been dead for twelve years, Paul. Now, I'm alive again…I'm not running to my death; on the contrary. If I didn't do this, I might as well die."

"Cole," Paul protested again, but Cole interrupted him immediately.

"Whatever happens next, I want you to know you're the best friend anyone could have. I don't think I told you that often enough." Before Paul could reply, Cole hurried away from him. 

~~~~~~ 

Now standing in the street, in the middle of all those happy-goers, Cole felt the weight of his worries intensely; but even so, his determination had not faltered in the least. Cautiously, he followed the crowd and managed to get closer and closer, hoping that he wouldn't get noticed. Earlier, he had feared that he was followed and, for a few minutes, he even thought that they had found his hiding place. Then the car he suspected stopped following him and Cole became convinced he was just being paranoid. 

However, here Cole was in a very different situation and paranoia might actually save his and Phoebe's lives. He had no idea on what Fredo's dispositions toward him were at this point. He didn't even know for sure if they found out about his real purpose to come to them. Nevertheless, he couldn't risk going in as if nothing had happened. Much more than this, Cole believed that it could only heighten the risk to Phoebe's safety. For a while before he got out of the car, Cole debated whether this course of action might not be the real threat to her. Maybe if he stayed away, as she asked, she would be better off for it. However, after pondering this anxiously, Cole still couldn't believe that remaining in the midst of this band of gangsters was safe for Phoebe. Granted, Paul could have been right about it being a trap. Or at least that Phoebe still needed some time to see the light. But Cole couldn't believe that she would be the one responsible for him being in danger. At least, not directly… That, he couldn't accept. 

He was almost to the entrance when he spotted two suspicious men in cheap suits and hats. They were standing near the wall and just at the edge of the crowd. He swallowed hard, wondering if the were waiting for him, although he had no proof of that. His rash decision to come here certainly wasn't something a reasonable man would do in the face of possible exposure; and they ought to believe he would stay well away. What's more, after the first moment of slight panic, he reasoned that considering the number of people attending this event, and the fact that Fredo would be exposed, that made it normal for them to tighten the security. Watching those men discreetly, Cole moved along, hoping that he could slip in the club through the front door. He was about ten feet from the entrance when he found out he would have to scratch this idea. Coming out of the club's artistically tainted glass doors were Robbie and Saul. From the look of them, they were scanning the crowd and Cole barely had time to bend down and turn his face away while his heart pounded in his chest. If they recognized him…

~~~~~~

Phoebe paced the dressing room nervously. Ever since she got to the club and even before in the car, she had begun to worry seriously about her safety. If it hadn't been for Saul's insinuations, there were other small but disturbing details which she noticed afterwards. None of them signified anything on their own, but the accumulation was starting to frighten her. It began from the moment they were about to climb out of the car and Saul grabbed a bag from the back seat. As soon as he did that, Phoebe caught a whiff of burnt material. It was subtle but distinctive. At first, she reasoned it might be coming from the car but as Saul walked away from her, the aroma soon vanished altogether. Then, as she neared her dressing room, she spotted Fredo and Saul whispering to each other. 

Although Fredo still looked up and smiled, there was something in his expression that gave Phoebe a chill. She couldn't be certain that her impression was correct, but she thought there was a phoney quality to that smile. In addition, she observed Saul, who was indicating the bag insistently to Fredo and she experienced an uncomfortable malaise without knowing why she feared the content of the bag exactly. Before she could reach them, Fredo nodded in the affirmative toward Saul and this one walked away. Then, the old gangster greeted Phoebe with open arms but by then, Phoebe couldn't forget her first impression. As if that wasn't enough, she expected Fredo to stay with her, even if she didn't relish the idea, but the old man announced that he had to go back inside the Club and would be waiting for her show to start from there. Phoebe did her best to hide her deepening unease and she could only hope that Fredo didn't notice the slight trembling in her hand as he kissed it before taking his leave. If he did, he didn't give any indication however. 

Now almost an hour later, she was still wondering about all of this. Her assistant had helped her dress in her scene costume and was now applying her makeup. The young Hispanic girl noticed Phoebe's jumpiness, unlike Fredo.

"It's gonna be ok, Miss Love," she said as she put the last touch to Phoebe's makeup. "I'm sure you're gonna knock'em dead tonight."

"Thanks Lupe…I'm just a little jittery. So much is hanging on this performance."

"Would you like for me to pour you a drink? You still have almost thirty minutes before curtain call…"

"That would be lovely, thank you," Phoebe accepted gratefully. She had to admit that at this point, if she didn't manage to calm down, her throat might close up when she needed it the most. Anything to loosen her up would be of help. 

Lupe took her leave after pouring her a double shot of the expensive brandy she knew Lara was fond of, and after her departure, Phoebe's feeling of isolation deepened. Right this minute, she surprised herself as she wished Cole was there even though she knew all the reasons why she shouldn't want him with her. There were so many things she didn't know about him and yet, she couldn't help thinking that he could have protected her. A knock on the door startled her and she almost dropped the glass she was still holding. 

"Fifteen minutes," a loud voice announced through the door. Phoebe looked up at the clock in surprise. She had to concentrate on the performance to come, but try as she might, her troubled musings didn't allow her to do so. As she tried once again to find a calm place and distractedly took a sip of the hard liquor, the door burst open and she opened wide eyes as the glass slipped and broke loudly on the floor.

~~~~~~

"I'm telling you," Saul told Fredo, who just then was coming to sit beside him in the protected alcove reserved to the owner and his entourage. The room was quickly getting packed and Fredo could at least take satisfaction in the fact that this evening would be a success financially. However, Saul's propos brought a dark and depressing damper on the evening. "I saw her going into the office and then I found the papers burnt to a crisp into the wastebasket. No doubt Lara was trying to cover her tracks. She's really spying on you, Fredo. You've got to believe me now."

Fredo stared ahead fixedly, unwilling to give an inch to his lieutenant. At this moment, Robbie entered the alcove in turn and he immediately bent conspiratorially toward Saul, whose lips then expanded in a satisfied smile. "I knew it," he uttered confidently, "make sure you do exactly as I told you."

Robbie only nodded in the affirmative and quickly exited the alcove.

"Remember what I said, Fredo?" Saul questioned next when his boss pretended he hadn't noticed the exchange.

This time, Fredo flashed an unhappy glance at his man. "I remember everything. Doesn't mean…"

"I'm gonna have proofs for you very soon."

Fredo's expression darkened some more as he returned his gaze toward the assembling crowd without really seeing them anymore.

~~~~~

"You shouldn't be here," Phoebe uttered in a strangled voice as Cole quickly locked the door behind him after verifying that no one was coming their way. She knew she had wished for his presence, and much more than this, she had begun to believe that what she trusted to be the truth for twelve years might very well be false. Yet, it wasn't the right time to resolve this. 

"I had to, Phoebe."

"You've put us both in danger by coming here. Leave now!"

"I can't," Cole said very seriously. "Phoebe…" he stopped himself, unsure of what he could tell her. All the way there, his course of action seemed very clear. He had assumed that he would get her out of this mess and that they could discuss the past afterwards. However, Phoebe's reaction had him doubting that she was ready to follow him.

"If you came to tell me you're sorry, apologies accepted. Now get out. If you don't care about your skin, at least have the decency not to put me in danger as well."

"Phoebe, I don't want anything to happen to you. I believe that staying here with Fredo is what puts you in mortal danger."

Phoebe barely paid attention to what he was saying. She had her own opinion on the level of jeopardy she was in anyway. However, after the first moment of surprise, she noticed the wound on Cole's forehead with a pang in her stomach. "What happened to you?" In saying so, she took a few steps toward Cole and indicated his forehead.

"My head connected with the very hard handle of a gun yesterday, but I'll live," Cole dismissed.

"When did this happen? Who did this to you?"

"We didn't really exchange pleasantries and it happened when they surprised me in the hotel room shortly after you left," Cole answered with an annoyed gesture.

"What?"

If Cole had any lingering doubts about his attacker being sent by Phoebe, her bewildered reaction wiped them out for good. "It's behind me. Now what matters if that I get you out of here and to a safe place."

"What?" Phoebe repeated, taking a few steps back in reaction. At this moment, all of her doubts about him came back rushing. What Cole had done recently was still too vivid in her mind. "No," she said then. "Even if I didn't have very good reasons not to consider this option, I still wouldn't go anywhere with you. Not after yesterday. At any rate, tonight is too important for me. You won't take that away from me as well…"

Cole closed his eyes and sighed deeply, knowing what was coming next and sure enough, the bitter words came from her mouth right then. "Yeah, I know about you, Cole. Your little friend came here and told me enough. Why did you have to come back into my life? Why now? You felt you didn't hurt me enough?"

"Please Phoebe; it's not what you think. I swear to you, I never meant you any harm."

"You have a very strange way of showing it." Phoebe replied unhappily. 

"I wish I had more time to explain," Cole began. He licked his lips nervously as he opened his eyes and saw the intransigent expression on Phoebe's face. 

In spite of her doubts about the past, the wound she carried around all this time was still very much present and painful. It was impossible not to reproach it to him now. "Explain what to me, Cole? How you and your little friends thought nothing of invading my privacy and destroying my life in the process just to have a good laugh?"

"Stop!" Cole exploded angrily. He had pain controlling the urge to tell her off when thinking back of what happened. "You don't have all the facts," he managed in a slightly calmer voice. "All I wanted was to meet you. I thought that after all we'd shared without seeing each other, you might…"

"Might what?" Phoebe insisted curtly.

"It was stupid on my part, ok? I admit it. I shouldn't have come to you in this manner. I was shy and afraid you'd reject me and it took me weeks to gather the courage to even try seeing you. Yeah, I know that sounds unbelievable but it's the truth," Cole added quickly when he saw the incredulous stare Phoebe gave him. "I had no idea that those boys were watching me, Phoebe. You've gotta believe me. I only wanted to know you… and the note…"

"What note?" 

Cole looked away uncomfortably. "I thought you sent me a note. I learned later on that it was those boys' doing. At the time I thought you were in need of a friend and I wanted to be that for you. In fact, I stupidly believed we were already friends in a way."

"Before this happened, I believed it too," Phoebe trailed uncertainly. 

Cole turned back to her in surprise. From the look in his eyes, Phoebe gathered that something didn't add up for him. It most likely had to do with what her father did, but she couldn't imagine why this would have been such a tragedy. What did he expect? He had been trying to enter her home through a window. Even she couldn't reproach her father to have protected his home. Not even considering how hurtful Victor had been to her later on. "Are you reproaching me something," she continued after a few seconds of charged silence.

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Well, maybe it doesn't matter to you, but I've lived through too much to forget so easily."

"I just told you!" Cole exclaimed impatiently. "I…" he stopped abruptly, realizing this was going all wrong. Up until the moment when they started talking, he had accepted his responsibility in her tragedy. Now, he was trying to excuse himself and he suddenly experienced a disturbing shame. "I'm so sorry, Phoebe. You have no idea how sorry I am… I really never meant for any of this to happen; not then and even less now…For what I did recently, I'm even sorrier. I have no right to reproach you anything."

There was such an accent of sincerity in this expansive apology that Phoebe was startled. "Do you know what happened to me," she questioned almost fearfully. She couldn't imagine how he would but he seemed so devastated that she had to assume he knew something.

"I…I only learned of it today…Paul made some inquiries, which I admit, I should have considered making long ago, but…anyway, it hurts me just thinking that I was responsible even in a small way for the pain you had to endure. I assure you Phoebe, if I could take this back; if I could turn back the clock and spare you these horrors, I'd do it in a heartbeat. There's just no way to change what happened…"

"Why was your friend so angry with me?" Phoebe suddenly asked. "Was that because of what my father did?"

Cole looked away again, unable to sustain her stare. "I told you, it's in the past and it doesn't matter anymore," he said in such a broken voice that it denied his claim.

Phoebe suddenly had a sinking feeling that she had not been the only offended party in this story. There was such pain in his voice. Without thinking, she went to him and grabbed one of his hands lightly. "It matters to me…"

Cole shook his head in silence and still didn't meet her gaze. Inside, he was debating whether to tell her. What good was it gonna do to hurt her by telling her of all the suspicions and the hatred he had entertained towards her through the years? The light touch of her fingers on his hand was at once a balm and ember. It reminded him intensely of the terrible blow he'd suffered himself. As much as he wanted to be magnanimous, he had to stop himself from removing his hand from her grasp and show her all of the resentment that was coming back to him. 

Phoebe noticed his suddenly tense expression and she knew that what he wasn't saying must be much more terrible than he let on. "Please, Cole," she asked softly. "Why was Paul so angry with me?"

"He believed," Cole answered after a short hesitation. He stopped for a second and then continued, "'WE' believed that you asked your father to do this. I…for the longest time, I thought you were just a selfish brat who didn't care whoever got hurt as long as it wasn't you."

The bitterness in his voice was such that Phoebe felt it as a slap across the face. "Your ego couldn't take a rejection," she questioned in a hurt tone of voice as she let go of Cole's hand abruptly.

At her words, Cole turned to her and in his eyes Phoebe saw something akin to hatred flashing. However, it was quickly replaced by renewed hurt, as he looked down and Phoebe, following his stare, saw his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fists. That is when the truth began dawning on her. "Why did you stop playing the piano," she asked.

Cole didn't answer, stubbornly looking down and avoiding her stare. "Cole…why did you stop playing," she repeated insistently. Inwardly, she expected and feared the answer all at once. 

Another knock on the door startled them both at that moment. The same loud voice announced, "Ten minutes to curtain, Miss Love!"

After catching her breath painfully, Phoebe looked up at Cole, who was now staring at her uncertainly. "Please…I need to know."

"No you don't," Cole said calmly. "All you need to know is that I understood I was wrong about you."

"Cole…you want me to believe you, don't you? If so, I need to know the whole truth. I knew back then that you were destined to a great career. I knew it in my heart. What changed?"

Cole unclenched his fists and looked down at his hands with a forlorn expression. "That night…I broke both my wrists in the fall…Then, as if that wasn't enough, I was told that I could never play the same again. What's more, because of…anyway, Paul got punished as well through no fault of his own. He was denied a chance to become all he could be as a writer when we were both expelled from the orphanage at your father's request."

"Oh my god…no," Phoebe exclaimed painfully before turning her back to Cole. 

"It's ok," Cole added soothingly as he came closer and grabbed her shoulders almost without thinking. "It wasn't your fault. I know that now…"

"But until recently, you believed it to be, didn't you," Phoebe questioned without making a move to look at him. 

Cole leaned closer, bending toward her cheek as he whispered, "I was wrong. I was so wrong and I know that now."

"You had good reasons to believe it," Phoebe replied. "I…I also hated you so much," she admitted then. "Everything went so wrong…All I wanted…"

"Was to know you," Cole pursued for her.

"To love you," Phoebe finished in a sigh, now knowing he had wanted the same. Instinctively, she leaned against him, greeting the renewed connection between them with infinite relief in spite of the terrible blow these revelations had been. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"You've got nothing to apologize for. I'm the one," Cole began, pulling away from her. However, Phoebe suddenly turned to him and grabbed his face firmly with her delicate hands. "No…you have nothing to be sorry about either, Cole. Nothing except all this lost time," she added before she pulled him to her and their lips met in a soft caress. Even this light touch was enough to inflame their senses; so much so that both of them forgot about the precarious situation they were in as Cole encircled her waist and crushed her against him impatiently. While his hands caressed the soft curve of her lower back, Phoebe opened her lips hungrily, allowing him to explore her mouth while their desire became almost overpowering. It was only the sounds of the band coming from the main room of the Club that brought them back to reality, but as they pulled away slightly, they both found it hard to catch their breaths. "We've got to go, Phoebe…" Cole uttered hoarsely.

This acted like a cold shower for Phoebe. "I can't…"

"You can't seriously mean that now?" Cole questioned incredulously as his hold on her loosened considerably.

"You don't understand," Phoebe pleaded even as she felt that even the short distance between them was like a chasm. "Even if it wasn't for the fact that Fredo won't let me leave this place right now…let alone you if he finds you here… Cole I've worked so hard for this day. If I leave now…"

"It's not worth dying for, Phoebe." 

"Don't do this, please. I need to see this through."

"What does that mean?" Cole questioned with a strong hint of disappointment. "Is that it? We find each other again and you want me to give up on you just like that?"

"No!" Phoebe exclaimed almost desperately. "No," she added more calmly, "I just meant…I've worked so hard, I have to know if…"

"I know already, Phoebe, as you should. It's not over for you. You could start over somewhere else. We both could…"

Phoebe stared at him intently, even as she furiously tried to find a compromise. Then, she remembered the papers. "Wait…I know how…"

"How to what?"

"How to make sure Fredo will let us go and never come after us again. But I need to sing tonight."

"What could you do?" 

Rather than answering this, Phoebe went to pick up her hand bag from the dressing table and she opened it hurriedly. She then grabbed the papers she'd stolen from Fredo in the morning and came back toward Cole nervously. "Take those and leave while you can. I'll meet you outside later after I made sure Fredo knows I have something on him."

"What?" Cole exclaimed incredulously. Then he looked down at the papers Phoebe was handing to him and he immediately recognized the distinctive patterns of a ledger. "What are those?"

"Proof…" Phoebe uttered laconically. "Just what you came for… but Cole…" She clutched his arm firmly at this, "you've gotta promised me that this won't be published or go to the authorities. This is our only insurance against Fredo."

"Phoebe," Cole tried to protest as he quickly went through the small pile. "This is dynamite. Fredo could be sent to prison for years if the feds got a hold of it."

"And then, the other bosses or even some of Fredo's men might seek revenge on us. They'd come after us relentlessly until they killed us both. Instead of living a normal life and having a chance at a career, we'd be on the run for years. But if I can convince him that those papers will end up in the hands of the fed were we to be hurt or killed, I'm sure he'll see the validity of letting us go. I know what you think but it's not worth risking our lives for a principle. I wish I could make him pay as well Cole. I remember what he did to Martin and maybe many others, but it's not worth it. I wanna live with you, Cole; not die with you."

Cole had to think very fast. He owed a lot to Leo, and even to himself, he knew that. However, if it meant choosing between Phoebe's life and a principle, he didn't see that there was much of a choice. 

"That doesn't mean you won't be in danger, Phoebe. He could still try to hurt you. I can't leave you here alone."

"Cole, I won't be able to do this if I'm scared for you. I'll tell him that you're already prepared to deliver those papers to the feds if I don't get out of the Club unhurt. But first, I need to be sure you're safe. Leave while you can."

"You don't know how hard it was to come in here. I had to knock out two of Fredo's men and throw them into a dumpster. By now, the others may already have noticed their absence and added more guards just in case. It would have been hard enough for me to get us both out of here, but how will I come back to help you if things go sour?"

"Nothing will go wrong. Fredo isn't gonna hurt me. I just wanna make sure he won't come after us after I left him, that's all. You're the one who's in danger, Cole." Phoebe insisted. Deep down, she worried a little about her own safety but she saw that this was the only way to make sure they could both escape. When she saw that Cole was still hesitating, she pushed herself up to him and brushed her lips against his, whispering, "Please…I wanna fall asleep in your arms tonight and all the nights of my life. The only way this can happen is for you to do as I say."

"Phoebe," Cole tried to protest.

"There's no more time," Phoebe said as she pressed her fingers on his lips gently. "It's now or never. You must decide."

"I don't wanna leave you." Cole repeated stubbornly, as he refused to accept her logic.

"It's only for a little while. Then we'll be free."

For a moment, Cole couldn't help wondering if Phoebe was trying to set him up somehow. Too many things had gone on; too many questions were never answered. He felt bad that he might doubt her even now, but as he thought of it, Phoebe seemed to have guessed at his concern. "You're thinking it's not the right thing to do and if I'm doing this wrong, what else am I capable of? Don't you?"

"You could ask yourself the same question about me…" Cole replied uncertainly.

"Long ago, before we even saw each other, I knew you inside and out. For a while, I believed I was wrong. A long while to be sure, but I know now that I wasn't mistaken. I believe in you, Cole. However, I can't force you to believe in me…"

Cole gazed intently in her eyes, searching for any sign of treachery, but all he saw was the reflection of his own feelings for her. "I believe in you…" he then said firmly.

Without hesitation, Cole pulled Phoebe to him and kissed her passionately, trying to convey more than with words what he felt then. "Be careful," he said as he walked away reluctantly. "I couldn't bear to lose you again."

"I will be…"

Cole turned toward Phoebe one last time and stared at her as if he wanted to engrave her features in his mind. Then, as he was about to unlock the door, the doorknob began turning on its own…


	18. Music to My Soul Chapter 18

**Music to my Soul  
Chapter XVIII**

"Open the door Lara," Robbie uttered angrily while staring at the dressing room door. "You don't wanna miss your bloody curtain now, do you?" After still getting no answer, Robbie frowned and then he stepped back, ready to crash into the room if necessary. Just at this moment, Phoebe opened the door with an indignant expression. 

"What the hell is the matter with you," she protested loudly. 

"Fredo sent me to get you. We wouldn't want you to get lost tonight, now would we?" Robbie replied sarcastically. "What the fuck were you doing anyway?" He added as he leaned over to get a better look inside. He noticed the broken glass on the floor, but before he could comment on it, Phoebe was pushing him rudely away.

"Well, you came here to accompany me, so let's go," Phoebe said as she closed the door behind her and walked away quickly. 

"So now you're in a hurry?"

Phoebe slowed down somewhat, afraid that her haste was a dead giveaway. It was all she could do not to run away from him. There was something in his attitude that made her deeply uncomfortable. He was too cocky, even for Robbie. Instinctively, she flashed a glance behind her, worrying that he might still try to get into her dressing room, but she quickly stared ahead as she realized this was making her look even more conspicuous.

"It's time and if you don't move your ass, I'll tell Fredo you didn't do your job." She answered disdainfully.

"Right," Robbie uttered with not even a hint of worry to his voice. 

Phoebe almost let fear overcome her even as she put on a good face for Robbie. She had to remind herself that as long as Cole brought those papers out, they would both be safe. Fredo wouldn't dare touch her now, even if he learned of her betrayal. She believed that if her old lover intended to cause her harm, it would only be after her performance. Fredo had invested too much in tonight's show. Afterward, she planned to use the crowd as protection to give him the ultimatum before anything went wrong. For a fleeting moment, she worried that it might not work, but she rejected this concern immediately. "No," Phoebe thought, "tonight, nothing will go wrong." She needed to believe it at this point, and all she could hope for was that it was the truth as she reached the stage and stepped behind the curtain. The band finished playing the piece that preceded her entrance and almost immediately, the first notes of her opening song floated toward her as the curtain began to rise. 

"Break a leg," Robbie said before walking away. Coming from him, the traditional good luck sounded as if he was wishing for it to happen. However, Phoebe chose to ignore Robbie's apparent threat as she began singing and set aside all of her worries for the time being.

~~~~~~~

Cole cautiously opened the closet door and then he got out of the small enclosure gingerly, still wondering if there wasn't someone waiting to shoot him. A moment ago, when Phoebe pulled him forcefully toward his hiding place, Cole had almost felt like a coward. However, he knew it was the best thing to do. There was no point in risking alerting Fredo's men. In fact, it would be of no help to either Phoebe or him. He still hated the idea of leaving without her, but he understood that it was their best chance to walk free later. 

In truth, however, and even if he was exercising caution now, when he heard Robbie's voice earlier he had almost burst out of his hiding place. There was something in the manner in which Robbie spoke to Phoebe; as if he knew something she didn't and thought it very funny. Whatever it was, Cole felt that anything which would amuse this piece of crap had to be bad for them. Yet, Robbie didn't even try to search the room and nobody else came, which partially reassured Cole that they didn't suspect his presence. 

As he unlocked the door to the hallway, Cole almost forgot about caution altogether when he heard Phoebe's singing voice for the first time in years. He stood transfixed for a long moment, wondering how he could have lived all this time without the sound of her melodious voice. It was only when he heard two men's voices growing quickly louder than Phoebe's singing that Cole reacted. Hurriedly, he got out of the dressing room and headed for the other end of the hallway, not wanting to be trapped. He barely made it to a recess which gave on a connecting door, before the men in question stepped into the hallway themselves, coming from the direction of the stage. They were plunged into an animated discussion and even as he was about to try the connecting door, Cole stopped abruptly and gave a quick glance around the corner when he thought he recognized Saul and Robbie's voices. After confirming this, Cole listened in to their exchange with mounting apprehension.

"I'm telling you, if he's inside, he's not going anywhere," Robbie assured Saul with obvious irritation. "But I don't understand why we can't just shoot the asshole on sight."

"I already warned you about thinking too much, Robbie. All you need to know is that I need him alive."

"Why?" Robbie pursued in spite of the warning about his questioning Saul's methods.

"I need him just in case Fredo gets cold feet. Then we'll get rid of this Turner once and for all."

Cole's stomach sank at this. They were on to him. Much more than this, he could infer from their conversation that they were also on to Phoebe. Had they found those guys he hid in the dumpster? That risk had been a potent one since he left them there, but he had hoped they wouldn't find them so soon. He looked around his hiding place nervously, feeling trapped already. What good would he be to Phoebe if he got caught now? To stifle the panic he felt swelling in him, Cole again reminded himself that he had managed to get into this place in spite of their security measures. Apparently, they didn't want him dead just yet, which would serve his purpose. Making sure those papers would be safely out of Fredo's or Saul's reach had to be his main goal at this point. However, even as he was thinking this, their next words quashed this newly acquired optimism.

"Rest assured, I won't let this Turner get out; let alone those papers."

"I want Turner to stay here, but don't worry about the stuff the bitch stole. Even if she already found another way to get it to someone on the outside, it won't matter. I'm sure she believes she can blackmail Fredo with them, but she's sorely mistaken. They were phoney," Saul announced triumphantly. "Let the feds have a go at it; we'll have the last laugh. I set the trap myself even though it took everything to convince Fredo to go along. Now, he has to see that I was right about her. She took the bait and I've got both her and Turner on a hook. All we have to do is reel them in. I'm sure she's planning to talk to Fredo in public, believing he won't touch her."

Cole cursed himself inwardly for not grabbing a gun from the guards he knocked out. Right then, he felt like shooting these two badly. However, after a moment of reflection, he saw that even if he had a gun, facing them now would only cause more harm than good. That said, it still didn't tell him what the best course of action was. In the background to their conversation, he could hear Phoebe singing, but now rather than giving him the good feelings of earlier, it only deepened his anxiety. As soon as her performance was over, she would try to talk to Fredo, as Saul surmised and Cole now knew where this would lead. 

At this moment, Cole realized that the two gangsters were on the move again when he heard a door opening. He gave them another quick glance, wondering if they were going into the dressing room. Instead, they left through another door, no doubt leading to the Pharaoh's main floor. Just before the door closed behind them, Cole heard another comment about how Saul was upset that Robbie allowed someone to escape. It was easy to assume that he was referring to someone else, but by now, Cole couldn't care less. He had to decide his next move and fast. 

~~~~~

"How the hell can I trust you with Turner when you couldn't even get Marco," Saul said as they headed toward the alcove. Both of them completely ignored the show, and in spite of the harsh tone of voice, as he spoke, Saul surveyed the crowd and mostly, searched for his own men. He was miffed at Robbie, but he also had other things on his mind. Tonight, he had doubled the number of bodyguards around Fredo. The old gangster found it strange since Saul assured him he'd killed Ricardo. That was when they had words about Lara. Saul was recalling their confrontation and barely acknowledged Robbie's reply.

"I'm gonna get him, don't worry about it." However, Robbie's following words grabbed Saul's full attention. "I still don't get why we need to get rid of Marco." Saul shot a murderous glance toward Robbie and this time, the young man actually recoiled. "Hey, I meant nothing by that…" he tried uneasily.

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't owe you any explanations, Robbie? Do what you're told if you want to get ahead in this business. If you don't…"

Saul allowed the threat to hang in the air, and Robbie didn't need it to be spelled out. He was starting to feel very uncomfortable with his position within this gang. 

When they got near the alcove, they both saw that Fredo was watching Lara intensely, and Saul wondered what was going through his mind. In Saul's opinion, the old man had truly become weak. He feared that Fredo might find a way to absolve Lara, and Saul couldn't let that happen. He signalled for Robbie to stay back as he entered the alcove by himself. His boss paid him no attention whatsoever until Saul coughed insistently. Even then, Fredo only nodded in acknowledgement of the lieutenant's presence as he waited until the end of the song before deigning an annoyed glance toward Saul. "What is it now," Fredo asked impatiently.

Saul glanced about, as if he wanted to make sure that no one was in the vicinity, and then he bent closer to Fredo. "I know you're pissed at me, but I'm only looking out for you."

"Right," Fredo shot angrily. 

"No really…You ought to have known she wasn't trustworthy, Fredo."

"It's left to be proven," Fredo replied obstinately.

At this, an almost pained expression covered Saul's features. "I hate what it's doing to you; but there's worse and I fear that you won't like what I have to say."

"What the fuck is it now?" 

"Fredo… the men are losing confidence in you. They think your weakness for that girl could mean that you're getting weak, period."

"How dare you," Fredo exclaimed with outrage. 

"Listen to me," Saul insisted, unabated. "You're gonna have to make a gesture, something that will show them your balls are still in the right place."

"I could also call Robbie in here and have you shot. How would that be for a gesture," Fredo growled.

"Then they'd think you wanted to shut me up to protect the girl."

"Are you making a move for my place," Fredo asked in a suddenly suspicious voice.

"Of course not," Saul protested as if the thought never crossed his mind. "I simply want the business to go smoothly and for that, the men need to trust that you can make hard choices."

"Exactly what are you suggesting," Fredo questioned while he glared at Saul. 

This one didn't answer and instead he slowly pulled a gun from his holster and offered it to Fredo.

~~~~~~

Cole went to every possible exit and got more discouraged by the moment. Robbie had not been joking. He was convinced that they were even watching rats' holes. For every possible point of escape, at least four men stood guard, all heavily armed. In a way, Cole thought it was somewhat flattering, but it certainly didn't help his cause in the least. He'd hoped that if he could find a crack in their security, he would only have to grab Phoebe before she went to Fredo and drag her out of there if necessary. Now he realized that this was too risky. Maybe he could have made it out on his own, but not with Phoebe. He already understood that they had no intention of letting her leave this place alive. Seeing that escaping was out of the question, Cole resolved to try calling for help. Cautiously, he went back toward Phoebe's dressing room and as soon as he was in, he picked up the phone he'd seen earlier, only to find out that the line was dead. Cole stared at the phone dejectedly. Could it be that they purposefully cut the phone lines on top of guarding all the entrances? 

Things were going from bad to worse, and time was running out. Again he went back to the hallway and hesitated at length while listening to Phoebe. At this point, Cole had to admit that it might be impossible to save the both of them. Therefore, he began considering an alternate solution.

~~~~~

Phoebe's performance was almost over and she began worrying anew. Where was Cole? Had he succeeded in getting out of the club? What would be Fredo's reaction to her ultimatum? She had to concentrate to keep the tremor from her voice as all those questions only served to heighten her anxiety. Up until this point, she had not wanted to dwell on the risks, but now, she would have to face a very different music. After managing to get through the last song, she bowed to the crowd under a thunder of applause, interspersed with whistling and shouting of enthusiastic approval. Was this it, Phoebe wondered again? Had she just accomplished her goal and found love again, only to see her life end horribly? Fear threatened to overwhelm her, but it was nothing compared to the sheer panic she felt at hearing the music. 

It was expected that she would sing an encore as it was the tradition of the stage. However, this piece wasn't part of her act. She almost blew it as she was tempted to whirl on herself to confirm what she already knew. Instead, Phoebe brought back the microphone to her lips slowly and she stepped backward, making her way toward the piano as she began singing the song that she wrote for Cole. The audience had fallen suddenly silent, as if mesmerized; but by then, Phoebe paid them very little attention. Staying at a distance that would insure that the pianist would remain at the edge of her spotlight, Phoebe turned toward him and the rest of the band. The other musicians were staring at the piano with obvious confusion, and even more so at Phoebe, as she bent over the instrument in a pretense of seduction. When she met Cole's eyes, she recognized a deep sadness in them and her heart sank. 

Only moments before, Cole's intent of catching Phoebe on her way off the stage had met another major hurdle. When he got closer, he saw that there were two more guards on each side of the stage and it was obvious that they wouldn't let anyone near Phoebe after she was done. Again he considered going after them, but scratched that idea right away, fearing that Phoebe might get hurt in the process. Then, Cole almost rushed to Fredo to give himself up right then and there, hoping that he might convince the old gangster to spare Phoebe's life. However, he knew that this might not be enough to convince Fredo of Phoebe's innocence. 

In a split second decision, Cole thought of another way to get to her, as he noticed that if the guards were keeping a close watch on Phoebe, they weren't paying any attention to the musicians. Phoebe's pianist stood only about ten feet from Cole and in semi-darkness. Just then, Phoebe's song ended and Cole used the loud approval of the crowd to cover his move. He caught the pianist by surprise as this one was already preparing for the song they planned for the encore. In less than two seconds, the man was lying unconscious behind the piano and Cole had grabbed his tuxedo, hurriedly putting it on before he sat at the piano with trepidation. 

As he struck the first notes of the song Phoebe obviously titled "Music to my Soul" all those years ago, Cole thought that if nothing else, he would get to hear her sing it for him one last time. At this point, he understood that short of a miracle, it was all he could hope for. Thus, the music reflected both his sorrow and his exaltation. While Phoebe made her way toward him, Cole also worried that someone else might have noticed the change in the program besides the musicians, but if that was the case, they must all have adhered to "the Show must go on" tradition because no one tried to stop him. It was probably in no small part due to Phoebe's quick wits. Now, however, as she stared at him with a mix of anger and fear, Cole could almost taste all he was gonna miss. Why did it have to happen now? For years, he had cared little what would become of him. He was living his life by the seat of his pants; never worrying about tomorrows. In this instant, he regretted bitterly all this lost time and he knew that Phoebe did as well. When the instrumental part of the song arrived, Phoebe quickly turned off her microphone and she whispered, "What's going on Cole?"

He only hesitated a second before he replied firmly, "You've got to deliver me to Fredo and you have to do it right after this song is over, Phoebe. The papers are fakes," Cole added quickly when he anticipated her protestations. The look of consternation on her face told him she understood the gravity of the situation. 

Nevertheless, that didn't keep Phoebe from protesting against Cole's suggestion. "How do you know for sure? And besides, even if it's true, Fredo will never believe I had nothing to do with it…" 

Cole looked toward the guards but these didn't seem alerted yet. "He will if you tell him I threatened your cousin to make you steal those papers for me."

"No…"

"Sing Phoebe," Cole urged intensely. Phoebe shot a glance behind her, half-expecting Fredo's men to be on the stage aiming at them. With a supreme effort, she managed to continue the song, although nearly forgetting to turn the microphone back on, but as she returned her hesitant gaze toward Cole, this one feared that she wouldn't do what he asked.

Worried that his words could be heard, he simply mouthed his plea to Phoebe, while staring back at her intensely. "Please Phoebe. I beg you. Don't die for me." 

Phoebe opened wide eyes and it told him she understood, but at the same time, she nodded in the negative. "Please," Cole whispered insistently. "Live for me…" 

Cole couldn't tell if she made out the last part, but she did react. Slowly, Phoebe turned her back to him and walked toward the center of the stage. As she sang the last words of the song, she turned to him one more time before accepting the renewed applauds. Cole still couldn't tell what her intentions were. Whatever she decided, their fate was sealed and he simply waited as there was nothing more he could do.

~~~~~

"What was that," Fredo said to no one in particular, as the song ended, leaving him oddly stirred. He'd heard Lara singing soulful songs before, but he didn't recall her being so emotional. He could almost feel the intensity she put in every word. Plus he was certain he never heard this particular song before. This only added to his indecision as he nervously clutched the gun Saul gave him earlier and that he kept in his lap ever since. Was this emotional display related to Saul's accusations? Was she truly betraying him? Those questions were haunting him but never as much as the uncertainty that gripped his insides. How could he do this? And yet, if she was the traitor Saul believed her to be, how could he not? 

~~~~~

Phoebe bowed to the crowd one last time, and for a moment, it looked to Cole as if she was going to do what he asked as she was apparently heading for two of the guards on the left side of the stage. Then she suddenly took a beeline toward him and before he could protest, Phoebe grabbed his hand and pulled him off the bench imperatively. He tried to shake her grasp, but Phoebe tightened her hold on his hand and she stared at him intensely. "We're getting out together or not at all." She said decisively and Cole knew nothing he could say would change her mind. This caused him a deep joy at the same time as an even greater sorrow. Their chances were nowhere near better in his opinion and that in spite of the look of determination on her face. "How?"

"Follow me," Phoebe urged as she headed back toward the center of the stage. There she didn't stop until she stood at the very edge and Cole understood what he was supposed to do. He quickly closed the distance between them, all the while expecting to be shot. When it didn't happen, he pursued his move, jumping off the stage and then helping Phoebe down to the main floor. The audience went wild with screams and even louder applause as many of them stood up, beckoning the singer to come to them. Phoebe gave another quick but intense gaze to Cole and then, she muttered something that Cole wasn't certain he understood correctly. "Can you be jealous?" Then she headed for the nearest table, where a particularly rowdy group of men was already lifting glasses in her direction, and calling to her loudly. 

He was still staring uncertainly until her purpose became clearer as she leaned against one of them in a suggestive manner and flashed another insistent glare toward Cole. This one looked around and he spotted a few of Fredo's men, or so he assumed from their stance. They were already converging towards them and he knew there was no more time to lose. When he looked back at Phoebe and the group of men she had gone to, he knew that it wouldn't be too hard to act jealous, particularly when he saw one of them grabbing her buttocks vulgarly. Indeed the anger on his face wasn't faked at all as he walked quickly towards them and pulled Phoebe away rudely out of the man's grasp. "Leave her alone," Cole almost shouted in the man's face. The result was expected and didn't disappoint. The other man swung a fist at Cole who dodged it before nailing him in the stomach. As their companion folded in two, the others around the table rushed at Cole, who threw one of them on the nearest table just before another one tackled him to the ground. Others immediately came to try separating the fighters, but ended up party to the melee. Using the distraction, Phoebe rushed to the first table and grabbed the lit candle that stood in the middle of it. Without hesitation, she ran toward the curtain, certain that no one would notice this as the fight was expanding to the first few rows. For a moment she feared that the guards who had been watching her from off stage would stop her as one of them noticed her move. Fortunately, before he could reach her, one of the combatants was thrown against him forcefully and he fell to the floor where he obviously hit his head hard because he didn't move afterward. Phoebe took a deep breath, consciously urging herself to move again. She then positioned the candle just underneath the curtain and as this one ignited, she hurriedly went back toward Cole. 

She was nearly caught in the fight as well, but thankfully, Cole had already managed to get away and he grabbed her just as someone was about to fall on her. That one ended up hitting the wooden stage with a scream of rage and pain, but by then, Phoebe had already stopped paying attention to the fight. "Follow me," she said imperatively. Just as she said it, a loud scream of panic was heard, and echoed louder and louder by many among the crowd.

"Fire!" For the space of an instant, there was uncertainty among the fighters and the rest of the audience, but that was immediately followed by a panicked exodus toward the front of the Club. Fredo's men were caught in the middle of the terrorized audience and that gave Phoebe and Cole some time. "There is no where to go, Phoebe," Cole protested as he still followed her toward a small door that laid too close to Fredo's alcove for comfort. "All the exits are guarded. I've already checked."

"Trust me," Phoebe simply uttered, as she accelerated. She grabbed another candle from one of the now abandoned tables and rushed through the small doorway. Just before Cole followed her in, he gave one last glance behind him and saw Saul aiming at them. Without hesitation, he closed the door behind him just in time as a bullet came crashing into it. Phoebe was already running away and he hurried behind her, but she suddenly fell out of sight. "Phoebe," Cole called anxiously while giving nervous glances behind him.

"Here," she answered, as she reappeared in front of him. Without giving him a chance to utter another word, she grabbed his arm and led him through a door that Cole had not believed was there. She closed it quickly behind them, and only then stopped and gasped for breath. 

"Where are we," Cole questioned in the quasi-total darkness. The candle only provided a vague illumination.

"It's a secret corridor that leads directly to the alley behind the club. I don't think Fredo or his men know about it. I got it from a performer who used to work here before Fredo bought the place. I sneaked out many times through it…"

Cole almost reproached her not to having told him about this earlier but in the end, he was grateful she didn't. Otherwise, she would be facing death by then while he was waiting outside for someone who would never come. However, he knew that they weren't out of danger. There was a chance that the panic would provide cover for them, but Fredo might still try to find them. "Let's go then," he urged in turn. 

Phoebe didn't argue with him as they headed down the corridor. When they came to the end of it, Cole almost let out a sigh of relief that was stopped when the door to the outside crashed opened and Robbie came in with his gun trained on them and a cruel smirk on his face. Some of the light from the street that ran behind the club provided illumination after Phoebe dropped the candle from the shock. Robbie didn't even seem to notice the crashing sound, as he began sarcastically, "Where the hell do you think you're going? Fredo's gonna want to have words with you. Oh Lara," he added, looking directly at Phoebe, "as if that wasn't enough you tried to steal from him; now you set his pride and joy on fire. I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes, doll." 

"Leave her out of this," Cole tried as he came to position himself between Phoebe and Robbie. "I'm the one you want. I forced her to do it," he tried even if he knew there was very little chance Robbie would buy it. On the other hand, this gave him some time that he used to survey the part of the alley he could see behind the thug. No one else seemed to be around and that told Cole that they might still stand a chance.

"Oh isn't that sweet," Robbie mocked cruelly. "The hero to the rescue! She must really be doing it for you. Not to worry though, I'll make sure I get a taste of her before drilling holes in her lovely curves."

Blind rage mixed in with Cole's resolve at those words and he suddenly made a move toward Robbie, startling the gangster. The surprise was enough to prevent him from shooting at Cole, but Robbie quickly regained his balance, swinging the gun toward Cole and hitting his temple hard. Cole felt as if his head would split in two, but with his fear for Phoebe to galvanize him, he managed to remain conscious as he hit Robbie in the stomach and the face repeatedly. Robbie fell back into the alley and he dropped the gun. However, as Cole tried to go for the weapon, Robbie picked it back up and turned it against Cole. The gun shot echoed noisily in the alley. Cole felt as if he'd been hit by a truck. He fell to his knees before even realizing it while he brought his hand toward his chest and an incredulous expression spread over his face. 

Phoebe screamed hysterically behind him, and then she went after Robbie herself, filled with all the rage she had lived with throughout her adult life. She didn't know how she found the strength, or if it was because Robbie never expected a woman to come after him, but she managed to throw him back to the ground and to grab the gun from his hand. However, when she tried to shoot at Robbie, the gun didn't go off. Robbie had time to form a mocking grin before Phoebe decided to use the weapon otherwise. Without warning, she hit him across the mouth so hard that blood spurted out. Encouraged by the result and Robbie's scream of pain, she hit him again and again until he stopped moving. 

Phoebe's heart pounded in her chest while she stared at the gangster, afraid that he would come at her again. Then she suddenly remembered that Cole might be dying and she forgot all about Robbie, dropping the gun in the process. 

Cole was still kneeling and his breathing was shallow. He vacillated as she watched and she ran back to him in a panic. "Cole, get up! We've got to get you to a doctor." In saying so, she encircled his chest with one arm, while taking his hand with the other. Cole looked up with glazed eyes and Phoebe feared that it might already be too late. "Please, Cole. You wanted me to live for you. Now it's your turn and you've better do it. I won't stand here and watch you die."

Cole took a few painful breaths, and then he used Phoebe's support to stand on shaky legs. They managed to walk about fifteen feet before an intense wave of dizziness did Cole in and he fell to the ground before Phoebe could prevent it. She tried to get him back up but by then, Cole was slipping in and out of consciousness and wasn't really helping. After many unsuccessful tries, Phoebe understood that she couldn't get him out of there on her own. Cole's chest was bleeding profusely in spite of the pressure she tried applying to the wound. 

When she feared he was already gone, Cole managed to reopen his eyes, but even as she tried to urge him to get back up, he whispered, "no Phoebe, I'm done for…get away while you can…" At great efforts, he stayed conscious this time, but he felt an intense cold spreading inside of him. He knew he was bleeding to death and so did Phoebe from her expression.

Like a torrent, her tears came at last… In her eyes, he could now read all he had wished to see. For the first time in a long, long time, he so wanted to live, but it was much too late. "Go, Phoebe, don't let them kill you too…" Cole tried again, before he was interrupted by a painful cough. A few drops of blood escaped his lips and Phoebe wiped them with trembling fingers.

"No…" Phoebe uttered while her sobbing swelled to the point of shaking her all over. "I won't let you die…" 

"It's too late for me, Phoebe. Please…go before they find you…"

Phoebe bent toward him and her soft lips pressed lightly against his. On hers were the salty taste of her tears; those tears she didn't shed until this very moment. He knew they were expressing infinite love and regrets. He knew because he felt the same.

"I can't," Phoebe said then, "I love you…" 

Even as Cole took a measure of comfort in those words he had so hoped to hear, a much too familiar voice alerted both of them. "So, Saul was right…" Fredo uttered bitterly. "You did betray me Lara…After all I've done for you! I'm gonna regret you…"

Phoebe didn't even bother to look back in spite of the fright Cole could read in her eyes. "Phoebe!" He desperately made one last attempt at getting up, but to no avail. 

When Cole fell back, Phoebe gazed at him with all the love she hadn't been able to express until now and he stopped struggling, as he also saw that she had accepted her fate. It was over for both of them; he understood this painfully as he heard the gun being cocked and knew there was no point in fighting anymore. She smiled sadly through her tears, and Cole whispered, "I love you, Phoebe…"

Then another loud gunshot exploded in the alley behind the Pharaoh Club.


	19. Music to My Soul Chapter 19

** Chapter XIX**

**P**hoebe was still staring intensely into Cole's eyes, but the pain that she had expected didn't come. The gunshot still echoed in the alley, but she felt nothing at all. Even so, she didn't move and just waited, convinced that she would be dead in the next instant, until she heard Saul's voice behind her.

"Well, took long enough."

A dull thudding sound followed this affirmation, and Phoebe finally dared to look back. She found Saul bending over Fredo's limp form. "Saul?" She questioned incredulously. She'd always thought the lieutenant was untrustworthy, but she never imagined he intended to kill his boss. At best, she believed he was skimming Fredo's earnings. 

"I guess I should thank you and your new squeeze for that one, Lara. Although at first I was mad as hell at that boy. Turner messed up that perfect plan," While talking, Saul emptied the gun he was holding in his gloved hands and he quickly grabbed the weapon Fredo was still clutching in his own lifeless hand. "I'd spent months working out a plan. All the time it took to find the right patsies to do the job for me. All those times I had to endure this old geezer's reproaches and his disgusting weaknesses. Everything was perfect and then this idiot," he added, indicating Cole dejectedly, "had to come and save the day. Heroes! What are you gonna do with them?" Saul spat on the ground and then he looked back with a cruel smirk. "But since he gave me an even better idea, I can't stay mad at him." Saul came slowly towards them, probably fearing that they were armed. When he got near and saw they weren't, he casually dropped the empty gun by their sides before pursuing his sinister monologue. "Well, it's been fun, but all good things must come to an end. Now, it's time to say good night Lara. Take comfort in the fact that you gave the performance of your life before you had to call it quits."

Phoebe almost tried to beg for their lives but she knew it was useless and she didn't want to give Saul the satisfaction. She saw that he was expecting her to do it. He was watching her so intensely, she believed he would get a hard on from her begging. When he understood she wouldn't beg, he shrugged and stepped back slowly, still obviously relishing the fear he saw in Phoebe's eyes. "Yes, little girl. You should've known better than to cross me," he taunted again as he cocked the gun and aimed at Phoebe's head. Behind her, Cole stirred and then he grabbed her hand weakly, but all she could do was squeeze in response and then again, she waited for the inevitable. 

Robbie's voice startled both Phoebe and Saul. "Saul, what the hell is going on," the young gangster uttered nervously when he spotted Fredo's inert body.

"Those two killed the boss and I'm about to avenge him." Saul replied calmly. 

Robbie seemed uncertain. "They didn't have a gun," he uttered hesitantly. Robbie was holding his own gun which he found on the ground next to him as he came to. 

"Obviously, you were mistaken about that," Saul continued. 

Robbie still appeared unconvinced and Phoebe made a last ditch attempt. "He's lying, Robbie. He killed Fredo and he's trying to stick it on us." When she saw that Robbie wasn't reacting, she added, "He'll kill you too. He can't have anyone doubting his story."

This got a reaction out of the young man. He turned suspicious eyes toward Saul as he trained his gun on the lieutenant. "Is this true?"

Saul glared angrily at Phoebe as he answered. "You can't believe anything this tramp is saying, Robbie. She's just trying to save her skin."

Robbie kept his gun aimed at Saul, even as he seemed to be more unsure by the moment. "She can't expect I'd let her go, Saul. I know she's not that stupid. She's got nothing to gain…" In the background to their conversation, mixing with the screams of panic they could hear coming from the front of the club, sirens began to resound increasingly louder. 

"She's just buying herself some time. She probably thinks the cavalry is on its way to save her in extremis. Now, you hear the sirens like I do. We've got to end this and leave before the cops get here." Saul replied with a hint of impatience. 

Robbie glanced undecidedly from Saul to Phoebe and back before he spoke again. "You promised me I'd get her to play with."

Saul glared at him at this, but he seemed to change his mind quickly. "True enough, I did. Why don't you go get your prize and I'll take care of finishing off Turner?"

The groan Cole uttered behind her told Phoebe that he was holding on and she suddenly found some fight left in her as well. The sirens had indeed given her a small glimmer of hope and she prepared to fight off Robbie, hoping it would gain her and Cole some time. Unfortunately, her predictions about Saul's intentions had been right on the mark. As soon as Robbie dropped his suspicions along with his aim on Saul, he turned toward them with a lurid smirk. It was obvious that Robbie's lust was more powerful than his brains because he headed toward Phoebe right away. Before he could reach her however, Saul shot him in the back and Robbie fell almost in slow motion, with a look of utter surprise spreading across his features. He was dead before he hit the ground. "I don't know how many times I told him that curiosity was unhealthy. Some people never learn," Saul quipped with a self-satisfied tone of voice. As soon as he was certain that Robbie was dead too, he returned his attention toward Phoebe and Cole. "Where were we? Oh right, you were saying good bye…"

"Drop the gun," suddenly came Paul's loud and angry shout. 

Saul looked up in disbelief. "You can't be here," he said as he spotted the journalist with a gun trained on him. "I sent men to kill you!"

"Obviously, you need to get yourself a more efficient staff. Maybe it would help if you weren't killing your own," Paul added, nodding toward Fredo and Robbie's bodies. "Now," he added, "I said, drop the gun asshole!"

Rather than obeying the order, Saul redirected his aim toward Paul and shot in his direction. Paul barely had time to duck and hide around the corner. He was about to try taking a shot at Saul, when he heard another weapon go off. For a second he feared that Saul shot at Phoebe and Cole, but when he dared a quick glance, he saw Phoebe holding a smoking gun and Saul vacillating while his own weapon fell out of his hands. 

"Die, you son of a bitch," Phoebe exclaimed, albeit in a shaky voice. She kept the weapon trained on Saul with a trembling hand until this one dropped to the ground, and even afterward as Paul came back toward them hurriedly. 

Paul cautiously took Robbie's gun out of Phoebe's hand, which she had time to retrieve thanks to Paul's interruption, and then he bent toward her worriedly. "Are you ok?" he questioned before turning his attention toward Cole without waiting for an answer. "Cole!"

By then, Cole was unconscious and unable to respond. "Cole," Paul screamed again, with a desperate note to his voice which shook Phoebe out of her trance. 

"You've gotta do something!"

Paul only hesitated a moment and then he rushed away without another word.

"Hang on, Cole," Phoebe said then, trusting that Paul was going to get some help. She lifted his head onto her lap and she caressed his forehead while her tears began flowing again. "Please, don't leave me…" she whispered.

~~~~~~

Their steps echoed loudly in the poorly lit hallway. Paul accompanied Phoebe, who wore dark sunglasses in spite of the semi-darkness. She had on a dark dress and a scarf covering her head and rolled around her neck. They were following an orderly who finally stopped in front of a door marked "Morgue". Phoebe suddenly halted with a short intake of breath as the orderly opened the door and held it for them.

Paul solicitously wrapped his arm around Phoebe's shoulders. "Are you sure you're up to this?"

Phoebe didn't answer, but she nodded weakly in the affirmative before slowly entering the room. She was assaulted by the cold air coming from inside and a chill coursed through her. However, Phoebe wasn't certain if it was the cold that caused her chill or the thought of being in this place. On both sides were rows of metal doors with big latches. In the middle of the room stood a bare gurney beside a table covered with instruments that could have been found in a torture chamber. All in all, the whole place had a creepy feel about it. She jumped when she heard the loud sound of metal sliding on metal as the orderly slowly pulled a large tray on which rested a body covered with a shroud. Phoebe recoiled at the sight and Paul noticed. "You don't have to do this now. I'm sure they can…"

"No!" Phoebe interrupted. "I want to. Then it'll truly be over." She managed shakily as she slowly headed toward the body. The orderly waited until she stopped beside him before he uncovered the face of Fredo Turello.

"Is that him?" He asked calmly.

"That's Fredo Turello." Phoebe confirmed.

The orderly looked up at this. "I know this seems useless, but the law is the law. Thank you for coming."

"That's ok," Phoebe uttered in a little voice before decidedly turning her back to her former lover for good. Paul nodded toward the orderly and this one reinserted the drawer inside the wall while Phoebe headed out, soon followed by Paul. 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Phoebe turned to Paul with a grimace. "I need a drink!"

"I'll see what I can do, but you know it's against the law…"

"Don't give me that!" Phoebe replied with the beginning of a grin. "Plus you owe me. You got me sent to prison!"

"Hey, don't bite the messenger and besides, you only stayed there a few days." Paul looked back at the morgue at this. "And really, it's a good thing. I think his body was getting ripe in spite of the fridge."

Phoebe made a gagging sound and started walking away. 

"Anyway," Paul pursued as he caught up with her, "I had to give Leo something. He found out about you and he was so pissed they didn't get anything against the other gangs."

"So, you thought, "Why not give him a little reward", and who cares that I had to go back in prison?"

"No offence, Phoebe, but you brought it on yourself. I'm not the one who escaped from a Reform School years ago."

Phoebe shot an irate glance at Paul, but he didn't flinch. "Anyway, you should count yourself lucky I found this Sandy. Now, you really are free. No one will ever come after you."

Phoebe became thoughtful for a moment and Paul wondered about it. "Did you get a chance to talk to her? I know she was very upset about the past. I guess it took a lot of courage for her to tell her story."

"I know it did," Phoebe trailed. "I made sure she would at least be compensated. It's only money but…"

"Money? What money," Paul questioned curiously, as he opened the door leading to a flight of stairs. 

Phoebe's lack of response, as she started up the stairs, gave Paul renewed suspicion. "That wouldn't be dirty money, would it? The stuff Leo couldn't find?" After the major players in Fredo's gang were killed, including the boss himself, exhaustive searches only uncovered small pieces of evidence, but what was prominently missing was the profits from the racketeering. To Leo and his bosses' dismay, nothing was found. The few of Fredo's men who were interrogated all said they had no idea where Fredo hid his stash. Now, Paul began to suspect Phoebe knew exactly where it was, but he decided against insisting about it. "Forget I asked," he dismissed as he opened another door onto a bright corridor two stories up from the morgue. 

Phoebe gave him a knowing smile before heading out of the staircase. 

~~~~~~

Sandy opened the door to grab her mail and was surprised to find a brown paper package sitting on her porch. A note was attached to it that only said, "I'm sorry for the pain my family caused you. Take this with my eternal gratitude for your sacrifice." It was simply signed P.H. 

Uncertainly, Sandy picked up the package and she went back inside without even bothering to pick up the mail she had gone out for. Once inside, she deposited the package on her worn out kitchen table and she sat heavily on a rickety chair. Then she stared at it for long minutes before gingerly undoing the wrapping. When she saw the stacks of money of all denominations, Sandy was grateful she was sitting as she became dizzy. "Oh my god," she exclaimed, attracting the attention of a boy about twelve years of age, who came in the kitchen at this moment. The boy had sweet hazelnut eyes unlike his mother's blue ones. 

"What's wrong mom?"

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong," Sandy uttered shakily as she indicated the contents of the package to her son who opened wide eyes at the sight.

~~~~~~

Phoebe and Paul stopped in front of a room with the number 204 painted on the door. Paul saw her hesitating and he sensed she was a little worried about what she would find inside. "It's fine. He couldn't wait for you to get back. You have no idea what Leo had to endure after Cole found out what he'd done," Paul added with a big grin. 

Phoebe smiled weakly before she slowly pushed the door open. The last time she saw Cole, he was barely conscious and he had tubes coming out of him. The cops had come for her just after Cole got out of surgery and it had been torture for her to wait in prison in spite of Paul's regular updates. Now after almost a week, Phoebe wondered if things could have changed. She had a lot of time to think and mostly to worry about Cole's possible change of heart. She worried that after things calmed down he might see her in a different light. Phoebe also wondered if he had the same concerns about her. However, when she saw him asleep in the hospital bed with only the bandage across his chest as a reminder of his wound, Phoebe forgot all about her fears as her heart swelled with affection. She took a few steps and then stopped, staring at him in silence until Paul questioned her attitude. "Hey I thought you were impatient to see him?"

"I thought you said he was too," she said with a hint of amusement to her voice. 

"Who said I wasn't," Cole uttered while still keeping his eyes closed. "Took you long enough," he added for Paul, as he opened his eyes and a bright smile spread over his lips. 

"We had a little unpleasant business to take care of," Paul explained quite uselessly as neither Cole nor Phoebe, were paying him any attention. "Alright," he said at last, "I guess I'll leave you two alone. Be good children…"

Cole only nodded without answering or looking toward his friend and Paul grinned before heading out of the room.

"How are you?" Phoebe finally asked hesitantly. 

"I'll be much better if you come closer," Cole answered. 

Phoebe came to sit on the bed somewhat stiffly and Cole frowned. "Is there something the matter Phoebe? I thought…"

"Hey, nothing's the matter," Phoebe interrupted quickly. 

"You look nervous…"

"I was just thinking that…"

"You were wondering if my feelings changed…"

Phoebe was taken aback by his direct comment. She finally met his eyes and these had a spark that reassured her immediately. "Yeah, I did…"

"You really didn't have to be…There's nothing in heaven or hell that will change the way I feel about you, but…"

"I love you," Phoebe interrupted softly. 

The sigh of relief he exhaled told Phoebe she had been right about his own concerns. 

"I missed you so much Phoebe. I could have killed that prick Leo." Cole said then as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. Phoebe lay beside him and nested her face in his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body like a balm that could quiet all of her worries. "He's lucky he saved Paul," Cole pursued, even as he began caressing her hair tenderly, "or I'd have whooped his ass, bullet or no bullet."

"It's ok," Phoebe sighed in utter contentment. "In a way, it was a good thing. Now, like Paul said, I'm really free." Phoebe closed her eyes, just happy to feel him beside her. However, when he didn't reply, she began to wonder about his silence. "What is it?" 

"When you say free," Cole asked hesitantly as he stopped his caress momentarily.

"I meant free from the past…" Phoebe opened her eyes and she pulled away slightly to gaze into Cole's eyes. "But don't get your hopes up; you won't get rid of me so easily."

"I sure as hell hope not," Cole uttered huskily before pulling him to her and kissing her deeply. He so wanted to make sure she was for real. The past few days had been rather rough, but throughout his ordeal, the thought of not seeing her again had been the most painful. Soon, he was caressing her thighs, impatiently pulling at her dress while they both forgot where they were. Phoebe responded with just as much ardour, leaning heavily against him as she caressed his obviously naked buttocks through the thin hospital sheet. That's when Cole was reminded painfully that he had not fully recovered from his wound. As he pulled Phoebe almost on top of him, he emitted a loud grunt of pain and Phoebe pulled away fearfully. "Oh no, did I hurt you?"

"Please," Cole uttered with a grimace, "you're making me feel like a wimp."

"Nah," Phoebe protested softly while caressing his face tenderly, "I just prefer to have you in one piece." 

Cole tried to bring her back to him, as his desire was still very much present, but Phoebe didn't let him. "Come on, we'll have plenty of time after…"

"After what," Cole questioned with a vague pout of disappointment. 

"Well, first, why don't you tell me how Leo saved Paul," Phoebe asked instead of answering the question. There was something she had to tell him, but she wasn't ready just yet. 

"Do we really have to do this now," Cole groaned, still caressing her thighs suggestively. 

"Do I have to get up?"

Cole pouted anew but he relented. "Alright, your loss."

"I intend to use you for all you're worth when you're better…" Phoebe teased comically. 

"Is that the after you just referred to," Cole questioned.

"Tell me about Leo," Phoebe said, side-stepping the question. 

Cole frowned uncertainly, but he obliged. "Well, you know how Paul found himself in the alley playing hero… By the way, did I tell you how brave I think you are?" Cole cooed. 

"Leo," Phoebe cut him insistently.

Cole sighed, before continuing, "Well, seems that one of Fredo's men had become a liability to Saul and when he almost got shot by Robbie, he decided that he might as well take his chances with the cops. Leo was called for this interrogation and when Marco got to his suspicions about Saul, Leo thought that he should warn us. Since there was no phone at the apartment where Paul brought Lydia and me, Leo went there himself. Thankfully, Paul had told him about it because when Leo got there, he was just in time to stop Saul's hit men. He shot one and the other surrendered. Then Paul and he got the second one to talk and Paul rushed to the Pharaoh Club while Leo called re-enforcements. They arrived there just in time to see the bonfire and save both our asses." Cole finished with a grin. When he saw that Phoebe seemed slightly uncomfortable, he pursued, "How's the Pharaoh by the way?"

"Nothing left but cinder. Thank god no one got hurt. Of course, I didn't tell anyone what I did…"

"Don't worry; we were quite desperate…"

"I wasn't thinking," Phoebe uttered remorsefully. "It could have gotten really ugly."

Phoebe fell silent again and Cole got the distinct impression there was something else on her mind. "Is the fire the only thing that bothers you," he questioned after a few seconds. 

"Well…I…I received an offer…"

Her hesitation alarmed Cole, but he tried not to show it right away. "Really? From whom? Weren't you in prison?"

"One of the promoters that was present the other night sent a message to Fredo's the next day. Seems he didn't care about the outcome and he liked my performance so much, he offered me a tour. Paul passed on the message to me and I went to see him this morning…"

"A tour…" Cole asked reluctantly.

"In California…"

Cole's heart sank all at once. "California," he repeated forlornly.

"But not to worry," Phoebe continued quickly, "I told him I wouldn't decide anything before I discussed it with my husband."

"What?" Cole exclaimed, flabbergasted. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Which is what I was getting to," Phoebe pursued as if there hadn't been any interruption.

"What husband?" Cole questioned curtly. 

"The one I'll have if he answers yes."

Cole watched her with his mouth open but no sound came out of it. His expression was so comical that she couldn't stop herself from suddenly bursting into uncontrollable laughter. 

Cole finally found his voice and he uttered grumpily, "I don't see what's funny…"

"If you could have seen your face…"

"Women don't ask men for marriage. My overblown male ego can't cope with that…"

"Hum… Are you afraid," Phoebe offered as her giggling barely gave signs of waning. 

"I feel like a goddamn girly girl here," Cole protested, although barely able to contain a mounting hilarity. "Am I supposed to live off you too? Oh do you have an engagement ring for me?"

"Well, if your answer is no, you should just say so," Phoebe replied with faked indignity. She tried to get up at this point, but Cole didn't see it this way and he pulled her to him abruptly in spite of the tenderness in his chest. "I don't think I gave you an answer yet."

"So…" Phoebe questioned with an amused smile, although her breath visibly quickened at his proximity. 

"If I say yes, will you still respect me in the morning," Cole whispered hoarsely. 

"If we're married I guess I'll have to…"

"Hum..." Cole grumbled as his hands once again wandered to her lower back. "And will I get my reward?"

"What's your answer?"

"Can I have a moment to think about it?"

Phoebe pulled away with a growl, but he didn't let her, "Yes… my answer is yes," he grinned.

"I fully intend to get an engagement ring," Phoebe teased before kissing him softly. 

The door to the room burst opened, startling both of them and Paul entered carrying a paper bag that looked very much like it contained a bottle. "Well, I see that it's time to celebrate…"

"How long have you been standing there," Cole questioned suspiciously while Paul unveiled a bottle of champagne. 

"Long enough to know what I've always suspected… You're just a big softy…"

"If I wasn't just shot, Paul McKail!"

"I'm not worried," Paul shot back with an even wider grin. "I can take a girl any day of the week…"

"See what you've done," Cole told Phoebe with a falsely reproachful frown. "Now I'll never hear the end of this…"

Rather than answering this, Phoebe pulled him to her and kissed him while Paul blew the cork opened. 

"Alright," Cole said with his eyes still closed when Phoebe broke the kiss. I guess I can live with that…"

Paul poured the champagne into glasses he pulled from his pockets.

"Well man, you were prepared…" Cole commented with a grin as he took the glass Paul handed him.

"Well, I was convinced there would be something to celebrate. If not the engagement, then your new career…"

"My new career?"

"You didn't tell him?" Paul asked Phoebe with a frown.

"I didn't have time."

"Hey you guys, I'm the one who almost died a week ago. Maybe you could stop the cryptic stuff and tell me what the hell you're talking about."

"You better get in shape soon," Phoebe said then, "The Turner-Halliwell act is expected in California two months from now."

"The what?"

"Yeah, son," Paul grinned. "No more excuses. You're gonna finally do what you were born to do ."

"Pardon me but did either one of you consider that I might not be interested?"

"Not for a moment," Paul affirmed. 

~~~~~~

A year later, Paul and Lydia were being led inside the Crown Palace in San Francisco, ahead of a growing crowd. The billboard read, "Tonight Music to My Soul with Phoebe Halliwell and Cole Turner."

"Well, he did manage to get his name in big letters," Paul quipped as they were shown to a table near the stage. 

"Stop being such as ass," Lydia reproached with a grin. "You're just jealous…"

"Hey I've got no reason to be. I got my story and all those awards and…"

Lydia interrupted his protestation with a soft kiss and Paul couldn't help a grin of his own. "Ok I walked into that one. A promise is a promise. No more shop talk."

Just then, the lights dimmed and they hurried to take their seat as the spotlight revealed Phoebe in a shiny full length dress, leaning against a white grand piano. Cole was already playing but he seemed to have eyes only for Phoebe and she returned his gaze with the same obvious love Paul had seen in their eyes a year ago; or even the same love he had recognized in Cole's eyes way back when. Then Phoebe began singing their song and for the next hour, Paul forgot altogether where he was as he realized that life had a strange way of bringing some people full circle. Throughout the performance, he reminisced about their past and for the first time, he could evoke the happy memories without the stigma that had plagued them until now. 

Lydia watched her husband smiling with a warm feeling inside, as she caressed her unborn child with renewed confidence that they would all be happier from now on. 

The End. :)


End file.
